This had been... about him? Over his death? Pell let go of Flick and took a step back, feeling sick now. In body and heart -- it was Thiede's fault, he'd been thinking, never knowing Orien could have been part of it. If Cal was right, if coming to Saltrock for him is what caused all this, he never should have... he shouldn't have left home, shouldn't have started down this course of events that have so clearly scarred his best friend and are now hurting someone else, someone completely uninvolved. He looks to Cole, who seems to have gathered more of himself again, and takes another step away. His death. His fault. A murder in his name.

"I am dead," he says numbly. "You said it yourself, I won't be who I was. I'm not your friend there. This was my fault, Orien was--"

And curse his vivid imagination. It's almost enough to make him throw up right there but he turns away instead, towards their house, and takes numb steps towards it. Despite the trauma he may have inflicted, Orien was his teacher, and now he was dead. Pell thinks to the bag of seeds from Orien's garden he'd been given. Probably the only good thing left behind of the har. The memories Pell had weren't. But Orien was Seel's friend, he was their leader, he was.... gone. At Cal's hand. In his name.

He'd say god help them but no god could. And still, in this moment, he wanted Cal.

Pell breaks into a run towards the house, the little carving of Aruhani falling from his pocket as he does -- he doesn't notice. He just wants to lock himself in his room and not come out.