[Barry can see the change immediately when he speaks. He gets the first three words out, and he can see the way his face drops, the facade of humor and happiness shoved out. That spark of hope, gone.
For a few moments, he’s silent. Outwardly, he looks blank, entirely gone from this conversation, from this world, somewhere off into the next. Maybe it’s familiar for Barry, having seen the same thing happen as Taako forgot Lup, the way his eyes lost thought and color as his heart was removed. Inside, he feels like the last pillar of something he had, of something that was his, fallen. It takes the next few seconds for his hand to fall, for his eyes to drop from Barry’s gaze. Taako feels entirely outside from himself, like he’s looking through his own existence over ten years, over a hundred years before, over a hundred years before that, back before Barry and Lucretia and planes to two kids, barely able to speak, hands clasped against the darkness.
Fuck. Fuck.
And just as quickly as it comes, it passes. His hands ball into fists. He can feel the way his throat feels tight, eyes wet, everything too raw as he keeps going, as if he had anything left to give.]
What the fuck, Barry?
[He’s addressing him directly now, eyes back up and shoulders pressed as he pieces the shattered parts of himself back together and into another wall. How dare he. How dare he.]
What the fuck is wrong with you? She took Lup! She hid her from us for ten fucking years! You begged me to fucking die rather than not remember her and you’re not the one who had to live with it! I did!
[He feels like he’s shrieking, his throat already ruined from the screams that tore out of it earlier, the way he had nothing left to give 20 minutes ago but now he digs out more, into blood and viscera and his own pain because he will not stop, he will not fucking give up, even as all he has left to fling are pieces of himself.]
Why the fuck do I have to forgive her? All of you just decide it’s over with because we’re all here— it’s not over!
[His hands return to his head again, balling into his hair, like he can feel a headache resurging. It’s not over, it’s not over when he still dreams without her, it’s not over when he wakes up in a panic and sees someone else in his room and thinks they’re back at the Moonbase but Magnus’ bed is in the wrong place, but it’s not, and all he can do is quietly mourn himself.
no subject
For a few moments, he’s silent. Outwardly, he looks blank, entirely gone from this conversation, from this world, somewhere off into the next. Maybe it’s familiar for Barry, having seen the same thing happen as Taako forgot Lup, the way his eyes lost thought and color as his heart was removed. Inside, he feels like the last pillar of something he had, of something that was his, fallen. It takes the next few seconds for his hand to fall, for his eyes to drop from Barry’s gaze. Taako feels entirely outside from himself, like he’s looking through his own existence over ten years, over a hundred years before, over a hundred years before that, back before Barry and Lucretia and planes to two kids, barely able to speak, hands clasped against the darkness.
Fuck. Fuck.
And just as quickly as it comes, it passes. His hands ball into fists. He can feel the way his throat feels tight, eyes wet, everything too raw as he keeps going, as if he had anything left to give.]
What the fuck, Barry?
[He’s addressing him directly now, eyes back up and shoulders pressed as he pieces the shattered parts of himself back together and into another wall. How dare he. How dare he.]
What the fuck is wrong with you? She took Lup! She hid her from us for ten fucking years! You begged me to fucking die rather than not remember her and you’re not the one who had to live with it! I did!
[He feels like he’s shrieking, his throat already ruined from the screams that tore out of it earlier, the way he had nothing left to give 20 minutes ago but now he digs out more, into blood and viscera and his own pain because he will not stop, he will not fucking give up, even as all he has left to fling are pieces of himself.]
Why the fuck do I have to forgive her? All of you just decide it’s over with because we’re all here— it’s not over!
[His hands return to his head again, balling into his hair, like he can feel a headache resurging. It’s not over, it’s not over when he still dreams without her, it’s not over when he wakes up in a panic and sees someone else in his room and thinks they’re back at the Moonbase but Magnus’ bed is in the wrong place, but it’s not, and all he can do is quietly mourn himself.
It’s not over. He won’t let it be over.
It’s not over for him.]