Gansey wishes there was a word for being equal parts angry and sad and just the tiniest, worst bit relieved. He wants to be more angry, but it's hard when Noah's hand holding his, loose and unsure, is still a source of comfort, someone reaching out to him so that he's not alone. That is what Noah has become: a source of comfort, even in death.

"I suppose I don't have to worry about what comes after Glendower, now." It's just confirmation bias in hindsight, but Gansey's feelings that his life was barreling on without his control, that his friends would be able to manage in his absence, seem entirely justified now. It's pointless to struggle. There's nothing to struggle against.

"How long has Ronan known?"