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hadriel_logs2017-10-31 08:05 am
fracturedbeauty) wrote in hadriel_logs2017-10-31 08:05 am
Entry tags:
What If I wanted To Fight? Beg For The Rest Of My Life! What Would You Do?
Who: Atem/Yugi, Law, Bakura, Curufin (if you want in on any of this, ping me at ![[plurk.com profile]](https://plurk.com/favicon.ico)
Tseil)
What: Attempting to murder to save Curufin from the Null
Where: Some corner of Hadriel
When: Atem is present, with Curufin's being later (I'll let you choose the date, Curu-mun!)
Warnings: Torture, violence, will update as needed.
[ Atem - I finally found myself! Fighting for a chance, I know now, this is who I really am! ]
Yukari remembers Atem from the dreams, where they shared a spa day. While it certainly was enjoyable, Atem's name is on the list, and Yukari has a duty to fulfill.
He approaches Atem calmly, a chilly smirk on his face. His sword is drawn, toted at his side.
"Well, good evening, Atem-chan~" He gives a playful lilt to his voice. "Fancy meeting you here."
He's not going to attack immediately. He's going to play with his prey first.
[ Curufin - Look in my eyes; You're killing me, killing me! All I wanted was you! ]
So he hadn't succeeded in killing Atem, thanks to the interference. But he succeeded in killing Prussia. That was it, that was his one. He's not going to kill anyone else, not over this. He wants to at least try to keep Curufin, even if it's too late now. He'd messaged the Null about the death and has since been waiting on a response from them.
There is a problem, though. His fight with Prussia did nothing but exacerbate the injury in his side from his battle with Atem. He'd been bleeding pretty badly when he finally made it home that day. But he wasn't stupid enough to think that anyone would help him at this point. He's a killer, he sided with the Null. Not that he had a great track record to begin with, anyway. So he's merely bandaged and medicated the injury as best as he could, even going so far as to do his own stitches.
He's doing his best to keep a close eye on it, but the truth is, that a few days later, he's feeling pretty fatigued. Though he's certainly doing his best to hide it. But to anyone with a trained eye, they'll see something slightly amiss in his step. A wince, or a faint wobble. This isn't good. What will he do if it's getting infected?
What: Attempting to murder to save Curufin from the Null
Where: Some corner of Hadriel
When: Atem is present, with Curufin's being later (I'll let you choose the date, Curu-mun!)
Warnings: Torture, violence, will update as needed.
[ Atem - I finally found myself! Fighting for a chance, I know now, this is who I really am! ]
Yukari remembers Atem from the dreams, where they shared a spa day. While it certainly was enjoyable, Atem's name is on the list, and Yukari has a duty to fulfill.
He approaches Atem calmly, a chilly smirk on his face. His sword is drawn, toted at his side.
"Well, good evening, Atem-chan~" He gives a playful lilt to his voice. "Fancy meeting you here."
He's not going to attack immediately. He's going to play with his prey first.
[ Curufin - Look in my eyes; You're killing me, killing me! All I wanted was you! ]
So he hadn't succeeded in killing Atem, thanks to the interference. But he succeeded in killing Prussia. That was it, that was his one. He's not going to kill anyone else, not over this. He wants to at least try to keep Curufin, even if it's too late now. He'd messaged the Null about the death and has since been waiting on a response from them.
There is a problem, though. His fight with Prussia did nothing but exacerbate the injury in his side from his battle with Atem. He'd been bleeding pretty badly when he finally made it home that day. But he wasn't stupid enough to think that anyone would help him at this point. He's a killer, he sided with the Null. Not that he had a great track record to begin with, anyway. So he's merely bandaged and medicated the injury as best as he could, even going so far as to do his own stitches.
He's doing his best to keep a close eye on it, but the truth is, that a few days later, he's feeling pretty fatigued. Though he's certainly doing his best to hide it. But to anyone with a trained eye, they'll see something slightly amiss in his step. A wince, or a faint wobble. This isn't good. What will he do if it's getting infected?
no subject
It never happens, and history keeps repeating itself... And he keeps trusting the wrong people. The boy turns, distracted as he struts down the street after getting a few groceries (not instant ramen for once, hopefully Bakura would appreciate that...) and he greets Yukari with a little smile, he recognizes him from that dream. It's nice to... see him? There is something in his voice that is not quite alright -- he glances at the sword -- something in the back of his mind screams at him, run.
"Yukari?"
But he kicks the thought back into the shadows, surely it's just a precaution after the Null's post. Instinctively, however, his own free hand goes to the pommel of the blade he's carrying himself, sheathed on its belt, just keeping it there. Ever since he arrived, he had been carrying it, after having been attacked by monsters, but he doesn't expect to use it on someone he knows.
"What's up?"
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"Just enjoying an evening stroll, of course. Tell me, are you doing anything important as of right now?"
Casually, calmly, he steps closer to Atem.
"You see, I have a request, if you wouldn't mind too terribly."
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The more Yukari speaks, the less weirded out he feels about it. He even allows him to approach, it is not like he's not used to people loom over him, it comes with the height...
"Sure, what is it?"
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"It's rather simple - see how long you can last against me."
Green Electricity dances along Yukari's blade and in the blink of an eye, he swings his sword, sending the Electricity at Atem in a wave. If it hits, the jolt isn't powerful enough to do any real damage. It's just designed to hurt like Hell. This time at least. And shortly after sending that out, he's lunging at Atem to strike through his middle.
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Fuck everything to hell.
Atem can feel himself going absolutely cold, surely he even pales a little more than his complexion allows it. The attack hits, of course it hits, he had no way to know that Yukari would do that! And the older man might take pleasure on the kid screaming out of pain before he stumbles to the ground. Groceries forgotten, he finally unsheathes the sword on his side --
despite of the general pain and the shaking of his hand --it's almost an almost an automatic response coming from his most ancient memories than the his resent ones. He lifts it just in time to parry the strike at him.
"What--?"
His words say, but his eyes go for a blatant why? as he looks up at him.
no subject
With his blade against Atem's, he drives the man back, pressuring him strongly with such ease.
"Oh, it's nothing personal, your Highness. You see, your name is simply on the list. A list I have to keep someone else off of. So, I'm afraid it will be your life for his." Yukari gives a chilly smile. "I promise to make your death beautiful, so you need not worry."
Yukari strikes a kick to Atem's knee to force him back to the ground.
"Making a King kneel before me - perhaps this is hubris." Not that he actually sounds concerned about it.
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So, it all came down to the list...?
"You know they will kill us all in the end, don't you!?" But soon he's back on the ground, truly kneeling down before Yukari and all he can do is send a blind strike at the other hoping that it connects with flesh and not with steel as he gets up again. Oh, no, this time not only he's hurting him, but his pride... That's it.
"Don't make promises you cannot keep!" It is him this time who rushes at him, sword ready to strike.
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"Yes, good. Show me that beauty you hold deep in your soul."
But even with Atem's rage, it's easy for Yukari to keep dodging, sidestepping, and dancing out of Atem's reach. With another backflip, he sends a pulse of massive electricity through the ground with his palm, this time making the corners of Atem's clothing singe.
"Don't hold back on my account~ I'm just enjoying this while it lasts~"
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There goes a second assault, he stands it this time, barely able to stand on his feet, he grits his teeth so hard his jaw hurts. Yukari is playing and he knows it, he might use that to his advantage, even if for a moment.
"Why are you siding with them!?" He fakes (not entirely, no) going on a knee, his free hand reaching for his phone in his pocket, he presses one of the few buttons it's got -- once, twice, thrice -- until he hears a little notification sound. His message had been sent.
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Yukari pauses, biding his time, calmly observing Atem. He's clearly expecting something to happen. What Atem doesn't know is that Yukari has erected a nigh-invisible wall behind the boy.
"Who knows, though? Perhaps this death will not be the permanent end of you and the Null will allow you to be resurrected by Hope-chan one last time. I won't preach about the error of your ways and reprimand you for choosing the wrong side, but perhaps you will be so enticed to not be on the side that promises your death next time."
Come on, Atem. Stand up.
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"I have already died protecting who I love, and I would do it again if I had to! But you're not giving us a chance, Yukari! This is not -- this is not the way!" He raises his sword, ready for anything the other might send at him. Or so he has to believe.
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But the anticipation is no longer dwindling, and Yukari is almost through with this. He hates it when battle take a serious turn in conversation.
Yukari sees that blade prepared, and he wastes no time sending another jolt of Electricity to knock it aside before striking his sword forward -- and into Atem's shoulder, with the force knocking him back into the wall, pinning him there.
Yukari tries to return the playfulness to his voice, but it only comes out cold and calculated.
"You did last remarkably well, Atem-chan. But I believe, at this point, that I am through with letting you live. I have a duty to accomplish, and the sooner you're gone, the sooner I can receive the God Killer."
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"C-cheat..." There is no bigger insult, coming form him, but Yukari doesn't know it, and he may never know it. Atem, however, tries to take the sword out, the blade cutting through his fingers "I-I... I'm not done yet..."
Osiris... Ra... Obelisk, please! ... anyone...
CW: torture
The blade doesn't move on Atem's will. But if Atem is so willing to bleed, Yukari will help with that. He drags the blade down, through Atem's flesh and pressuring slowly, agonizingly through as he strikes bone.
CW: torture
He cannot go on, he blade piercing though bone is too much to bear. In a desperate attempt to simply live, Atem pushes forward instead, all his weight (that's not much...) pressing into that blade, his free hand grabbing from Yukari's clothes, pulling. He tries to raise his pierced arm, still gripping tightly to his sword, and he attempts to wound Yukari somehow.
no subject
YES. That's the beauty of a soul Yukari so often searches for, and it purely amazes him, that when Atem strikes, it's clean and true into his side, and blood drips from Yukari's wound.
But instead of falling back from pain, he simply, calmly steps back on his own, removing the sword from Atem's shoulder. His hand moves to cover the wound Atem impacted him with, but he doesn't show any sides of pain. His expression appears remarkably satisfied.
"That was beautiful, Atem-chan. I saw your fire for just a moment." A rare trait, as he finds that very few will bother to 'ignite' even when their very lives are at stake. And for a moment, he considers letting Atem go as he is.
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But the expression in Yukari has changed, and he's not sure if it is good or bad... Is he bluffing? Is he going to let him go? For all he knows, it might be yet another trick. And he's done trusting this fuck and he will not turn his back on him.
Breathing heavily and literally shaking from the abuse he's taken, Atem can only stare. For a moment.
"I said... I am not done." He doesn't feel he can use his wounded arm anymore, it goes quickly from painful to sorely numb, it doesn't matter, he has another hand... He wields the sword with it, clearly he doesn't have the same strength nor skill in one hand than in the other, and his wounded fingers don't allow him to hold it as he should, but he will not give up.
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Yukari takes a single step back, sheathing his sword, and then does something even more unexpected - he kneels on one knee before Atem, lowering his head.
"I will yield, your majesty." The smile is still evident in his voice, truly impressed and overtaken by the fire Atem has shown him. "Clearly, your life is not mine to take."
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"No, get up!" Atem raises that shaky arm, his sword pointed at him, "I cannot trust you anymore, I will not let you do this to anyone else!" If he had to end him himself... then he would do it.
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Still, Yukari does as he's told and stands.
"Lack of trust is to be expected, and I don't expect your trust. Now or ever." Seriously, he's used to being hated and pushing people's buttons until they go over the edge is.... kind of a hobby of his. He gets it, really.
"You still intend to fight while you're barely standing? Vengeance would be much more sensible on another day."
Still, if Atem will come at him, he's prepared to dodge and defend. Yukari has zero intention of dying. He'll just find someone else to kill.
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"This is not about me!"
He's being, perhaps, foolish, but he firmly believes he's in Hadriel for a reason, to protect others, even at the cost of his own life. If he could wound the guy, maybe he could do it again.
He rushes towards him not as clumsily as one would expect. It is clear he's not only putting all his remaining strength on this fight, but his whole soul.
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At the last possible second, Yukari draws his blade and blocks the attack from Atem.
"As you wish, then. But do not expect me to hold back at this point, your Majesty."
And Yukari keeps his promise, lashing out at full strength, he flings Atem back. Then, just as swiftly, he slashes out at Atem's chest, striking deeply. Then he moves in to finish the job, poised and ready to stab into Atem's heart.
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I wouldn't have it any other way! He would have blurted out, but when the blade slices through, his words get lost in a rather quiet sigh.
He never stood a chance, did he? Somewhere in the back of his mind, he wishes to congratulate Yukari, but he can't, either because of the blood blocking his throat all so suddenly that he cannot even breath, of because he can feel himself fall, limply, as if all his strength had abandoned him.
It's a rather familiar sensation, it doesn't feel frightening at all despite of the pain he's in, despite of the desperation he should feel.
...
No.
Hold on, no! No! He will not let it end this way! Quick as a desert cobra, Atem raises his arm darting his blade at Yukari, aiming at that beautiful face. But that is all he can do, if it connects or not, he is no longer aware. He just keeps falling.
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Whether they hear the command or not, Law is simply suddenly there, swapping himself for Atem as soon as he's close enough to see the need for intervention, Kikoku drawn and poised to deflect. He doesn't even need to diagnose to know this is bad.
"Get out," he warns Yukari in a low growl. He's got a patient to take care of, this isn't the time for another round of swordplay.
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But then, another unexpected happening.
Yukari's eyebrows shoot up in amusement when Law's form suddenly takes the place of Atem's. What a very interesting ability. And as much as Yukari would like to see more of it, his fight isn't with Law. For now. And that low growl is enough to say he means business.
"Very well, Hat-chan. I'll permit your intervention this time. Best of luck~" It's another taunt. Whether Law can save him in time remains to be seen. Though, Yukari certainly does hope that this isn't the last he's seen of Atem.
He sheathes his sword, slides his hands into his pockets, and walks away casually. Almost as if nothing happened at all.
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There's a story behind this, he can tell. But someone's on his shit-list, now.
11/1 or 11/2
He doesn't expect to find his erstwhile lover at home -- but he checks Yukari's house anyway, and other places he is often found. If he's hiding somewhere, Curufin is still going to find him. He doesn't have a plan, though he has discussed the matter with his son Celebrimbor, who had a possibly workable idea. Curufin can call him if there is need.
"Yukari?"
11/2
He looks up at Curufin, freezing in his step. What does he do in this situation? Run? Stay and let whatever happens, happen? Remembering the argument they had, he stays in place, but lowers his head back down.
He doesn't even know what to say. He's not even sure he can speak. There's a well of emotion he's fighting back. He doesn't want this.
No, he just can't find the words at all. So, instead, he turns on his heel and begins to walk away. Before Curufin can see the tears fall down his face. His side feels worse with every step, but he's certain it's just the agony of his emotions causing the heightened sense of pain.
Please just leave me alone...
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And then, suddenly, there he is, just walking through the city center. . . unarmed. Good heavens, what could he be thinking! There are people who know who killed Gilbert, and Trafalgar says that Yugi has friends -- they must know who attacked him! The mercenary's going to get his ass kicked for sure.
Yukari has obviously seen Curufin, and he turns to go the other way. He seems to be limping or crouching, or something -- injured in one of his fights? And Curufin sees the brief flash of a teardrop before Yukari's back is to him. Oh no, Curufin's not having any of that! -- Yukari's not walking away from him. With or without tears.
"Yukari! Wait up." He runs after him and comes alongside him. "We need to talk. Now."
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"I don't want to talk, Curufin-sama." His voice sounds dry and tired, edged in loneliness and pain.
Though, he supposes that probably won't be enough to deter Curufin. So, he pauses in his step, hands in his pockets, and looking away from Curufin.
"Just get it over with..."
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Yukari is expecting his ex-lover to stand there and yell, while Yukari simply waits for him to stop, like waiting for a thunderstorm to pass. Even if that were Curufin's inclination -- which it is not -- it would not help them. So, Curufin just looks at Yukari for a long moment, and finally he speaks.
"I've already said everything I had to say. No use in saying it again. You're injured, aren't you? How badly? And what happened? Tell me." His voice is very gentle.
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"Then why bother stopping me at all? Why would you bother looking for me? Don't think I didn't hear you calling my name. Besides, I'm fine. You needn't worry yourself over me."
He sighs.
"If you really have nothing more to say, then I'm just... going to return home."
He should be resting, anyway, right?
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Speaking of people not buying something. . .
"You're not all right, are you? You don't look all right. I think you need to go to the Clinic, not home."
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"No, I'm not planning on hurting anyone else. I think I've done quite enough of that."
Can't this just be over? Walk away from him like you did before, Curufin. All you're doing is reminding him that this is over between you two.
"I don't need to go to the clinic. I'll live either way."
If Curufin won't walk away, he will. He turns on his heel again and starts heading the direction of his house.
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He nods. "I had hoped for that."
But he won't walk away. And Yukari is not the only one in pain. Curufin's heart is aching, just from seeing this person who was once so dear to him. He can feel it, every heartbeat is a thump of pain. He supposes it's the same for Yukari.
"I'm not so sure you'll live either way." And he follows, catching up quickly again. "Don't be careless with your own life. You can die from untended wounds. What do I have to do to persuade you?"
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Well, it's not like he would blame him. In fact, disappearing for good is sounding more and more appealing. He wouldn't have to face this.
But still, that question to persuade Yukari... he can't help but contemplate it.
"Hate me, then." The tears fall down his cheeks, his voice breaking. He can't ask you to forgive him, he can't ask you to take him back. "Leave me behind. I told you I was too Chaotic for you, and you didn't believe me. So do you believe me, now? Hate me, because I can't take this. Hate me so I can go back to the life I knew before."
Burn down that bridge so I know I have nothing to return to... God, this is killing him on the inside. But if Curufin hates him, maybe he can get through this. He can bury his emotions away and pretend true love isn't real. Because it's better than believing it can come to an end.
He hates how much this hurts. He should have known better. He's always been a beast, a monster. No matter how sweet Curufin said he was. Well, Curufin was wrong all along.
And Curufn told him there was nothing he could do, with the Elf's history, that could outrank what Curufin had done. He was wrong all along.
"Leave me alone and never look my way again, and I'll go to the clinic this instant."
I love the song you linked!
"But I don't hate you. I refuse to hate you."
He won't let Yukari take refuge in dismissing himself as a monster. Not if he has anything to say about it. "I don't want you to throw yourself away as though you were rubbish. You aren't."
And it's precisely because Curufin has such a terrible history himself that he can't see Yukari's situation as hopeless.
"I can't agree to that. And I think I'd better go there with you." He offers his arm in case Yukari needs it to walk steadily.
No way are you getting rid of me today.
<3
Whatever. So he'll exist then. Doesn't mean he has to be happy about it.
"Oh, I'm not? Forgive me if I'm not so inclined to believe you after you were wrong the first time. I told you, I am not kind. There is no sweetness behind whatever it is you see. And you are a fool for thinking so. You were blind, for whatever reason you chose. It is your mistake for thinking I would never choose this path. I warned you so many times. So tell me, what foolish act on your part caused you to lie to me! Was it just wishful thinking on your part? Did you honestly hope I was exaggerating?"
His words turn to anger, the longer he continues. A defiant act to cover up the hurt.
"That wasn't the deal, Curufin-sama. If you're not leaving, I'm not going to the clinic. You asked what would convince me and those are my terms and conditions."
And he'll remain adamant about it.
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And then he shakes his head. "I never said I didn't think you could go down a dark road again. I merely hoped you wouldn't. Maybe that was a fool's hope, but you seemed not to be sorry I felt that way."
"What do you mean, lie to you? In what way have I ever lied to you?" And he really wants to know the answer to this question.
Yukari's defiance is having an effect on Curufin, he is getting impatient. But he won't take the bait. He can be pretty sure Yukari is pushing for Curufin to leave so that he can keep telling himself he is worthless, so that he can keep believing the thing that causes him the least pain. If he believes he is worth something, that Curufin's love was worth something, that his own love was worth something, then he has to face the music. And who likes to do that?
For the moment, Curufin doesn't respond to the flat ultimatum. Dealing on the level of terms and conditions is not getting them anywhere, and he must find another tack.
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Yukari folds his arms, tilting his head defiantly.
"Perhaps I am the one who was the fool. You're just like everyone else." He doesn't mean it. He's just doing what he can to put the nails in the coffin at this point. "And I actually believed it, that maybe I was good enough for you. And I'm not, nor will I ever be. And you know what, Curufin-sama? I really couldn't care less."
In all honesty, Yukari feels exhausted, but he's fighting hard not to show it. He's just got to have the strength to walk away from this. Hide in some corner of the caves Curufin won't tread, if it's possible.
Still, he grits his teeth. He really did want to be good enough for Curufin. It's painful, the dream they shared during Pleasant Valley. Yukari had kind of hoped that, maybe one day, they could make that dream a reality. But the flaws Yukari bears, that he so feared showing Curufin before, prove the fears he had to be 100% real. Once Curufin saw the truth, he would leave.
And it's Yukari's turn to leave. He needs to put an end to this before he becomes a mess. He doesn't want to pretend anymore.
"If you follow me, I will attack. Don't think for a second I won't." His voice sounds darkly serious, and he even shoots Curufin a glare before turning on his heel. "If you want me to go to the clinic, you better not follow."
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"I myself was left, by my own son, when my road became so dark that he could no longer travel it with me. And you know Cel, so maybe you can speculate on how much it would take to make him leave. And then maybe you can consider that my son and I are related. He is a far better person than I am, but I, too, have my limits, and they are of the same nature as his."
"You were good enough for me when I made that statement that you took as a promise. I could accept the darkness in you as I accept the darkness in me, because I was mostly thinking of the past, of things that are a done deal, that neither you nor I can change. And I was thinking of a future, in which you and I might make a life that is different than what either of us had in our own worlds."
"But this is the present. You cannot volunteer your services to those who would kill my family, and expect that in such a situation I will refrain from objecting, expect that I won't experience it as a fundamental discontinuity of our ideals and aims."
"Speaking of which, you said you won't be killing or attacking anybody else on that list, and I believe you. Are you also saying that you won't be supporting the Null in the future? Or will you be going back to war against me, my family, my friends, and the good people of Hadriel? -- in the case that the Null invade us or put out another communication with yet another set of demands for their supporters?"
He lifts a hand, not to grab hold of Yukari -- it is more the open hand that indicates no intent to harm, that asks for patience, for peace, for parley.
"Just stay here for a moment, my friend. I'm trying to find a way out of this mess we are in, and. . . Yukari!. . . I can't do it alone. I need your help."
With this last statement, his voice ceases to be calm and gentle and becomes very urgent and emotional. His eyes are full of darkness and brilliance at the same time, as they are when there is deep feeling behind what he says.
no subject
For a moment, he feels like he can't breathe, and he has to force himself to draw his breath. But his chest feels so tight and he doubles over momentarily. Is heartbreak supposed to be this bad? Did one of his victims also manage to crack his ribs?
No. No, he doesn't think so.
He's frantically running the information through his mind as he continues to resist Curufin as much as he's able.
His next answer comes through gritted teeth, against the pain of his side and chest.
"That will depend on their actions. I'm not so enthralled in blind faith, Curufin-sama. They must deliver appropriate results to maintain my loyalty."
Not that it matters. That's as good as saying he'll remain a traitor, isn't it? But that's not what that means at all. He expects the Null to put forth something worth taking before doing anything else for them at this point. And the God Killer isn't enough. He's biding his time on the Null, observing. Nothing like a double agent, no. But simply guaranteeing that his demands will be met, that is what he needs, or he won't side with them at all.
"They are not my King."
Yukari hesitates, listening to Curufin's deepened words. And almost -- almost -- for a moment, he wants to drop all of this, run to the Elf and hope that there would be open arms waiting for him. He wants that warmth back so badly. Is there truly no way to take back what he's done? Is there no way to return to the love they shared?
No, Curufin can't see past it. He knows it. That's why they're here in the first place, isn't it? Because Yukari took his actions, and Curufin couldn't see past them to keep him. The way Curufin left his house, the way Yukari cried...
"Well, it looks like you're doing it on your own." He says it as icily as he can manage with the pain in his heart.
no subject
"But if the Null were to win this war we are about to fight with them, I and my family will die. Even if you manage to talk the Null into sparing my life, it won't work out that way. Because if they kill my family, they'll have to kill me to get to them. And when the Null come, I'll be in the front lines, opposing them with every fiber of my being, with every weapon I have and with all my will."
"You'll lose me, Yukari, one way or another, if the Null win. Either they'll kill all of us, despite their promises to you and others, or else they'll abandon Hadriel as soon as they've killed the gods, probably breaking the Door before they go, so we emotional beings can't follow them to seek revenge. If you survive, you'll die when the oxygen runs out, since the gods won't be there to maintain the place. And I'll already be dead by that time, as I said."
"And yes, I get it. The Null are not your King. But what appropriate results can they possibly deliver, considering the picture I have just painted for you? You cannot attain your goal by siding with them. And furthermore, they will betray you sooner or later, no matter how smart you think you are in dealing with them."
He shakes his head, and gazes at Yukari in grief and perplexity. His face is softer than you might think, considering his words. He can see how much pain his ex-lover is in, and he wishes to God he could help him. (And that's saying a lot, considering how un-religious Curufin is!)
He, too, wishes that Yukari would just cast away those plans of his and this unrelenting belief that the Null are somehow not going to be the death of Curufin and everybody else. If Yukari runs to him, the Elf's arms will be open.
"Do you understand what I'm trying to say to you? I'm sorry you killed my fellow guardsman Gilbert, and I'm sorry you hurt Atem. But it sounds as though you are, too. And I'm here to say that the past can be overcome, and I'm here to help you make a new start, if you are willing. I still believe in you, no matter what you say about your path. There's hope for you, and there's hope for us."
"The only thing I can't say is that there's hope for us if you continue to support the Null. Because in that case, there isn't. But it's up to you. Let me help you, and let's see where that new path takes us."
He continues to gaze at Yukari with those dark eyes that reflect the stars high above in the cave ceiling.
He ignores the icy words Yukari spoke: It looks like you're doing it on your own.
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"And if they can prove to me that they can control the Door and allow us access to it, then isn't that worth something? We can send everyone wherever they wish to go! You and your family don't have to return to the Hell that waits them back in their homeworld. Cel doesn't have to die, and you don't have to suffer over it. Have you thought of that!? You treat me as if I had not thought this through. If they can't prove the control over the Door, you have nothing to worry about except the war itself, isn't that so?"
Does he regret hurting either of those people? Atem maybe, but not entirely Prussia. When Yukari dedicates himself to a task, he completes it, and that's exactly what he's done.
"That new path you promise leads to your death, and I won't have it if it can be avoided. Come to hate me all you like for it. I told you I won't attack anyone else. You can consider your obligation fulfilled. You've already given up on me once, throw me away now. I have no interest in your ultimatum. I will do what's right."
A heavy sigh. He refuses to look at Curufin.
"Goodbye, Curufin-sama." It takes everything he has not to let his voice break. And he starts walking away before he can change his mind.
no subject
"I do not know where to go from here. But as I said, I don't hate you. I won't. I refuse hatred as a solution, as a way to turn my back on you without remorse. I cannot avoid remorse, no matter what I do. And so I will choose what I have chosen in the past. I choose love, in spite of everything. I will still be here, in Hadriel -- if I do not die, if you do not die, if we do not all die. . . permanently!. . . which I think is a certainty, if we do not defeat the Null. But if I am still here and you are still here, then consider that the way is still open, if we can ever find a way back to one another."
"But if you must go now, then go. I cannot stop you, though I would if I knew how."
And he watches Yukari walk away, but Curufin does not say goodbye. And he hopes that Yukari will momentarily forget that he had demanded that Curufin promise to abandon him for good, in exchange for Yukari's word that he would go to the Clinic.
Curufin turns and steps behind a building, as though he were taking the path to the north that he usually takes to get back to Delight's Housing -- this is for Yukari's benefit, in case he turns around and looks back. But then the Elf stops, and in the shadow of the building's corner, he watches to see if Yukari will make his way to the Clinic after all.
Yukari does.
And Curufin leans against the bricks and the tears pour down his face. He will be haunted by this parting as he was by the first one.