INTRO LOG: A TAXING JOURNEY

[hadrielmods]

Who: New arrivals and everyone else!
What: The intro log for December. Watch your step!
Where: The colosseum and all around the city.
When: December 10th-17th
Warnings: Taxxon-related violence, teeth shoes, general unpleasantness, mass confusion.

You wake up in the dust of the colosseum with no shoes on, regardless of the state of your feet when you arrived. There's dust covering your clothing and in your hair, but other than that, there's no signs of injury or bruising. You're also not alone- nearby, there are others, either still passed out or just waking up like you are. Feel free to take solace in that fact. Or don't- some of you aren't human, and are clearly not great people either. No offense.

To your left, there is a door in the wall of the arena, supposedly leading to the halls which will then show you to your freedom. To your right, and scattered haphazardly on the ground, are a myriad of teeth shoes. These shoes might be better than going barefoot right now, but good luck finding a matching set, let alone one that fits you.

When you do eventually try to escape, be careful. The halls are crawling with Taxxons. Large and grotesque, these caterpillar-like creatures have circular mouths and multiple rows of sharp teeth. Their sense of smell is impeccable, and they will stop at nothing to feed when they scent blood. So, you know, try to avoid stepping on anything sharp on your way out.

All done with the horrible monsters and awkward greetings? Try your hand at exploring the rest of the city! Find a house, find a new monster, or simply scavenge for supplies until your little heart is content. Good luck, and enjoy your stay in Hadriel!

► This log covers December 10th-17th.
► Feel free to make your own logs, as well!
► Characters may find their own shoes scattered around with the teeth shoes if you like.
► All characters now arrive with phones that have network communication.
► Please put your character's name and open/closed in the subject line of your starters!

Comments

[vendetta]

Kaz also hears the unholy mess unfolding behind them, and much as he hates to admit it, it's for the best that they got the hell out when they did. In some ways it's actually more infuriating. Snake had been able to make the snap judgment call just fine here, but back home he'd deliberately decided to leave him to the dogs. And worst of all, he doesn't even seem to realize that he's done something wrong in the first place.

Does Kaz figure that little into whatever his grand plan is? Had he just been a means to an end all that time?

With so many mixed messages, it's impossible to really know what's going on in Snake's head. Kaz could have fought and wriggled and yelled while draped on his shoulders, but the very real danger of these monsters stops him from doing so. He'll have the time to fly off the handle when there are no immediate threats around them.

That doesn't take as much time as expected. Snake handles him gently, almost like Venom had, and that causes more anger to surge up in him like bile. They're not really the same at all, and yet he can't help but draw the comparisons all the same. So many times he'd tried to convince himself that Diamond Dogs and MSF could be the same thing, but he wasn't the same. And his Boss hadn't been either. Just another casualty in the greater plan.

As soon as the cane reaches his hand, Kaz lashes out with it, shoving the end of it hard into Snake's chest, just below his clavicle, to push him back. As far as he's concerned, he's going easy on him. He should be smacking him right in the face. The action's meant to put some distance between them; he doesn't want to be touched by those traitorous hands any longer than necessary.

"You have no idea, do you?" Kaz bows his head, breathes raggedly as he stares at his lap. "You don't have a goddamn clue why I'm so pissed."

[camouflage]

It would've been easy enough to swat the cane away, even side-stepped it. Instead, John just lets it sit there on his chest, the hard shove the cane makes actually pushing him back a step. It's comforting to know that, despite the missing limbs, Kaz is just as strong as ever. Boss has seen men and women who have lost limbs and become a shadow of their former selves. And while Kaz isn't exactly the man John remembers from nine years ago, he's not dead.

"I've barely been out of my coma for six months. I haven't spoken to you or seen you since then." That fact had been...unsettling, to say the least. When he had woken up, Ocelot being the first person he saw had been completely unsurprising. While the two of them had only seen each other face-to-face a handful of times over the course of their friendship, Adam was his oldest, most loyal friend. The old soldier expected Adam to be the one to oversee his safety.

But Kaz never once coming to see him or even sending him correspondence, that had been the most confusing part. Had he even known? Ocelot had told him Miller was working on his end of the plan, so naturally John had assumed his second-in-command would be in on everything.

Why wouldn't he be?

Thinking about it now, John should've asked. It wouldn't have been the first time Ocelot withheld information or painted something differently for the sake of Big Boss. "Kaz, what's going on?"

[vendetta]

I haven't spoken to you or seen you since then. Snake says those words like as a statement of fact, like there's not layers of betrayal wrapped up in them. He doesn't even see it that way, doesn't have the presence of mind to realize the damage he's done. Someone is always the most dangerous when they hurt others without even being aware of doing it, with no consideration for their actions.

Now that they've escaped from the coliseum, Kaz has the chance to take a look at his surroundings and get some better idea of what the situation is, yet his eyes barely move from Snake's face. He's aware of the ceiling of solid rock above them, indicating that they're underground, but the rest can wait.

He won't do this while he's crouched in the middle of the road as Snake stands over him, though, and so with some effort he uses his cane to drag himself to his feet, wobbling in place until he finds his balance. Breathing hard, heart rate still escalated from the adrenaline and pure anger, he stares Snake down.

"You just answered your own question. Out of a coma for six months, and you couldn't bother to make any sort of contact. I waited for you, that whole time, and you threw me out like trash." He jerks his head to the side, away. "Well, screw you."

He has to admit that it helps to get it all off his chest now, to spit out words he'd composed in his head while laying up in bed, unable to sleep because of the ache where his arm and leg used to be. And there's way more where that came from.

[camouflage]

"You know I couldn't," John replies back matter-of-factly. As much as he wanted to, contact had been pushed off the table from the get-go. It was too dangerous to align himself with the Diamond Dogs, would've destroyed the foundations of Outer Heaven in the cradle. And that's what all of this is about, what it's always been about: the final solution to Zero's idea of world peace. No matter what John's personal feelings were, what he wanted, Outer Heaven was more important than all of them.

Ocelot had understood that, had been sacrificing to see Zero's antithesis be brought into reality for at least a decade. John wanted to believe that Kaz understood the situation, too, but from the looks of things, it seemed that he had been blinded by his pride.

The soldier's face betrays none of his thoughts, not the disappointment, not the confusion. He's impassive, taking the brunt of his friend's anger with the best poker face known to man. "I wanted to, Kaz. I wanted to be involved." After all, Diamond Dogs was as much his as it was Venom's. Those were his men, some of which who had been loyal since the first version of Mother Base, and, maybe it was vanity talking, they belonged to him. "You knew when you agreed to this, to stand by Venom, that I couldn't be in the picture." Miller could've walked away after after the helicopter crash, could've walked away when both him and the medic were still in comas, could've walked away after making contact with Ocelot.

But he hadn't. So what was the use of all this anger? This sense of betrayal?

"...Didn't you?"

[vendetta]

That poker face may be the worst thing about this messed up situation. The fact that Kaz can really only guess at what Snake is thinking or feeling, that he's remaining stony-faced and calm in the face of all of Kaz's valid anger, only serves to fuel the fire. It's not so different from how he'd been made to feel by Zero and Ocelot, as if he was just an unwanted party in their carefully laid plans.

Well, Kaz has never been a pushover, and he's going to make himself heard and insert himself into their plans no matter what they do. That goes for Snake now, too -- he's just as bad as the rest of them, it turns out.

I wanted to, Kaz. I wanted to be involved. The words may as well be like knives piercing into his chest. All that time waiting and he finally has him back, but the reunion has been soured. What Kaz hates the most is that there's a tiny part of him, way deep down, that's still relieved.

It's what Snake says next that causes some of the pieces to fall into place, though. For once, Snake actually figures it out before Kaz has to explain it to him, yet that doesn't stem the explosive response to his question. "No, I didn't agree to it, not really." He shakes his head vehemently. "They wouldn't even tell me what hospital you were in. They kept me sedated, then had you moved while I was out.

"It went on for nine years like that." Maybe Snake doesn't have any sense of how much time really passed, but Kaz had to live through every agonizing day. "They told me when you woke up. I thought this was it, finally I'd get to see you again." It sounds so pathetic now, and he turns his gaze away, jaw clenched. "I even gave myself up to the enemy, got myself captured, so that some of the heat would be off of you during your escape."

Kaz bows his head then, his shoulders shaking with mock laughter. "For a moment there, I actually thought you came for me too. They took me to Mother Base, treated me, and then I realized the man who'd gotten me out of that hell wasn't you. Ocelot explained then and only then."

It's painful having to retell it, and that bleeds into his strained voice as he draws in shaky breaths. "So do you get why I'm so pissed now?" he asks between grit teeth.

[camouflage]

Then, all that time... It was never supposed to happen like this. Manipulating his best soldier into becoming his phantom, stringing Kaz along like a desperate dog, even Ocelot was just another pawn pushed around Zero's chessboard. What was the point, he found himself thinking for the umpteenth time. Did Zero think Big Boss would be thankful for the chance to be out of the spotlight for once? Go crawling back to him after that near-brush with death?

When John had woken up, the damage had already been done. There had been nothing he could but play the cards he had been dealt.

He wants to apologize, for it to meaningful and for it to be worth anything. He knows that it's a lost cause at this point, though, and, honestly, he couldn't get the words out of his mouth even if he wanted to. Kaz giving himself up to aid his escape, doing all he did for Diamond Dogs, they needed to be done. Whether it was actually him or not was a moot point; they all needed to sacrifice for the good of their mission. Kaz would have lost his limbs no matter what.

"I wish it hadn't been like that. I would have wanted you to be included in what was going on, Kaz," John begins. These words, at least, are true. Better than a simple 'I'm sorry'. "But I can't fix the past and everything that's been done is for Outer Heaven. And that's always what it's been about between you, me, and Ocelot. It's always been the bottom line."

[vendetta]

At this point, Snake probably could have gotten down on his hands and knees and begged for forgiveness and it wouldn't have changed a single thing. The damage has already been done, his arm and leg can't ever be returned to him, those nine long years are gone forever.

Yet here they are, trapped in some bizarre underground city together, surrounded by monsters, and Kaz has no idea what he's supposed to do now. He always has some sort of contingency plan, but this is way outside the realm of anything he could have prepared for. Maybe Snake got used just as much as Kaz did, but that doesn't change the fact that he never even tried to make contact and explain himself.

At the mention of Outer Heaven, Kaz's shoulders shudder with renewed anger and he looks back to Snake. It's impossible to tell with his aviators still in place, but there's fire flashing in his eyes.

"It's not just about that," he snaps, shoving his fist which is still clutching his cane against Snake's chest. "You forgot that you and I were supposed to do this together. Instead I ended up with him, and guess what? He's turned out to be a better Boss than you ever were." Kaz knows that he's being unnecessarily cruel now, spitting out untrue words to direct his pain onto someone else. But it's the sting of having lost something that was so good, and Snake not even seeming to care or view it as a loss, that drives him.

[camouflage]

I never forgot. The words sit on the back of his tongue, almost tumble out, but they freeze there when Miller throws those bitter words in his face. He might as well have just reached out and punched John in the face. Physical pain he can take, but this?

It's so...petty, calling Venom better than him. Unnecessary, childish, more befitting a jilted teenager than a trained killer almost in his 40's. The worst part of it? That barb actually does its job, it digs under John's skin. Visibly, his hand clenches around the butt of his .45 and the smallest of frowns forms on his lips, but he doesn't lash out. Not immediately. He's never been that kind of person, anyway, the fly off the handle.

Big Boss isn't so pig-headed that he thinks Kaz is calling him an inferior soldier in comparison to Venom. The two men had not only been friends once, but worked side-by-side. The old soldier would be blatantly lying if he said his former medic wasn't amazing on the battlefield. No, this wasn't about battle prowess. This is solely a jab at his and Kaz's closeness, their friendship, how John measures up as a leader. If these are the kind of under-handed tactics Miller wants to pull, John's not interested in entertaining the conversation any longer. Before he opens his mouth and says something irrational or walks away, he takes a breath. Don't stoop down to his level. Be an adult about this.

"Well, Kaz," a biting, half-smile tugs at the corner of his mouth. He can feel the toxic words forming his mouth. "If Venom is so much better than me, then you didn't really lose anything, did you? You just traded up for a better model." John knows he deserves whatever cruel things Kaz has to say about him, that he should just shut up and let his friend get it out of his system. But some things he just can't abide.

[vendetta]

The fact is that despite everything that Zero and Ocelot had implied to him in their various conversations, Miller does know Snake well. Maybe they'd only worked together for a couple of years, but sometimes it's not the length of time spent with a person that matters. They'd built something together, their skills complementing each other in a seamless way to create MSF. What they'd had then, it had been good, and it had been theirs.

The point being that Kaz knows Snake well enough that he can tell when he's actually gotten to him. The signs are subtle, but they're there, and he doesn't know if he should be triumphant or upset to have gotten that kind of reaction out of him. (It's not easily done.)

Of course, Snake comes back with something just as cutting, and Kaz can't say that he hadn't been braced for it. It still pisses him off, even though he knows that now both of them are just picking their words for how sharp they are, for how much damage they think they'll do.

"Is that what you think?" Kaz bows his head and shakes it, the tension draining out of his shoulders as he lets it all sink in. "That you could just send me some copy, and that'd be good enough? You figured, what, I wouldn't notice the difference?" Just as fast, his head snaps back up so he can look Snake right in the eye. Thankfully, his sunglasses stay on firmly. "Don't you get it? He wasn't you."

Whether or not Snake had realized what he was doing, he'd left Kaz with another scar, another piece missing. Maybe it's not as visible as his empty sleeve or peg leg, but he feels it every goddamn day.

[camouflage]

He wasn't you.

John was not the brightest crayon in the box when it came to interpersonal relationships that involved him. He knew it, everyone who had ever known him knew it and had constantly pointed out how dense he was. Hell, he hadn't realized Eva's intentions regarding him until she was in his lap, kissing him like her life depended on it.

Which, it kind of had. Bad example.

But even someone as oblivious as Big Boss had to stop and question that kind of statement. What did it matter if it wasn't him? After all, Kaz was throwing around how much better Venom was compared to him. He doubted Venom argued much when it came to Kaz telling him how Diamond Dogs should be run, anyway. That's how he had been programmed; to allow Kaz to guide him a little more. Where as during the days of MSF, he and Miller had gotten into the occassional disagreement (read: fist fight) about how things should go.

"I don't..." Know what I should say. What I should do. Words have never been John's strong-suit, anyway. That phrase just kept running through his head, like it was important but he just couldn't understand why. So, the soldier sighs, more of a soft huff, unsure what the next step should be. "We shouldn't... This isn't important right now. We should get you settled." He knows he'll catch flak for brushing off the conversation, but Kaz does need to get a roof over his head. Maybe he'll see reason.

[vendetta]

Particularly toward the beginning, Venom had let Miller and Ocelot run the show, listening to their guidance or picking between their arguments about various issues. Kaz can't help but feel like he'd lost the majority of those fights, but that's also because over time Venom had come into his own, found his moral center and then kept to it fiercely. He'd spared Quiet and even worked alongside her; he'd banished Huey instead of giving him the death he deserved...

But somewhere along the way, Kaz had come to respect Venom too. He wasn't the true Big Boss, but he'd managed to fill those shoes all the same, which hadn't been an easy task. Granted, it had helped that Venom had bought into the lie. He'd been used by all of them, in the end.

Far be it from Snake to actually face any sort of outpouring of emotion head-on. He has no idea how to do that, and so he shies away from it instead. Kaz could push further, but at this point he knows that it would fall on deaf ears, that he'll never be able to get through that thick skull.

"Settled," he echoes, taking another look around them as his surroundings come into focus once again. His vision isn't completely clouded by the man in front of him now, although it's not like anything has been forgiven. "What is this place?" he asks, with a tinge of weariness. Obviously Snake hadn't known Miller would be brought here, so it could be that both of them are captives.

[camouflage]

There's a visible relaxation in his shoulders, like John had been squaring up for a blow. It doesn't come, which is more surprising than not, but he's going to inquire. For now, the conversation is drawn away from the subject of them and steered to more immediate troubles. Generally, he would put a pin in it, try and broach the subject again later, but right now, he's not sure he ever wants to revisit this.

"Besides the obvious? No one really knows yet. It's a dead city, undedground, in a cave. Any former residents and info on them is gone." John's done some intel gathering, even tried the library (which, he thinks, might be the second time he's ever been in one). When that had turned nothing up, he had turned to his message on the network, hoping someone else might know something. Dead ends, all of them. They were all in the dark together. "We're on our own down here, scrounging and surviving. Kind of like MSF's first days, but less weapons and better shelters."

[vendetta]

A dead, abandoned city, deep underground. Kaz tilts his head up toward the rocky ceiling and lets out a breath. For all they know, they're trapped in here like rats and no one has a clue about what happened to them. If there's no way to find this place from the surface...

Really, this conversation might have been able to carry on without any further issues if it hadn't been for Snake bringing up MSF's early days. Kaz's head snaps back down so that he can shoot Snake a glare, one that can probably be felt even through his aviators. The less that they talk about their shared history, the better.

(Thinking back to that time only aches now, instills him with the sort of nostalgia that makes his missing leg and arm tingle.)

"Is there any clue for what continent we're on? Have you been able to get any transmissions out?" It sounds like Snake has a big pile of nothing, which isn't like him. Kaz could insist that Snake's not nearly as productive without him, but that probably isn't true; just another bitter afterthought for him to chew on.

[camouflage]

If that glare gets to Big Boss, he doesn't show it. Not that it did, anyway, even though he can very much feel the weight of it. Miller can glare at him all he wants, but they did share history and no amount of seething is going to make that fact go away. John realizes that Kaz must still be feeling sore about the old company, that maybe talking about it is just putting salt in festering wounds. After all why would a soldier, an battalion XO of all people, go around on a crutch and let that coat sleeve flap around like a banner of pride?

Because that person was Kazuhira Miller, full of fire and passionate about everything he did. Boss knew without a doubt that Kaz could've had prosthetics made for him, but must have refused them in a fit of emotional outburst. In remembrance.

John knew that right now wasn't a good time (might never be), but he wanted to grab the man and tell him to straighten up. It was time to get over it. John, after all, had spent nine years trapped in the nightmare of MSF's downfall. Sometimes the exact memory of it, the fire and smoke in the helicopter assaulting all of his senses. Sometimes a different iteration; both of them going down with their proverbial ship, watching Kaz die, feeling himself die. The horrible reality of what had happened would always haunt him, but at least talking about the better parts of 1974 helped.

"Continent?" John has the audacity to crack a smirk at the question. Not because he believes Kaz is being ridiculous, but because the situation continues to be ridiculous. "We've got bigger problems than that. Namely the people who brought us here. They're calling themselves gods."

[vendetta]

Somehow, Kaz can tell that the smirk isn't really at his expense, even if there is still the sense that he's missing out on some joke. Saying that they've got bigger problems is essentially a way of evading the question, which Kaz is going to take to mean that Snake hasn't been able to get any messages to the outside. They're on their own.

But are they in this together, or not? Kaz can't just crawl back to Snake as if nothing happened, it would go against every conviction he'd made since Venom showed up. But there's nothing wrong with getting some basic information out of him, is there?

"Gods," he echoes with a frown. With the kinds of lives they've led, he's pretty sure both he and Snake alike gave up on the idea of a higher power a long time ago. His mother had impressed on him the tenets of Shintoism, but none of it had really stuck, at least not on a deeper level. "Sounds like they've just got huge egos." Like someone else he knows.

Now that he's caught his breath, Kaz starts to walk, managing a decent pace despite the fact that he has to use the cane. He isn't heading in any specific direction other than away from the coliseum, but he figures Snake will speak up if he's unknowingly leading them into another trap. At this point he wants to get a lay of the land. "What do they want with us?" he asks, keeping his gaze focused forward. It's easier than continuing to look at that face, that's for sure.

[camouflage]

"An understatement." Although the two of them have managed to pull a few things off, John wouldn't go so far as to feel cowed by their phenominal power. Surprised, maybe, but his life had introduced him to a number of people who could be considered 'gods'. Volgin and his inexplicable ability to call up the forces of lighting stuck out the most in his mind, with the Cobra Unit ranking a close second.

Pulling a clinic out of one's ass, immediate though it had been, was not enough for Big Boss to acknowledge Hope and Fear as anything but crafty.

Any other thought he might've had about Hope and Fear was interrupted when Kaz began to hobble away. Well, hobble was insulting. Despite his handicaps and the ringer he had been through today, Kaz still walks with an air of authority. Authority and the aura of a rattlesnake ready to strike. John follows along right beside him, not faltering for a second, and matches his pace easily. It's hard to stay in-step with a man who doesn't have a real leg, but at least Big Boss manages not to walk ahead of him. "I may not have any intel on how to leave, but I have enough to keep you alive around here." Despite his simplification when he had initially answered Kaz's question, getting into the grove of this place was actually quite the info dump. "Let's find a safer area. I'll tell you whatever you want to know."

[vendetta]

At this point Kaz has had plenty of practice walking with his artificial leg. It may be obvious just by looking at him that he's lost pieces of himself, he doesn't walk like he's some kind of invalid. There's no way he would have been able to inspire any kind of loyalty from the members of Diamond Dogs if he'd looked weak. Even in those moments when he'd lost his balance and ended up on the floor, none of them had dared to laugh. They'd simply helped him up without a word, or left it for Venom to do.

It's hard for Kaz to admit, but he does appreciate the way that Snake keeps with his pace instead of trying to march ahead of him. That's what had made their partnership work out as well as it had. They'd functioned as a unit, each of them with their own roles to play, and Snake had treated him as an equally important part of MSF. They'd built it together, and they'd lost it together.

They were supposed to have gotten revenge for it together too, so in the end this still feels like it's too little, too late.

There's an implication in Snake's words that he'd prefer that Kaz remain alive. If only he'd known how to show that back home. Holding back a scoff, Miller nods, focusing on his practical need for information rather than the wounds festering under the surface. "All right, let's go."

So they walk, shoulder-to-shoulder.