[There's something off about the room, too. Later, Adam will realize it was the smell - he associates Gansey, and therefore Gansey's room, with mint, and it smells too sweet for that, all wrong. But scent is a difficult thing, a sense that it's very hard to pinpoint anything with, and so in the moment it only becomes one more thing that throws Adam off-kilter.
He goes in, past Ronan, and hesitates for a moment. Is this really something he wants to see? Even if Gansey thinks these things of him, if Ronan doesn't believe it it shouldn't matter, right?
But the look on Ronan's face, the way he didn't meet Adam's eyes. He did believe it, or at least it made him think of Adam differently, and if that's the case - if that's the case, Adam needs to know what Gansey said. What he did that made Gansey think that, made Ronan think that. So he can fix it and be better and never give his friends any reason to doubt him.
That's the reason he goes through with it. That's the reason he kneels down and pulls back the sheet, expecting to see nothing more than a few journals and maybe some dust.
He's frozen instead, his mind blank, eyes wide and staring as he tries to process what he's seeing. It's clear, it's clear in an instant that the Ronan behind him can't be the real one. The real Ronan, his Ronan, is dead, and has been for days.
Adam's mind is blank still. He moves on instinct, the instinct learned from years of living in a personal war zone. He scrambles up, turns, moves to put his back against the wall across from the door, putting as much space between himself and the impostor as possible. He's shaking, he's afraid he's going to throw up or fall apart, but doing that right now could be fatal. He reaches out for Cabeswater instead, a desperate wordless plea, and it doesn't understand but it enfolds him in its embrace anyway.
It doesn't really help. It doesn't change anything. But it keeps him stable enough to deal with this. For now.]
no subject
He goes in, past Ronan, and hesitates for a moment. Is this really something he wants to see? Even if Gansey thinks these things of him, if Ronan doesn't believe it it shouldn't matter, right?
But the look on Ronan's face, the way he didn't meet Adam's eyes. He did believe it, or at least it made him think of Adam differently, and if that's the case - if that's the case, Adam needs to know what Gansey said. What he did that made Gansey think that, made Ronan think that. So he can fix it and be better and never give his friends any reason to doubt him.
That's the reason he goes through with it. That's the reason he kneels down and pulls back the sheet, expecting to see nothing more than a few journals and maybe some dust.
He's frozen instead, his mind blank, eyes wide and staring as he tries to process what he's seeing. It's clear, it's clear in an instant that the Ronan behind him can't be the real one. The real Ronan, his Ronan, is dead, and has been for days.
Adam's mind is blank still. He moves on instinct, the instinct learned from years of living in a personal war zone. He scrambles up, turns, moves to put his back against the wall across from the door, putting as much space between himself and the impostor as possible. He's shaking, he's afraid he's going to throw up or fall apart, but doing that right now could be fatal. He reaches out for Cabeswater instead, a desperate wordless plea, and it doesn't understand but it enfolds him in its embrace anyway.
It doesn't really help. It doesn't change anything. But it keeps him stable enough to deal with this. For now.]
Get away from me.