2.2 / closed/ that the ghost you love, your ray of light will fizzle out without hope

[dedikated]

Who: Kate and Rosie
What: Talking and weed.
Where: The orchard.
When: 8th, evening.
Warnings: Weed, cannibalism, Feelings.


( Perhaps it's a fitting choice of location, or a terrible one. That's yet to be decided, but the orchard had been one of the few spots of refuge in the city when every reflective surface glistened with the worst possible futures. Kate spent a lot of time here, hiding from the constant glints of all the things which could go wrong.

She pushes down a flash of Faith, trapped in a prison cell, torn to shreds, and steadies her breath. It's not real and it's not going to happen, in her future or Rosie's. )

Hey.

( She waves lazily as Rosie comes into view, stilling to a halt under a tree.

How, exactly, does one begin talking about this? )

Comments

[hasitsthorns]

[ For the same reasons, Rose had also spent quite a lot of time at the orchard during the bad end mirrors business. It was the only respite from the reflective surfaces scattered throughout the city. The soil and plants didn't throw her worst fears or nightmares into her face. ]

Hey, [ she answers as she doesn't actually look at Kate, continuing instead to work on clearing some new areas for planting. It's not a big patch but they're going to need to get a little more space in order to grow some new Cannabis since it's already in pretty high demand. ]

Guess you wanna' discuss the fact that you saw me cannibalizing my ex-girlfriend, [ she finally says, gaze shifting now to look up at Kate. That's apparently how one begins talking about this. It's not the most eloquent method but it's still a start. Besides, Rose would rather get it out of the way. She's a little tired of all this secrecy and denial. ]

[dedikated]

( That's fine by Kate, nodding as she flicks her eyes from the plot Rosie's working on over to her, leaning against the tree and folding her hands in front of herself. She's stiller than usual, not moving or fiddling. Of all the conversations to have, this one has never crossed her mind before.

The mental image of Faith in Rosie's dreaded future bubbles to the surface again and Kate swallows it back, swallows back the acidic bite that comes with it, the emotional response that still wants to snap at the other woman. )

Among others.

( Kate breathes sharply and shakes her head clear. There's a lot of things she wants to know, but there's one priority that comes first: )

She know?

[hasitsthorns]

[ It isn't one Rose ever imagined she'd be having either; yet, here she is. The byproduct of a madman's experimentation with magic and monsters. She wishes sometimes she knew what went on in Kite's head so that she could have Hope reverse this curse. Other times, she's grateful for not knowing because she doesn't think she would've liked what she found in that old lizard man's brain.

Rose would welcome a snap, honestly. Anger. Hatred. The worst part about Kate's initial reaction wasn't that it had hurt. It was that some small sliver of her believed it was deserved.

Maybe it was. Maybe she was just a monster after all. Maybe she always had been and always will be, now it was just more obvious. ]

Yes, [ Rose answers easier than she expects. ] She wanted to help, even, but I wouldn't let her.

[dedikated]

Course she did.

( Kate wishes she could be surprised about that. Wishes, even, that Faith was here so Kate could yell at her for offering such a thing. Just because she's got fucking regeneration.

... The idiot. )

This why you're not eating?

( Or asking for food. Which she still thinks is daft. )

[hasitsthorns]

[ Don't worry, Kate, Rose thought so too. As affectionately as possible, of course. ]

Yeah, it's why. Because what you saw, it's- It's what I did, in Haven. I ate the people I cared about. Nothing mattered but eating for a while.

I swore I'd never let that happen again. So, I figured the best way to make sure that didn't happen was just... not eat.

[dedikated]

( This sure does explain a lot about their encounter in the caves, and Kate deflates a little, lingering guilt stabbing her gut again. Friggin'... )

That's all that works for you?

( Come to think of it, for all the time she's known Rosie, she's not sure if she ever saw the woman eat. )

[hasitsthorns]

It is anymore. [ I's not really a secret anymore but she'd never told Kate because... it hadn't been relevant. ]

Kind of what happens when a crazy dude decides your demon side is 'beautiful' and experiments on you so it's the only side of you anymore.

[dedikated]

( The obvious and correct response to being told this is definitely to let out a low whistle, right? )

Shit.

( She falls silent for a while, unsure what to say, mind replaying their last few interactions - arguing at the cave, the flashes of what Rosie dreads most - as Kate's eyes flick around the orchard, trying to find something that works as a distraction from the guilt she feels clawing at her gut. )

... Prob'ly overdid it at th' caves that time.

( Which is to say: sorry. )

[hasitsthorns]

[ She didn't know. Rose hadn't wanted her to. There's nothing to feel guilty over. Honestly, the woman isn't asking for sympathy or anything of the sort. She doesn't want Kate to feel like she has to walk on eggshells around her or think that she's fragile.

She's not. ]

Probably. Never been the best at taking care of myself though, even before these places.

[dedikated]

( Well. At least Rose can admit it. Which is more than Kate can do. She keeps swinging back to silence, picking her words carefully unlike their last encounters. )

Y'know Faith'd want you to. ( And, importantly, Kate wants her too, as well. But she's not as good at saying that.

And she wonders: ) If the gods make you summat, think they could make it so you don't... lose it?

( What a great way of putting that. )

[hasitsthorns]

I don't know, [ she says, uncertainly. Rose truly isn't sure. Once she'd gotten a taste of blood on her tongue in Haven, it was a mess until she was sated. Would fabricated flesh by the gods drive her similarly mad? What if she didn't have enough, what if she couldn't stop herself from seeking out more?

It's a risk she hasn't wanted to take. So she just

hasn't. ]

I know it's what she'd want. It's what Rey wants too and now you, but I just- I don't know if I can trust myself. And then who will stop me? Shadow was the only one who could before and when I get into a feeding frenzy, it isn't pretty. Nothing matters anymore. I'd hurt you. I'd hurt anyone to get what I wanted.

[dedikated]

( It's nearly impossible to imagine how she'd react in Rosie's place. The entire idea of cannibalism is something reserved for gruesome serial killers and bad television shows, not an actual diet. It'd never happen.

So she doesn't try to argue from that point of view. She can't imagine it well enough to try. )

... Fuckin' hell.

( The best solution Kate can think is to try and get the gods to create something that inhibits the cravings somehow. They can rewrite their memories, Hope can bring people back from the dead-

Surely this can't be that far out of their capabilities. )

Can't just let you keep starving. We have to ask them.

( She'll do it if Rosie doesn't. She swears. )

[hasitsthorns]

[ It's a doozy. This is something Rose has been struggling with since she arrived, since before- She'd kept it as quiet as she could for a year but it's undoubtedly had some long-term effects on her mental health. Those that have definitely been a lot more prominent as of late. ]

I'll. Ask Hope, I guess.

[ Even if she went to Sorrow, she knew that Hope was the one who'd supply and- Honestly? The woman's not sure she wants to add anymore sadness to the excess of the emotion she's already stocked up on.

Silence hangs heavy in the air for a fleeting moment as Rose tries to summon the words she knows she needs to say next. ]

But if I do eat and if it goes wrong, you have to promise me that you'll kill me. [ She looks Kate dead in the eye when she says it, something hardened to her stare. ] No hesitation or trying to reason. [ Because she doesn't want Kate to end up the same as those who had tried to 'reason' with her before. They'd ended up a bloody mess between her teeth because she'd deceived them from the second she said she'd listen. ] Can you do that?

[dedikated]

( Can she do that? Kate stares at Rosie for a long moment, expression indecipherable. Her gut twists at the idea; she's spent years not having to kill anyone, moved into a career that's about anything but that, and Rosie is someone she considers a friend. Can she kill her?

But Rosie's explanation of everything hangs over the rest. Becoming a mindless monster, consumed with eating. Is that a fate anyone would want to live with, the visions shown to them last month? Years ago, when she was last here, telling Glacius that he shouldn't feel guilt over killing that man who'd been twisted into something beyond recognition. Would it be any different, to stop Rosie's compulsion, should it come to that? )

Alright.

( Her voice is clear, steady. Words formal. This is serious, and she speaks with all the evidence that she's thinking about the weight of what she says. )

If it happens, I'll use the bow.

( It's heavy, forceful, and might just be enough to kill Rosie with her powers back. )

[hasitsthorns]

[ 'Alright,' she says, and Rose can feel the tension in her shoulders fade from relief. Alright. That's more than the woman had expected; she's glad to know that she can count on someone to stop her if she becomes the monster she's most afraid of. ]

Good choice, [ Rose answers, a smile curling her lips despite herself. ] I'm a melee, not good at countering ranged attacked.

[ It's a hard call to make and Rose respects Kate for it. She can't understand. No one can, honestly, the wolf woman thinks. Even she doesn't, some days. The desire to consume that drives her stronger than anything else. Addiction, a force stronger than she ever anticipated to face. It still bogs her down somedays, truthfully, how hungry she is. How she'd do anything for just a taste. ]

[dedikated]

( And Kate's far better at range than she is up close. So maybe it's a match made in... a murdercave.

But who knows what'll happen if she's ever confronted by the reality of this. )

Then it's a deal.

( She'll keep the image of Faith in that vision even if she doesn't want it, but it can at least find some use if it comes to that.

Kate hopes it never does. )