circumitus: I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month. (i need an office)
Reybama ([personal profile] circumitus) wrote in [community profile] hadriel_logs2016-10-02 01:58 pm
Entry tags:

you're a tragedy starting to happen [CLOSED]

Who: Rey and Nick Valentine.
What: The beep boops need to have a talk.
Where: The Orchard.
When: A few days after the Confusion event (10/5).
Warnings: PG-13 for language and heavy themes. I'll update if necessary.

It's been over a week since Rey has last heard from Nick. It has also been that long since she has returned to the house they share on the First Spiral. Because that would risk them running into each other again and, Rey not knowing just how much Nick remembered of their last encounter, possibly confronting certain subject matters she would rather not confront at all.

Everything that happened is clear to her, though. From the things she had blurted to the periods of her identities getting mixed up with each other, she remembered everything. If that were the case, then no doubt Nick would be able to recall what she had said to him in a moment of thoughtless cruelty.

You're not even a person...

At one point, she would have thought that. Her sentiments regarding synthetics remains a lingering devil in the back of her heart, and much of that has everything to do with her and who she is. What she is. That, despite everything that people have said pointing towards the contrary, she doesn't really have a future outside of her mission. But that's her, and that is her problem to contend with. Nick doesn't deserve that. He doesn't deserve any of what has happened to him.

What a hypocrite. After all that talk of how he's a person, how he's better, and that's how she treats a friend. Hell, would she even be welcome, after what she did? The dull ache of the gunshot wound in her leg doesn't even register anymore, having healed over within a day after the incident, but her words were far more damning than his actions.

In the end, she doesn't go anywhere. Not home, not to a spiral or an abandoned house, or even an occupied place to crash at. She's made an effort to avoid familiar faces in favor of some alone time. Stew in her own discomfort for a while.

Besides, the grove is nice. Easier for her to sit and think for a while. Even found a tree strong enough to support her weight, where she rests, nestled in a thick groove centered around colorful leaves. Her legs dangle between two branches, sprawled with all of the ease and comfort of a reclining chair as she stares up between the greenery at the darkness hovering over the city.

Though it should be nighttime, she can't sleep, and she can hardly muster the strength to patrol. She checks her phone from time to time, unable to bring herself to call out or open a line of communication. Not since things started to become clear again.

Can't. She won't.

She'll just stay here. For a little while.
synthedick: (♣ trapped for days)

[personal profile] synthedick 2016-10-02 11:13 pm (UTC)(link)
Unable to remember who he was, Nick had left his phone behind when he'd fled the house, when he'd gone on the search for a man he despised in another world, another time. He'd spent the days walking the caves on his bad leg, listening to the quiet beep still echoing in the back of his mind, trying to figure out just who he was in the world and what his place was within it. The fog cleared eventually, as it always does when the gods finally put an end to their games, and he remembered his identity as Nick Valentine the machine rather than the man: a copy, a fake living off the memories and behaviors of the real deal. He's a synthetic simulacrum of the original with nothing to really call his own.

Well, save for what he has here, in Hadriel -- his family, albeit one that is currently broken. He can't recall what happened in full detail, but he remembers enough through the distorted memories: he'd thought he was the real Valentine, having awakened from his brain scan at the C.I.T. to find he'd been trapped in some kind of robot body. Rey told him the truth, warned him it'd been years since that happened, and that he was a completely different person, in a way. He didn't listen, blinded by his own rage over the injustice done to him, to Jenny. She and the original Nick had been dead for years, but for the synth, the wounds had still been as fresh as the day they'd been inflicted.

And so he'd shot Rey in the leg and left on his own, determined to hunt down the ghost of a man who isn't in Hadriel, and might not be anywhere anymore, for all he really knows. Their shared home at the First Spiral is empty when he returns -- without Rey, it's just a house. Yet despite that, he hasn't called, hoping to give her space. He'd put a bullet in her, said he was going it alone, and that he didn't need her help.

They're partners in this, he's told her before... and yet, it's so easy for the gods to turn them against one another. As he walks the street looking for her, his cane helping him along the way, Nick wonders if she can forgive him. A bullet to the leg won't do much to someone like her, but he can't say that for the damage done to their friendship, their family. That might be harder to repair.

And that's if they're still a family in any regard, if they can still trust one another. He has no way of knowing just yet how much of what she said that she actually meant. Could he even fix what they had, given what he is?

He's not a person, after all. He never has been.

They need to talk, and in-person, not over the phone. It's Confusion's tracking system that actually helps him find her -- at least one good thing came of the madness she brought to town.

His gait is nearly inaudible on the ground as he pockets his phone, the dirt soft beneath the trees. However, given how quiet the air is, she might be able to hear someone with a limp -- and a cane -- making his approach, his eyes glowing bright in the darkness.
synthedick: (♣ not going well)

[personal profile] synthedick 2016-10-03 02:18 am (UTC)(link)
Despite the rain of fruit peels, it takes Nick nearly an entire minute to actually speak to Rey once he spots her. He's not sure what he's going to say, or what he even can say in light of what happened.

So he starts simple, his grip on his cane tightening as he steels himself for whatever comes. "Hey."
Edited 2016-10-03 02:20 (UTC)
synthedick: (♣ restoring order)

[personal profile] synthedick 2016-10-03 03:23 am (UTC)(link)
It's just one word, but it's a start. At least she answered him, which is a little more than he was expecting. She hasn't been home in days; they haven't seen each other since what happened. He's wasn't sure if she'd speak to him at all, if she's still mad at him or herself, or if she even considers them anything more than two synthetic people who once cared about each other.

Still cares, in his case. It's hard to read Rey as always, but especially when she's high above him in a tree.

"How's your leg?"
synthedick: (♠ the price of memory)

[personal profile] synthedick 2016-10-03 04:13 am (UTC)(link)
Though his mouth twitches with the barest hint of a smile, Nick's brow remains creased, as knotted as his gut would be if he had one. He can still remember the feeling of it somehow.

"Good," he replies quietly. His metal fingers adjust themselves again on the crook of his cane, his eyes flicking to her leg, then away. Despite being so practiced in keeping his composure, he can't help the way his nose wrinkles in disgust, both at what he did to her and what the gods did to them both.

He cocks his head back. "Come on. Let's go home."

Though he makes the offer without hesitation, he wonders if she'll take him up on it. Is it still home to her? Is he still worth living with, despite what he is?
synthedick: (♣ human error)

[personal profile] synthedick 2016-10-03 05:13 am (UTC)(link)
"Are you?"

Nick brings his eyes back to Rey; despite their inhuman glow, there's a hint of sadness to them that mingles with the frustration that etches into his brow. It's so easy to get the answers when he's on the case, when he's got distance between himself and the clients. This is Rey, though -- this is someone who understands him.

And yet, she still said what she said. It had to be Confusion's doing, he thinks. He wasn't exactly in his right mind, either.

Then again, he knows it could also be years of a firm doctrine that has yet to be undone. Maybe she'll eventually come to see him as more than he really is, as she has insisted in the past. Maybe she's already on her way there and simply struggles with it... or maybe she'll always consider him a cheap imitation for real humanity, and he was just blind to that fact because he wanted to believe in her, to believe he'd found someone else who is both human and not in equal measures.

He doesn't want to doubt her; he said he wouldn't, but here he is doing so, her words still echoing in his mind. It had escaped her in the heat of the moment, but was it the truth?
synthedick: (♣ memory interrupted)

[personal profile] synthedick 2016-10-03 05:36 am (UTC)(link)
Nick is completely impassive during her response, her dismissive laugh doing nothing to ease his mind.

"It's not just the gunshot," he returns, and she knows it. "It's how I turned a gun on you in the first place. How I didn't believe you. Things I haven't told you... and maybe some things you haven't told me."

There's a lot that goes unsaid between them, after all -- things that didn't need saying, or so he thought. Maybe they should talk more, even if it is difficult. Doing the right thing often isn't easy.
synthedick: (♦ troubled waters)

[personal profile] synthedick 2016-10-03 07:31 pm (UTC)(link)
His response comes before he can rein it in. "No reason, but you still do. You go running off into danger without even telling me what it's all about, insist you're fine when the blood trailing behind you says otherwise..." And then there was that time not so long ago that he found out about Rey's relationship with a murderer via Muscovy.

Of course, for all he knows, he might be a murderer too, if that memory with his brother holds water. Some of their secrets aren't kept on purpose, and everyone has their demons, but somehow, he expected more from her. He thought they were closer than that.

Of course, he thought she saw him as more than what he is, too. Hell, he's been wrong about things before, misjudged people... but he doesn't want to be wrong about this, about Rey.
synthedick: (♦ a loose end)

[personal profile] synthedick 2016-10-04 01:38 am (UTC)(link)
"I expected you to keep me more informed than that," he returns. "Especially if you have any more respect for me than you would for the damn coffeemaker."

He takes in a breath, one he doesn't need; it cools his temper, regardless. "I had to trust you'd be okay, but if you weren't, I couldn't have even told anyone who you were with or what you were doing out there."
Edited 2016-10-04 01:39 (UTC)
synthedick: (♦ the heretic)

[personal profile] synthedick 2016-10-04 02:12 am (UTC)(link)
"I know that," he cuts back, his tone sharper, teeth baring themselves more with every word, "but that doesn't mean I don't worry about you."

It is hard to trust Rey, and even more so when she insists his concerns are all for nothing. He's been wrong thinking that before; he can't let it happen again.

So he puts the truth out there. Even if she already knows, or even if she doesn't consider him much more than some machine just pretending to be alive, it needs to be said. "I don't want to lose you, Rey. I don't think I could take it."
synthedick: (♠ better living underground)

[personal profile] synthedick 2016-10-04 03:08 am (UTC)(link)
As Rey closes in on herself, Nick takes a step forward, shortening the gap between them, keeping his foot in the proverbial door that she's trying to shut.

"If I didn't think you were worth it, you think I'd be out here now, even after what you said? What we both said?"

Another sigh. This is harder than he thought it'd be on the walk over.

"I just want to know where we stand, Rey."
synthedick: (♣ tough times)

[personal profile] synthedick 2016-10-04 04:18 am (UTC)(link)
Nick can hear the pain in Rey's voice; he knows better than some just how messed up her fractured mind can be, and he's only got one person's memories and personality as opposed to her several. Still, it's perspective, and one not many others are privy to. They just don't know what it's like to be living someone else's life with someone else's mind in a body that's not your own. They don't understand having to find a new purpose in the world when they were made for something completely different.

That's one reason he's so set on making this work with Rey, on keeping this 'family' thing they've got going. Someone who understands him, who can commiserate when it comes to the life he's led -- not Nick the man's life, but Nick the machine's entire existence -- is a gift he's sure he won't get ever again. He needs to appreciate her while he can, because like everything else he's ever had, he's bound to lose her eventually. He's taken some losses in stride, but others...

His own eyes fall to the cane keeping him upright, the one Rey gave him because, much like him, she worries. God, he did not want to think about Jenny again, nor relive his awakening as a machine, as a man lost and frustrated and desperate for a resolution that would never come. Some things just don't get easier with time.

"I can't even tell you who I am on some days," he admits. "I don't always know where we stand as partners, friends, or even family, but I know that what life I've got isn't the same without you in it, whoever 'you' may be. I think I'd rather have you around even if you think less of me than not at all."

And that's something he's not sure he could have admitted a several months ago; the fact that his experiences in the city have changed him this much is already a tricky subject.
Edited 2016-10-04 08:52 (UTC)
synthedick: (♣ where you belong)

[personal profile] synthedick 2016-10-05 01:28 am (UTC)(link)
The impact of Rey's embrace takes Nick by surprise, and for a moment, a flash of a memory takes him back to a time when he was someone else, a man with a beating heart and warm blood pumping through his veins. It's gone in an instant, but the sentiment of that memory still remains, reinforcing a single fact: he does not want to lose her.

His cane falls to the ground as he lets go of it, not needing its support at the moment. His arms wrap around Rey in return as he rests his head against hers, taking in another breath he doesn't need. Though he knows what he is, and how most people see him, he often feels like more than a machine, more human than he should be. He accepted long ago that he wouldn't be changing the minds of too many people when it comes to his synthetic nature; however, when it comes to those he cares about, he can't help but want more, want to be more.

Maybe he's gone soft, he thinks as his grip on her tightens. Or maybe he just doesn't want to lose someone so close again. It was enough to shatter the world of the original Nick, and he can already think of a few ways it'd destroy his own.

"I didn't know what to think when you didn't come home," he starts, his voice unsteady. "But I know you mean a lot to me, and it's not home without you."
Edited 2016-10-05 01:56 (UTC)
synthedick: (♣ human error)

[personal profile] synthedick 2016-10-05 04:08 am (UTC)(link)
While it's complicated for Rey, it's easier for Nick. He's an old soul, tired. He's seen what fighting and fighting until there's nothing left can do, both to an entire world and all the people living there. While that mean streak toward Eddie Winter will always remain -- and with reason -- he doesn't want to fight where he doesn't have to, and not with someone he cares about over something that wasn't entirely within her control. Some of what she said may be still in her, but she has a lot going on in her head, even without the gods toying with her mind.

Even the less malicious gods are still using them as fuel. Despite his usually cool and collected demeanor, Nick can't help be furious at them for using the citizens of Hadriel as means to an end. It's hard to temper that fire, especially when he was turned against his closest friend in the city -- his family.

And worse, the gods sowed doubt in both of them.

"Afraid of if I did forgive you?" he asks quietly, still holding onto her. "You wouldn't rather be out here, would you?"
Edited 2016-10-05 05:49 (UTC)

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