"What, that I am considering this? That I long for a drink the way one might long for air when drowning, or water in the dry heat of a desert?"

He shakes his head, letting out a single, quiet laugh just beneath his breath. It's not funny at all, really. "No. Not I have not. He- he would be disappointed in me, and rightfully so. He would want me to face my fears rather than hiding from them. He would tell me to seek solace in his company rather than that in a bottle."