[CLOSED] we're gonna rattle this ghost town

[restinglichface]

Who: Barry, Lucretia, Lup, & Taako
What: Lucretia arrives and Lup insists she should be allowed to stay with them. Taako has his own opinion.
Where: Tres Horny House (Sorrow's housing, 5-1)
When: Backdated to Jan 10th
Warnings: Nothing but fighting twins.

[Lup knows she should warn her brother.

It would be as simple as a call to give Taako a head's up that she was on the way back to the house, now with a certain someone in tow. Hell, even a brief text would at least be better than just stepping into the house without warning with the woman who'd taken everything from him. But she can just hear his indignant response playing out in her mind, her twin absolutely refusing to even let Lucretia inside. Honestly, she wouldn't put it past him to lock Lup out too for even suggesting their friend stay with them, temporarily or not.

But Lup's hand is still tightly clasped in Lucretia's when she leads the woman back to the building that's starting to become like a home to them, attempting to fill her in as best as she can on the whole Hadriel situation. Her phone is tucked in her back pocket, woefully untouched, but Lup nudges the front door open with her shoulder and tugs Lucretia inside with her.

There. They've crossed the boundary. There's no going back now.

Now that they're inside, Lup turns to Lucretia, motioning for her to pause.]

--Oh, uh, also, we have a dog. She may lose her shit since you're new, but just keep your hands away from her whole mouth-area and you'll probs be just fine.

[Honestly, Peanut probably isn't the member of this family Lucretia needs to be warned about.]

Comments

[pocketspa]

[He barely gets the words out before Barry yells, strides forward and grabs him, and Taako’s heart leaps into his throat in panic. It’s another impossible choice, like Magnus storming in drunk, yelling about his wife, pulling him from the couch by the front of his shirt and his neck before dropping him on the floor in a heap. It’s the moment he has to consider, could he hurt me?, and then realize he’s given too much trust. Too much assumption. Of course he could, of course. He’s a person, isn’t he? He means something. So of fucking course he could.

Taako watches Barry for the first few seconds before dropping his head off to one side, letting his hair fall slightly over his eyes. Barry can still clearly see the frown on his face, though it’s wibbling somewhere between downgrading to a tight line and upgrading to a scream.

But when we’re in the realm of brutal honesty, of those little, flat admissions of truth, he speaks again.]

How does anyone expect me to trust her again?

[Because that’s what it comes down to.It isn’t her choice so much as that cardinal violation. She went into his head. He let her in, past his walls and hesitations, and that’s what she did once inside. He doesn’t care about motivations. Doesn’t care about intentions. She put herself between him and Lup and how does he ever know she won’t do it again?]

She fuckin’… rewrote me, alright. Just like that.And all of you think it should just be okay.

[There’s a big difference in a world between one person loving you and no one ever doing so. And as far as Taako’s concerned, it’s a pile of corpses in the wake of the person she made him to be.]

[barold]

She rewrote all of us.

[Even herself. From what little he saw and heard when he was in Pringles' head, from what he picked up eavesdropping on various seekers and regulators out in the field, Lucretia was a completely different person as Madam Director. She would have to be. The woman he knew for a century could be so sensitive, so insecure. She'd have to harden herself, wall off her emotions in order to stay strong and persevere.

But he's not going to say that out loud. Taako might already know, somewhere deep down, might already realize that this must have been hard on Lucretia too. But trying to convince him of anything is clearly a lost cause.]

I don't care if y'trust her or not. That's obviously not gonna happen, huh. And Taako? I get it. You know I do. Y'think it's easy for me to trust her? To stand here and defend her? After what she did t'me? Know how many times one of her regulators shot me down? Guess.

[His hands tighten their grip on his shoulders. Barry is shaking.] But like it or not, she's family. That's why what she did hurt us so bad. And even when they hurt us, y'don't fuckin' talk about family like that.

[The burst of rage ebbs away, and all he's left with is the frustration, the hurt. He loves Taako. Seeing him put up walls like this is so hurtful, but he doesn't know if he has the strength to help tear them down. So his hands drop from Taako's shoulders, his whole body deflating with exhaustion, face sinking. Yelling at him isn't going to fix anything. Barry isn't sure Taako is even listening.]

Y'should apologize to Lup. Y'really hurt her feelings.

[pocketspa]

[Barry’s hands grip harder, his words hitting like weapons against a stalwart wall. He’s ready to just let it happen to him, but like he knew would happen (or maybe just what he was hoping), he lets him go. But the depression is worse; he hates the way he tilts his eyes towards him again and sees all that pain. It’s easier when it’s anger. When they can scream and fight. Not this. Not heartbreak, not the knowledge that nothing’s going to be the same again, the issues he’s creating in the wake of it all.

Part of him does want to stop. Part of him doesn’t like the change.But that part of him is wishing less to forgive her and more for all of it never to have happened. He wants to go back, to before Lup disappeared, and run off with her together. Or just keep her with him. It doesn’t matter.

It’s the flash of a moment where he understands why people used the Relics. Why Lucas spent so much time in bringing back his mother, why June held onto the cup for what was probably years, why even Lydia and Edward used the Bell for so long to keep themselves going. No one wants to be alone, huh? No one.

What does that make him? The villain?

Maybe.]

You know what I know about family, Barry?

[His voice is more level than it has been the rest of this conversation, but Barry should know Taako’s flat, even tone just means he’s given up on caring.]

I know that aside from Lup, in the end, they give you up. They use you for what they want and they fuckin’ toss you to someone else who can do the same. And she did. She wiped us, used me to enact her plan, and now it’s just over.

[He levels directly at Barry, face expressionless.]

I don’t call people my family I can’t fucking trust. So no. She’s not.

[Not anymore.]

[barold]

[Barry knows the twins' complicated history with family. How insular they were for years and years both prior to and during the Starblaster mission. How long it took for either of them to let anyone in. How long it took before they were even comfortable apart from each other.

He doesn't know this for sure, but... he's always suspected it was harder on Taako than on Lup. Lup found someone on the ship. Taako never did. Though he still had Lup, always had Lup, of course, she also had Barry. For decades. It took so long for either of them to make room for more than one person in their heart, to call anyone a friend, let alone family. It was a struggle for both of them. Honestly probably more for Taako. He can understand how fragile that term must be to the elf. How deeply wounded Lucretia's betrayal left him.

But this? No. He can't understand this. Hearing this just makes his heart ache.]

... Is that what y'think of me, then?

[He's barely able to meet Taako's eyes, devoid of expression, emotion. Barry's eyes are getting glassy.]

Magnus, Merle, we're all just gonna... use ya and toss ya out someday? 'Cause that's what family means to ya? Or-- O-Or are we also not family, then? Why are we even here, Taako, i-if that's what you're walkin' around waiting t'have happen?

[A lot of hurtful things have been said today. Barry's not really sure how to deal with this one.]

That's not what I know about family. Same goes for Lup. Does she know y'feel this way?

[pocketspa]

[And that, finally, that hurts.

The problem with Barry, as Taako's always thought, is that he makes you feel sorry for him. Taako considers himself good at not taking pity on people, a skill beaten out of him after years of not being able to concentrate on anyone that wasn't him and Lup. But Barry makes it so fucking easy. He's had a hard life, no doubt. Taako knows the kind of horrors of the multiverse he's seen, because he was right there with him. But where the twins have a kind of shield they can never drop, Barry has always been soft. He still has rounded edges, a kindness to his smile, and pain that shows in his eyes. And it's something Taako can't break. It's something he can't bring himself to.

So that, finally that, he doesn't have a retort to.

Taako looks away, bringing his arms up to cross them, but it looks more like he's hugging himself as he tries not to shake.]

... You could, couldn't you?

[Fuck, why is he doing this, fuck, why is this what breaks him. He digs his nails into both arms, and can't look at him, can barely look at the floor.]

She did. How can I... know, really?

[How does he convince himself to hold onto that trust? How does not even a year with his memories engulf the ten he spent so hopelessly alone? His throat is tight, words heavy and for once, quiet.]

'Ss easy to forget. That everyone's here at all.

[barold]

[The problem with Barry, apparently, is that he trusts too easily. He trusts Taako, he trusts everyone on the ship, in this house, he trusts and loves them all so much. He would fight to his dying breath to protect them, he would kill to keep them safe, he would do anything to make sure all of them have everything they need and more. He doesn't want the people he love to want for anything.

The problem with Barry is that his heart is just too big. That's why this hurts so bad. Loving so many people leaves so many able to hurt him where it counts.]

Taako...

[The elf, on the other hand, doesn't trust at all. Not according to what Barry is hearing right now. That's Taako, always looking over his shoulder, ever vigilant. Even against his own family. To some degree, objectively, it's understandable. That doesn't mean Barry is able or even willing to understand. He couldn't imagine ever suspecting his family like that.

Barry doesn't know what to say to this. Taako won't even look at him. His stomach hurts. He wants to throw up.]

... 'm gonna go find Lup. Sounds like y'wanna be alone right now.

[It hurts to say it. Barry doesn't even know if it hurts Taako's feelings or not - and honestly? Not knowing is the worst part.

He moves past his near-cowering brother-in-law, headed for the door. Unless stopped, he's done here.]

[pocketspa]

[It would be easy to let this go. It would be easy to think they hate him, that he drove them all away, that he was terrible and poisonous and breaking this apart. It would be easy to turn all of that internally, to stew here until he can find somewhere to crawl and try and recover and regain something of himself from the heart he's ripped out of his chest, from the pieces of him he's shredded and torn for weapons and one last word.

He feels small. He feels weak.

He feels like he made a mistake.

Barry moves past him and Taako reaches out and takes his wrist. It's not threatening. It's not harsh. But he's grasping, more desperate than he could put into words.]

Don't leave. Please.

[He can't be responsible for this, anymore. Lucretia's gone. Lup has gone too. Barry's shouted at him and he's retreated into himself and he can't stay here anymore.

Isn't that what family is supposed to do? Make you do better? Push you to be something more?

His throat feels tight, but he chokes out a bit more.]

I don't want to be alone again.

[barold]

[He hadn't expected him to hold him back.

Honestly, Barry wasn't sure what he was expecting. If he was even expecting anything. He'd been prepared to walk out the door and break down sobbing, crying the whole way to wherever Lup took Lucretia. He'd been prepared to avoid going home for the rest of the day, knowing Taako would stew in his own fury and hurt for long enough to have some choice words for all of them as soon as they came home.

Would Lup even want to come home tonight? Would she stay wherever Lucretia ends up? Would Barry stay with them?

He doesn't know. It doesn't matter. Because Taako is holding on to him and asking him to stay. Saying please in the smallest voice he's ever heard him use. There's no way Barry's leaving now.]

Okay. Okay, I... I won't leave.

[Barry might be making a mistake here - he feels like he's already made a few - but he can't stop himself from moving closer. He can't stop himself from turning to face Taako and pulling him closer, wrapping his arms around him, and hugging him tight. Even if Taako doesn't want a hug right now, Barry really does. His stomach still hurts from the elf's distrusting words, from his stubborn refusal to consider past events outside his own perspective, but it doesn't change how much he loves him. It doesn't change that Taako is his brother. That he would kill and die for him in a heartbeat, like he's done so many times in their century together.]

I'm not leavin'. [Barry shudders softly, feeling the tears coming. He squeezes the elf close, runs a hand through his hair.] Not goin' anywhere.

[pocketspa]

[For once, Taako feels like he breaks first.

As soon as he hits Barry's chest, his hands fist into his shirt and he tucks his face down, the tears feeling hot in his eyes as his shoulders shake. He's selfish. He's fucking selfish, for screaming at all of them, for shoving them away and then expecting them to comfort him when he's down. When has he ever done anything for them? When has he ever given anything back? He's allowed to be hurt, but--

Well, it's the paradox. He deserves to be who he is, to act as he does, because he's struggled so hard to live and survive. The world owes him. The universe owes him everything. But he doesn't want to give that back. To become that ugliness, to break someone over his knee-- that's not Taako. If they remember it, if something he does crystallizes into horror and trauma and vengeance, he's gone too far.

That look in Barry's eyes, pushing him to walk out, to leave him? He knows where Barry's limits are. And he knows he crossed them.

His voice feels rough and wet, throat scratchy and pained, but he's still talking as he gulps for air.]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I don't know what to fucking do, I don't want to forget, I don't want to be alone again.

[Ironically, he doesn't remember if he's ever broken down like this on Barry. Everything feels like a blur, from having a family to nothing to everything all at once. There's still that well of shame, the anxiety of vulnerability, but he can't bring himself to let go.

He really is sorry. For what it's worth.]

[barold]

It's okay. It's okay, Taako, it's okay...

[Barry might be bad at a lot of things. Confrontation, conflict mediation, remaining impartial in a fight. Usually when the people he love are fighting, Barry keeps his opinions to himself, retreating to a dark, quiet place to brood and nurse his feelings until the yelling is over. The fiery, passionate spirits of some of his family members can sometimes be a little too much, something Barry isn't necessarily equipped to handle. The most he can do is help pick up the pieces in the aftermath. Comfort and soothe when the people he care about are hurting.

At least he's good at that. This. Hugging, soothing, picking up the pieces. This is the only thing he knows he can do for Taako right now.]

I know, Taako, I know... Nobody's gonna make ya forget. Nobody's gonna leave ya. I promise y'that, Taako. You're not gonna be alone again.

[He holds Taako close, feeling him trembling against him, clinging, weeping. This is so hard for him. Barry knows exactly how averse Taako is to this sort of thing, being this vulnerable, this small, even with someone he's known for a century. He's going to be here for him as best he can. Hold him close, gently stroking a big, warm hand over his back, his hair, letting him cry without letting anyone else see.

Taako should know Barry well enough to know he'll take this with him to the grave. No one will know except the two of them.]

D'ya think y'wanna talk t'Lup for a bit? Or wait 'til mornin', when things have simmered down? [He squeezes the elf closer.] Y'gotta talk to her, Taako... I know it's hard, but y'gotta.

[pocketspa]

[He fists his fingers into Barry's shirt, standing but still curling himself as tight as he can into Barry's chest. It's a long time coming for the burst of this tension, six months since he got back after knowing what Lucretia did and simply pushing it off because Lup was right by his side. He should've confronted this. He should have done so many things. But now all he wants to think about is someone holding him, the gasped breaths where he can get gulps of air between the tight way he's pressing himself inward. Everything's too much. All of it's always been too much. Why should he even have to deal with this.

Taako registers that Barry's talking, eventually, but it takes him a minute to have the combination of air and words to actually respond.]

Yeah, I... yeah. I know.

[He doesn't want to have hurt her. But he did. And while he knows showing up like this would probably be enough for her to forgive him in an instant, he doesn't really want it to be that way anyway. He wants to... be better. She deserves him better.

Taako pulls himself back enough to breathe, making a wet sniffing noise and reaching up to shove a hand between Barry's body and his face to wipe some of that away.]

Can you, just... can you call her in like an hour? When I have time to, I dunno, stop all... all this. Actually talk.

[barold]

[At least he doesn't fight him on this. At least Taako knows what he has to do, and is prepared to do it.

In time. The least Barry can do is give him a little more time.]

Of course. Yeah, I'll call her later. No problem.

[Giving both of them time to simmer down is probably for the best. They might not have fought like this much in the century on the ship, but Barry knows first hand just how volatile the two of them can get when they're both fired up, egging each other on, pushing each other's buttons.

There's a hope, a small careful hope, that Taako will be able to talk to Lucretia too once he's calmed down. Maybe not right away, but... somewhere down the line. Baby steps. Not inviting her to stay with them in the house, but maybe letting her come over for dinner once in a while. His trust in her might be irreparably damaged, but you don't need too much trust in a dinner guest, right?

That's for another time. For now, Barry just keeps his hands on Taako, giving him as much space and as much touch as he feels he can handle.]

Wanna join me in th'kitchen? I'll put on some tea, get us some blankets. Whatever y'need.

[Trust in Barry to offer tea to someone who just verbally tore his ass to shreds.]

[pocketspa]

[He's just trying to find it in him to breathe, right now. His throat hurts, his eyes sting, he hates these feelings and can do absolutely nothing about them except give it time and try not to mourn himself. He's not even thinking about Lucretia right now- or at least, he's trying not to. Barry's right here. Lup was right there. And they didn't leave him, they're-- they're at least trying.

He huffs, but even Taako finds a chuckle in that statement.]

Jeez, Bar, you really like getting whipped around, huh? We yell at each other and then you wanna take care of me or something.

[He's still grateful, even though he knows he doesn't deserve it. The least he can do is make the tea. He probably won't.

Barry will get some cookies later. Just for him, in a little wrapped tin, left on his bed. Don't @ him. It's the only way he knows to say i'm sorry and thank you.]

Let's just. Get outta here, okay?