Admittedly, John couldn't argue that Kaz was wrong. It wasn't so much that he wanted his friend to forgive him, he understood why Miller would be adverse to doing so. It was more like he wanted Kaz to move past what happened, if only so they could work together again. To him, those two things weren't mutually exclusive, although he was unsure how to explain. Maybe it was because of the lifestyle he had been leading since he was 15. John was no stranger to burying thoughts or memories so deep in himself they'd never see the light of day if it was for the good of the mission.
"If you want to hate me, that's your choice," he concedes. Most people might try to extend more of an invitation to work on patching up a relationship. They might ask what they can do to have forgiveness one day. Big Boss doesn't.
Instead, he breathes out smoke, a heavy sigh, like he's gearing up for something. It's obvious the gears are turning in his head, thinking of some way to explain how he feels about this rift between them. With the fire at its peak, the room warm, John removes his BDU top before he continues and pushes the sleeves of the sweatshirt up his forearms. Leans back on one arm, relaxing. "I don't know how much you know about my...clones, but it was the reason I finally burned my bridge with Zero. There was a woman Ocelot and I were working with named Eva. I thought we were friends, but who really knows? Anyway, she went behind my back and volunteered to be the mother for Zero's experiments. When I found out..." The end of his cigar glows bright red as he draws in deep and releases. He still gets angry thinking about it. "I think that's the only time I've ever been that angry. We weren't friends anymore after that. She wanted me to be something I never could and abused my trust. I didn't talk to her again until after she sent me those tapes that you gave me.
The point is, we ended up working together again after that. We were never more than just two spies sharing information, but we got over our hurt feelings. We were a stronger force together than apart." The cigar is nearing its end, only just a short stub at that point. He enjoys one last pull before flicking the stub into the fire. John fixes Kaz with a heavy gaze, betraying nothing except curiosity. "What I'm saying, Kazuhira, is level a gun to my head and think about blowing my brains out all you want. Just don't pull the trigger. Not until we finish what we started."
no subject
"If you want to hate me, that's your choice," he concedes. Most people might try to extend more of an invitation to work on patching up a relationship. They might ask what they can do to have forgiveness one day. Big Boss doesn't.
Instead, he breathes out smoke, a heavy sigh, like he's gearing up for something. It's obvious the gears are turning in his head, thinking of some way to explain how he feels about this rift between them. With the fire at its peak, the room warm, John removes his BDU top before he continues and pushes the sleeves of the sweatshirt up his forearms. Leans back on one arm, relaxing. "I don't know how much you know about my...clones, but it was the reason I finally burned my bridge with Zero. There was a woman Ocelot and I were working with named Eva. I thought we were friends, but who really knows? Anyway, she went behind my back and volunteered to be the mother for Zero's experiments. When I found out..." The end of his cigar glows bright red as he draws in deep and releases. He still gets angry thinking about it. "I think that's the only time I've ever been that angry. We weren't friends anymore after that. She wanted me to be something I never could and abused my trust. I didn't talk to her again until after she sent me those tapes that you gave me.
The point is, we ended up working together again after that. We were never more than just two spies sharing information, but we got over our hurt feelings. We were a stronger force together than apart." The cigar is nearing its end, only just a short stub at that point. He enjoys one last pull before flicking the stub into the fire. John fixes Kaz with a heavy gaze, betraying nothing except curiosity. "What I'm saying, Kazuhira, is level a gun to my head and think about blowing my brains out all you want. Just don't pull the trigger. Not until we finish what we started."