[ It's all so much worse than Gansey could have thought. He doesn't know how Ronan does it, how he makes himself do it. Gansey doesn't think he could have held the blade. He doesn't know where Ronan finds the strength. But it's done, and it's quick, and there's Adam's scream ringing in his ears. That's a terrible thing, a chaotic agony that lodges itself in his memories. Gansey won't sleep tonight. He won't sleep for weeks, he thinks, because he'll close his eyes and in the silence, he'll hear that sound.
He's as responsible for that sound as Ronan. This is only happening because it was a wound he couldn't heal, and an attack he couldn't plan around.
But with the loss of the hand comes a lifeline. The virus that he had been given everything to hold back is suddenly gone, and all the power that he had been putting into keeping it at bay is suddenly free to act. Gansey barely needs to direct it. The back of his hand glows brightly, engulfing the stump where Adam's hand used to be, and the wound is sealed as if it had never been. Gansey stares at it as the light fades. It's hard to believe that cut was only just made. It's perfect, as if it had always been that way.
Which means that Adam won't bleed to death, and that's about the best he can say about it.
He feels numb. Heat presses at the edge of his vision, and there's an awful buzzing in his ears. He feels like panic is just an inch away, and he can't let himself do it, can't let himself give into it. He leans over Adam, curving over him as if he can belatedly protect him from what's already happened. ]
I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. [ He keeps saying it, over and over again. His arms wrap around his friend's shoulders, and he leans down, forehead touching to Adam's. ]
We'll fix this. I promise you we will. It's going...
It's going to be all right.
[ It has to be. Hope has to fix Adam's hand. Ronan can't have that cut on his conscience and Adam can't have been maimed by the two people he trusts most. Gansey feels his hands shaking, and holds his friend tighter. ]
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He's as responsible for that sound as Ronan. This is only happening because it was a wound he couldn't heal, and an attack he couldn't plan around.
But with the loss of the hand comes a lifeline. The virus that he had been given everything to hold back is suddenly gone, and all the power that he had been putting into keeping it at bay is suddenly free to act. Gansey barely needs to direct it. The back of his hand glows brightly, engulfing the stump where Adam's hand used to be, and the wound is sealed as if it had never been. Gansey stares at it as the light fades. It's hard to believe that cut was only just made. It's perfect, as if it had always been that way.
Which means that Adam won't bleed to death, and that's about the best he can say about it.
He feels numb. Heat presses at the edge of his vision, and there's an awful buzzing in his ears. He feels like panic is just an inch away, and he can't let himself do it, can't let himself give into it. He leans over Adam, curving over him as if he can belatedly protect him from what's already happened. ]
I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. [ He keeps saying it, over and over again. His arms wrap around his friend's shoulders, and he leans down, forehead touching to Adam's. ]
We'll fix this. I promise you we will. It's going...
It's going to be all right.
[ It has to be. Hope has to fix Adam's hand. Ronan can't have that cut on his conscience and Adam can't have been maimed by the two people he trusts most. Gansey feels his hands shaking, and holds his friend tighter. ]
You'll be safe now. We'll keep you safe.