hadriel_logs | Therapy Session?

Who: Jill and Hannibal
What: Hannibal offers to listen to Jill's troubles
Where: Jill's apartment
When: 3/26
Warnings: Possible discussion of trauma

[Jill had some reservations about speaking to a therapist about her problems. The game the gods had played had her shook up again, though. Before that it was the doubles, and now this. It's as if nothing has changed, even after she regained control of herself; she wasn't his puppet anymore, but now she was someone else's. Jill thought she was handling it, but maybe she wasn't handling it as expertly as she thought she was.]

Oh, right. Tea.

[She promised her guest tea. Luckily, there was still enough time to get the pot of water going. Although she's only spoken to Hannibal twice, she got the impression he was not the sort to be late. As the pot boiled, she walked around and cleaned up a bit. It was just after work; there was enough time to grab a shower, though, and dry her hair, which was loose from its usual ponytail. She's changed from her work clothes to something casual: black tights and a long, comfortable sweater to wear around the house.

The whistling pot called Jill back to the kitchen and she got out a tray and the teacups, setting the service and bringing it over to the living room to place it on the coffee table along with some cookies. Her guest should be arriving pretty soon.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Hannibal can't help but think of Will. It had become increasingly clear that he was objectively "unfit" to continue in his investigative work, but both he and Jack Crawford kept him going for their own purposes.]

Do you feel that you were expendable?

[Jill doesn't know much about Will's FBI work. Just that it was difficult for him because of his gift. She admires Will for his desire to help, even at his own expense. They have that in common.]

If it means saving the world, I think we're all probably expendable. Perhaps I've always felt that way. I--

[Well now, clearly the truth of that has dawned on her.]

Did Will tell you what happened with the doubles that were here? What happened with his and mine?

[Hannibal tilts his head, his forehead creasing slightly.]

I know some of what happened with Will's double, but he has not mentioned anything that happened between his double and yours.

Not my double and his so much.

[The two did meet, but that's not what Jill was thinking about, though Will's double certainly did like to kill women that resembled Jill. Jill has the memories of her double, and she tries not to recall the way Will's double smiled as he arranged his victims hair to be similar to her own.]

My double held him captive to lure me in. She said she would shoot Will unless I killed myself. I couldn't let him die because of me, so... I did it. I had heard that people come back from the dead here. Good thing it turned out to be true.

[And not as a zombie, thank God.]

[Hannibal lifts his eyebrows in mild surprise and tilts his head in a show of concern as she tells the story. This is quite interesting, that this woman has sacrificed her life for Will (or at least risked not being resurrected). It will also be quite useful information when it comes to manipulating Will.]

That was quite brave of you. You must have strong feelings for Will.

Will is the first friend I've had here. If he died because of me, I'd feel responsible.

[Not that Will approved, of course. He would never want her to do that or to ever do it again. She was too precious to him, he said. Jill realized then how close they had become.

So yes, perhaps he's right and she does consider herself expendable if she were willing to do that to save Will.]

Did you consider the possibility that Will would feel the same way? That he'd feel responsible if you died because of him?

[His tone is gentle, warm, even caring. His intention, of course, is not quite so benign. It's tugging at a thread to see what might begin to unravel.]

[Jill nodded and took a sip of her tea. She likes the feel of the cups warmth cradled in her palms. From the look of her, she's more relaxed now, with her legs tucked up onto the chair with her.]

I did. After I came back to life and reunited with him. In the moment, my gut instinct was to protect him. But I know I wasn't fair, making the decision for him. It's not what he would've wanted me to do. I realize that. If I had to do it over again, though, I probably would.

[She smiles a bit and shakes her head.]

I'm not really used to asking for permission.

[Jill was used to giving the orders.]

Edited 2017-04-07 19:53 (UTC)

I don't think it is necessarily a question of permission. You require no permission to do what you will with your own body, or your own life. I quite understand the desire to protect Will, having had it myself at times. I do, however, think it worthwhile to consider the significance of your decision. Your double certainly seemed to be taking advantage of something it knew to be fundamental to your character. I imagine the gods do the same, which makes such self-awareness all the more important.

[That Hannibal has an instinct or desire to protect Will as well gets a gentle smile out of Jill. Will could use more friends like that. Those that look out for his well-being.

Hannibal makes a good point, though, about the gods and their ability to manipulate her if given the chance.]

You're right. If I'm not aware of those parts of myself, they'll be used against me.

[Her smile turns a bit more amused.]

I imagine the gods won't be pulling your strings very much. You seem... I don't know how to put it. Self-aware, I guess. You just give an impression like you have a handle over yourself. Like when you first got here. You adapted so quickly to the situation. It's admirable.

[Whether Hannibal's perception of Will's "well-being" would even be recognizable to Jill is debatable.

Hannibal answers that amused smile with a warm one of his own. He's a man who appreciates being noticed and thought well of, a vanity that has at times led to trouble.]

Thank you. Although I have noticed the gods bending even my will somewhat. All the more reason to be vigilant. Of course, my profession rewards a certain amount of introspection. I imagine being a soldier does not.

[Hannibal has certainly made a good impression so far.]

In the field, you typically have to think and act fast. There isn't a lot of time for introspection. Sometimes that comes later.

[Some soldiers find it difficult to live with the things they've done.]

[Hannibal's thoughts are along the same lines.]

Many of the people I've worked with have seen and done some very dark things in fulfilling their duties. It can make their lives, and their sleep, difficult when they have returned to their civilian lives. Do you find that to be true for you?

[She knew that question was coming as soon as the subject came up.]

Yeah, sometimes. I don't take a lot of vacations, and I've seen some pretty monstrous things in the field. Literally.

[Who could go up against such creatures and not have the occasional nightmare?]

I don't know about how it affects my life. It's my job. But I don't get the sleep I used to. Not since it all started eight years ago.

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