hadriel_logs | Event Log: Dreamwalker

Entry tags:

Event Log: Dreamwalker

Who: Everyone!
What: The Dreamwalker event
Where: In your comfy bed and your sleepy head.
When: May 16th-26th
Warnings: Good dreams, weird dreams, bad dreams, straight-up nightmares. Please remember to tag for warnings in the header if things are going to be bad!

Have you been having trouble getting a good night's sleep? Tossing and turning, unable to rest those tired eyes? Or maybe you don't sleep at all, and never have. Not to worry! For a little while, you'll have no trouble at all falling asleep - in fact, as night falls, you'll find yourself overwhelmed with exhaustion whether you want to sleep or not. Lay down and rest your weary head, friends. Everyone could use a little extra sleep.

But what will your dreams bring? Something happy, images of a perfect day? Something hopeful, something you've wanted for a long time? Maybe you'll dream of anger, of the face of your worst enemy. Or maybe - just maybe - you'll have a horrific nightmare, and wake screaming, covered in cold sweat.

Not before others have time to see it, though. As you sleep, as you dream, the other residents of Hadriel, friends and enemies and people you've only met once, might find their way into your dreams. Or you might find your way into theirs - and then have to deal with someone's else's nightmares, or hopes, or anger. For the next ten nights, you'll find yourself either a host or a visitor, and no matter how you try you won't be able to stay awake once night falls.

Sweet dreams, Hadriel. Don't let the asshole fear gods bite.

► This log covers May 16th-26th.
► Feel free to make your own logs as well!
► Please tag headers of threads with content warnings where they apply
► Please put your character's name and open/closed in the subject line of your starters!
► You can't die in the dreams, but if you somehow manage to trip and fall and kill yourself getting out of bed, please report it on the death post.

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[ he nods. ] Seven years old today.

[ aislin giggles and hops off the bed with a bit more bounce than is strictly necessary. she comes close and wraps her arms around cullen's waist and, as he rests a hand on her messy curls, stares up at him. papa, c'n you braid my hair?

with a small smile, he nods. ] We should get all that out of the way before we head down for breakfast. [ cullen pauses and glances at cecily, almost warily. something is... off about her this morning, but he can't quite put his finger on what. ] Maybe while I do that your mother can get you something other than your nightgown to wear?

[ Seven. Somehow, it's so unbelievable that she continues to stand stock-still for far too long, eyes stuck on the face of the cheery girl with Cullen's hair. Our child, she thinks dizzily, and has to remind herself that this isn't a vision of their future. It's only a dream.

... Still. The sense of warmth and hope that seems to make up the very air and space of his dream doesn't quite reach her, not all the way through. Cecily feels a strange guilt when she looks at Cullen and longing when she looks again at their daughter - Aislin - waiting impatiently to have her hair braided by her doting father. ]

I'm not sure I'd be a good mother. [ She whispers, having not yet moved to find their child other clothing. Her nails bite into her palms in the way that she's always dealt with pangs of self-loathing, which has become particularly painful with the introduction of the anchor. ]

I'm not- [ Cecily repeats on a breath, now more guilty-feeling than ever for interrupting such a sweet dream and feeling intensely out of place in what is meant to be, in some ways, her own life. ] ... I don't think I would be.

[ awareness comes over him slowly, like the dawn peeking over the horizon. cullen looks down at aislin. she smiles at him, a bright and dimpled thing, before fading out of view. ]

This is a dream... [ he looks at her as things fall into place. they don't have a child. she is horribly uncomfortable and this is all the gods' doing. or--not quite. not entirely.

the hope that sparked all this is his, buried somewhere deep in his heart and almost forgotten. the hope that one day, somehow, he'd be able to have a family again like the one he left behind when he became a templar. after kinloch, that idea turned to ashes. how could he possibly have a family the way he was? but cecily... falling in love with her, marrying her stirred up the idea again in quiet moments that he quickly thought his way out of.

the scene flickers around the edges, cecily's feelings and cullen's own realizations bringing them out of what he imagines is the fade and back into the waking world.

blearily blinking up at the ceiling, cullen takes a moment to organize his thoughts. and curse the gods in the privacy of his head. then he turns to his wife and quietly calls her name. ] Cecily?

No-- [ She begins automatically, but Aislin fades before she can stop it. This is Cullen's dream and Cecily has woken him up. She doesn't have time to apologize before she wakes, slightly before he does, facing the wall and half-curled beneath the sheet. She stares ahead, unmoving, until he speaks her name, and even then she doesn't turn, doesn't show her face.

It isn't difficult to imagine why he would have had that sort of dream, and... honestly, it isn't something she thinks is unique to Cullen. To have children, to have a family, isn't an uncommon desire. It isn't as if she hasn't considered it, either, but her projections for her own future aren't nearly so cheery and are often broken down by her inner critic. That same, nagging voice suggests that she'd been an unwelcome interloper in the hopeful dream of the man she loved and that she'd ruined it and she can't find logic with which to argue. ]

I'm awake. [ She replies, lying still.

He would be happier and safer without you. They all would. The voice is especially nasty, but, then, she'd had a dream of her own earlier in that night, one brought on by Fear's influence, rather than Hope's. ]

[ he rolls over and wraps his arm around her waist, for once taking on the role of the big spoon. ]

I'm sorry. [ he starts. sorry that this is how she's learning of these half-formed maybe someday notions, more than two years too early. sorry that he made her uncomfortable.

fingers thread through hers, holding her hand tight and he--hesitates. sighs quietly. ] I disagree with you. I think, if you wanted... [ he almost stops there, not sure this is the best time or place for this conversation. but if not now, will they ever get the courage to speak of it again? ] If you wanted, you would be a wonderful mother.

But only if you wanted. Someday. [ cullen ducks his head down to press a kiss to her shoulder. some part of him may wonder what little aislin would be like, were she real. but he means this. he is and will continue to be perfectly happy with just her in his life. ]

Don't be sorry. [ To emphasize her point, she turns so she's now facing him, nuzzling her forehead to his briefly. ] Cullen, you didn't-- That was my fault. I should have left you to your dream.

[ Rather than taking on the role of awkward specter in the corner of his happiness. Cecily swallows, searching his face, guilt more than plain in her own expression, even in the semi-darkness. ]

I don't know. [ She confesses, fingers curling a little more tightly around his. ] Even without... what I want, or how I think I might be as a mother, don't you worry about having any children... with me? That-- [ Her heart thrums in her throat like a rabbit's. ] With who we both are, it may never be safe.

[ The offspring of the Inquisitor, the Herald of Andraste, and a former templar, the former Knight-Captain of Kirkwall, the current Commander of the Inquisition's armies. He knows as well as she does that they have enemies beyond Corypheus, that there are still Venatori in the world, not to mention nobles and dozens of others who just dislike their missions and methods.

She would always see daggers in the shadows, hear wolves at the door. If their child were hurt or worse because of its parents, because of her-- ]

[ well. he hadn't before, but he sure is now. ]

It's not something I've thought about in-depth. Any of it. [ his idle thoughts never had faces. names. not even genders. it was always just maybe someday, should the world start needing us less.

that said-- ] I'm fairly certain that should we one day have children they would have so many people vested in their safety--Bull, Dorian, Leliana, the Divine, and I could go on--that it would be very hard indeed to get to them, even if danger should make it past the two of us. [ they are rather formidable people surrounded by fucking terrifying people, after all. ]

[ It makes her feel a little better that, even two years ahead and married, he hasn't completely put together a dream of what their future as a family might look like. Of course, he might just be saying it for her benefit, but it doesn't sound that way. ]

I don't doubt that we would all do everything we could, but... I know we won't be living in Skyhold much longer, surrounded by Inquisition agents and all of those people who would ensure their safety. [ Much as she might want the current state of things to go on forever, it just isn't likely. Not with how much work all the others have to do in their homes.

She has to remind herself fairly often that the Inquisition had a mission... which it completed. ]

So, then... even if we were all safe, our children would still have to survive me. [ The mirthless chuckle leaves her words short of a joke.

Cecily glances just past him, unable to meet his eyes. ]

Are you sure this is what you want? This-- To be with me?

Yes. [ he says it without hesitation, reaching out to cup her face. ] Absolutely.

[ the words stop there for a moment as cullen gets that look on his face that means he's thinking very hard about what to say next. ]

I love you, Cecily Trevelyan, and I am going to spend the rest of my life loving you. Whether the Inquisition one day ends, whether we one day have a family, or whether we do something else--sail the seas on Isabela's ship or something equally as ridiculous--I will be more than happy to stay by your side. For as long as you'll have me.

[ Not usually one to blush, Cecily's face begins to show an almost embarrassed fluster at his words. She thinks again of the dream that she'd wandered into, of how... at peace the dream-Cecily had seemed. Maybe it was only a hopeful future, one possibility of many, but Cullen does know her well enough. If he believes that she could find a place in a life like that, then... maybe she should, too.

Cecily raises their linked hands to kiss along his fingers, thinking deeply as she does, more grateful than she knows she would be able to articulate. ]

Isabela of the Tale of the Champion? [ She ventures lightly, already knowing that it must be the Rivaini pirate queen he'd mentioned. The Inquisitor again touches their foreheads together, letting her eyes close as a little sense of ease seeps back into her system rather than guilt and fear. ]

... Thank you. [ Cecily whispers firmly. ] I love you, too, and... I trust you. Whatever happens, if you say we can make it out through to the other side together, then I will always be there at your side. For all of my days.

[ It's as close as marriage vows as she'll get at the moment. ]

Maybe we could settle in Ferelden somewhere. [ She ventures. ] Closer to your siblings.

[ isabela from the tale of the champion is indeed who he means. she has been a friend to kirkwall and, though it's likely cecily doesn't know this bit, the inquisition both. someone the inquisitor would know of so the running off and becoming pirates suggestion can sound both ludicrous and possible. ]

Mia would like that. [ and branson. likely rosalie, too. and, since they were just talking about children, cullen can't help but think that if they did that they could borrow his nephew for a bit. when branson and his wife need a break. to see how abominable they really are with children. but that's an idea for when they're back in thedas. ]

I think... I think I might like that as well. I don't know if settling there permanently would work but. Maybe for a little while.

[ he doesn't know how not to be a soldier. the idea of finding a house somewhere near south reach and stopping is just. confusing, and appealing, and it makes his feet itch all in one. ]

You might like it there. I know everyone says we're a backwater, but it's not completely true.

You'll have to convince me. [ She thumbs along his jaw, cracking an amused smile. Maybe she's a little predisposed to stereotypes, having heard them all her life from the well-to-do in the Free Marches, but she loves Cullen and trusts his judgment... usually. The dog is another issue. Still, that area was (is) his home, and she isn't opposed to at least trying out living there for a time to see if they can find their feet as retired saviors of the world. ]

... Next time I walk in on one of your dream-fantasies, I'll play along. [ Cecily speaks up again. ] I promise. Ruining one has already made me feel so villainous.

[ For Andraste's sake, that dream had been absurdly sweet and the little girl, perfect. To step in and shatter it--

No, not again. She's moved past that for now. Try and focus on the positive. ]

We still have time to get back to sleep. [ She ventures lightly. ] I think you deserve a little more rest, don't you?

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Event Log: Dreamwalker

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