[Guilt floods him at the sound of Adam's voice, but what can he do now? Explaining the situation is out of the question, not when his explanation ties in so tightly with his desires and his fears and the strange way that finally getting the thing he's wanted for months causes a rush of panic that he hadn't anticipated. Ronan doesn't know how to explain anything- that he wants this, that he'd kiss Adam now if he hadn't just ruined the tone of their interaction, that pulling back the way he had, had just been a stupid, frightened instinct.
It wasn't a conscious movement. If given the choice, obviously he would have done something different. But he hasn't and now they're stuck like this, in Adam's coldness and Ronan's paralyzing indecision and guilt.
And then there's the news about Gansey. Ronan is careful not to react to that, though the knowledge of it somehow loosens up a tension that he'd been holding in his throat for the past month. He's safe- not dead, not somehow erased from existence, but home and safe, and Ronan misses him badly, but he can at least take solace in the fact that Gansey isn't currently being tortured on a weekly basis.
Which brings him back to Adam. The problem at hand. Ronan slowly lifts a hand as he thinks, running the pad of his thumb along his lower lip like he's subconsciously tracing the line of it, mulling over just how Adam had fit against him. Ronan is nothing if not blunt and direct, but only when it suits him- and while it suits him here, it's difficult to actually muster the words he wants to say, so when he drops his hand and shifts to get his feet under him and draw himself up properly, he does the next best thing.]
I didn't want to hurt you.
[He turns to look at Adam directly once he's standing fully, and Ronan's mouth is in a thin line, the arch of his brow severe. He's not angry, as much as it is that he was terrified a few moments ago, and now he's battling relief with guilt and frustration, and Adam is shutting down and shutting him out and so there's no reason for him not to do the same.]
Next time, we do this magical bullshit with someone who knows CPR.
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It wasn't a conscious movement. If given the choice, obviously he would have done something different. But he hasn't and now they're stuck like this, in Adam's coldness and Ronan's paralyzing indecision and guilt.
And then there's the news about Gansey. Ronan is careful not to react to that, though the knowledge of it somehow loosens up a tension that he'd been holding in his throat for the past month. He's safe- not dead, not somehow erased from existence, but home and safe, and Ronan misses him badly, but he can at least take solace in the fact that Gansey isn't currently being tortured on a weekly basis.
Which brings him back to Adam. The problem at hand. Ronan slowly lifts a hand as he thinks, running the pad of his thumb along his lower lip like he's subconsciously tracing the line of it, mulling over just how Adam had fit against him. Ronan is nothing if not blunt and direct, but only when it suits him- and while it suits him here, it's difficult to actually muster the words he wants to say, so when he drops his hand and shifts to get his feet under him and draw himself up properly, he does the next best thing.]
I didn't want to hurt you.
[He turns to look at Adam directly once he's standing fully, and Ronan's mouth is in a thin line, the arch of his brow severe. He's not angry, as much as it is that he was terrified a few moments ago, and now he's battling relief with guilt and frustration, and Adam is shutting down and shutting him out and so there's no reason for him not to do the same.]
Next time, we do this magical bullshit with someone who knows CPR.