hadriel_logs | kill me faster [CLOSED]

Entry tags:

hanako nurumi,
rey

kill me faster [CLOSED]

Who: Rey and Rosie.
What: With the threat of the Null becoming more imminent, Rey decides now is as good a time as any to carry out her plans on tricking them. Rose, however, opts for the more definitive route.
Where: Speakeasy.
When: November 12th.
Warnings: Character death, asphyxiation, and all that other fun stuff.

It's been a long few days. Longer than usual, in any case. The Guard is a mess (or at least that's how things feel like at the moment), and news of what had happened to Ellie doesn't set Rey's mind any more at ease. There's a clock ticking, she knows. If she's going to get a leg up on those synthetic bastards, she has to act soon. But the thought of it all just makes her gut churn.

She shoots Rose a cryptic text, asking to meet in the cellar again within the hour. Rey sits on a keg, head in her hands and elbows over her knees. She's tired. Her eyes are burning. Everything seems like it's gotten so fucked up so fast and there's only so much she can do.

Except this. She can do this. But they have to be ready. Rose has to be ready. She's asking a lot of the girl here. Rey has weighed in all of her options, considering the revival of the two children who were murdered for this cause.

How fucked is that?

While she wants nothing more than to rip apart the bastards who did those sick things because of a hit list, she's down here thinking of all the ways that she can avoid doing the same to Rose. She still considers calling Law, but this isn't her call to make right now.

They'll talk about it. Then they will figure out how this should be done. Sitting on this forever won't get them anywhere, least of all a godkiller.

"Fuck," Rey mutters under her breath, fingers curling into her bangs. "Fuck, fuck, fucking... fuck."

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That's why it's calling going downhill. Once that ball of fuckery starts rolling, it races with gradually increasing intensity. It always gets worse before it gets better. Even then, 'better' is subject depending on where everything lands and finally comes to a stop.

"I'm personally a fan of shitfuck, if you wanna' add some creative flair to your swears," she says as she strides down into the cellar. Her hearing's better than before; she can pick up on a lot more than just the explitives that the woman's spitting out. Her heart rate is up, her breathing's a bit quickened. She smells of sweat and fear. It's amazing, honestly, what a good couple of meals has done for Rose but-

Good as she feels, much as she wants to feel better faster, she knows she needs to exercise control. That's never been one of her strong suits, unfortunately.

"So, what're we doing?" She makes it sound so casual, like they're discussing the weather.

Rather than shooting back a clever quip, Rey just sighs and rubs her face. She's all out of witticisms, too weary to think up even a simple greeting when Rose comes in. "Saw that a couple of people who were murdered thanks to the Null's shit-list just came back. Don't think we have much time left to do this."

She lifts her head to look the other woman in the eye.

"If you don't have any plans, we should do this now while we can still pull off a convincing show for those tin cans. Was going to call Law, but figured it'd be more appropriate talking to you first..."

Like anything about this is appropriate.

"Then what are we waiting for? We don't need Law." It probably comes as no surprise to Rey that Rose is ready to die at the drop of a hat. It just makes the most sense to her, honestly. People are being revived so the worry of permanant death is gone. She's only kicked it once here meaning that she has a better chance of coming back with all her important parts in tact.

There's a lot to not consider anymore and less and less time to get hung up on the things there are. "The only plan was to fake it, but knowing now people have been killed over this and whoever did it is presumably running around with a godkiller, I say we do it now. Get it done with, so I can give Sorrow something to defend himself and the others with if need be."

Her brows knit together as Rey gapes at Rose then. Like she's expecting a terrible punchline to a very unfunny joke.

But no. No, she knows better. The way Rose was so willing to egg Rey on to a homicidal rage. To weaken herself to a near death state. This isn't just a willingness to die. It's...

"Are you serious?" Rey quips, eyes widening. "Just because people came back, it's... That's still a huge fucking risk!"

A risk that she has no doubt Rose would be willing to take.

That normally would be the case. She'd make a joke, laugh it off, and pretend she was just kidding. Right now, however, isn't the time to be taking this lightly and even she can recognize that. For as much as she'd rather treat this as something not nearly as serious as it is, well.

"A risk I think we need to take," which is probably what Rey was expecting to hear. "I'm fine," she continues, which is the lie she tells most often and couldn't currently be further from the truth.

"At least even if I do die and there is the super slim chance I don't come back, it'd be for a better reason than just because I didn't want to live anymore. At least this way it'd mean something and the gods will know I helped, somehow."

Rising to her feet, Rey studies Rose a couple seconds. How did she put it once? As serious as a heart attack? That's the vibe Rey's getting from this right now.

"Well, we're only fucked if the Null kill Hope," she admits, scratching the side of her neck. "If it comes to that and you're still gone, will make sure that doesn't happen."

Much as she is loathe to say it, they need Hope. Not just for his resurrection abilities, but everything else he puts all his time and energy into.

Then Rey stops. Shakes her head. "This is crazy. This is a stupid idea."

Even worse is that part of her knows that it isn't stupid. It's probably their most foolproof way at succeeding.

That's the saying. A heart attack isn't always serious though, but Rose is grim as the reaper that comes to collect when it is. "I appreciate that," she says and it's hard to tell if she means it. Personally, Rose isn't about to be upset if she isn't revived but- That's another can of worms they probably don't want to open right now.

"It's not stupid, it's smart. The hard decisions usually are." That's why she was the champion in the ring, after all. Rose didn't win by making easy choices, she won by making smart ones. And fast. This? Was absolutely a no-brainer.

"I've been eating though so killing me through physical injury won't be easy," she says, as if it's already decided. "Something like... choking, maybe? That might work."

Considering the ironic efforts Rey had made to make sure Rose didn't die, this is almost infuriating. Not surprising in the least. Just sickening that this is what it's come down to.

Rey lowers her head into her palm.

"If this doesn't happen here, right now, you'll... probably just find someone else to do it, won't you?"

She's just weighing the futility of her options. Now that Rose has made up her mind, it sounds like she has little choice. Either they do this Rose's way, or Rey loses out on her most likely chance to take advantage of the Null.

There's a moment of silence. Consideration. The irony isn't lost on her, of course, but she's not thinking quite so deeply about it all. Maybe she should be.

"Yeah, probably. According to you, wouldn't be too hard to find someone else in this cave willing to kill me."

So there it is. Here they are. All that's left is to actually get it done and over with.

On the other hand, Rey has had a lot of time to think. More so than she would have liked. Her shoulders slack, head hangs, staring down at her own scarred and calloused hands. She was pretty efficient once at trying to kill Rose back then, but that was different. It wasn't about Rose, and more the fact that she had made herself a convenient outlet. Use anger to mask the fear. There is shame in that. She lost control and she should have known better. They both should have, really.

Her fingers tighten, balling into fists as her jaw clenches. No, there will be someone here willing to jump on the chance to find a willing subject who would sacrifice herself as readily as Rose. Of that Rey has no doubt. It's herself that she has misgivings on.

"I... hurt someone, just a few days ago. Didn't kill her, but what I did... It feels worse than this." Rey swallows hard. This doesn't have anything to do with this, and yet it does. "I took away everything she had built up to this point so that she wouldn't end up getting people killed. That wasn't just months, that was... years worth of work."

Not many are around who can say that. Why is Rey telling Rose this, of all people? Maybe a confession in case she doesn't come back, or in case she does?

Who knows.

Knowing 'better' is unfortunately not one of Rose's strong suits. This is especially true when it comes to her own well-being. She's the first to tell someone they need to be careful yet do the exact same stupid student with no regard for herself. It's just difficult, honestly, to see herself through any sort of lens of importance. For as much as she can be a bleeding heart and care for others, she doesn't quite comprehend that they might experience the same.

"You did it to save people though," Rose says, after considering it for a moment. "Kind of like this. It's one person's life - or, in that case, unhappiness - to potentially save so many more. Ideally, you want everyone to be on the same level but... it just doesn't work like that." There was a time Rose believed she could save everyone, that every life was equal.

Funny how things like that change.

"Do you regret it?"

No, it doesn't work like that. Just like how Rey tried to tell Maketh that she can't both be leading the Guard and an officer of her Empire. If they'd allowed her to employ the extremes she intended to take, people will get hurt. Or worse.

"I regret that it hurt her," Rey admits. "But I don't think I was wrong, as conceited as that shit might sound. I just hope that she'll be okay after all... this."

Assuming that there will be time for that.

She swallows hard, ducking her head. Eyes falling to the floor. The comparison Rose draws is not lost on Rey, about what she has to do to help people. "You said choking, right? That's really your preferred method?"

It's better than not to prevent an 'or worse' scenario. Rose knows, even if she doesn't take her own advice half the time. She doesn't think Rey's wrong though. Or that that she should regret her choices. In her shoes, it's likely that the blond would have done the same thing.

"Time heals all wounds," she says, much more sagely than she actually is. "I'm sure you'll guys move passed it, eventually." If she even knows, that is. If she doesn't... Well, Rose is sure Rey will come to terms with it. The woman's strong. She's been through worse and bounced back, which is more than Rose can say.

"Yeah," she answers, finally. "I mean... Quick and painless is ideal, but that's not really an option with me. I know myself. I don't go down easy." She wasn't champion of the ring for no reason. There were many a time that Rose had 'risen' from the grave, so to speak, just to slaughter her opponent. Sometimes it was theatrics. Sometimes, it was just that she really didn't want to die.

Time heals all wounds. Rey almost laughs, but the noise gets choked in her throat, because she's not sure if she even believes that. She rubs her forehead. "Maybe. Hope so."

That's all she has right now. Hell, if someone like Faye, whose wife Rey had taken in a time of war, could look passed their differences, then is this any worse?

"There are better ways that would be quick and painless. Strangulation is pretty painful." Trust Rey, she knows. "Guess painful would he more convincing, though."

That's all they can do anymore, it feels like. Hope. Maybe that's why the god with the same name is so important. When all else fails, all you have to hold onto is hope. Well. Unless you're Rose. Then, you decide to cling to sorrow instead and wallow in misery.

"Believability is probably better," she admits. "Just in case the Null question things."

God, she hates this. At the same time, Rey can't think of a suitable alternative. If she doesn't do this herself, right now, Rose will find someone else now that the other woman's mind is made up. And then she'll lose out her chance.

She picks at her fingers, contemplating. Before finally lifting her eyes to look at Rose.

"So, what? You want to brawl?"

It's only half a joke.

No, she thinks. She never wants to fight. But that's all she does anymore. She fights to find reasons to stay alive from day to day, which is-

An ironic thought, considering she's about to die.

"We can," she answers, giving a little bit of a half-shrug. "I don't got my full strength back though so I don't know I'll be much of an opponent." A beat.

"Also, probably better to do this quicker so it doesn't have the potential to get kinkier than it already might be." Oh my gods, Rosie. Can you be serious for five minutes?

The irony isn't lost to Rey, either. She also isn't one to point it out to make it more real. Not when this is something that has to be done.

"Guess it'll look better if you--" Rey immediately pipes up when she registers Rose's addendum.

Is this for real?

"Right. Don't you try making this easier." Because urge to punch Rose right now is rising. "Anyway, I'll give you the first hit."

Maybe a few bruises here and there will look better. Not that they'll last for very long, given Rey's own inhuman healing and recovery.

That makes her crack a smile, at least. A little bit of levity in this otherwise extremely heavy situation. As long as she can still catch people off guard, make them laugh or think she's ridiculous- She feels just a little less like the monster she actually is.

The blond cracks her knuckles though, stretches her arms up over her head. This is a lot of rust to shake off after being practically baseline for so long. Still. Here goes nothing. It's not quite a blink but it's faster than the average human speed for sure. It's a hook aimed for Rey's jaw and won't be too painful if it it connects - she's holding back, even without being at full strength - but should hopefully be enough of an impact to leave a bruise in its wake.

Ridiculous sure as hell is one way to describe it. Rey would have considered Rose downright infuriating if not for what she's giving up here, which is everything. While it might not seem much to her, it sure as hell does to someone.

She staggers a little. Rose might be holding back, but she hits harder than Maketh ever had. (That might say something about Rey's taste in women.)

Rubbing her jaw, Rey scoffs.

"Come on. You can do better than that. This is supposed to be your life."

To Rose, it's nothing. Her life wasn't always expendable but these days it's harder finding reasons to live than it is finding ones to die. She's crawling her way up from rock bottom but it's a certainly a slippery slope.

"Oh, I can do way better than that," the blond boasts. It's always unsettling how easy it comes back. How reflexive the snap movements of battle return to her even after so long. This time, she goes for a high roundhouse to Rey's ribcage. Even if blocked by her arm, it'll be definitely stronger than her punch. There's a reason her preferred fighting style was Muay Thai. The woman had legs for days and didn't put them to waste.

If Rey were human, her ribs would have been met with a vengeance of pain at that kick. Her body is solid, however. Metal holding her together on the inside. For someone like Rose, she can probably handle the backlash of kicking suck metal better than most. Lucky her.

Rey grunts, fumbling back a step. She catches her breath, the corner of her mouth pulling back into a forced, crooked grin.

"That's it? Think about it. I'm killing you for real. What does a godkiller do? What do you have to lose that's more important than yourself?"

It's clear that Rose isn't doing this for her own life. She has more value in the gods than most here do.

Plus, Rey herself is asking for pain. She needs to feel it right now, more than ever.

She can. She does. It isn't the first time she's battled someone with metal lining their insides. While most of her opponents were fellow yokai, sometimes the ringleaders liked to throw surprise challenges their champions' ways. See what they were really made of. The Null nor Rey aren't the first things made of steel she'll ever fight but she hopes, perhaps, that they're the last.

"Everything," she snaps back, same as the snap movement of her next attack. This time it's an uppercut, which will be immediately followed by a leg sweep. "Everyone." Sorrow, too, she thinks but doesn't say. She knows he's not immortal or impervious to damage, but- He'd reassured he wasn't so easily taken down either.

Still. If anything could do it, a godkiller could. In the wrong hands, well. She doesn't want to think about that.

To 'roll with the punches' is more than just a phrase. Her stance swivels into the direction that Rose's punch, holding her mouth shut than to make a witty quip. This lessens the blow as Rey is nearly swept off her feet, sending her stumbling away. Her back bumps against the wall, stopping her fall.

Collecting her composure again, Rey brings herself upright and draws into a more offensive approach. Jaw tucked, arms up, elbows close, she pivots to send a returning punch to Rose's stomach.

"That's bullshit," she says through clenched teeth, serious this time.

Rose would have almost preferred the quip. Instead, she gets truth. Her least favorite. "You think it's easy?" she asks, anger hot on the heels of adrenaline. It's part of the reason she never enjoyed fighting in the first place. The visceral rage that was always just below the surface, the feeling that boiled her blood and was so hard to come down from every single time.

"Losing everyone you care about? Trying to find reasons to care about anyone else anymore? Knowing-" the blow to her stomach connects, causing her to double over momentarily and dry heaving. She hadn't forgotten what it felt like to be struck but it still stuns. A sharp inhale. "-that you might wake up and they're just gone and nothing you do can bring them back? So maybe I don't care about everyone, about everything. But I care about enough, to fight for it."

She cares about ALphys. About Sorrow. About Rey, despite everything. The people she holds near and dear can be practically counted on one hand at this point but god damn if she isn't going to fight for them. This time when she retaliates, there's claws. A flurry of snow stands in the place of the sunshine woman from before; her glamor's dropped, the yokai side she rarely displays for Rey to see.

For someone who had once done everything in her power to keep people at a distance, Rey can't deny that she's made herself vulnerable to the things that Rose describes. Made herself feel weak in how much she has come to depend on them emotionally. She's opened her heart up to be hurt, and she has been hurt. Many times. But the alternative isn't much of a life, either. In that way, one might as well be an empty husk.

So she braces herself when Rose shifts in both physiology and demeanor. It's occurred to Rey just how much of a visage she's kept over her carefree behavior, that she isn't as sunny as she presents herself. Anyone with half a mind would see that -- and Rey has many minds than she would ever want to have.

Bringing her forearms over her face, Rey does her best to block Rose's attack. She knows she'll get clawed, scratched, and bloodied, but that's fine. That part of her is always quicker to heal, and there is some sick sense of comfort in that.

"Of course it's not easy," Rey growls through her teeth, on the defensive. Let Rose get that shit out of her system. "People die and leave -- that's hardly unique to this place. Someone you consider close could walk out one day and never come back. That's just a risk everyone takes."

Not just Rose -- and not even just Rey. Everyone.

"Fighting for it is all you can fucking do in this life."

In all lives.

Rose had lived the way Rey had before Haven. Barely skimming the surface of human relationships, of life. She rolled into towns and was gone days later before anyone was the wiser, before anyone could be attached. It hadn't been fulfilling but it had been easy. The times she did open herself up (she thinks of Roxanne, of the rocker Roxy who had been everything), it ended only in pain. Ren and Charlie had gone the same ways.

In Haven, she hadn't had a choice. She couldn't shoulder the weight of everything on her own and she'd- She'd made a family there. A pack. And then they were all systematically taken away from her. Even here. Her attacks stop, emotions too high strung at the moment to continue. "I'm tired," she says, lower than before, "of taking that risk. I've lost too much. Maybe I've just got rotten luck, but I."

I don't know how much more I can lose, before it's too much.

"I'm tired of fighting for it. Let's just get this over with already," she almost snaps. "Kill me."

Kill me.

How many times had Rey wanted the same thing? There was even Faye, someone who Rey had hurt in another life but can still recall in enough detail to reel from it. That woman had every reason to despise her. And yet, despite everything, she didn't kill Rey when she had multiple chances to do so.

Maybe it wasn't necessary then, not like it is now. A life can't be traded for something of possible value. Where she comes from, a life is just a life.

"Fine," Rey utters through her teeth.

What was it that Rose had suggested? Choking?

Conceding to the suggestion, Rey throws the other woman against the wall. Hands tight around her throat. She still stings from the hits Rose had doled out herself, and Rey knows that this is someone who could give her a run for her money. But she isn't going to fight anymore, is she?

Her grip tightens. They will just have to see.

Where Rose comes from too, a life was just a life. There was no magic that revived, no second chances. She watched enough lights from behind fellow yokai's dim and the cause being her teeth to know that personally. She's known the pain of death several times over now and yet she still keeps being revived. While she's wondered 'why' so many times right now, this time she at least has a reason.

To help. To be useful. To be worth something, in death.

The woman lets out a strangled sound, hands shooting up to Rey's. She doesn't actually claw or try to pry them away though once she recognizes what she's doing; her survival instinct might still kick in eventually but until then she'll just say, "C'mon. I know you got more strength than th-" A cough interrupts her, a raspy raking gasp of air that she doesn't even get the entirity of, "-at. If I didn't know any better, I'd just say this was foreplay."

Mouth dry and muscles tight, Rey applies more pressure into Rose's throat, thumbs pressing into the trachea.

"Don't try to make this easy," she hisses, not as amused by the sad attempt at levity in this.

You tried, Rose.

There's a witty quip on the edge of her tongue, but what comes out instead is a strangled noise caught between a cough and a gasp. Her breath cuts like knifes through her throat. It burns worse than she imagines Faith's phoenix fire ever did, the sheer of effort of trying to take in breaths causing her chest to heave slightly.

It takes everything in her to not claw at Rey's hands. Her own come up to grab at Rey's with a very light tug. Instincts were that for a reason; she couldn't quite control them completely. For as powerful as yokai were, they were susceptible to similar fatalities as humans. Choking being one of them.

At least there is only a lack of air in her lungs and not water. It feels similar but is still different enough that she doesn't think a lot of then. Only a little, only for a moment. Her legs start to kick, twitch. The color is gone from her face, a tinge of blue beneath her skin starting to replace it.

It isn't like the movies. Suffocation takes an agonizing amount of time, not the meager few seconds often visualized on screen. Such misconceptions would sometimes lead to amateur errors.

Not Rey, though. She knows how this works. Once Rose's basic need for self-preservation kicks in, Rey strengthens her hold. Thrusting the other woman against the wall and tightening her fingers around that neck like a vise.

There are easier ways, she knows. Bullet to the brain. Stabbing the heart. More blood to clean up, sure, but it's a hell of a lot quicker than this.

"Sorry." Whether she's talking to Rose or not, it doesn't matter. She counts unconsciousness approaching. And, in mere minutes after that, death.

This has to be thorough.

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kill me faster [CLOSED]

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cw: casual discussions of technical homicide ig, jesus rosie

love how cheerful these two are.

just sunshine and rainbows

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