fracturedbeauty (
fracturedbeauty) wrote in
hadriel_logs2017-01-16 11:20 am
Entry tags:
Warn Your Warmth To Turn Away
Who: Yukari's double and Curufin (closed)
What: Super flirting with the best (potential) friend that Yukari has here
Where: House 1204; Yukari's living quarters
When: January 16
Warnings: Sexual suggestions, will update as needed
Yukari's double has his hands on his Original's phone. It was almost laughably easy, like taking candy from a mute child. With his Original out looking for his 'lost' phone, it was time to set his most devastating plan in motion and text a certain someone. The kind of someone who would be the most devastating to the pretty boy's ego. The one that would make him never want to show his face again after he learnt what happened between them. The most valuable person he has here, if that's what he would like to call it. And that someone is Curufin.
A devilish smirk crosses his face as he sends the message, pocketing the phone, and waiting for the Elf to arrive. He makes sure the place is perfectly tidy, having to only straighten a few things at best. He sets up candles on select stands around the living area, in the places they will give the most ambiance when the lights are dimmed, and lights them carefully. The mood is to be as romantic as possible. He puts fresh Jasmine Potpourri in a decorative jar and sets it on the table in the middle of the room.
When satisfied with the appearance of the room, he goes to the refrigerator, retrieving the best bottle of wine in it - a Blackberry Pinot Noir, something he's certain will please the robust Elf's taste buds. He pours it into two glasses and sets them on the table.
And it would appear not a moment too soon. As the glasses gently click on the wooden surface, he hears the knock on the door. He takes a quick check in a decorative mirror, fussing with his hair just slightly, before he saunters over to the door. He opens it just a crack, smiling coyly at the Elf before him. He leans against the door frame as he opens it more fully.
"Curufin-chan, please come in. Would you like a drink?"
The double gracefully leads the way back in to the abode. As Curufin follows, the double picks up the glasses of wine, turning back to Curufin to offer one of them. Being effeminate is easy, with the way he looks already and with the Original so inclined to beauty and grace. When Curufin accepts the glass of wine, Yukari's fingers trace up from the stem of the glass and move to gently touch along Curufin's collar, the smile never fading from his face. He keeps his gaze level with Curufin's as he speaks.
"You know, Curufin-chan, when we had dinner after you had your concussion... I suppose I should tell you that you were right about something." He takes a sip of his wine, licking his top lip delicately to get the traces of it that remain. "You see, I actually do care about you. But I'm certain you had caught on to that, as brilliant as you are. In fact, it's that intelligence that intrigues me about you the most."
Words that were almost entirely true, but his Original is so used to living in a secluded manner, far displaced from connecting on any emotional level with people, he probably doesn't even realise it's actually caring and not just the amusement of the intellectual battles. And if he is aware of it, then it's certainly never something he would admit out loud in a million years. Confessions of any emotional attachment he has are very vague at best, and he never delves into details of it.
Gently, the double sets his wine glass on the table, hardly turning the attention away from his target. He moves in closer to the Elf, leaving barely a hair's breadth of distance between them. He bites his own bottom lip gently, as if being slightly nervous at what he's about to ask next.
"I was wondering... Curufin-chan. Do you perhaps care for me as well?"
His smile still coy, and perhaps slightly shy. He looks eagerly into Curufin's eyes, anticipating an answer.
What: Super flirting with the best (potential) friend that Yukari has here
Where: House 1204; Yukari's living quarters
When: January 16
Warnings: Sexual suggestions, will update as needed
Yukari's double has his hands on his Original's phone. It was almost laughably easy, like taking candy from a mute child. With his Original out looking for his 'lost' phone, it was time to set his most devastating plan in motion and text a certain someone. The kind of someone who would be the most devastating to the pretty boy's ego. The one that would make him never want to show his face again after he learnt what happened between them. The most valuable person he has here, if that's what he would like to call it. And that someone is Curufin.
Hey, Curufin-chan, could you come over to my place? I'd like to cash in that favour.
A devilish smirk crosses his face as he sends the message, pocketing the phone, and waiting for the Elf to arrive. He makes sure the place is perfectly tidy, having to only straighten a few things at best. He sets up candles on select stands around the living area, in the places they will give the most ambiance when the lights are dimmed, and lights them carefully. The mood is to be as romantic as possible. He puts fresh Jasmine Potpourri in a decorative jar and sets it on the table in the middle of the room.
When satisfied with the appearance of the room, he goes to the refrigerator, retrieving the best bottle of wine in it - a Blackberry Pinot Noir, something he's certain will please the robust Elf's taste buds. He pours it into two glasses and sets them on the table.
And it would appear not a moment too soon. As the glasses gently click on the wooden surface, he hears the knock on the door. He takes a quick check in a decorative mirror, fussing with his hair just slightly, before he saunters over to the door. He opens it just a crack, smiling coyly at the Elf before him. He leans against the door frame as he opens it more fully.
"Curufin-chan, please come in. Would you like a drink?"
The double gracefully leads the way back in to the abode. As Curufin follows, the double picks up the glasses of wine, turning back to Curufin to offer one of them. Being effeminate is easy, with the way he looks already and with the Original so inclined to beauty and grace. When Curufin accepts the glass of wine, Yukari's fingers trace up from the stem of the glass and move to gently touch along Curufin's collar, the smile never fading from his face. He keeps his gaze level with Curufin's as he speaks.
"You know, Curufin-chan, when we had dinner after you had your concussion... I suppose I should tell you that you were right about something." He takes a sip of his wine, licking his top lip delicately to get the traces of it that remain. "You see, I actually do care about you. But I'm certain you had caught on to that, as brilliant as you are. In fact, it's that intelligence that intrigues me about you the most."
Words that were almost entirely true, but his Original is so used to living in a secluded manner, far displaced from connecting on any emotional level with people, he probably doesn't even realise it's actually caring and not just the amusement of the intellectual battles. And if he is aware of it, then it's certainly never something he would admit out loud in a million years. Confessions of any emotional attachment he has are very vague at best, and he never delves into details of it.
Gently, the double sets his wine glass on the table, hardly turning the attention away from his target. He moves in closer to the Elf, leaving barely a hair's breadth of distance between them. He bites his own bottom lip gently, as if being slightly nervous at what he's about to ask next.
"I was wondering... Curufin-chan. Do you perhaps care for me as well?"
His smile still coy, and perhaps slightly shy. He looks eagerly into Curufin's eyes, anticipating an answer.

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Favor? Oh, THAT favor! All right, I'll be right over.
Note that he doesn't make any promises. Never mind the fact that he did make a promise, almost a month ago when Yukari had taken Curufin to the clinic to get his head concussion seen to. (The unfortunate result of swimming into a stone wall during the illusionary Hadriel-as-tropical-island event.) And then he took Curufin back to his house and cooked dinner for him. (A man who cooks. What could be better?)
He slings his weapons over his shoulder, since he is never without them. This is Hadriel, where you never know what you might meet while innocently crossing a street. He trots across the great open road-twined field between Delight's housing and the centrally located regular houses. To number 1204.
He knocks and is let in -- after Yukari makes a point of leaning on the doorframe to advertise his grace and attractiveness. And Yukari offers him a glass of wine when they are inside, and Curufin accepts.
Uh-oh. Those fingers on his collar. Two guesses as to what that FAVOR is going to entail.
He is more than a little surprised at the question, though. He is expecting something rather more unromantic.
"Care for you?" He blinks. "Not that I'm criticizing, but didn't you just regale me with tons of rhetoric to prove that where other human beings are concerned, you don't indulge in caring? That beauty is all very well, but not love?" There is no unkindness in his voice, only puzzlement.
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(Favour-bait, ooh-ha-ha.) Of course, the purpose of this favour was just to lure him here, the rest has to be Curufin's decision to pursue. Forcing the Elf into a sexual situation would be almost counterproductive for what the double has in mind. Curufin seeing Yukari as an opportunistic rapist would be easy enough, but that only really affects Yukari in the aftermath. He wants to bring this Elf down with him, to a land of confusion and questions when the Original suddenly jerks away. Confusion and fear for Yukari when Curufin suddenly reaches for him. And everything that would occur in between.
As long as the Original didn't discover his Double, he could watch the whole thing fall into a chaotic mess. He almost wishes he had the popcorn already. Imagining Yukari slapping Curufin for kissing him was pure gold in his mind.
And with Curufin's reaction, he can already tell he's well on his way to succeeding in what he desires. The double hangs his head a little, doing his best to look a little dismayed, his tone a little softer.
"Well, I had... but that was only because I was uncertain. I only pushed away because I'm not used to someone like you, who's always watching, being considerate, and accepts that I'm one savours war, even shares in it. I'm so used to always having to be on my guard around others. I couldn't have been honest then, that's all."
More words that are, honestly, fairly true to the Original's feelings. Yukari has an intense liking for Curufin, he just doesn't know how to handle someone like him when he's used to being surrounded by people who despise him for his ideals. Finding someone who endures you despite the monster you are, and joyfully accept being, is rare.
He traces his fingers down from the collar and stops his fingertips on Curufin's chest, keeping his gaze focused where his fingers lie.
"If it put you off, of course I'll understand."
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It's a good thing the double hasn't chosen to be purely importunate, to attempt to force Curufin. He would only get a fist in the face. Curufin is a blacksmith, amongst other things; he has fists of iron. The double's best chance is to continue on the path he's chosen, offering those seemingly honest thoughts, leaving it up to Curufin to interpret and to make a choice.
Those fingers resting lightly on his chest are a fairly good argument, though.
"It's not exactly that I'm put off. I'm just surprised. You've always seemed so certain of your beliefs, and I had gotten used to you as I assumed you were. But perhaps we should sit down and drink our wine? I'd like to hear more of this. . . honesty."
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"Yes, of course." He gives a soft sigh as he motions toward the sofa. "Please have a seat."
Yukari sits beside him, keeping himself leaning against the arm, instead of pushing himself closer to Curufin. This way, he can better observe the man as well as make it look like he's not desperate to be in the Elf's arms. Too much encouragement will seem completely out of character from the Original. You reel them in, then pull away to give them time to think about how much they want your presence beside them. Even if clingy wouldn't have blown his guise, it's certainly an unattractive trait in most people, and especially in a gentleman.
He continues to bite his lip in thought, as if nervous about the whole prospect of opening up his entirety of feelings to the Elf. After all, he still has the chance to be rejected. This is what it's supposed to mean by being vulnerable, right? He stares down at the wine in his cup, playing idly with a curl, making his voice sound level and cool.
"I'm... rather new to this. You're going to have to tell me what you want to know." An uncomfortable manner of confession, admitting that he doesn't know how to do something. But he's never done the confessing before, or been confessed to. And it's not like he reads romance stories that make your heart go doki-doki. So, it's certainly another honest admittance. The double figures the more honest and true he is to his Original's feelings, the more likely it will be that he can seduce the Elf. Just pucker up and close your eyes for me, babe.
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He does like Yukari, that is definite! He has had the thought that this might develop into something more than friendship, but he is cautious. He has suffered in the past from letting his physical and emotional needs override his reservations, and he hopes not to ruin a very nice friendship by jumping the gun.
And yet, there is something very appealing about this Yukari who is hesitant, even shy. Curufin respects his attempt to reveal this side of himself, and he is touched by the trust this implies.
"If you are new to this, then so am I. I don't often let people know exactly what I am feeling. I think it is admirable that you are choosing to chart new territory." He speaks gently, meaning to calm any fear that Yukari might have about having chosen to speak.
"Since you have been so forthright, I guess I should at least admit that I like you very much, Yukari! And as for what I might want to know? -- well, you could start by telling me how long you've been thinking of telling me this?"
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Wouldn't that be fun?
Yukari can't help but blush a bit at the question. He turns his gaze away, as if to hide the sudden reddening in his face. He fidgets a bit with the edge of his glass.
"Well... for a little while, now..." Certainly not at the beginning. The destruction of the Colosseum pulled in his attentions alot, seeing just how chaotic Curufin can be. And perhaps caring for Curufin at supper that night would be the point where he really gave it some thought. While the Elf certainly wasn't defenseless, feeling needed and seen in a gentle light had certainly lead him to question what his own feelings were. "It just sort of... grew over time. Being able to see all these sides of you, the way you talk and carry yourself... And it's like... we understand each other. Better than I've ever felt understood..."
He sips his wine again, looking flushed as he keeps the glass close to his own face. "I suppose that sounds... unusual from someone like me." He rests his chin in his hand, keeping his gaze low.
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Curufin contemplates this diffident Yukari. He's really rather sweet, to use the modern phrase. It rather compliments the glassy beauty; the chilly intelligence; the sharp awareness of and curiosity about others' points of view; the vast energy that goes into making his ideals manifest in his life and actions. Why not this vulnerability, this evidence of an emotional nature that longs for connection? -- it gives him three-dimensionality, if this too is a part of his character. And Curufin appreciates complexity.
"We do understand each other, don't we?" he says. "And I particularly like it, that you feel understood." There is warmth and kindness in his gaze.
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He can't help but wonder, if the Original were here now, to see all of this confessing, how would he react to Curufin right now? If he had even made it this far to even be able to tell the Elf such feelings? He'd probably feel extremely vulnerable and uncertain, trying to make the decision to make a run for it and hide himself in another room, or to stay and try to endure the heavy pounding of his heart. The mutual confession would be almost terrifying to him, unsure what to do next. He'd certainly have never dreamt of getting this far, much less imagined what would lie beyond it.
He almost second guesses if he's really causing harm to these two or doing them a favour. Getting the feelings out there that would have otherwise never been said. What would Curufin had done without the confession before him now? He's not sure if he respects Yukari's space enough to have kept his distance, or if he would have eventually confessed on his own. Not that it matters. He's not here to encourage their relationship. If anything, he wants to see it fall to pieces.
The double moves himself to set his glass on the end table behind the sofa's arm, then turns back to Curufin, leaning forward slightly in his seat.
"Looking at you, and being able to talk with you, Curufin-chan.... I guess... it makes me happy..." He gives a smile. "Even if I'm always saying otherwise."
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It really is a tossup whether the double is harming or doing Yukari and Curufin a favor! Curufin is 99% convinced that what he's seeing and hearing is reality. (Thus, when he meets the real Yukari again, what will be the effect of all this warmth? Who knows?)
Curufin watches him with his dark, lucent gaze as the double moves to abandon the glass and let Curufn know he has his complete attention.
"Oh, don't worry about always saying the opposite! I'm savvy enough to know you protect yourself by being astringent." He gives him a small grin. But for the moment, he doesn't move forward to close the gap. He is waiting for his own intuition to give him a sign.
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In fact, he couldn't remember the last time he had that much fun. Sure, he could enjoy himself. But there was something particularly thrilling about the things Curufin would do. Being second fiddle instead of head honcho was just the way Yukari behaved normally. But, doing it under Curufin, he always wanted to see what would happen next. If Curufin were a King in his home world, he would certainly want to see what would occur when his decisions and dreams came to full fruition. You could never be entirely certain with Curufin's ideas. That little bit of being unpredictable, it was always interesting.
He becomes intensely aware of Curufin's eyes on him. He's interested, so why hasn't the Elf made a move, yet? He has to remind himself to be just a little more patient. Going from icy and distant to attempts of openness and confession would probably be jarring for anyone.
Yukari takes a visibly deep breath, holding it in, uncertain of what to say next. Where his Original would have probably gotten embarrassed and completely clammed up or gotten defensive, he thinks... actually, maybe remaining completely true to the Original this time might tip the scales over at last.
He swallows nervously, clenching his hands softly, running his thumbs over his forefingers. He looks down a little, at Curufin's hands. Considering Curufin's expertise in the more physical activities, he knows they are much stronger than his own. The way he bragged of them being like steel. Would they be gentle or firm if they held Yukari's? The Original wouldn't be brave enough to make that move.
He opens his mouth to speak, but instead it just silently hangs open, struggling to just spit out what he wishes to say.
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So he considers Yukari again, and thinks, It can't hurt to take his hand. Friends do that. Yukari is certainly hinting that he would like that, with his glance traveling shyly from Curufin's hands to his own. Hint, hint.
And Curufin reaches out and takes one of those hands, interrupting the nervous gestures of Yukari's sensitive fingers. Curufin's hands are slender but very strong, as the double has guessed they might be. Firm but gentle -- both.
"What?" he asks, softly, since it is obvious Yukari has something else to say. "I don't think I've ever before seen you at a loss for words."
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"I just... I haven't said it up front, have I..." He's only alluded to it, with caring and indicative behaviour. He takes another deep breath, looking back up to meet Curufin's eyes. His gaze is soft as he prepares for this next step. "Curufin-chan, I... I think I might just love you."
There, he said it. Uncertain as one would be who's never felt that deeply for someone before, but still strong enough to show he means what he says. The other foot has dropped. If this doesn't work, he's certain nothing else will.
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And he looks into those expressive violet eyes with their soft glow, and he is moved by the gentleness, the diffidence, the air of vulnerability. Yukari's confession had obviously taken a great deal of courage. War is easy. Love is difficult.
"Are you sure about that?" he asks, softly.
I'm such a terrible child and I am not sorry.
Cautiously, he slides himself forward, setting up on his knees. With his free hand, he lifts it, hesitating a little, before setting it gently on Curufin's arm. He closes the distance between them by leaning in closer, leaving just enough space to give Curufin the say so to meet him by the last two inches. Inwardly, the Double complains about how his Original would never be bold enough to make the first move for a kiss.
But outwardly, he's trembling just slightly, in anticipation and vulnerability. That's it, there's no going back now, right? He swallows nervously, just ghosting his teeth over his bottom lip as he nods delicately.
"I am, Curufin-chan... I... I couldn't be more certain of something I feel this intensely..."
Never be sorry!!!
What should he do? He likes Yukari; he has from the start. And yes, he's beginning to feel attracted. And he has a new respect for him; it is not easy to make oneself vulnerable in this fashion, and yet Yukari is choosing to assume the risk. It does not seem quite fair to let him go out on a limb alone.
It would be so easy to take what is being offered. And yet, if he does. . .
He speaks softly, "Yukari, you are a brave man."
And he lifts a hand to lay it gently on his friend's face, his fingers light and tender. With this new awareness of his friend's vulnerability comes responsibility. He hesitates still, his eyes soft and dark, looking into those violet eyes that sparkle with fear and desire.
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"Am I, now?" He lets out a soft, warm chuckle.
He gently nuzzles into Curufin's hand, closing his eyes softly. Their softness is both surprising and remarkable, for one who works in metals and explosives. The Double has to allow himself to think clearly. Why is the Elf hesitating? If he can figure that out, then the rest should be easy to turn the odds in his favour. He remembers for the moment how the Original has tried several times to turn the manipulation against him and failed. He did, indeed, have yet to find that delightful weakness. And yet, thus far, he has gotten an almost proper confession from Curufin. He is not impenetrable, after all. He's just got to find that metaphorical arm and twist it. He's this close; damn if his efforts will be in vain. He needs to crush the Original.
If the Elf respects him, he may just be waiting for Yukari to finish bridging that gap. Uncertainty like Curufin's is a sign of deep hurt. He could be afraid to bridge that gap in fear of a mistake or misreading the signs. But mostly because he's afraid of being left if he allows himself to be taken completely in. If he's afraid of Yukari... No, that doesn't quite make sense, does it? Curufin is a strong, honourable sort of man. He wouldn't let things get this far if he was simply afraid of Yukari. He would have kept his distance and walked out at any time. If he's stayed and even allowed himself to touch and embrace Yukari, it surely must be his own insecurities standing atop of his respect for the boy before him that cause him to hesitate.
That's all he needed to know. If he wants this done right, he's going to have to do it himself.
He blinks his eyes gently, leaning up delicately. The hand on Curufin's arm grips softly as he leans in, closing his eyes again before going the rest of the way to meet Curufin's lips with his own.
This will either go exactly as planned, or the Elf will pull away and reject the notion. Either way, at this point, the contact was made. There's no turning back. Whatever Curufin thinks and feels now will shape the rest of the experience.
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But he smiles when Yukari nuzzles the hand that is touching his face. Yukari's cheek is smooth and warm, and his lips are firm and soft, and most pleasing to the touch. "Yes, you are brave now, too," he murmurs, with a warmth in his voice that is equal to that in his friend's.
And that's nothing compared to the pleasure of the kiss. Curufin doesn't move back when he sees that kiss coming. He merely tilts his head a little, so that their lips can meet without bumping noses. His own lips move slightly, testing, his mouth sliding just a little against Yukari's as Curufin's lips come together and then apart in the kissing motion.
Then he draws his head back a little and looks into Yukari's eyes again, questioningly.
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He sees the questioning look in the Elf's eyes. For a moment, he muses on his own progress. He got to kiss Curufin, and share something intimately close with the Elf. He basically stole Yukari's first chance and kiss. He got to be the one to feel Curufin's soft hands and lips first, of the two of them. He imagines how much that might tear up the Original even further. He can't help but release a tender, satisfied chuckle for the kiss.
"Something the matter?" he asks gently, reaching up to touch Curufin's face softly with his fingertips, grazing his fingers into the thick waves of the Elf's hair. He leans his body against Curufin's, allowing him to support his weight. He continues to meet Curufin's gaze as he gently toils his fingers through the Elf's locks. Maybe he's doing this just as much for his own feelings as he is to destroy his double at this point. He ended up enjoying that kiss remarkably more than he had thought, and for more reasons than to just abuse the situation.
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He doesn't stop Yukari from virtually climbing into his lap. In fact, he wraps an arm around him. Strange and lovely, to feel his friend leaning against him, to feel his warmth and the gentle weight of his body. And Curufin doesn't object to those slender fingers combing through his hair -- in fact, he closes his eyes for a moment, entranced by that gentle touch. Then he opens them again and smiles into Yukari's eyes.
"No. It's just that there was a time when I would jump at such an opportunity as you're offering me now, without hesitating, without doubts. I was a scoundrel. And now I worry about the other person. You, that is."
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He'll just have to enjoy this and continue to lay down his groundwork to destroy the Original's life. Pity...
Yukari gives another soft chuckle. "Worried about me? For what? You're not that person anymore, so you cannot tear me asunder if I am the one offering myself. I assure you, I am strong enough to handle myself."
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"What makes you think I am not still a scoundrel?" he asks, with an answering grin.
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He knows he can't push too far without sending up red flags, but he is curious, and he reminds himself to be cautious about what he wants compared to how the Original would behave. And with Curufin's concerns on hurting Yukari, the double can't exactly go enhancing more physical, intimate initiations. If he gives himself away, he's fairly certain that could mean a bloody death for himself right here. So, he chooses to remain so delicate, and tilts his head to the side as he kisses Curufin's jawline. He'll just have to take as much as the Elf will allow him to and not an ounce more.
At least, for this moment, he has him, right?
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He looks into those beautiful, intelligent eyes at close range. There is a light in them that fascinates Curufin; it's as though Yukari's soul gleams out from the eyes. As though his consciousness is so large that the body can't quite contain it. The Elves of Curufin's clan often have this quality, but it is not limited to Elves -- he's met mortals who have it, too. As to the quality of that soul: it's a mystery to him; he sees elements of a mischievous being as well as those of a generous one. It is this complexity that draws him.
He lets Yukari kiss his jawline, and he keeps his arm around him, cradling him with it. "You are determined to seduce me, are you?" he says, in a softly humorous tone. But there is no disparagement in his tone.
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As for the seducing...
"Perhaps a little," Yukari chuckles back. "Why? Would that be a bad thing?" Alright, so he might tease the Elf's ear with his tongue just slightly. Just to remind him that he's there and the offer is still on the table if he should choose to take it. No pressure, though. Seduction is an art in and of itself, after all. Even if they just end up teasing each other all night, he'd probably be satisfied.
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He jumps when Yukari tongues his ear. "Trust you to know that an Elvish ear is a sensitive ear." That's an understatement! He shivers.
"I don't honestly know whether it would be a bad thing or a good thing. How would you feel when you woke up the next morning and found your debating partner in your bed? Would you not be chagrined and embarrassed?"
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Yukari pauses to actually give it some honest thought for a moment. How would he feel? It certainly wouldn't bother him in the slightest. But then, he knows he won't be here for long. His Original, though, probably would be a little embarrassed, but not because Curufin is his debating partner.
It would be the prospect of engaging in a relationship at all. While the Double has made it successfully to work out a proper confession, the Original certainly has not anywhere recognised his true feelings. Romantic involvement is a strange land to the man. And even if he were to acknowledge it all up until this point and work his way into the bed with the Elf, the least of his concerns would be that he slept with his debating partner. He would be more worried of what he's expected to do from there. Yukari's not exactly an outwardly touchy-feely type. Kisses and other forms of physical affection would make him awkward and tense. Not because he'd reject the notion, but he just wouldn't know what to do with it, and it would probably cause a few yells of how dare you from him. Relationships are just uncharted territory for him. Embarrassed? Sure, he'd wake up embarrassed. But not from regret in the slightest.
Still, the Double has to raise his eyebrows a little at the way Curufin phrased the question.
"And what if I could promise I wouldn't be embarrassed? That I would be happy. Would you feel the same?"
Curufin's been well on his guard to not step where he might make a mistake. His diligence is almost admirable. He's taking great caution to not hurt someone he considers a dear friend. Still, better to turn his own question onto him. Would Curufin himself wake up with regret upon sleeping with him?
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For it is not only Yukari who has apprehensions about relationships. Curufin has been married, and he has had a few intense love relationships that started as friendships. But that doesn't mean he doesn't know the hazards. There are pitfalls and perils in the way of any two people who think to tread this path, or who end up on it unintentionally. And it is not only the difficulties of intimacy, it is something much more existential. To become a twosome threatens the integrity of the solitary soul, and there is no getting around this. In order to love in this fashion, a person must negotiate that fine line between enough closeness and too much. But more difficult still, the line between you and me, which wavers like the line between ocean and sand, and is no more predictable than that. To weather a love relationship is to embark upon a chaotic course, and it can overthrow even the most determined of lovers. There is much wonder and unparalleled beauty on this path, but also, there is fear that is like no other.
"Could you promise that, Yukari? I know that I could promise I'd be happy to have given you pleasure and experienced the pleasure of being loved. And I'd be pleased you wanted me and felt such affection that you'd be willing to risk the hazards. I'd also be afraid, for the same reasons people always are."
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"I could promise that. But..." he leans down and rests his head on the Elf's chest, laying himself against Curufin and wrapping his arms under his shoulders. For a moment, he listens to his heartbeat. All of his efforts have only yielded this much. He had hoped to get much further with Curufin, but... perhaps he should be grateful he got this far. He's succeeded enough to hurt the one he desired to. But also that he get's to feel this: the warmth of someone he cared much more for than he initially thought of as just a pawn to crumble with it's kingdom when the King fell. He can be satisfied having knowing this much. "I suppose if you're not ready, then this will just be enough for me."
Why not just spend this time he has enjoying something truly beautiful?
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But why does Curufin suddenly feel a wave of sadness along with this tenderness? Is it coming from his own heart?. . . or is he reacting to something, some subtle note in the soft tones of Yukari's voice? Did he hear a suggestion of goodbye? But Curufin is not thinking, only feeling, and he doesn't articulate this thought, not even to himself.
However, he acts intuitively. He shifts a hand to softly stroke Yukari's face, and it is a very loving touch. He lays a light kiss on his friend's forehead, and he speaks. "Yukari?. . . thank you for this evening."
And here is the thought he does not speak aloud, for he is only marginally conscious of it, and his knowledge is incomplete now. But these words he sends, and they are transmitted even now in the delicacy and the gentleness of his touch, and in the dark, soft glow of his eyes the next time he meets those of his friend, and later they will resonate into the night that will swallow up this almost-Yukari:
Go into the darkness from which you came, but take with you this one thing: that for this little time you had my respect, and my love.