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Who: Komaeda, Yusuke, Wash.
What: Komaeda wakes up in clinic after collapsing during training
Where: Komaeda's least favourite place aka the clinic.
When: 21st October?
Warnings: Terminal illness, probably suicidal talk.

[Komaeda opens his eyes to a bright light. He feels tired and worn-out. What is going on....? As his vision focuses, his eyes dart around the room. He seems to be lying in a bed.....a hospital bed....

Wait, he is in a hospital? Why?

As Komaeda was training with Wash. He was tired, his bones were aching and he was short on breath but still.....he wanted to prove that he could do that move Wash was teaching him. And then all of a sudden, he found himself collapsing and.....nothing.

Komaeda groans as it occurs to him what happened. He must have collapsed resulting in Wash taking him to the clinic, a place he would prefer not to be at because hospitals and doctors just dredge up bad memories. Komaeda chuckles bitterly. How pathetic he is to let himself collapse.

He has yet to see who might be on one of the beds in the same room.]

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[Yusuke had been resting after the battle with Caedra, the bandages and stitches in his side and the extent of the damage making it unwise to move for the time being. He's asleep when Komaeda is first brought him, but wakes up a short time later at the activity on the other side of the room.

So when he hears a groan from Komaeda's bed, Yusuke raises his voice.]

Komaeda-san...? Are you all right?

[ He'd pushed the kid too hard.

Wash wasn't used to working with anyone actually sick, just weak, who needed to push past their limits. He'd never driven anyone to exhaustion before, but he'd never trained someone ill either. The only thing he could relate it to was his own mishap when he'd tried to train with the flu here, and this collapse probably wasn't as dire, but... he's not sure. And when he can't wake Komaeda himself he just scoops the kid up instead, carrying him directly to the clinic.

Komaeda's gonna be pissed when he wakes up. He'd made it pretty clear he didn't want treatment no matter what Wash said but maybe he can nudge him into getting checked out if he's there for another reason. That reason being Wash not wanting the kid to die on his watch. That was reasonable, right?

They're about to find out. The worker out front had confirmed Komaeda wasn't actively dying, then directed Wash to the back to lie him down somewhere more comfortable so he could consent to an exam or not when he came to, which seems to be happening now. Wash is camped out in a chair at the side of the bed, waiting. He's no stranger to that, at least. ]

...hey.

[Komaeda turns when he hears the voice. He opens his mouth in surprise.] Yusuke-kun?! You're he-

[It then hits him that the other boy is in bandages.] Wait, you're hurt! What happened?

[While Wash was briefly out, Komaeda woke up once and talked to Yusuke. During the conversation, where he ended up confessing to the other boy about his condition, it hit him more that he is going to have to explain the same thing to the doctor. Unfortunately, hospitals and clinics did not sit well with him and he would rather spend as little time as possible. He thought of sneaking out to gather his thoughts and contacting Wash later to see if he could see the doctor outside instead but unfortunately another worker came in and watched over him. So he tried to pretend to be asleep instead.

Except he ended up actually falling asleep and when he opened his eyes, he found himself with Wash sitting in the chair beside him. He thought the guy would have taken him. He would rather the guy took him to his house but the clinic happens to be much closer so it would make sense. He wishes he was not here though.

There's a small groan as Komaeda pushes himself up into a sitting position.]

.....Well, that was the worst luck.....

Edited 2018-11-03 20:14 (UTC)

You know what happened.

[Yusuke says it quietly, and gestures to the phone on his bedside table. A silent reminder of the conversation they'd had just a short time ago, while giving away little to anyone in the clinic who might be eavesdropping.]

Please, tell me what happened to you.

[Komaeda glances at the phone.] Ah.....I see. That must.....have been hard. [He tries to be very careful with his words.] You won't be here for long, right? [i.e. you'll be ok won't you?

And he ignores the question.]

I can't move just yet. It will take time.

[He's not sure yet how long considering he's dependent on Law's healing powers, and Law understands those far better than he does, but...

He frowns at him.] Why are you avoiding my question?

[It'll take time. Komaeda wants to ask more without letting out why Yusuke was in there but he feels he should probably answer the other boy's question.]

Oh, me? Ah, sorry I forgot. Nothing too bad. I guess I shouldn't have done training when I was a little under the weather. I'll be all right! In fact, I'll probably be out pretty soon.

[This would have been a good lie if it weren't for the fact he looked like he was going to have a breakdown a few seconds ago when he woke up.]

[Yusuke is reminded so much of Ianchus and his attempts to hide questions of his wellbeing that a frustrated frown passes across his face. His voice lowers a notch, though enough to be audible still.]

There's no need to lie to me.

[Komaeda was pretty confident that he could hide it. As a result, Yusuke’s words caught him off guard. He opened his mouth, not knowing what to say. Then he realised he let his guard down. Ugh.

His heart starts to flutter in a panic. This is dangerous. Something terrible could happen if he said something. Especially in a clinic. His friend could die. Or he could end up hating him. And yet it’s too late to backpedal with another lie. And yet on the other hand, Yusuke said earlier that he would resist any bad luck. He would fight against it. However, did Yusuke realise what terrible things his luck could do?

And yet, Yusuke, who truly viewed him as a friend, is not dead yet after declaring that.

Komaeda grips his arms again, staring at his knees. Is it really okay to say something?] I.....really don’t think you need to worry about that........for your own sake....

... I just narrowly avoided death. Do you think your so-called ill luck could do anything worse to me if you confide in me...?

[It's a dash of dark humour, but partly because he doesn't have the energy to argue. He's too exhausted -- he just wants an answer.]

It doesn't work like......[Komaeda was about to argue but he stops. Yusuke looks like he wants an answer now.

And Komaeda is afraid. Afraid of what will happen. Yusuke said he could fight against it. But....

Komaeda takes a deep breath. His grip on his arms becomes tighter so he stays in control. His voice sounds flat, defeated. He's frightened of telling the truth but he's not sure if he can do anything else at this point.] ......I collapsed because I'm sick....I have been for a while, actually. Before I came to this world.

[And he feels more glum as he continues.]

It's terminal. Stage 3 lymphoma and frontotemporal dementia. I was told that I had about six months to a year left....[There's an empty chuckle as he says that.].....I guess I’ve been here for almost a year so technically, my time should be almost up…..although I’m not sure if that’s relevant here, seeing as death isn’t permanent….[Also considering his memories of being at Hope’s Peak Academy were taken from him, who knows how long it has been since then? Did he outlive his life expectancy? Even so…...]

It's okay, though......you don't need to worry....I've accepted my situation.

[Yusuke might not know all those medical terms, but he does understand terminal. It feels like a punch to the gut, like being doused with a bucket of cold ice, like this is a nightmare induced from blood loss. When he speaks up, it's in a small voice.]

You're joking, aren't you...? Please tell me this is a terrible joke.

[He moves to sit up as if wanting to get out of bed to go to Komaeda, but the pain in his side is so agonising he gasps and lays back, the tears in his eyes from pain but very quickly forming from grief, too.

The fact that it hurts this much means it has to be real, doesn't it.]

Komaeda...!

Y-Yusuke-kun?! [While he should probably be resting, Komaeda immediately moves his legs off the bed. He's wobbly but he tries to see if Yusuke is all right.]

D-don't push yourself. I'll get help....!

[His voice is full of shock, worry and complete confusion. Most of his fears of saying something were about what would happen to anybody he cared about if he said something. And it was finally hitting him that Yusuke did see him as a friend even though he found it strange but....

He did not expect this. He's had people telling him to take care of himself and getting angry at him for putting himself in danger but this is where it really hits him. He did not expect someone to be upset at the idea of his death, let alone someone to be upset to the point they are forming tears.

He has never had to deal with this before.]

[Yusuke visibly shudders as he tries to contain his grief. He'd gone to such lengths to keep Ianchus safe after he'd found Ianchus dead. He'd almost died himself to protect him. And now, to find that another of his friends is sick, there's nothing he can possibly do about that...]

You've known all this time you were sick?

[He says it in a small, weak voice.] Why didn't you tell anyone?

Well......[The main reason he had not told Yusuke was his luck. He did not know what would happen if he confided in someone like that. And well......he was tired of his pointless life, going through bad and good luck at the same time.]....there's one person who does know. One of my teachers here.

[There was also Hinata although Komaeda backpedaled and pretended he lied about it. And Hinata was here for a brief time....until he left. Komaeda was pretty bummed out about that for many reasons but he kept that to himself.]

I fainted while we were training. He told me before I should get treatment in this place and I guess I could but, well, I wasn't sure if it was a good idea...

[The moment he says that, he wonders if he believes that now. It could be bad for his luck but.....now here is someone who could actually grieve at him going. And while Komaeda is tired of his life, seeing his friend like this does not sit well with him.

To the point he admits:].....Or at least that was what I thought at the time, anyway.

[Yusuke wipes his eyes. He has to stay calm here, even if he feels shocked, even if this situation reminds him too much of losing his mother, losing Ianchus.]

Your teacher is right. You need to take care of yourself. Even if it just helps... ease things a little for you...

[He looks away from Komaeda, struggling to keep his composure. Komaeda talking about himself this way had been upsetting before, but this is too much.]

Now that you're here, you'll let them take care of you-- won't you?

I.....well.....

[Komaeda hesitates. It could cause bad luck. And whatever treatment he gets here will not be relevant, should he go back home. Then again, considering he has apparently spent time at Hope's Peak Academy and has no memories of it and he is still alive, who knows how long it has been since his illness? Did he outlive his life expectancy? His luck would do that. He was still sick when he arrived on Jabberwock Island so did his disease just slow down? Or does he not remember getting treatment?

Komaeda isn't sure. What he does know though is that someone who truly regarded him as a friend would be devastated if something happened to him. And there are two emotions he feels from this - happy that someone cared about him enough to want him to live, even though he did not understand the reason why, yet he still did not like the fact that he upset his friend.

After a few minutes of mulling over these options, he eventually speaks.] I'll........talk to them.

[ Wash straightens in his chair, leaning forward in case he needs to move to keep Komaeda in the bed. He's always been so averse to the thought of the clinic, he might try to bolt and just collapse again.

The comment about luck makes him want to roll his eyes and laugh at once, and he shoves down both urges. ]

I can think of way worse luck. Like what if you'd been on the cliff's edge and fallen off? The medic said you're stable, just a little dehydrated. Probably pushed too hard.

[ He reaches for the little table beside his chair, grabbing a water bottle off it and offering it to Komaeda. ]

How's your head feel?

[Yusuke lets him mull things over without interrupting, and for a moment, he begins to think Komaeda won't answer his question. But finally, he does, and Yusuke looks relieved.]

Please do. I couldn't bear... to see another of my friends suffer in silence.

[Ianchus had been sick in a different way, but he had still suffered and even been killed. Though he's better now, seeing another friend putting so little value on their life, just as before-- it hurts.]

[Komaeda is tempted to say he wish he did.....but then the memory Yusuke in tears flashes in his mind and he feels uncomfortable. So instead he decides to answer Wash's question.]

......It hurts a little but it'll soon pass.

How long have I been here?

A few hours.

[ Komaeda doesn't take the water, but he doesn't look like he's about to bolt either. Okay... good. Wash lowers the bottle, considers the younger man. ]

You probably know what I'm gonna say, huh?

[Komaeda sighs. Of course he does. And a part of him still wants to refuse because of bad luck. But seeing his friend react like that….he doesn’t feel he can just do nothing.]
I’m not sure there’s any point. I’ll just end up sick again if I ever leave this world, but…..well, I’ll talk to the doctors and see what they say...

[Suffer in silence? He just never thought his feelings mattered in this case. After all, he is a nobody. Yusuke seems to think otherwise. And he has so many conflicting feelings over it.]

I can't promise much will come from it but.....well, I'll see......

...the point is you get to feel better, even if it's only for a little while. I'm glad you're willing to talk to them. The guy downstairs is pretty good, if you want me to get him before he's off shift.

[Well, he had a point there. If he felt better, he'd be more useful to people. At little, at least. Even if the doctors here could do nothing but give him some sort of drugs to keep him going.

As Wash mentions the 'guy downstairs' though, he starts to feel nervous. Probably because he does not like being here from personal experience. However, he tries to clamp his fears down. It's for a good cause. If he's lucky, maybe he can persuade one of the doctors to visit at home later. Maybe?

Komaeda takes a deep breath.] ........I guess, if he's not busy.

Okay... I'll go find him, if you like him I bet you can arrange to meet away from the clinic too, he's done house calls for my girlfriend. Just... stay here, don't bolt out the window or anything.

[ Wash gets up, passing Komaeda the water bottle in a not so subtle hint to drink while he's gone, and heads back down to the emergency level of the clinic. He'll be right back. ]

[Well, it's happening. It's really happening. He's really going to have a checkup and see if he can get better. Komaeda has no idea what the result will be but what will happen afterwards makes him nervous...

No, he can't think about that now. He takes a swig of water to calm himself down. He should probably drink some anyway if he doesn't want to fall asleep again.

Besides, going through this again isn't completely for his own sake.]

[ When Wash returns, he's alongside a much smaller figure with long dark hair and warm eyes. He comes in but moves out of the way, wallflowering while the medic approaches Komaeda's bed directly and offering a disarming smile. ]

Good to see you're up -- my name's Pell, I'm a healer here. Your friend says your name is Nagito?

[Komaeda had every temptation to just leave but he pushed himself to stay. And now it's really happening.

Urk.

Komaeda manages to keep his cheerful demeanour up.] Ah, that's right. I'm Nagito Komaeda. I apologise for how convenient this must be for you, having to spend your time dealing with trash like me.

[ Pell blinks, glancing over to Wash for a moment as if to see whether this is normal behavior or not, then just shrugging. ]

It's what I choose to do with my time. I'm sure I've known worse, and have had more belligerent patients than you. Now that you're awake, though, can you tell me how you're feeling? And if you're alright with being touched, it's far easier to use my abilities with contact.

Well, I'm still sleepy and my head hurts a little but I'm sure it'll go soon. [And, because he has frequented hospitals so much and he wants to get this over with as soon as he can...] Go ahead. I don't mind.

You were a little dehydrated, that can cause headaches on its own, but let's have a look. Are you normally finding that you're weak like today?

[ Wash didn't tell him anything about Komaeda's diagnosis, wanting to let the younger man explain himself or the medic to figure it out on his own. Either way would build more trust there.

But now Pell is settling a hand on Komaeda's shoulder and focusing, trying to sense what could be wrong with him besides the dehydration. He finds... a lot. A sickness, something growing. Pell frowns as he senses it, the wrongness of it making him feel cold and numb. ]

...how long have you been ill?

[So this man can detect that he's ill right away? Well, Komaeda has always looked pale and sickly but he suspects it's not just that.]

I've actually been ill for several months - before I came to this world. I was told that there was no cure and I didn't have much time left. I've never been very strong and athletic, but not long before I got diagnosed, I realised I was getting tired more easily. Among other things...

I've never seen anything like it, honestly. It's not an infection, but I do think I could help... maybe not cure it, I don't want to make promises I couldn't keep, but we can absolutely fight it back so you feel better.

[ He tilts his head, considering who he knows that might be able to help as well. ]

May I ask the diagnosis? We have a human doctor on staff who might be able to explain it to me so I could treat it better.

Honestly, whether or not you can cure it completely doesn't matter. I'll just get sick again if I go back home. That said....[He pauses, thoughtfully.] There might be advantages to getting better here, even if it's only for a little while.

I have stage 3 lymphoma accompanied by frontotemporal dementia. I doubt you'll have heard of the terms at all but I could be wrong.

Edited 2018-11-25 23:37 (UTC)

You're not, I haven't heard the terms. But it still feels like something I could treat. And you deserve a better quality of life for as long as you can have it. Why don't we try? If you feel worse, we can just stop, but I think I can help. Are you able to come by the clinic regularly or shall we make it a house call?

[ He knows some people aren't comfortable with the public aspect of illness, though he thinks there's nothing to be ashamed of. And Komaeda could just say he's scavenging for the clinic, helping out, that's why he stops by. But Pell's noticed that the human seems very uncomfortable even having this conversation. ]

You can do a house call?

[He never considered the possibility but....well, that would be very convenient if that's possible. It would save him from taking trips here and making him dread his appointments less, that's for sure.]

Of course. I've treated patients in far worse conditions than an apartment, and I wouldn't need any supplies for this.

Well, I don't want to force you to go out of your way to help someone like me, but I guess it might make things a little more convenient. [For what, he doesn't say.]

[ Nagito, you're bewildering him. Pell just sort of nods, because it seems like the right track -- maybe the self deprecation is part of the cognitive decline? It's not like Pell's never met anyone who just hated themselves, though. ]

I think it'll be easier to come to you, unless conditions change. We can play it by ear but I don't particularly want to start treatment blindly, without an idea of your baseline. You're weaker today... how about you give me a call when you're feeling what you'd consider normal for you, and I can come by somewhere you're more comfortable? I'll look into your condition as well.

Hmmm.....well, if you need time, I guess I could go home, rest and send a message in your inbox for a day or two as an update? [He doesn't say this but Komaeda feels inwardly a little relieved. He does not know how this treatment is going to happen or if it even works but it's at least not in a place he associates with people dying and his luck.]

Edited 2018-12-06 18:55 (UTC)

That sounds perfect. On whatever you'd consider a good day, for your current state. I don't want to overstress your body.

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suicidal trigger warning here

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cw: suicidal thoughts

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cw: suicidal thoughts

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