[He looks like Ronan, he stands like Ronan, his voice has the softness that Ronan's sometimes does when they're alone together. His touch is like Ronan's, careful, as if Adam is something worth touching.
None of it is true, but Adam focuses on these things, even knowing that. If he's going to do this he has to trick himself, he has to make himself believe for just a moment that the thing before him is his Ronan. Otherwise he won't be able to do it, and he knows that. In the back of his mind are Ronan's unseeing eyes, the pallid grey of his skin. The knowledge that this thing touching him right now is what did that.
He locks that thought away as best he can. He focuses on everything that makes him think of Ronan, all the little things that fooled him in the beginning. There's a part of him that feels something like sympathy for this creature who never had a chance, but who wants to feel something real anyway. It isn't so very different than him, in the end. In another situation, maybe Adam would want to try. To help, somehow.
But this thing killed Ronan. There is no forgiveness in Adam's heart for that.
He closes his eyes, just for a moment, and thinks of the man he loves. Then Adam leans in and kisses him, as if he were Ronan, because he is not going to leave any room for argument that it wasn't real, that it wasn't enough. His kiss is as real as he can make it, as real as he can force it to be. It's not real, but it almost could be.]
no subject
None of it is true, but Adam focuses on these things, even knowing that. If he's going to do this he has to trick himself, he has to make himself believe for just a moment that the thing before him is his Ronan. Otherwise he won't be able to do it, and he knows that. In the back of his mind are Ronan's unseeing eyes, the pallid grey of his skin. The knowledge that this thing touching him right now is what did that.
He locks that thought away as best he can. He focuses on everything that makes him think of Ronan, all the little things that fooled him in the beginning. There's a part of him that feels something like sympathy for this creature who never had a chance, but who wants to feel something real anyway. It isn't so very different than him, in the end. In another situation, maybe Adam would want to try. To help, somehow.
But this thing killed Ronan. There is no forgiveness in Adam's heart for that.
He closes his eyes, just for a moment, and thinks of the man he loves. Then Adam leans in and kisses him, as if he were Ronan, because he is not going to leave any room for argument that it wasn't real, that it wasn't enough. His kiss is as real as he can make it, as real as he can force it to be. It's not real, but it almost could be.]