[Noah wants to make a joke, some comment to break the suddenly heavy air. 'You're way different than your seven years ago self, you're taller' something like that. Nothing sounds like a clever way to phrase it, though, and by then the moment has passed. He moves a fraction closer instead - still not touching, still not quite looking at Gansey, but wanting to show that the companionship isn't unwelcome. That Gansey isn't unwelcome as Noah tries to gather his scattered thoughts. Even those came easier when he was dead, most days. The good days - and in the bad ones, he barely noticed their absence.
Nothing is what he wants to say aloud. 'You died seven years ago too' 'it wasn't your fault' 'I was dead when you arrived because I asked to be' 'Thank you'. Every confession on the tip of his tongue before aborting into more awkward silence.]
... I don't know if you can fix this.
['This' meaning 'me'. Gansey's words able to bring the dead from sleeping back to wakefulness, but Noah's been dead for too long, and his life was used to pay for someone else's. A transaction, not a robbery, even if he wasn't given the choice in the matter. There's nothing accusing about his tone, just the soft understanding that came with telling Gansey he wasn't sure he knew how to be alive anymore back at Monmouth - of telling Gansey not to be afraid.]
Thank you, though.
[For the trying. It's an uphill battle with no guaranteed payoff - Noah hates being dead, hates the decay of it, but nothing felt as good as the relief that came right before he faded away the first time after dying again.]
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Nothing is what he wants to say aloud. 'You died seven years ago too' 'it wasn't your fault' 'I was dead when you arrived because I asked to be' 'Thank you'. Every confession on the tip of his tongue before aborting into more awkward silence.]
... I don't know if you can fix this.
['This' meaning 'me'. Gansey's words able to bring the dead from sleeping back to wakefulness, but Noah's been dead for too long, and his life was used to pay for someone else's. A transaction, not a robbery, even if he wasn't given the choice in the matter. There's nothing accusing about his tone, just the soft understanding that came with telling Gansey he wasn't sure he knew how to be alive anymore back at Monmouth - of telling Gansey not to be afraid.]
Thank you, though.
[For the trying. It's an uphill battle with no guaranteed payoff - Noah hates being dead, hates the decay of it, but nothing felt as good as the relief that came right before he faded away the first time after dying again.]