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ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴏᴅᴛᴇᴀᴍ ᴏғ ʜᴀᴅʀɪᴇʟ ([personal profile] hadrielmods) wrote in [community profile] hadriel_logs2016-06-25 10:10 am

Event Log: Regret This

Who: Everyone!
What: The Regret This event
Where: Throughout the city
When: June 25th-July 3rd
Warnings: Sorrow is resurrected, and everyone is immediately full of regrets


Hope has finally managed another god resurrection, and the people have spoken! On June 25th, he musters his powers and brings Sorrow back to Hadriel. An orchard appears across the river, in the until now ruined part of the city, and Sorrow's temple is also restored. Hooray! One more god to make things a little more livable in this place.

Of course, it's not that easy. It never is. Along with Sorrow himself comes a wave of regret and guilt that blankets the city. All those affected will be inclined to not only be sad, but to linger over past regrets and things they feel guilty about. They can distract themselves with everyday tasks or whatever else they please, but they'll find that their thoughts drift back to these regrets regardless of what they do.

And of course, the best way to purge a guilty conscience is confession, right? On top of these persistent sad thoughts, people will feel the urge to tell others about them, to air their past mistakes or misdeeds and possibly receive some kind of forgiveness. So what if your neighbor doesn't care that you cheated on your final exams all through school? You have to tell someone, and they're right there. If it doesn't make you feel better, that probably means you haven't confessed to enough people yet, or maybe you just haven't found the right person. Better try again!

On July 3rd, Sorrow has settled in and this urge to confess your sins will die down, along with the constant regret. Let's hope you didn't confess anything too personal. Remember, you're gonna have to see some of these people every day.

► This log covers June 25th-July 3rd.
► Feel free to make your own logs as well!
► Please tag headers of threads with content warnings where they apply
► Please put your character's name and open/closed in the subject line of your starters!
► If you somehow manage to end up regretfully dead, please remember to hit up our death post!
circumitus: Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows. (i hate your face)

Rey | OTA

[personal profile] circumitus 2016-06-25 06:23 pm (UTC)(link)
I. Anywhere (Wildcard)

With the resurrection of the new god, nothing seems to be much different. Not for Rey, anyway. When you're someone who already tends to live in regret, a little more remorse than usual doesn't seem so unusual. Not just in light of her past, but recent events have led to a number of deplorable cycle of events.

Insomnia has taken hold, making Rey more restless than usual. Already she tends not to get much more than a few hours of actual sleep, but lately she's been going on days. Either wandering the city or finding work to do at the Guard Headquarters. While she can keep herself functional on minimal sleep, it takes a few days for it to take a visible toll on her disposition. Between the way she carries herself, the dark weary lines under her eyes, and her lack of expression... Well, more lacking, even in the presence of those she's learned to find contentment in.

Sometimes she can be found by the river, either loitering or near the dam to ensure that no damage comes from it. There have been plenty of destructive forces in the city for her to worry that hers and the efforts of others could possibly be wasted in an instant.

And that's just it. The niggling feeling that plagues her the most. The fact that everything she had worked to achieve could be gone one day, just like everything else she had made for herself in the many lives she had lived.

Unsurprisingly, one is most likely to run into her at Delight's bar, ironically drowning her melancholy away at the bottom of a bottle.

II. Orchards

They really are beautiful, aren't they? The trees, the colors, the light. The sweet scent of fruit lingering in the air. This is what she'd asked for, wasn't it?

Lately, she can't help but think of her days spent trapped within the glass walls of her confinement, where her original vessel had once been interned in the underground city where she had been born. How fitting it is that she trade one underground prison for another. How appropriate for something like her.

You have only yourself to blame, she reminds herself, as she settles under a tree bearing alien fruit. She's picked a piece for herself, but neither the smell nor the taste seems to offer much relief from the deadened weight anchoring in her chest. It's odd, how she had spent several decades without a sense of taste, that she had learned to love the flavor once she had been allowed to enjoy the food she eats.

Now, she's returned to that same miserable place where simple bodily upkeep is nothing more than a chore. Sleep, food, drink, even keeping herself busy is just too much work.

"It's not you," is the only logical conclusion that she finally comes to, as she slowly chews and swallows the fruit she's eaten. "This isn't you."

Honestly, what were they expecting? They opted for a god named Sorrow.

So, really, the fault is all theirs. What other choice did they have, though?
unitas: (▸chorus of evil)

II

[personal profile] unitas 2016-06-25 08:22 pm (UTC)(link)
Sharon da Silva is no stranger to sorrow, or intense feelings of guilt, and regret. It used to be easier to handle, back home when she lived and breathed for her dad. It didn't matter how terrible she felt about something because those feelings were dwarfed by her adoration for her father; if he was happy, and he was safe, then it was all that really mattered.

Here, she does not have that same luxury. He's not here, but even if he were, she doubts he'd look at her with same sort of love and affection he once held for her once he learns the things she's done. People died. Sure, she died, but she'd gotten what she'd deserved. She wishes Hope never brought her back.

It's hard for her not to wind up in newly created orchard, not when she's keeping as far from the main parts of the city as she can. A part of her feels she should be lucky to be in such a place, that it's pretty, but then she remembers all of what it means: it's just another thing to placate them. If she'd succeeded, they wouldn't need to be placated any longer because the gods would have no longer mattered.

But she failed, and she hates herself for her failure.

When she spots Rey, Sharon almost turns around to leave. It's tempting to run, to turn tail and flee, but sorrow pulls at her, and the temptation to spill her guilt leaden secrets outweighs it. She approaches carefully, hesitantly: to say she's uncertain of allies would be an understatement.

"...Is it any good?", she can't bring herself to try any of the fruits herself. There are three holes in the chest of her white vest, the area around them stained a deep, dark brown. She won't take it off, as now it's as much a visible symbol of her guilt and failure as it is a symbol of love from her father.
circumitus: She literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me. (tomorrow never knows)

[personal profile] circumitus 2016-06-25 09:17 pm (UTC)(link)
If anyone is going to judge Sharon on her actions, it's not going to be Rey. Certainly not the one who has lost count on how many lives she had sabotaged and snuffed out. And that was back in a world where people aren't magically resurrected by some apathetic god who needs them alive. Sometimes, she had even enjoyed the destruction she had caused. It's just the sort of person she was.

But not now. Not anymore. That's always been without the ever-present guilt that's shadowed her over the last few days. As such, Rey hasn't even begun to notice the difference, just that she's been more somber about it. You'd have to be stupid not to know why, all things considered.

She notices Sharon's presence before she even makes herself known with her voice. Rey doesn't turn her head, and instead focuses on the empty space in front of her. The many rows of trees and shades of green and fruit. She's mostly done with it by the time Sharon decides to reveal herself.

"It's all right." Rey shrugs, swallowing. Her eyes cast down to the pit of the fruit itself. "Better than the shit in the stores, suppose."

Fresh fruit is always superior to cans.
unitas: (▸chorus of evil)

[personal profile] unitas 2016-06-27 06:32 pm (UTC)(link)
"I don't recognize anything here." She admits, taking a closer look at the trees, and low hanging fruits that cling to them. She'd hoped, as little as she could, that she could come here and there would be a familiar fruit from home; an apple tree, or a pear tree, or a cherry tree, but there's nothing.

The stores, at least, occasionally have something familiar, something that tastes like home and takes her somewhere else. This whole orchard is alien to her, just another reminder of where she's stuck, and what she's failed at achieving.

"I think it's a good thing I don't mind my fruit canned." She'll avoid eating anything from this place for the time being, avoid taking from Sorrow like some form of protest. It doesn't matter in the long run. It seems like nothing does here.
circumitus: even drones can fly away.... the queen is their slave... (chill out big head)

[personal profile] circumitus 2016-06-28 12:53 pm (UTC)(link)
"Same." Rey has seen lots of plants and trees during her travels throughout the world. While she can't say what they all tasted like (lacking in a sense of taste at the time herself), she could at least identify them by appearance.

Nothing here looks familiar. Not the architecture, the literature, or the food, save for what exists in the stores, and even then it's a stroke of luck. Rey isn't as keen on familiarity as others may be, though. In fact, she would rather do what she can to avoid it.

She tosses what remains of her fruit to the side. It isn't littering if it's compost, right?

"Didn't think you'd be back to enjoy it, for as much as you can 'enjoy' anything here."

Given what Sharon had done and all.
unitas: (▸chorus of evil)

[personal profile] unitas 2016-06-29 07:36 pm (UTC)(link)
"You know what? I didn't think I'd be back, either." In fact, a part of her had been hoping on it. She has already spent so much of her life trapped in situations she has no control over—from the hospital to the otherworld to a gaggle of new names and identities, she's never had freedom—at least, if she was going to die, she was going to die trying to do something, anything to change their current circumstances.

Sharon not only failed to change a single damn thing for them—the fog filled bruise to the north east of town hardly counts in her current state of mind—but her own death ended up only temporary. For all her havoc, she accomplished nothing except to cause the gods minor irritations and piss off her fellow captives. A+, good job, where's the gold star sticker when she deserves it?

It's hard not to want to give up everything after that.

"It fucking sucks to be back." All bitter, but no real bite. She's tired. She's done. She's given up.
circumitus: She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides. (it's not like i paid for sex)

[personal profile] circumitus 2016-07-01 03:11 am (UTC)(link)
Not wanting to come back from a situation that was supposed to kill you is not a sentiment that Rey is unfamiliar with. In fact, the last time she had died, she'd ripped off half the face of the asshole who had brought her back. Certainly not the sort of gratitude one should normally express to their savior, let alone their own father.

(He's an asshole, anyway.)

Here it seems to work much differently, however, which can be considered a good thing. Rey wouldn't wish her personal experiences with life and death on anyone, especially not Sharon.

"Can imagine." She scoffs. "Bet Hope is thinking something along the lines of how grateful you should be for being so 'forgiving'."

Is he not merciful?
unitas: (▸winged horse)

i am so sorry i had a lot of trouble with this tag!!

[personal profile] unitas 2016-07-13 08:26 pm (UTC)(link)
Sharon laughs, the sound sharp and bitter,"Yeah, that sounds like something that dickbag would think."

"I feed you, I clothe you, I house you." She tries her best to imitate the slightly annoyed timbre of Hope's voice, but she over exaggerates it,"You should be grateful that I've had such patience with you."

Ugh. Sharon has no love in her heart for Hope. It's like he views them as nothing more than cattle, and it grates her in ways she'll never really be able to articulate. All of the gods deserve her hate, but Hope, and Fear, have their own special pedestals.

She crosses her arms,"He's such a fucking asshole."
circumitus: I CAN QUIT ANY FUCKING TIME I WANT. (i'm not drunk YOU'RE drunk)

it's all good, grrl!

[personal profile] circumitus 2016-07-17 02:08 am (UTC)(link)
Pretty accurate impression there, Sharon.

Rey just scoffs. While she may not have as big of a beef with Hope, his indifference can be nothing short of frustrating. She's reminded of the ones who brought her back from death, either after reassembling her vessel or transferring her into a new body entirely. How she should be thankful just to be alive. If only that was a thing she could feel happy for.

"In all fairness, though... he isn't the reason we're here. He would probably send everyone back home if he could get rid of us. Seems like they would much rather have their real followers back than a hodgepodge of unpredictable loose canons to contend with."

It isn't very often that Rey tries to see the reasonable side of things, but... there it is.

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synthedick: (♠ emergent behavior)

I

[personal profile] synthedick 2016-06-25 08:46 pm (UTC)(link)
It's been a while since Nick has been home for long. Between dealing with the aftermath of the fog and trying to help the Guard with the tough decisions ahead, he's had a lot on his plate. Someone was murdered after all -- a damn kid, hardly even an adult by legal standards. While the intentions of the shooter might have been to stop the fog, chances were just as good that putting a bullet in her would have made things worse.

Hell, things got worse anyway. Maketh and Henry had been killed. It could have been Rey. It could have been him.

So when he spots Rey while walking the streets, he calls to her, hoping to touch base. They may live together, but sometimes, it's hard to talk, to say what really needs to be said. They have to leave their sentiments behind to get the job done, even if it means leaving important topics behind for the moment -- topics of dreams, nightmares, things that shouldn't have been shared, but were regardless. It's slowed down in the city, with the madness seemingly behind them, but who knows for how long.

"Hey. Feels like I haven't seen you around in a while."

It doesn't take a detective to see those bags still under her eyes, to note the way she carries herself. She's still weary -- they all are -- and he can't help but feel guilty he hadn't seen it sooner, hadn't taken the time to speak to her. She's his roommate, his partner, his friend. Nick knows she won't make the suggestion on her own, so he does it for her:

"All's quiet out here. Let's head home. Rest up."
circumitus: I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month. (i need an office)

[personal profile] circumitus 2016-06-25 09:32 pm (UTC)(link)
A few seconds of delay would almost make one wonder if Rey heard Nick at all. It just takes her a moment to realize that she's the one being talked to, despite the fact that there is no one else around.

Strange, that. It's such a large city, and yet not anywhere near enough people to populate it. If you didn't count the monsters as denizens, of course, if they didn't occupy the caves more often than not.

As those seconds pass, Rey slows down to a halt. Recognizing Nick's voice, she cants her head towards him, but doesn't turn to face him completely. There is no sense in hiding the obvious fatigue she wears on her face. Especially not to someone as well-trained as Nick -- or the cop whose memories he possesses.

"Sorry," comes the initial response. She means it, too. Even though neither of them have been particularly good about staying at home for very long, it isn't like she's made the situation any easier. While she doesn't know what Nick had gone through that had him so spooked when all Hell had broken loose (in the most literal sense), she hasn't been able to bring herself to ask him about it.

Yet, for some reason, she can't help but feel culpable for it.

Her gaze shifts away from Nick this time. "That's fine. Not very tired."

Which isn't entirely a lie. She's plenty tired, yes. The problem is that she can't sleep.
synthedick: (♣ human error)

[personal profile] synthedick 2016-06-25 09:40 pm (UTC)(link)
She says she's not tired, but everything about her reaction and her bearing says otherwise. Nick gives her a concerned look, watching as her eyes pull away from him. His own brow knits, feelings that aren't his own creeping into his mind -- this is his fault for not keeping a better eye on her during all this.

"Come on, Rey," he insists. "The streets will be fine without us for an hour or so. You might not be tired, but you still look like you should take a load off. We could both use it."

His leg certainly could. It's doing fine for the moment, but he knows well enough it'll act up anytime, the entire limb losing responsiveness and sensation. Now would be a good time for him to look at the wires, given the relative peace of the city, but Rey comes first. In his mind, she always will.
circumitus: There's my chippy! (where's my chippy?)

[personal profile] circumitus 2016-06-25 10:23 pm (UTC)(link)
Much like her roommate, Rey is also conditioned to notice the little things. The way Nick's strides have changed, for example, have not gone beyond her sense of perception. It became especially clear to her when she had watched him amble away from their house, that day when he seemed to want to leave in a hurry and not look back. She hadn't brought it up out of respect for her friend, but it's increasingly more difficult to disregard.

When she nods, she's conceding not for herself, but for his sake. Rey is aware just how much Nick had worked himself that week, enough that he probably ran his old body ragged. While she's never outwardly stated it, she has charged herself with the responsibility of making sure the old synth doesn't fall to pieces one day.

No matter the cost.

"Fine." She starts heading towards their home, lagging her pace so not to go too fast for Nick without being too blatant about it.
synthedick: (♠ the price of memory)

[personal profile] synthedick 2016-06-25 10:34 pm (UTC)(link)
Nick smiles, both for her assurance and his relief. He knows how stubborn she can be.

He keeps his own pace slow as well, matching Rey's, assuming she's as exhausted as nearly everyone else on the Guard. He doesn't think for a moment she's doing it for his sake, though he has a feeling she has probably noticed his uneven gait by now. He does his best to keep it steady, hoping to allay any concerns she might have. She's sure to have plenty on her mind, given the past week or so's events.

"How are you holding up?" he asks finally. "I know it's been a hell of a week for all of us on the Guard."
circumitus: We know how you feel. (kid you're lost in the wheel)

[personal profile] circumitus 2016-06-25 10:57 pm (UTC)(link)
They've not too far a walk ahead of them, though at this rate it'll take them a little longer to get home. Which means more time for them to talk.

Rey doesn't want to talk. Or, she does, but a part of her knows that it isn't really her that does. And that's something that she has been trying all too hard to escape, to put behind her. Like Delight's extended celebration, these things don't seem to last forever. She just has to ride it out, like she always does.

"It was hell for everyone. Survived it, though."

Which is more than what she can say for some others.
synthedick: (♠ a clean equation)

[personal profile] synthedick 2016-06-25 11:08 pm (UTC)(link)
"Yeah. Most of us."

Even without the added guilt from the gods, Nick is feeling the weight on his heart. Maybe if he'd gotten to the apartment sooner, the girl wouldn't have died. If he'd stuck with Maketh and Henry instead, perhaps they wouldn't have fallen. What if he makes the same mistake with Rey?

His natural inclination toward his duty fights back against those thoughts. He couldn't have known what would happen, and he did what he could. Rey can take care of herself. He's letting his personal qualms get in the way again.

"Now we've got to pick up the pieces. Figure out what to do next, now that there's a new god in town."
circumitus: its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. he has a lazy eye for christ sakes. (your girlfriend is a south jersey whore)

[personal profile] circumitus 2016-06-26 12:07 am (UTC)(link)
Some things are just beyond your control, and Nick is only one person. It's easy enough for Rey to think of things that way when it's someone else -- someone that she cares about. Not so much when it comes to her own shortcomings.

At least she got to do some good when shit had hit the fan. Made sure that a few people didn't die when they very well could have. That should count for something, but it unsurprisingly doesn't make her feel any better about it.

Rey still doesn't look at Nick while she walks, keeping her head low as though the weight of her skull is too much to keep upright. Her body may be exhausted, but her mind keeps her going.

"Can't say I expected anything happy coming from someone called 'Sorrow'. Still, better him than the other two."

In Rey's most humble opinion, that is.

Especially Love, though. Fuck Love, and fuck love.

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mismanagement: (003)

Bar

[personal profile] mismanagement 2016-06-26 09:38 pm (UTC)(link)
[Following this.

It's been a long day. Perhaps a long existence, ever since she woke up screaming in Hope's temple. Everything has been happening quickly and so much of it has gone wrong -- so very wrong.

So perhaps she's justified in wanting a drink. Or a lot of them.

Maketh shows up not long after sending her message, dressed in uniform, though not the same one as before. That was destroyed. The current one is more of the same idea - hunting jacket, heavy boots, serviceable gloves, all of it ironed into sharp points.

One must look presentable. Someone has to.

Rey doesn't look so good. Though Maketh supposes she isn't much better. No one has been sleeping well. Maketh herself often wakes up crying, when she can manage to fall asleep in the first place.

A long existence indeed.]
Rey? I do hope you were telling the truth about that bourbon.
circumitus: This is drunk and confused... (this is worse than naked and afraid)

[personal profile] circumitus 2016-06-26 10:05 pm (UTC)(link)
[Rey is already mostly done with a whole bottle on her own accord. Sometimes, she really hates having a high tolerance for alcohol.

[That doesn't mean she hasn't already prepped a drink for Maketh by the time she arrives, though. She looks more worse for wear than usual, though much of the injuries she had received when the whole city went to shit have already healed over. At least she doesn't have to worry about making Maketh worry. About
that, in any case.]

No worries. Got you covered.

[As she says this, she pushes the bottle and a glass over to the empty space next to her. All ready for Maketh to take a seat.]
mismanagement: (005)

[personal profile] mismanagement 2016-06-26 11:43 pm (UTC)(link)
Ah, thank you.

[Still sober enough to manage that, Maketh sees. She hasn't yet determined how much Rey's particular physiology interferes with alcohol, but she assumes it has some significance. Otherwise Rey would already be quite gone.

She's drunk, Maketh thinks, but still upright. Progress.]
Still alive, I see.

[She pours herself a drink. No sense in wasting good alcohol.]
circumitus: even drones can fly away.... the queen is their slave... (chill out big head)

[personal profile] circumitus 2016-06-27 12:00 am (UTC)(link)
[Fortunately Rey can manage her liquor intake better than the normal human, though she isn't immune. At least she can accomplish that much.

[She snorts as she takes a drink from her recently filled shotglass.]


Am not about to drink into liver failure after surviving that shitstorm of a week.

[Though she knows that's not entirely what Maketh means, that's what Rey is rolling with. She glances to Maketh then.] You seem to have returned to us in one piece, at least.
mismanagement: (004)

[personal profile] mismanagement 2016-06-27 12:14 am (UTC)(link)
Wise. [It would be an ugly, undignified way to die after surviving this much. Maketh tips her head back and drinks. It's good bourbon, the sort she might have gotten at the officers club back on Lothal.] Mhmm. I suppose it gets easier after you doing it a few times.

[Dying, that is. Rey would know.]
circumitus: (hook me up with the drugs dog)

[personal profile] circumitus 2016-06-27 12:22 am (UTC)(link)
[While Rey can say she's died in a fair different number of ways now, alcohol poisoning isn't one of them. And she has no desire to experience it.]

Suppose so. Hope didn't fuck anything up, did he?

[She doesn't trust that he'll be willing to put all the pieces back in the correct order.]
mismanagement: (004)

[personal profile] mismanagement 2016-06-27 12:29 am (UTC)(link)
[Maketh grimaces.] Not that I can tell. A great help his blessing was.

[She tips back the glass and finishes it with a sigh.] But it did keep Henry alive. That's something. He's a much better fighter than I am.
circumitus: We know how you feel. (kid you're lost in the wheel)

[personal profile] circumitus 2016-06-27 12:49 am (UTC)(link)
It has its limitations. Was barely able to heal myself after having it for a couple of months.

[Good thing she'd saved it for a rainy day.]

Try not to make a habit out of it. Yes, Hope can bring people back, but there's no telling when he may decide one day not to do so for some, or find his strength waning or whatever. Can't imagine he gets much power from us.

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