hadriel_logs | Event Log: Dead Ringers

Entry tags:

Event Log: Dead Ringers

Who: Everyone participating in the event!
What: The event log for the Dead Ringers event!
Where: All around the city
When: January 16th-January 25th
Warnings: Evil doubles, so we can assume manipulation, violence, murder, and maybe some nasty words

Everything seems normal on the morning of the 16th - actually, everything seems normal about the city for the entirety of this event. Nothing is strange, nothing is obviously wrong. Well, except that the population has mysteriously doubled, and the new residents each look exactly like one of the old residents. So weird! Definitely not ominous at all.

At least until your new double gets down to business. After all, their only goal is to ruin your life, and that can take any form. Smashing your favorite coffee cup? Telling your worst enemy they're right? Kissing someone else in front of your girlfriend? Brutally murdering you and then hiding your body in a closet so they can more effectively destroy your life? The possibilities are truly endless, and the only way to protect yourself is to kill your double first. They're not really open to negotiation, after all - but they sure might pretend to be in order to trick you.

So watch your back, and try to make sure that really is your best friend and not an evil clone masquerading as them. Boy, that would be awkward. If you can stick it out until January 25th, good for you! But if you didn't manage to and your double survives until the end - well, just as a final 'fuck you', there's a chance you'll come back to life and remember every awful thing your double did. Hey, at least that'll make it easier to fix, right?

► This log covers January 16th-January 25th.
► Feel free to make your own logs, as well
► Please tag headers of threads with content warnings where they apply
► Please put your character's name and open/closed in the subject line of your starters!
► If your evil clone happens to take you out, please let us know here, and remember that you will not revive until the event is over.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[He smiles, because - this is a good sign, isn't it? It means he hasn't ruined things, it means Ronan isn't going to think of him differently forever because of what he did. Adam wants to believe that's the case, that he can redeem himself in Ronan's eyes even if not in his own.

He cares what Ronan thinks about him in a way that he doesn't care for anyone else. People's opinions can sting, but after a lifetime of being looked down on, he doesn't allow them to injure him. Not unless they come from someone he cares about, and he cares about Ronan more than anything.]

I'm sure it's great.

[And that's probably true, because most of Ronan's experiments are... well, edible, at least. Some have even been good.

Adam goes in the kitchen, walking to the stove to take a look.]

Can I help with anything?

[It's the least he can do. He knows he's been gone - it's always been Adam's way to see work as a salvation, a way to push his problems away for awhile. But that's not fair to Ronan.]

[Adam is being sweet. Ronan smiles at him out of the corner of his mouth and wraps his arms around Adam's waist from behind, holding him there for a moment with a soft sigh. He thinks about forcing Adam's hand onto the burner, shoving his head down against the stove, but it's too blatant and would give away the game far too easily.

So he simply holds him tight, resting his chin on the other boy's shoulder.]

I don't think so. You're late- I had time to finish everything.

[He says it innocently enough, but there's a hint of accusation in there- only a little, but enough to be noticeable, enough to incite guilt, he thinks. Either way, Ronan doesn't push the issue and instead pulls back to reach for two bowls and a couple of spoons.]

Cleared out the upstairs rooms, too. There's a lot of useless shit up there.

[He does feel guilty, especially with Ronan's arms around him like that. He shouldn't have let his problems pull him away, he should have gone to Ronan instead, maybe. He knows that Ronan likes having him there, likes their calmly domestic life, and Adam likes it too. He was just afraid, wrapped up in his own issues, and while they're not gone, he knows he should have done better.]

I'll do the dishes after we eat.

[It's the least he can do.]

I guess we haven't really touched those rooms since the others went home. Did you find anything good?

[He hasn't quite had the heart to get rid of Gansey and Henry's things. He's a little surprised that Ronan did - but it has been months. There's just always something else going on, and the kind of energy necessary for that is better spent on other things.]

If you want.

[He shrugs and starts dishing them up, before nonchalantly handing Adam his bowl, turning the oven on low and moving for the dining area. Their table is piled high with random objects as usual, but there's enough space there to sit and eat if they want, and Ronan scoots out a chair and sits down.]

Not really. Gansey's old journal. I shouldn't have read it, just-

[There's a pause, and Ronan glances down toward his food with a slight frown, clearly troubled by what he may have found. It takes him a long few moments to speak again, and when he does, it's quiet as he lifts his eyes toward Adam with an expression that's clearly a little pitying.]

-he didn't know shit about us, after all.

[He takes his bowl to the table and sits, but his attention is on Ronan the moment he mentions Gansey's journal. Adam knows it must have been in his room, but he'd never gone looking - he assume it would contain notes on the cave, the things Gansey learned in his time here. But the way Ronan's looking at him makes him uncomfortable, like there's something else going on.]

What do you mean?

[It's true Gansey and Adam have always had a difficult time understanding each other. And while Adam thinks he's gotten better at it, and Gansey has tried as well, neither of them are perfect - and Gansey has slipped a number of times. He's Adam's best friend, and Adam cares so deeply for him, but Gansey has also said a hundred small hurtful things, there have been a thousand times he's misunderstood Adam. And Adam can't blame him for that, but - they usually work it out. They usually understand each other, eventually.

He doesn't know what Ronan's talking about, but he doesn't like the sound of it.]

[Ronan goes quiet for a moment- he doesn't want to say, but he knows that he's dug himself in a convenient hole now. Adam looks concerned, maybe even a little preemptively hurt, and Ronan fidgets awkwardly with the straps around his wrist before shrugging unhelpfully and turning back to his soup.]

Just... dumb shit.

[Ronan doesn't eat and instead twists the spoon unhelpfully in the bowl, the metal of it clinking softly against the porcelain. He's trying to find a good way to say it, but it's hard and he doesn't want to hurt Adam, but-]

-that I'm the violent one, but you're the one who'd... [He bits his lip, before spitting it out.] -who'd hit first. Because of- you know.

[Ronan swallows hard, before lifting his gaze toward Adam, earnest and insistent and- maybe the tiniest bit fearful.]

He was worried for me. It's stupid. He didn't know anything.

[It feels like a rock in his stomach. He knew Gansey worried about him hurting Ronan, but he had convinced himself that meant Ronan's feelings. That Gansey worried he would treat this like an experiment or a fling, and leave Ronan with a broken heart. Not - not this. Not that he would actually hurt Ronan.

Surely Ronan can't think that's possible? Adam has never, would never do something like that. But maybe he thinks it could happen too. After all, he's seen Adam do awful things. He knows Adam isn't a good person, he knows where Adam comes from.

It's hard to even speak.]

I wouldn't - I would never hurt you. Please, you know that, right?

[He looks at Ronan, almost desperate. He needs to know that Ronan believes he'd never do that, that Ronan trusts him. He never thought Gansey would think of him that way, but Gansey has thought other things of him that weren't true - it hurts, it hurts a lot, but it isn't such an incredible stretch. But Ronan has to know Adam better than that, after everything they've been through together. He has to.]

...yeah.

[He says it, but it sounds hollow, like he's not sure if he really means it, like he's just saying it to make Adam feel better. Ronan shuffles uncomfortably, and if he's going to be what Adam is afraid of then he needs to look like he's thinking about where Adam came from, about his father and the lack of love in his household, and everything else that could lead up to a situation like this.

Ronan shakes his head quickly, like he's getting the thought out of his head, before he tries to right himself, offering a sad smile in Adam's direction before setting his mostly-full bowl aside.]

I can show you, if you want.

[The journal, he means. Upstairs, he means. He's not sure how much longer he can keep up the ruse so it's better to lead Adam to the confrontation before the other boy can really catch on, so that the surprise of it is every bit as fresh and terrifying as it can be.

Still. Ronan shrugs, noncommittal.]

You don't have to. He said some shitty things.

[This feels wrong. But it's too easy for Adam to believe bad things about himself - he's been told them since he was old enough to understand. But would Gansey really think that of him? They've had so many disagreements, but Gansey's also believed in him. They've had distance, but Gansey's also tried to be there when Adam needed him.

If things were just a little different, Adam would have caught on already. If he hadn't spent the last few days struggling with his own darker side and ruthlessness, he would question what Ronan is saying more. It does feel wrong, but he thinks that's because he doesn't want to believe it, not because it isn't true.

He looks down at the table. Of course he doesn't want to know what might have been said about him. He doesn't need to feel worse, not when he's already seen that discomfort in Ronan's face, the shift of his eyes away from Adam. That, too, should have been a sign - Ronan has always trusted him so completely, has never even considered the possibility of Adam hurting him. But after what he saw, doesn't it make sense?]

No. I want to see.

[Better to know, he thinks. Better to get all of it over at once.

In the back of his mind, Adam's suspicions are growing. He's too observant, too logical not to pick up on things as the inconsistencies mount, even if he's primed to believe the worst of himself. But he's not quite there yet.]

[Ronan nods, moving to stand. He's quiet, and it's clear that he feels guilty for even bringing it up, but he had to. Adam has a right to know, even if it destroys him, an Ronan plays the part well enough to convince him of all the terrible things he thought to believe about himself- all of the terrible things that the real Ronan has spent years trying to undo in Adam's mind.

It's not that simple, and it can all come crashing down in a single moment. The double doesn't think he can get to that moment, not without more time than he has, not without enough manipulation and forethought- but he can build up to it and then yank the rug out from under him. That much is possible.

He gets up anyway, reaching for Adam's hand and steering him upstairs, the climb slow and foreboding. Ronan hesitates on a step or two, like he wants to turn back- but he's committed to telling the truth, just like Adam would expect from him, and so he wraps his fingers around the doorknob of Gansey's room, holding tight.]

All his journals are under his bed.

[And Ronan creaks open the door, staying back near the threshold. The room smells oddly sweet, which could just be a Gansey thing, but in actuality is attributed to the flowers stuffed underneath the bed to hide the smell of the decomposing body. The sheets are pulled over, touching the ground, to the point where one would have to tug them aside to see anything behind them.

Once they're pulled away- well. There's no hiding the body of the real Ronan Lynch, laying motionless on the floor and surrounded by blue flowers. His skin is a mottled gray, thin purple veins spiderwebbing around his temples, his still-open eyes, his colorless mouth. He's been dead for days, just lying here, bruised from a fight, with his shoulder at an odd angle and his fingernails ragged, as if clawing at something. There's a ring around his throat that's so dark, it's almost black with the bruise, and that's- that's it, really. He's dead.

The prone, furry form of the real Aspen is laying just behind him and Chainsaw herself is folded and stashed near Ronan's head.

And now, while Adam steps forward to look, the impostor will slip to the side, reaching in the drawer of Gansey's old wardrobe near the door for a gun he'd hidden earlier, which he tucks into his belt.

Just in case.]

[There's something off about the room, too. Later, Adam will realize it was the smell - he associates Gansey, and therefore Gansey's room, with mint, and it smells too sweet for that, all wrong. But scent is a difficult thing, a sense that it's very hard to pinpoint anything with, and so in the moment it only becomes one more thing that throws Adam off-kilter.

He goes in, past Ronan, and hesitates for a moment. Is this really something he wants to see? Even if Gansey thinks these things of him, if Ronan doesn't believe it it shouldn't matter, right?

But the look on Ronan's face, the way he didn't meet Adam's eyes. He did believe it, or at least it made him think of Adam differently, and if that's the case - if that's the case, Adam needs to know what Gansey said. What he did that made Gansey think that, made Ronan think that. So he can fix it and be better and never give his friends any reason to doubt him.

That's the reason he goes through with it. That's the reason he kneels down and pulls back the sheet, expecting to see nothing more than a few journals and maybe some dust.

He's frozen instead, his mind blank, eyes wide and staring as he tries to process what he's seeing. It's clear, it's clear in an instant that the Ronan behind him can't be the real one. The real Ronan, his Ronan, is dead, and has been for days.

Adam's mind is blank still. He moves on instinct, the instinct learned from years of living in a personal war zone. He scrambles up, turns, moves to put his back against the wall across from the door, putting as much space between himself and the impostor as possible. He's shaking, he's afraid he's going to throw up or fall apart, but doing that right now could be fatal. He reaches out for Cabeswater instead, a desperate wordless plea, and it doesn't understand but it enfolds him in its embrace anyway.

It doesn't really help. It doesn't change anything. But it keeps him stable enough to deal with this. For now.]

Get away from me.

[Ronan is still standing in the doorway, barring Adam's escape from the room- it's just the two of them and the bodies under the bed in there now, and Adam is calmer than Ronan would have liked, but he can see that the other boy is shaken to his core, which is good.

It's why the doubles are here anyway, to cause confusion, create fear, generate discord. Adam's entire world is crashing down around him, even if it looks like he's still standing. Ronan can appreciate that kind of strength at least, and he offers Adam a little smile now, more tactful and sinister than any expression that usually makes its way onto Ronan's face.]

You kissed me, you know. [Is what he says in response to Adam suddenly going onto his guard. Ronan leans against the doorway, casual with one shoulder against the frame.] Right after I did it. I don't think his body was even cold yet. I came in from outside, I was breathing hard- do you remember?

[But, the double shrugs, like it's not really a conversation topic worth pursuing. All it does is drive the knife in deeper, if only you'd been smart enough to figure it out, Adam- which is what he wants, really. Still, the clone has Ronan's sense of flippancy in the worst of times and so he diverts from the topic and lifts his eyes back up to Adam, intense and quiet in a way that only Ronan can manage.]

You won't kill me. I don't think you can do anything to me.

[He does remember, and he wants to be sick. He didn't know, he had no way of knowing, and Adam has grown used to and comfortable with casually affectionate gestures like that. He holds Ronan's hand when they walk together sometimes, leans against him when they sit together, kisses him when either of them get home and the other is already there. He didn't even think about it. Why would he have? There were a million reasons Ronan might have been breathing hard, from playing with Aspen to smashing windows to so many other things.

He didn't even think about it. But he should have known, somehow he should have known. He should have been able to look at this creature and know that it wasn't Ronan, that his Ronan was hurt - dead - somewhere. He should have known something was wrong. It's unforgivable that he didn't. He loves Ronan, Ronan is the only person he has ever loved like that.

What's wrong with him, that he didn't know?

His nails dig into the wall behind him. He has to do something or he'll fall apart, but he can't do anything. It's true, he can't do anything to someone who looks exactly like Ronan. He still remembers his hands around Ronan's neck, lashing out, scratching his skin. This isn't Ronan, but he still can't hurt him. It.]

Get out! Get out of here, you sick fuck, this isn't your home.

[His voice is shaking. He doesn't really know what he's saying, he just can't stay silent.]

You don't have the right to even look at me. Get out.

You can't make me.

[He says simply, in the wake of Adam's destroyed voice, of his anger, of his heartbreak. The double looks at him, the intensity of his expression softening into something a bit more curious and he steps forward, lifting an arm up partway, as if he has half a mind to extend it toward Adam.]

What if I stayed here? [He asks a little more innocently this time, but the look in his eyes is far from naive. Adam can't hurt him- he won't, not when he looks like Ronan, not when Adam is so afraid of himself. Ronan's face is an advantage, and it's all that this copy of him needs to completely destroy the other person in the room right now.

He tilts his head, offering a little smile.]

We could pretend. Go downstairs and finish eating... I could crawl in bed with you like he did, do all the things with you that he would do.

[It's an offer, for all that he knows that Adam will vehemently refuse it. The double takes another small step forward- not nearly crossing the room to him, but closing the distance on Adam like the kindest of predators.]

You loved me, just a few minutes ago. You could love me again.

It wasn't you I loved. It's only ever been Ronan.

[With every step Ronan's double takes, Adam's shoulders tense more. He can't hurt something with Ronan's face, not when he's always been so terrified of hurting Ronan, but the idea of this thing touching him - of letting it touch him again - is unacceptable on a very basic level. It turns his stomach to think about it.

He wants to get away, but Chainsaw and Aspen - he can't leave them, not when they could be injured, when something could happen to them. And Ronan's body, he'll have to do something about that too, but his mind flinches away from even the thought of it yet. He knows it's true, he saw the body, he knows what happened, but it's too much.

Ronan's gone, and has been for days, and he had no idea.]

I would never let you touch me.

[His voice is shaking still, he can't seem to steady it. He knows he's only holding himself together by the thinnest of threads, that he could fall apart at any moment, but he doesn't want it to happen in front of this imposter. He doesn't want it to win.]

Hm.

[He's clearly not happy with that answer- as if, for a moment, he really thought that this could have worked, and that Ronan would wake up later knowing of Adam's infidelity. But of course it didn't, Adam is too good for that.

He stops walking there, stilling himself on the middle of the floor and scuffs a shoe against the carpet, thinking about how to take things from here.]

What do you think would hurt him more? [The double asks suddenly, lifting his face up to look back into Adam's own, dangerous and curious and strangely naive, all in one- like it really doesn't know, despite being perfectly aware of Ronan's personality.] I could torture you. Hurt you, like your dad did, without him there to stop me. Or-

[He tips his head to the side, considering.]

-I could just hang around. I could keep you on your toes, so you'd never be really sure that you're looking at him again. I could pretend that I came back from the dead and pull the rug out from under you in a week- a month, a year.

[There's a pause, before the double shrugs, as if asking a genuine question-]

What do you think?

[It sends chills down his spine, seeing Ronan like that, saying those things like they mean nothing. Like none of it matters. Adam is still trying to digest the knowledge that his Ronan, the real Ronan, is dead. That he didn't know.]

I think you can't do either. Cabeswater would protect me.

[He doesn't really know if that's true, but he says it like it is. The question is whether Cabeswater would recognize this Ronan as - well, as Ronan, as the Greywaren, as a creature it loves and also wants to protect. It might protect Adam even so, but he doesn't know. He's still not skilled at using its power for himself, rather than serving it. But he says it like he's certain, because he has to tell himself he is. He can't show weakness to this thing.]

And you - you're not him. I knew something was wrong, I knew it -

[His voice is rising, edging a tiny step closer to hysteria, and he reins himself in, takes a breath. He's not calm. He's disassociating. But on the outside, it looks the same - distant, cold, maybe a little sullen. He feels like a stranger in his own body.]

Now that I know what you are, you won't be able to trick me.

Would it?

[He's not having the effect he wants, and its kind of disappointing. The doppleganger looks crestfallen, if nothing else, at the lack of tears and screaming, and he's not sure what more he can really do. Hurting Adam would indeed hurt Ronan, but it would also be dangerous and cause more suffering than confusion or fear. It's better to keep baiting him into it, letting him imagine scenarios in which the clone can destroy them both.

So Ronan falters for a moment, before drawing ever closer, close enough to touch now. His eyes go soft and he thinks- now that this is almost done, he can go terrorize the other boy who lives here. He can go hurt Ronan's other friends and ruin Ronan in a dozen different ways.

After this. After Adam, who is staring at him, calm and in control, with that sort of cool demeanor that makes the thing respect him, that makes it remember how much Ronan loved him.

In the end, he tilts his head up, his fingers tightening into fists near his sides. When he speaks, his voice is a little softer, maybe- just maybe- the slightest bit shaken by Adam's seemingly immeasurable resolve.]

Kiss me.

[He whispers, intimate now that he's close enough to be. Ronan lifts a hand up to touch the side of Adam's face, gentle, adoring, hushed with emotion.]

Once. And then I'll leave forever. You have my word.

[He flinches back from the double's touch. It's an unconscious movement, instinctive and frightened, but the expression on his face doesn't change. His father always hated this, always thought he was sulking or being petulant, because he simply was incapable of understanding that years of his treatment had molded Adam so that his response to fear is to freeze, try to put himself apart from the situation, try to find a way to think himself out. Say the right thing, do the right thing to keep himself safe.

Collapsing into tears was never an option, though he'll do it once it's safe, once he can let his guard down. Fighting was just as unthinkable, and especially is now, faced with something that looks just like the man he loves.

Kiss me, he says, and Adam's stomach twists at the thought of it. He's kissed this creature before, he knows, when he thought it was Ronan. But the idea of doing it now - the idea of kissing the thing that murdered Ronan, it's almost unthinkable. And he's sure it's only trying to toy with him, trying to get under his skin. It's not like Ronan, it's not an inherently honest person.]

I don't believe you.

[If it's true, will Adam do it? He doesn't know. Maybe it would be worth it, to get this thing away from him, to be safe - or as safe as he can be, knowing it's out there. But that would set it loose on the rest of the city, and Adam fears what consequences that might have.

Could he do it? He doesn't know that either. It looks like Ronan. Right now, it's touching him like Ronan might, its voice is familiar, the soft tones that remind him of Ronan in their bed at night, whispering in his ear. He might be able to pretend. He isn't sure.]

[It looks a little conflicted at that- Adam not believing him when he knows that he would have believed him if he were the original. Adam's trust in Ronan is unshakable, but this copy of him- not so much, apparently. Which is fair, he's lied to him this much already, manipulated and deceived him, caused him so much pain... but something about it is still offensive on some level.

Maybe it's because Ronan- the real Ronan- loves him and the double now has those memories. He doesn't know. What he does know is that Adam is strong and resolute, and there's something steely in his eyes, like ash from a barely-extinguished flame, and Adam doesn't believe him.]

I wouldn't lie about this.

[He finally says- which is stupid, because Adam has no reason to trust him, but it's true. He's not lying for some reason, if Adam gave him this then he really would do what he wanted, go, never come back. There are other things to do out there besides, and he takes another step forward, crowding Adam back against the wall.]

I just want- a little piece of you.

[Ronan loves him, Ronan loves him so much, with an intensity that could raze the world into embers. The double can't comprehend that, it doesn't feel that, but there's a shadow to him that has at least the memory of love, and so he follows its strings like a marionette, transfixed by Adam's posture and the freckles on his cheeks, but created to hurt him instead of love him.

He exhales softly, close enough so that his breath ruffles the ends of Adam's hair.]

Meant for me and not him.

[He wants to believe the double, because it looks like Ronan and moves like Ronan, and he believes Ronan without question. If Ronan asked him to walk through fire - well, Adam would be dubious, but he'd do it, because Ronan has all of his trust. But this isn't Ronan, and so he has to keep himself from falling into that trap.

Is it worth the gamble? Right now, with this thing so close, it feels like it might be. One kiss, and Adam might be safe. One kiss, and he won't have to look at the creature that killed his boyfriend. That isn't too high a price to pay. Adam has principles, certainly, but at heart he is a practical person. If one kiss is the price for safety, he knows it's a price he has to pay.

And then - he doesn't know what. His mind flinches away from the thought of Ronan's body, of taking care of it. Of Aspen and Chainsaw. Of everything that he didn't realize, and that will always be his fault, that will always be something to blame himself for.]

There's no piece of me that isn't meant for him.

[His voice is steady, but distant. Only steady because it is distant, really. It's the only way he can keep himself together, and with every moment he inches closer to falling apart.]

But if you aren't lying - if you'll leave - I'll do it.

[It nods, shoulders slackening as if some small weight has been lifted. Adam said yes- he'd do it, and maybe then, Ronan could figure out why the original boy loved him, why he has so many memories of being willing to do anything for him. Adam would deny him a part of himself, but that's to be expected- they'd still have this, they'd still know.

He'd know that they had a moment, here, in the room with Ronan's corpse, and he'd know what Adam's mouth feels like pressed against his own- his and not Ronan's, not through some kind of proxy. Just the two of them. Just here.

He leans in then, resting his forearm on the wall near Adam's head, not unlike Ronan's pose when they'd kissed after Ronan had given Adam the dream cello. He doesn't move in for it- he'll let Adam decide when to kiss him- but he looks at him expectantly, knowing full well that Adam isn't doing this out of affection.

That's fine, really. This is what the double can get, and so he'll take it.]

I never could have loved you, [he finally says, while Adam is working up his nerve. The double's voice is soft, barely a whisper between them.] I was made to ruin you, and him, and everyone else. I don't want it to be different, but I wish-

[His other hand lifts up, brushing his fingers against Adam's jaw, sliding a thumb delicately across his lower lip.]

-I want to feel it. Just for a second.

[He looks like Ronan, he stands like Ronan, his voice has the softness that Ronan's sometimes does when they're alone together. His touch is like Ronan's, careful, as if Adam is something worth touching.

None of it is true, but Adam focuses on these things, even knowing that. If he's going to do this he has to trick himself, he has to make himself believe for just a moment that the thing before him is his Ronan. Otherwise he won't be able to do it, and he knows that. In the back of his mind are Ronan's unseeing eyes, the pallid grey of his skin. The knowledge that this thing touching him right now is what did that.

He locks that thought away as best he can. He focuses on everything that makes him think of Ronan, all the little things that fooled him in the beginning. There's a part of him that feels something like sympathy for this creature who never had a chance, but who wants to feel something real anyway. It isn't so very different than him, in the end. In another situation, maybe Adam would want to try. To help, somehow.

But this thing killed Ronan. There is no forgiveness in Adam's heart for that.

He closes his eyes, just for a moment, and thinks of the man he loves. Then Adam leans in and kisses him, as if he were Ronan, because he is not going to leave any room for argument that it wasn't real, that it wasn't enough. His kiss is as real as he can make it, as real as he can force it to be. It's not real, but it almost could be.]

[It's gentle. Ronan remembers how to kiss him and he does it kindly, maybe a little tentatively. He's drawing from memory now, how Adam is supposed to feel against him, what he's supposed to do to fool him- it's a hollow imitation, and it's not perfect, but it's what he has.

His fingers rest against Adam's jaw, and he feels- not completed, as he might have hoped, as he remembers feeling, but satisfied. Adam's mouth is warm against his, and Adam knows what he is, but he's still kissing him, which is really, all that he could have asked for. All that he did ask for.

Ronan doesn't make Adam endure it for too long. He pulls back after a moment or two, his gaze unfocused and thoughtful, before he nods, drawing back and away from Adam's body and the wall behind him.]

...alright.

[He nods, the movement a little stunted. He has a purpose, another reason that he was created. It wasn't for this. It wasn't to share soft kisses with this boy, to try and reach for something that he was never meant to have.

He killed the real Ronan and destroyed Adam for it. His job here is done.

It's with that realization and the willingness to honor their agreement that the double slowly pulls the gun out of his waistband and sets it on the top of the dresser as he makes his retreat, shutting the door closed behind him, shutting Adam in the same room as the corpse of the boy who loved him.

Once he's out, he pauses or a moment, bringing his fingers to his lips- but there's nothing, not even the ghost of sensation. Adam kissed him and that was it. It meant nothing to him, where it would have meant everything to the real Ronan. That's fine.

He takes a deep breath and sets out to leave the house. He won't be coming back here again.]

[When the door closes, Adam doesn't fall apart instantly. He knows the impostor is still in the house, can still come back. He doesn't know when he'll be safe - he doesn't know if he'll ever quite feel safe again. He doesn't want to show his weakness, but he can't do anything either.

He remains frozen, back against the wall, skin crawling. His stomach twists, his hands shake. If he moves it will all crumble.

He closes his eyes and reaches for Cabeswater, for comfort or maybe just for some distance from what he's feeling. It doesn't help, but it's the closest he can come to support. Ronan is gone, that thing is out there, and Adam can't do anything about it. He can't hurt something with Ronan's face. He even kissed it, and though it was necessary, he is still disgusted with himself.

Adam doesn't know how long it is before he comes back to himself. He's not any better, he's not stronger, he hasn't healed. He only delayed things. The moment he opens his eyes, the moment he sees Ronan's still body again, he can't hold himself together anymore.

He sinks to the floor, buries his face in his hand. Adam, of course, cries quietly - sobbing would only have angered his father - but he cries hard. There's no thought in in, only emotion and the inability to make himself do anything else. In the back of his mind, there's a whole list of things he needs to do - make sure the double is gone, take care of Ronan's body, put Aspen and Chainsaw somewhere safe until they wake up. If they wake up, if Ronan comes back, if he isn't gone for good. If this cruel copy of him isn't the only thing left to Adam.

But he can't do any of it right now. He can't do anything. All he can do is curl in on himself and grieve.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Event Log: Dead Ringers

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