death ain't nothin but a heart beat away (closed)

[camouflage]

Who: boss & kaz
What: keeping people who hate you from dying of hypothermia: a guide
Where: kaz's place
When: during red snow
Warnings: boss' general callousness and kaz's general rage (edit: now with an extra spicy helping of torture talk)

It was surprisingly easy to give Miller his space after their argument (well, more like Kaz telling him to go to Hell, but details). While John had managed to secure enough supplies that he wouldn't struggle, the situation was still hardly what one would call comfortable. Even someone like him, who was used to sleeping on the hard ground and eating shit, military rations. He still had a lot on his plate to deal with day-to-day.

Of course, while John had stayed out of sight and didn't try to carry a conversation, that didn't mean his (former?) friend was completely out of mind. Kaz didn't want to see him? Not a problem for a man that had spent most of his life living in the shadows. He had managed to find out where he was living, made sure he was able to survive on his own. Kaz was extremely capable, enough so that John was confident in the man's abilities even sans two limbs. Still, though, this was a situation a little out of their depths, Kaz even more so. After all, the man had never been thrown into the middle of a jungle with bare-minimum supplies and been told to survive. Big Boss wasn't going to proverbially hold Miller's hand in this situation, especially when it was so unwanted, but that didn't mean he was going to let the man suffer.

Then it snowed and the cave froze over.

So there John is, at Kaz's door, totally not about to engage in proverbial hand-holding, with supplies to start a fire. He knocks after a moment of thought, deciding that it would probably make his old friend more agreeable if he doesn't just barge in. Room 101; hopefully what's in there isn't the worst thing in the world.

Comments

[vendetta]

As much as Kaz would like to argue that there should have been some other alternative, some option where Venom didn't have to die and where he and Snake could have still worked together, he realizes that it's not that simple. That clean-cut solutions like that are for fiction, not real life. Maybe Kaz had been used, maybe Venom had been used, but Big Boss had been used too. And it all goes back to Zero.

The man who Kaz had ignorantly tried to work with back before this whole mess.

Stubborn as he is, Kaz can't let it go so easily. His hand slides over his knee and his fingers clench around it for the lack of anything else to hold onto.

"Couldn't you have explained everything to him? Snapped him out of it? There must have been something..."

In the end, though, it always comes down to one thing: Outer Heaven. That's the only thing that Big Boss really cares about, isn't it? Maybe Kaz would have been able to stomach that if he hadn't been forced to make it with someone else. He doesn't have anything against Venom (how could he, when he's the real victim here?), but there's no denying that it isn't the same.

[camouflage]

"Probably," John admits. Could he have found a solution that prevented Kaz from feeling so betrayed, that gave Venom some semblance of a life back? Sure, if he had time. But he didn't. Being in a coma for nine years prevented him for forming any retalition plans, working up countermeasures and consistency plans. Zero fought his battles like he was playing chess, ever the schemer, and if John wasn't actively watching him, he was blindsided every time. And with Skull Face's forces moving the moment John regained consciousness, there was nothing left to do except roll with the punches.

All he could after all was said and done was pick up the pieces. Build everything back up.

John really hated being backed into a corner. "Maybe you think it's just excuses. That I just don't give a shit. But you don't know anything about Zero and how he works. What he did couldn't be fixed in the time I had." As much he would've liked to.

[vendetta]

That's exactly what Kaz thinks (that they're just excuses, that Snake doesn't give a shit), but it's more difficult to uphold that belief when Big Boss has a different story to tell. There's no reason he should trust him, necessarily, but if Kaz thinks back on it, Snake had always been the more honest out of the two of them. He wouldn't be afraid to tell him straight to his face that he didn't care about him.

Which means the alternative is that there's still something there, skewed as it might be.

Going in circles like this is exhausting, and Kaz lets out a deep sigh like he's exhaling his own mouthful of smoke. "Yeah, he made it clear to me just how little I understood about the situation." His hand clenches into the fabric of the carpet as he remembers the condescending way that Zero had set him aside. "You just played right into his hands, though. What's your plan, to play the long game? Try to outmaneuver him?" As it stands, have they really done anything worthwhile to oppose Zero? Maybe Skullface had worked for him at one point, but Kaz gets the feeling that they'd been doing Zero a favor by taking him out.

[camouflage]

There's a part of John that wants to lay everything out, to fit Kaz into his dream like he had nine years ago. It's not like Miller's place didn't technically still exist, but now that the man had made it clear he no longer wanted to be part of whatever John was cooking up, he had to reevaluate everything. Rework what he was supposed to expect. The point was, now that Kaz was no longer with him, John had to bite his tongue against giving him any information.

Maybe he should have told Kaz everything from the beginning. They would've been better prepared; MSF would've been better prepared. But he hadn't, because he couldn't have imagined putting so much trust in a person again. Never mind that he had always felt that bringing up his metaphorical devil would bring the man to their doorstep.

Funny how it still had. "I can't tell you that," Big Boss relents, though the words feel wrong. "If you're so adamant about not following me anymore, then..." The two of them had worked together for only four years, but their bond had been easy and natural. Thinking about the fact that they're done, divided in their paths, is still taking some getting used to. He couldn't imagine what he'd do if Ocelot ever left. "It would be suicide to give you information you could use against me."

[vendetta]

It's true that if Big Boss had told Kaz about Zero from the start he would have handled everything a lot differently. Maybe they could have even prevented the XOF attack, but if he starts getting caught up in what-ifs and should-have-beens, he'll drive himself even more off the reservation than he already has.

Miller isn't particularly surprised by the answer that he gets. Big Boss had been surprisingly open with him (even if he'd still kept his secrets), but that's because they'd gone into business together. MSF had been theirs, a labor of love even if it had been soaked in blood and scorched by the fires of war. It had still been theirs, and it had still meant something.

"Guess I can't blame you there." It's the smart choice, even Kaz can see that. "The real question is why you came out here in the first place." Because he'd been worried, or because he'd wanted to test the waters? The blizzard is only growing more fierce out there, and it's getting darker and darker. Kaz glances to the closest window and lets out a long sigh. At least the fire has put feeling back into his fingers, the ones that are still there. "I'm not sending you back out into that." Apparently, he doesn't hate Big Boss that much. Maybe he should. "So you'll just have to stay in one of the other rooms." He doesn't look at Snake as he says it.

[camouflage]

"Good question." But he doesn't expand on why that's a good question or even bothers to answer it. Why had he come here? Because it had been a natural response. There was a blizzard, he needed to get warm, he had no doubt that Kaz needed to get warm. John tends to not overthink these kinds of things. Besides, Kaz was a lot better inventing reasons for things than Big Boss was, so why not just let him supply his own answer?

God forbid that Miller hear the words 'because I give a shit about you' out of John's mouth.

He lets his eye trail to the window the same way the blond across from him does. The weather is getting pretty bad and it won't be long before it's completely impossible to navigate, even for someone like him. Luckily, the spire he's been holed up in isn't too far and there's plenty of firewood stacked up in his unit. He's thinking about if he'll have enough time to go there and bring some back for Miller when the man tells him not to go back out. Even offers one of the rooms for him to stay in. Now who's the one with unknown intentions?

John begins pulling back on his BDU shirt, slipping his hands back into the winter gloves he had shed after the fire had grown. It's dying down now, slowly, but it won't last for another 10 minutes without more wood and kindling. "Well, luckily, it's not your call, Commander," he replies, no venom to be found anywhere in his words. John heads over to the door to Kaz's bedroom and pulls it open, "I'll be back." He doesn't wait for any comment before he's out the door and back into the storm.

[vendetta]

Acknowledging that Kaz had asked a good question is absolutely not the same as answering it. Does Snake think he's actually being slick when he does that? Miller doesn't know if he should glare at him or roll his eyes, but he purses his lips into a thin line, continually unimpressed.

Then again, if Snake isn't willing to answer, that probably means the response is a complicated one. At least Kaz isn't the only one stuck wrestling with a complex set of emotions.

Then Snake decides to do the exact opposite of what Kaz just said by deciding to head back out into that mess. Is he purposefully trying to be contrary? Kaz could have offered some kind of protest, but 1) he knows that Snake wouldn't listen, and 2) if Snake wants to endanger his life, that's his decision.

Once Big Boss is gone, Kaz grumbles to himself and then grabs the closest item (which turns out to be a pillow), tossing it at the door that Snake just stepped through. "Get yourself killed for all I care," he says to the empty space. With that, he shakes his head to himself and scoots closer to the dying fire.