[That Gansey didn't ask for it, that he didn't make the choice, that he wants to make it better and all that. Noah's not certain he deserves to be alive, no more than anyone else. Gansey knows what it means to be dead, if only briefly. Gansey knows what it means to be on borrowed time.]
Neither of us had a choice.
[Gansey being a child is no more guilty than Noah's trust of the wrong person. Noah's inclined to think it's less - they always say hindsight is 20/20, and that's even more true when you're connected to a magical source of ancient power and drawing from it, seeing the same time used up and reused over and over again.
He told Gansey before, on the train, before Gansey died there. He almost doesn't then - the anxiety of what if one inconsequential act caused the horrific later events, even though he knows they had nothing to do with one another. Noah's hand tightens on the back of Gansey's shirt.]
... If I had a choice, though... for one of us to live ... I would choose you.
[It's a terrible burden, being alive, having so many things weighing on you. Noah squeezes his eyes shut, drawing in another shaking breath.]
Whether or not I was supposed to die - you have to live. It had to be you.
no subject
[That Gansey didn't ask for it, that he didn't make the choice, that he wants to make it better and all that. Noah's not certain he deserves to be alive, no more than anyone else. Gansey knows what it means to be dead, if only briefly. Gansey knows what it means to be on borrowed time.]
Neither of us had a choice.
[Gansey being a child is no more guilty than Noah's trust of the wrong person. Noah's inclined to think it's less - they always say hindsight is 20/20, and that's even more true when you're connected to a magical source of ancient power and drawing from it, seeing the same time used up and reused over and over again.
He told Gansey before, on the train, before Gansey died there. He almost doesn't then - the anxiety of what if one inconsequential act caused the horrific later events, even though he knows they had nothing to do with one another. Noah's hand tightens on the back of Gansey's shirt.]
... If I had a choice, though... for one of us to live ... I would choose you.
[It's a terrible burden, being alive, having so many things weighing on you. Noah squeezes his eyes shut, drawing in another shaking breath.]
Whether or not I was supposed to die - you have to live. It had to be you.