That's rare for him, incredibly so. He never had much of a home back in Henrietta, but here - here, he and Ronan have managed to build something amazing with the two of them, even if it is only the two of them now. He doesn't dread going home, he's usually happy to be returning after a day out, knowing Ronan will either be there or be coming back soon and they can eat something and kiss and curl up together.
But he doesn't want to go home now. He doesn't want to face Ronan. He knows Ronan will be furious, will feel betrayed, will not take this well. And Adam doesn't blame him - he feels awful - but he knows it was what needed to happen. It's what he has to hold on to, the only thing he has. It was the right thing to do. He wasn't going to let Ronan die.
Instead, he let Aurora die. He helped her die.
He doesn't know what he can say or do to make that okay. It's not okay, and he knows it. But he can't stay away forever - he has to take responsibility for what he's done. And he doesn't want Ronan to be alone, wondering what happened.
So he goes home.
It isn't until he sees Ronan that he realizes - he wasn't sure it was going to work. He wasn't sure that Aurora's death would restore Ronan's energy, and part of him feared it wouldn't, and he'd have done all that for nothing. But Ronan is there, on the street in front of their home, awake and alive and feeling better than he has in days. In that moment, Adam knows that it was worth it, it did have to happen. He knows Ronan may not agree, but he believes that. His steps speed up.]
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That's rare for him, incredibly so. He never had much of a home back in Henrietta, but here - here, he and Ronan have managed to build something amazing with the two of them, even if it is only the two of them now. He doesn't dread going home, he's usually happy to be returning after a day out, knowing Ronan will either be there or be coming back soon and they can eat something and kiss and curl up together.
But he doesn't want to go home now. He doesn't want to face Ronan. He knows Ronan will be furious, will feel betrayed, will not take this well. And Adam doesn't blame him - he feels awful - but he knows it was what needed to happen. It's what he has to hold on to, the only thing he has. It was the right thing to do. He wasn't going to let Ronan die.
Instead, he let Aurora die. He helped her die.
He doesn't know what he can say or do to make that okay. It's not okay, and he knows it. But he can't stay away forever - he has to take responsibility for what he's done. And he doesn't want Ronan to be alone, wondering what happened.
So he goes home.
It isn't until he sees Ronan that he realizes - he wasn't sure it was going to work. He wasn't sure that Aurora's death would restore Ronan's energy, and part of him feared it wouldn't, and he'd have done all that for nothing. But Ronan is there, on the street in front of their home, awake and alive and feeling better than he has in days. In that moment, Adam knows that it was worth it, it did have to happen. He knows Ronan may not agree, but he believes that. His steps speed up.]
You're awake.