[He drags his eyes away, though it isn't easy. He knows he'll probably be seeing this in his dreams. But even so, the act itself bothers Adam less than the knowledge that it was this easy for him - that he could take a life without real hesitation. Even if this wasn't a real person, it was close enough. And how can he know that it wasn't, really?
He digs the shovel into the ground, working steadily.]
If you had run into it alone, would you have thought it was me?
[It's not a trick question. Adam would rather hear a yes, because that would mean that maybe he did the right thing - that maybe it was what needed to happen. He knows that creature had no good intentions, and if Ronan could have been fooled by it, then he can - well, not rest easy. This won't sit easily with him. But he can hold on to that justification, at the very least.
Of course it would be flattering to think that Ronan would always be able to find the real Adam, but that's not realistic, and Adam isn't sure he'll believe it even if Ronan says so. He isn't sure he'd want to believe it, anyway, because then he might have done something both awful and unnecessary.
It's all right if it's just awful. That seems to be what he's good at.]
no subject
He digs the shovel into the ground, working steadily.]
If you had run into it alone, would you have thought it was me?
[It's not a trick question. Adam would rather hear a yes, because that would mean that maybe he did the right thing - that maybe it was what needed to happen. He knows that creature had no good intentions, and if Ronan could have been fooled by it, then he can - well, not rest easy. This won't sit easily with him. But he can hold on to that justification, at the very least.
Of course it would be flattering to think that Ronan would always be able to find the real Adam, but that's not realistic, and Adam isn't sure he'll believe it even if Ronan says so. He isn't sure he'd want to believe it, anyway, because then he might have done something both awful and unnecessary.
It's all right if it's just awful. That seems to be what he's good at.]