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hadriel_logs2017-02-22 09:24 pm
fracturedbeauty) wrote in hadriel_logs2017-02-22 09:24 pm
Entry tags:
Pick Up The Pieces Of My Yesterday Old Thrill.
Who: Curufin and Yukari (closed)
What: Aftermath of Yukari's fight with Kylo Ren.
Where: House 1204, Yukari's living quarters.
When: Backdated to 2/16
Warnings: Injuries; Will Update As Needed
Yukari had gotten a sufficient amount of bruising after his encounter with the Sith. His neck was developing a large purple mark acrost his neck, where Kylo Ren's hand had gripped so forcefully. And then what he was pretty sure were bruised ribs. That was probably the one downside to a high pain tolerance - not being able to tell how bad it truly is. He's hardly hurting so much as frustrated. Because of his missing eye, Yukari was at a serious disadvantage, and he didn't yield to that knowledge. Where he should have tucked tail and ran, he antagonized the man. His only defense being that Kylo started it. He had claimed that Yukari had been passing out very forward pickup lines, and that Yukari had sworn his undying loyalty of servitude to him. Yukari just couldn't stand for that.
And when Kylo Ren demanded that Yukari acknowledge the man's status as a Knight, Yukari had lost all impulse control, despite being kicked back by his ribs. If King Regis had not stepped in when he had, assuredly Yukari would be in far worse shape. He'd have to remember to offer him a proper thank you in the future. This is the second time Regis had come to Yukari's aid. Although, the sharks were certainly less of a threat the first time they met.
Yukari had already contacted Curufin, who was on his way. He's left the door unlocked and settled himself on the sofa, where his legs are dangling over the arm so that his back will lay flat on the cushions. He's got an iced bag of peas around his throat and another ice pack on his ribs where Kylo Ren had kicked him. Such a bully. Yukari groans in frustration. Especially given that Curufin had to point out to him that this was apparently his Double's handiwork. If he had known that then, he might have been able to talk his way out of that mess. Not that Kylo Ren deserved mercy, in his opinion. He makes the mental note to himself that if anyone claims something he didn't do, it was probably his Double. How infuriating.
He keeps his eyes closed as he waits for the Elf to arrive. So far, Curufin had not been upset. Once again, Curufin's kindness and understanding had been a wonderful blessing. Yukari couldn't promise he'd do the same if the shoe were on the other foot. He'd have to thank Curufin properly later as well. When Curufin walk through the door, he looks up at the Elf. What should he say?
"Hey..." seems to be the best he can manage. He keeps getting into trouble, and so close after getting his eye ripped out, too. He feels to be quite the handful at the moment.
What: Aftermath of Yukari's fight with Kylo Ren.
Where: House 1204, Yukari's living quarters.
When: Backdated to 2/16
Warnings: Injuries; Will Update As Needed
Yukari had gotten a sufficient amount of bruising after his encounter with the Sith. His neck was developing a large purple mark acrost his neck, where Kylo Ren's hand had gripped so forcefully. And then what he was pretty sure were bruised ribs. That was probably the one downside to a high pain tolerance - not being able to tell how bad it truly is. He's hardly hurting so much as frustrated. Because of his missing eye, Yukari was at a serious disadvantage, and he didn't yield to that knowledge. Where he should have tucked tail and ran, he antagonized the man. His only defense being that Kylo started it. He had claimed that Yukari had been passing out very forward pickup lines, and that Yukari had sworn his undying loyalty of servitude to him. Yukari just couldn't stand for that.
And when Kylo Ren demanded that Yukari acknowledge the man's status as a Knight, Yukari had lost all impulse control, despite being kicked back by his ribs. If King Regis had not stepped in when he had, assuredly Yukari would be in far worse shape. He'd have to remember to offer him a proper thank you in the future. This is the second time Regis had come to Yukari's aid. Although, the sharks were certainly less of a threat the first time they met.
Yukari had already contacted Curufin, who was on his way. He's left the door unlocked and settled himself on the sofa, where his legs are dangling over the arm so that his back will lay flat on the cushions. He's got an iced bag of peas around his throat and another ice pack on his ribs where Kylo Ren had kicked him. Such a bully. Yukari groans in frustration. Especially given that Curufin had to point out to him that this was apparently his Double's handiwork. If he had known that then, he might have been able to talk his way out of that mess. Not that Kylo Ren deserved mercy, in his opinion. He makes the mental note to himself that if anyone claims something he didn't do, it was probably his Double. How infuriating.
He keeps his eyes closed as he waits for the Elf to arrive. So far, Curufin had not been upset. Once again, Curufin's kindness and understanding had been a wonderful blessing. Yukari couldn't promise he'd do the same if the shoe were on the other foot. He'd have to thank Curufin properly later as well. When Curufin walk through the door, he looks up at the Elf. What should he say?
"Hey..." seems to be the best he can manage. He keeps getting into trouble, and so close after getting his eye ripped out, too. He feels to be quite the handful at the moment.
no subject
"This has been quite the week, hasn't it? You do seem a bit accident-prone." But there is no judgement in his tone. Only warm concern and a little bit of humor.
no subject
"If I'd have known I'd run into trouble caused by my Clone, I would have stayed home today." He sits himself up gently, sounding a little more serious. "But, I was furious. He said... such things, that I wouldn't have even done with you. He commanded my respect, and I just... I lost my temper."
A deep breath, which he holds for a moment to feel the dull pain against his ribs. A reminder of his mistake.
"I should have told you I was going out and had you come with me. I'm sorry if I worried you."
no subject
"What, this dark brat claimed you had gotten into some kind of erotic situation with him? Or that he considered you made some promises to do so?"
He is still sitting on the floor, and now he turns and leans an elbow on the couch cushion Yukari vacated when he sat up. The Elf looks up at his friend, with the smile still on his face.
"I suspect you'd have to stay home for a month, to live down all the mischief your clone got up to. He seems to have been a very energetic sort. But if you want to call me when you want to go out, I'm good with that." He doesn't demand a promise. He knows he can't keep tabs on Yukari all the time; he can only give the help that is asked for.
"I wish I could tell you not to get into fights. But I'm a combative sort, too. I'm not going to be a hypocrite."
no subject
"Why do you have to use words like that?" Erotic. Is this Curufin's way of punishing him for getting hurt so close together like this? He sets the bag of peas down, revealing the bruise that took his breath away for a moment in time acrost his throat, and rubs his face with that hand.
"...Well, how bad does it look?" He knows perfectly well how bad it looks. He saw it in the mirror. But maybe someone with two eyes will see it differently than he does. He'll probably have to stay home for a month just for that bruise to properly clear up. With all his Clone did, he doesn't need other rumours going around.
He can feel it ache in the corners of his emotions. He keeps losing battle after battle. His repertoire as a skilled swordsman now appeared to be dwindling. Having to be rescued, taken care of, and not having the sense to back down when he should. His voice breaks a little when he speaks again.
"Curufin-san, what am I becoming? If I can't even defend myself..." How could simply losing an eye make everything so difficult? "I hate this. I feel so weak..."
no subject
And of course, he sees the bruise as soon as Yukari puts the bag of frozen peas down.
"It looks like it hurts. Let me see." And he turns to kneel facing the couch. He lays a hand gently on Yukari's shoulder and takes a closer look. Then he meets his friend's eyes. "Don't worry. Just keep icing it for a while and then start spending a lot of time standing under a hot shower. It'll get the circulation going, and the bruise will clear up faster than you think it will."
And he tries to respond to that desperate question. "You're having a bad time. It happens to everybody, sooner or later. A time when nothing seems to go right, and the cards seem stacked against you. It can make a person feel really helpless. That's particularly difficult for independent people, like you. Or me, for that matter."
He stands up and then sits down beside his friend. "But remember, you're not alone." He lays his hand on Yukari's shoulder again, and there is great tenderness in the gesture.
no subject
Yukari will make certain that Kylo Ren's head rolls. He's not standing for this. And for Yukari to be driven by vengeance is exceptionally rare. All that sex talk really upset him. Most of the others who approached him about his Double's actions stood down relatively quickly when they were told they were wrong. He could feel the dissonance rising to the surface already, the coldness that flowed through his veins when he would give anything to end someone's life, watching them suffer as he takes it slowly and gleefully.
"It happens to anyone but me! I was so foolishly careless! I shouldn't have held back on that child! I had the upper hand and decided to toy with her instead. And I lost because of it!" Yukari's done being calm about this. His unflappable demeanour has been batted at too much today. "I enjoy battle and chaos and the beauties found therein. But this, all of this, none of it has been beautiful! None of it has been worthwhile, or passionate, or enjoyable! It's all been a fool's errand! I don't know who I'm kidding, anymore!"
no subject
He is about to slide that arm around Yukari's shoulder and draw him close, but Yukari is not finished. He has more to express, and Curufin knows the best thing he can do is listen. He can see the fury rising in his friend's face, feel the tension in his body, even though they are not touching at his moment. And he does listen.
"I, too, enjoy the wild clash with others of my kind, the ones who revel in the life-and-death struggle. And so I see your point. And still. . . sometimes, it's not beautiful. Sometimes it is merely horrible, pointless and fruitless."
And he says nothing more. It isn't for him to tell Yukari what it all means. Those who come to this point are stuck with figuring it out for themselves, trying to make sense of it. If there is any.
no subject
Yukari has to take several breaths as he tries to absorb what Curufin's said. But it doesn't seem to be sticking. A swirl of words that mean nothing to him. Could something he's done truly have been pointless? Having fought a little girl all because she wouldn't shower, did his goal have no meaning? Is he just as bad as Kylo Ren, then? Was he a bully?
His lips press into a thin line as his brow furrows up.
...He lost an eye, over some petty fight, over a little girl...
He smiles, pained and sad. His voice is almost barely there when he speaks again.
"I'm probably awful, aren't I? In this moment, I could be everything I hate." It hurts so much, it feels like his heart is suffocating. He doesn't know what to do. He's not accustomed to regret. He's always acted do diligently in his decisions, no matter how bad things would end up.
They just never ended up this bad, against everything he's fought for all of his life.
no subject
And he watches Yukari's face, the small changes of expression that indicate the other kind of pain -- emotional.
His hand slips onto Yukari's shoulder again. He speaks softly. "You just are who you are. That doesn't change, even though you've been dropped down into the depths when you're accustomed to the heights. Beauty is a high, wild, noble thing, like the flight of an eagle or a hawk. We just don't get to live up there all the time."
Because sometimes, the consequences of our thoughts and actions catch up with us. And then we feel we've lost what we've lived our lives for.
no subject
All reasons pointed to no. He could apologise and do everything to correct this path, but none of it would bring back what he lost. It was a hefty price to be paid to learn he was shorting himself in this world. He didn't bother living up to his potential, here. Was it because he didn't have a King to serve under that he had gotten so lazy? So unnecessarily spiteful? Would he have to be reliant the rest of his life? Having a blind spot was a serious weakness.
He was akin to that hawk, having had his wings clipped.
Yukari decides to lean against Curufin, wrapping an arm around him.
"Do you think I'll ever be beautiful again?" Both my personality and my appearance?
no subject
He smiles a little when Yukari leans against him, relaxing in the embrace of his friend's arm. He pats Yukari's knee. It isn't a sensuous gesture, but it is a friendly and tender one.
"I think you will. Even by your standards. But I have never ceased to think you are beautiful. Beauty is not just the way you look, nor it it merely the speed, skill, and agility with which you fight or act in other ways that define your purpose. It is also the way you struggle for your integrity, for your identity, for the things and the people you love -- it is so for all of us, in my belief. That struggle doesn't necessarily feel good or look graceful. But I still consider it beauty."
no subject
"Thank you. You're absolutely right. Struggling is part of the experience. I suppose even I have to undergo it from time to time. It's just been too long since the last one."
He gently takes that hand on his knee, lifting the hand to his lips. He can't say he feels confident that he'll ever be as good as he once was, with his missing eye, but, at the very least, he'll do everything he can. Admitting defeat has never been his style anyway.
no subject
So gentle, too, Yukari's hand lifting Curufin's to his lips. Curufin gazes into his friend's eyes. . . eye. But the fact that there's only one of them doesn't change the beauty and the thoughtfulness of Yukari's gaze.
Curufin curls his fingers a little, to enjoy the sensation and the tenderness of that kiss, and then he moves his hand to touch Yukari's cheek. He strokes it delicately with the tips of his fingers. And then he leans forward and brushes a butterfly kiss onto Yukari's lips.
I broke my HTML, sob.
Yukari gently nudges against Curufin's hand and returns that gentle kiss. Why is it that this is so much easier when they were alone, hidden away from the outside world? Why is it that the attentions of others, over something that is shared so easily between anyone else, bother him so easily? And how does that hesitance make Curufin feel?
It's a thought that Yukari's not sure he's so willing to sort through, yet. At the beginning, Curufin said they could take it slow. But that was in regards to sex; not necessarily in regards to how they treat each other in public. Does Yukari's shyness make Curufin feel like he's not taking this seriously? He certainly doesn't display his caring anywhere near the same level Curufin does.
It's puzzling, and worrying. He doesn't know why he's so shy in public. And he's almost sorry for it.
XDD
And he can't speak for Yukari's feelings, but he can for his own.
Does Yukari's hesitation to be affectionate in public affect Curufin? -- not very much, actually. His own culture has a very complex set of customs around love and sexuality, and especially around same-sex relationships. In Curufin's era, the First Age of Middle-earth, male-male partnerships were well understood and not all that unusual, and at times they were even lauded. But the exact nature of the relationship was not explicitly acknowledged, at least not publicly. Curufin himself, as he has already told, had a bad reputation -- that is, he actively sought out partners of both sexes, and he didn't bother to conceal the fact that he was doing so. But he didn't expect his lovers to be so easy with the situation as he was, and if anybody he was courting was nervous about it, Curufin was quite willing to keep it casual when they were in the public eye, or even to conceal the fact that they were more than friends.
And thus, Yukari's concern doesn't strike him as strange. Of course, he doesn't know the particular reasons for Yukari's hesitation, and they may be completely unrelated to those of the Elvish culture. But he's perfectly willing to go along with whatever his friend thinks is best.
He smiles into his eyes, and his hand is still resting gently on Yukari's cheek.
no subject
A rather plain-and-simple description, really. As far as himself, though, he hardly found reason to share it much with anyone. In some places it seemed a little... off. Still, it's not often people ask. He supposes he could answer that inclination. He has nothing to hide.
"I was from a family of fair prestige, before I joined any clans. I went to the most decorated academies and excelled in my studies. I even practiced the piano and violin for a time, although I would probably be rusty at it if I sat down to either in this day and age. But, the one that sparked my interest the most was fencing. I showed a strong affinity for overtaking my opponents at an early age, practicing both in the school club and at home with the mentors my mother hired for me. Within time, I began to add my own flair to the regimen, showing off as I would toy with and swiftly defeat my opponent. Nothing made me happier. In that manner, I never found a need for friends, and they didn't seem to need me. I met a few worth opponents, but it's not the same thing.
"I was still fairly young when my mother died. I was thirteen. She had a coronary attack while we were visiting some shops. I was only a child, but I did what I could to save her. By the time help arrived, of course it was already too late. She was my only parent. Of course, I loved her, I grieved the loss of her life. With mother's will and funds, I was able to survive mostly on my own for a time, under the care of a nanny. An uncle was supposed to come live with me. Instead, what I got was Ichigen-sama. He had seen me during a few tournaments and admired my skill. He offered to train me further and offered a simple life. Stepping down from prestige was an easy choice for me. I loved swordplay so much more. I spent my next seven years learning all I could from him.
"I still attended school on my mother's funds. And, as years went on, more people were intrigued by my appearance. I am rather effeminate looking. I take after my mother in that. You would be surprised how many fellow male students asked to court me." He chuckles. "All of the unwanted attention left an ill taste in my mouth. But then, I didn't have the same inclinations they did. And the one person I decided I liked? It didn't end well. After that, I devoted my time to training and studies.
"I suppose Ichigen-sama was the closest thing to a father figure I ever had. He had a beautiful outlook on life, and a wonderful skillset to match. He also adopted Kuro-chan toward my later teen years, and had me help to train him. Ichigen-sama regarded me as his most revered student and ally. But, as one such as myself would be, I was inclined toward Chaos where he chose the road of peace. Eventually, I wanted more and he could not give it. So, I engaged in combat with him to prove my point. He won, as I suspected he would. When he gifted me Ayamachi, I thanked him and left on my own path. The rest spans my adult years."
He gives a slightly chilly smile as he recalls all of this, setting his hand on Curufin's against his cheek. His history is laid bare, giving no reason to Yukari's inclination toward Chaos besides the fact of just merely enjoying it for his sake.
"So now you know. Are you satisfied?" It's not an accusation, but a neutral question. He finally gave a detailed description, probably the longest of any Curufin had heard from him so far.
no subject
He smiled a little when those fingers came to his cheek. Yukari had a deft and tender touch, and Curufin wondered if he ever gave himself credit for this. Curufin moved his own hand to cover the back of Yukari's.
That was the most detail Yukari had ever given about his early life. And it explained much. His friend had an air of independence, and it was part of his strength and his attraction -- but included with it was a suggestion that there was no choice but to be independent -- even if he might have chosen it anyway. And indeed that seems to have been the case.
"Thank you for telling me. Yes, I did want to know."
no subject
Yukari would actually take pride in the fact that his hands are, indeed, deft. He has never built his hands to be strong and harsh in anything except for carrying a sword. And even then, his grasp was elegant with flair. He could understand if Curufin thought of his grasp as such.
He leans in to give Curufin a kiss, if only a little teasingly.