He thought about it. He thought about it a lot, in all kinds of ways. Tracking Ronan down and begging his forgiveness, tracking Ronan down and yelling at him. Trying to talk to him again, a hundred different ways. But he never did it, because he knew it would be the wrong thing to do. Adam's emotions are still raw, from Aurora's death and from Ronan's anger, and he knows it's better to isolate himself then. Better than the possible alternative, better than hurting anyone.
So that's what he did. He avoided the clinic, too, except when he knew no one would be there. He doesn't think he's really fit for the company of other people right now, and he doesn't want to answer any questions. He and Ronan aren't constantly together, but they are often enough that someone might notice Ronan isn't around. Adam doesn't know what he would say then.
Mostly, he's at the orchard or he's at home. As the hours and then days slowly tick by, he worries. He worries that Ronan's done something rash, that he's gone into the caves or hurt himself or drunk too much or gotten into a fight with someone more powerful. He worries, too, that Ronan will simply choose not to come back.
He doesn't acknowledge that, ignores it as much as he can. Their bond is stronger than this, he wants to be certain of that, but how can he be? Adam has never really been enough for anyone, not his parents, not Blue, not Gansey. Part of him fears that it was only ever a matter of time before Ronan realized that, too. That's the fear he tries to ignore, the one he doesn't allow himself to contemplate.
He's sleeping when Ronan finally comes home. He doesn't immediately know what the noise is, and wakes tense and a little nervous, but Aspen doesn't bark and Chainsaw doesn't even mutter, and that more than anything calms him. It can only be Ronan.
And then he's relieved, relieved that Ronan is okay, that he's come back, that he isn't planning to stay away forever, he didn't get hurt or killed. A moment after relief comes anger, because Ronan said some shitty things before he left and he's coming back as if - as if none of it happened. It hurts still, that he said those things, that he found it so easy to walk away. That he didn't even try to understand.
But in the end, Adam just moves over so there's more space, so Ronan can lay down. He doesn't know what this means, he's still hurting, but Ronan probably is too. And he's back, he's safe, which in the end is all that Adam can ask for.
He doesn't know what to say. He can smell the faint scent of liquor on Ronan, and he doesn't know what that means, either.]
no subject
He thought about it. He thought about it a lot, in all kinds of ways. Tracking Ronan down and begging his forgiveness, tracking Ronan down and yelling at him. Trying to talk to him again, a hundred different ways. But he never did it, because he knew it would be the wrong thing to do. Adam's emotions are still raw, from Aurora's death and from Ronan's anger, and he knows it's better to isolate himself then. Better than the possible alternative, better than hurting anyone.
So that's what he did. He avoided the clinic, too, except when he knew no one would be there. He doesn't think he's really fit for the company of other people right now, and he doesn't want to answer any questions. He and Ronan aren't constantly together, but they are often enough that someone might notice Ronan isn't around. Adam doesn't know what he would say then.
Mostly, he's at the orchard or he's at home. As the hours and then days slowly tick by, he worries. He worries that Ronan's done something rash, that he's gone into the caves or hurt himself or drunk too much or gotten into a fight with someone more powerful. He worries, too, that Ronan will simply choose not to come back.
He doesn't acknowledge that, ignores it as much as he can. Their bond is stronger than this, he wants to be certain of that, but how can he be? Adam has never really been enough for anyone, not his parents, not Blue, not Gansey. Part of him fears that it was only ever a matter of time before Ronan realized that, too. That's the fear he tries to ignore, the one he doesn't allow himself to contemplate.
He's sleeping when Ronan finally comes home. He doesn't immediately know what the noise is, and wakes tense and a little nervous, but Aspen doesn't bark and Chainsaw doesn't even mutter, and that more than anything calms him. It can only be Ronan.
And then he's relieved, relieved that Ronan is okay, that he's come back, that he isn't planning to stay away forever, he didn't get hurt or killed. A moment after relief comes anger, because Ronan said some shitty things before he left and he's coming back as if - as if none of it happened. It hurts still, that he said those things, that he found it so easy to walk away. That he didn't even try to understand.
But in the end, Adam just moves over so there's more space, so Ronan can lay down. He doesn't know what this means, he's still hurting, but Ronan probably is too. And he's back, he's safe, which in the end is all that Adam can ask for.
He doesn't know what to say. He can smell the faint scent of liquor on Ronan, and he doesn't know what that means, either.]
There's water on the nightstand.