The Killing Game

[quaerit]

Who: The Raven crew: Gansey, Blue, Adam, Ronan and Noah
What: Blue targets Gansey during the Assassin event
Where: The Raven House.
When: During Rage's Assassin event
Warnings: Attempted murder, the full list of swear words known by Ronan Lynch, teenage angst.

[ As far as Gansey knows, it's an ordinary morning in their house. He's yet to venture outside, and hasn't seen any of his friends emerge from their rooms. Given that his own is the living room these days, and also given that he struggles to sleep most nights, he typically finds himself wandering around alone in the mornings. This isn't a place with a great prevalence of cereal boxes, and his beloved car is still at home, so his usual methods of distracting a wakeful mind are unavailable.

That's why, on this particular morning, his friends will arrive to discover Gansey has built some approximation of the Eiffel Tower out of a range of the house's cutlery. There may have been one or two minor crashes, when his efforts collapsed on him, but really, that should just make everyone glad that he didn't decide to use the plates. This is a lot harder than it looks. He's in the kitchen, minding his own business, and setting this monstrosity up on one of the counters. There's also some indeterminate can of something being warmed in the microwave; let no one say he never attempts to cook for his friends.

Oblivious to what's started to happen around the city, Gansey goes innocently about his model building, and waits for the first of them to wake up. ]

Comments

[unknowable]

[Adam has always resisted Gansey's particular care, unable to realize that it was more than pity or smug benevolence, unused to being cared for at all. He's gotten better about it - about that kind of thing in general - but it still doesn't always come easy to him. It's far easier for him to accept the need to look after Gansey than the need to be looked after himself. He doesn't question Ronan's assertion that they always do, because for him, it's true. He looks after Gansey's safety in his own way. He always has.

For a moment, he pauses, distracted by the easy way Ronan removes his shirt. Adam hasn't put his own back on mainly because it's really a hassle, with only one shoulder he can move without pain, but he would be lying if he didn't admit that there is a tiny part of him that likes the way Ronan looks at him when he's like this. Adam is not used to being looked at like something attractive, and he has enough carefully hidden vanity to like it, rare and impossible as it is. But he wasn't quite expecting Ronan to join him.

Not that he's complaining. He's wanted to look at Ronan's tattoo for awhile now, and now he can. He rests his hand gently on Ronan's back, between his shoulderblades, and drags his mind back to their conversation.

It's so easy for Ronan to say things that Adam thinks of as selfish, as something he shouldn't admit. It almost makes him that it might be okay, sometimes, to think those things.]

You wouldn't.

[His voice is soft. It was never Ronan attacking him that he thought of. Ronan wouldn't hurt him. But Adam - he knows he's capable of awful things. He's always been afraid of hurting Ronan. He traces the line of something that looks like a vine, twined all through a knot beside Ronan's left shoulderblade.]

What do you want to talk about?

[greywaren]

[Ronan settles back easy when Adam touches him, lowering down onto his elbows and careful to keep still when Adam's fingers slide along his shoulders. His tattoo splays down his back, a twisting curving thing made of feathers and thorns and blades and hidden flowers. People around him often catch a glimpse of it, but very rarely is anyone able to see the whole thing, especially not up close like this. Adam is likely the first person to see it like this since he'd gotten it done, and Ronan can't help but to smile a little at the thought, though the expression is hidden in the way his face is tilted down and away from Adam's eyes.

He lets him touch, though. Something about this feels personal, a transference of something vulnerable and intimate, but Ronan breathes through it and lets it happen however it needs to, refocuses on the current conversation.

There are a few long beats of silence. Ronan isn't quite sure what he'd want to change the subject to, but after awhile, he starts to speak, his voice low.]

I had a dream, the other night.

[It's a little softer. He still doesn't look up toward Adam, but he's not quite as closed off as he could be. He recounts the dream in quiet tones, not entirely detached and impersonal, but gentle, maybe a little disturbed. He wouldn't say it like this to anyone else.]

We were all at a pawn shop- watches and rings and old cameras and shit. We found a shelf with fuckton of snowglobes. Inside of them, there was every place we ever knew. [It's a little lighter there, a slightly happier memory, but Ronan doesn't look up because he has to continue.]

Aglionby, St. Agnes- even Harborview, but that one was broken. The trailer park was broken too.

[They'd be idiots if they didn't recognize the significance of that, but it's not a thing for saying out loud and so he doesn't- just continues speaking, soft, echoing out the rest of the dream. Ronan wets his lips, his fingers tightening against his sheet, the muscles in his back going just a little tense.]

I tried to take the Barns, but it broke when I woke up. Cut myself pretty good, got glitter water all over my sheets.

[He scoffs.]

Fuckin' lame.

[unknowable]

[He feels Ronan tense under his fingertips, but he doesn't remove his hand. Adam knows him well enough to know that it isn't because of Adam's touch, it's because of the dream he's remembering. Not a nightmare, but not a hopeful dream, exactly. Maybe contact helps, a little, maybe Adam can help.

He's seen bits and pieces of Ronan's tattoo before, glimpses here and there, but he's never gotten the chance to simply look at it like this. It's an elaborate and complicated thing, drawing the eye, and he feels like he could look at it for hours and still find new things here and there - a curled claw that looks like Chainsaw's, a flower cradled in the curve of a thorn, something that looks like a cross but might be a sword. His fingers brush over Ronan's skin, a soft touch, exploring but not imposing.]

Can't take something that's already yours, I guess.

[Adam knows that Ronan misses the Barns terribly. It's been months, nearly a year since he's seen it, and it's such a part of him - such a vital part - that it must hurt to be apart from it. Adam can't do anything to make that better. He can't do anything but hope they can find a way home eventually, and try to offer Ronan what little solace he can until then.]

You want me to interpret your dream?

[He presses his palm against Ronan's spine, gently, as gentle as his voice.]

It definitely means you shouldn't touch broken glass, dumbass.

[greywaren]

Don't call me a dumbass, dumbass.

[Part of him wants to be annoyed that Adam is treating this so lightly, but the other part of him is pleased for it. Of course Adam knows how much he misses his home, of course Adam knows that he'd give anything to go back, and it's reflecting in his dreams. Ronan supposes that they can both be sad about it, or Adam can try to cheer him up and lighten the mood.

It wasn't exactly what he had in mind when he changed the subject, but it's something.

Besides, maybe it's not the best of things to discuss with Adam's hand pressed flat against him, and Ronan closes his eyes at the feel of it, tipping his head forward with a long exhale. He can feel the softness of Adam's fingertips now- and that has to be new- the warmth of his palm, the spread of his elegant fingers, flush against his back. Intentionally- or unintentionally, he doesn't know- the muscles in Ronan's back go tight, flexing under the touch, before he forces himself to relax again.

Breathe.]

I've had dreams like this too.

[Breathe.

Ronan opens his eyes and tries to refocus himself, but it's impossible, as if Adam's hands had pushed him off the edge of a cliff and he's just falling, unable to focus on anything but the rush of air past his ears and the low rumbling of truth, snatched from his throat.]

-minus the part where you have a fucking gunshot wound, obviously.

[unknowable]

[He feels Ronan tense. He doesn't pull his hand away, but he does go still. He doesn't know how to interpret that. He will, someday, he'll know exactly what it means when Ronan goes still under his touch, he'll be able to understand every movement and soft sound. But until very recently, they'd rarely touched, especially not like this. He doesn't know, and so he's careful.

Ronan might not want Adam touching him anymore. Or maybe it's a reaction to what he said - but that, Adam is less worried about. There's always been a lightness, a teasing to their interactions at times. Sometimes it goes too far and one of them gets stung, but Adam doesn't think this is one of those times.

Or maybe it's a response to his touch, but not a negative one. Or maybe it's just that his thoughts have lead him somewhere tense. Adam can guess, but he isn't sure. He doesn't remove his hand, though, because he doesn't want to. Ronan can tell him to back off if that's what he wants, and Adam will, but without certainty he won't move.]

Thanks for not dreaming me with a gunshot wound.

[His tone is dry, amused, but he's thinking about what Ronan said and it softens, changes into something else.]

I like that you dream of me at all, though. Like this.

[greywaren]

[He doesn't mind the touch- he likes it too much, actually, and it pushes his focus and concern away, pinpointing every sensation of feeling into the touch of Adam's fingers. He wants it to keep going, though- he just admitted that he's had dreams about it, so he hopes that it would be clear- but he can understand if Adam wants to back off.

Adam has a gunshot wound, after all. They probably shouldn't get into anything too physical, no matter how the touch to his back makes him want to respond. Ronan's eyes are lowered toward the bedsheets for a few moments before he turns on his side, displacing Adam's hand and tucking an arm under his head so he can tilt upward more easily, look toward Adam with a darkly pleased expression.]

You think I wouldn't?

[There's another breath of a pause, before Ronan shoves himself back up to a sitting position, still resting mostly on his side with his legs outstretched and his arms in front of him, braced with his palm against the sheets. It's a position that lets him lean in a little closer, his chin brushing against Adam's shoulder.]

I can tell you about it.

[Cheeky, maybe teasing him a little. Despite the fact that they probably shouldn't, it's damn near impossible to resist messing with him, now that they can. Adam is still injured, Ronan still has a cast. Nothing will happen, but- there's still a little thrill to be had in making him flush, isn't there?]

[unknowable]

[He knows he shouldn't take the bait. Ronan is teasing him, or flirting, or maybe both. They can't do anything - Adam can barely lift his arm, so it doesn't really matter what he wants, when the fact of the matter is that anything but a very gentle touch will get painful. Now isn't the time or the place.

But it still thrills him that Ronan is comfortable flirting now, is comfortable letting things go in directions he would have gotten spiky and angry at before. Adam was never playing, but he can understand why Ronan didn't like it. Now, though, things are different.

And he's curious.]

Okay. Tell me.

[His gaze is challenging, then, if not a little amused. And - not hestitant, exactly. Shy, maybe, just a tiny bit. This is all new ground for Adam, for both of them. He's made up his mind and committed himself to his path, he knows what he wants, but that doesn't mean that walking this uncharted path is always easy.

He leans in just a little closer, inches away from Ronan. Adam could kiss him right now. He doesn't, but he thinks about it.]

[greywaren]

[He doesn't... actually expect for Adam to rise to the challenge, but Ronan quickly masks any potential surprise with a smirk. He'd rather not show any sort of weakness in this, but- well, this is a bit of a large step, and though Ronan would like to be able to follow through on anything he says, even he knows that there are a dozen reasons why they shouldn't fall into each other.

So, he eases back a little instead, shrugging callously.]

I don't know- I don't think I should spoil the surprise.

[Which is already a little silly, since he was the one to challenge in the first place, but Ronan manages to back down, allows Adam a little victory- even if it's just in teasing and giving into stupid flirtations. Congratulations on calling his bluff, at least.

Ronan is too far away now, Adam has lost his chance for a kiss, but at least they were close for awhile.]

Patience, Parrish. Think of our chastity.

[unknowable]

[He's a little disappointed, but amused as well. Ronan is usually bold and careful to seem unafraid of anything, even if a lot of it is bravado. Adam's slowly gotten better and better at picking those moments out. But even so, he rarely backs down like this - Adam isn't sure if he should feel victorious or not.

He knows they couldn't have done anything anyway, and they were wandering a little too close to areas they shouldn't. Not right now, at least. But even so, Adam would have liked to hear Ronan's answer. He'd have liked to have him stay close, too, and more.

But it's all right. It's for the best, and really Adam should head back to his room anyway. Let Ronan have his space, make sure they're both focused on the important things - keeping Gansey safe while this craziness is happening, for example.]

Right, of course. You're a good Catholic boy, and here I am leading you down a path of sin.

[He smiles, picking up his shirt.]

Hey - thanks. For helping with this.

[greywaren]

[And just like that, Adam has pulled away, is moving to get his shirt. Ronan knows that he's the one who stopped this, but he still can't help feeling disappointed anyway. He did it for both their sakes of course, and for some consideration to Gansey as well, but part of him wanted to keep touching one another like this- casual, welcome contact.

They can't have everything, though, even if sometimes Ronan thinks that they already do. So he sighs, heaving himself up like it's an imposition- though of course, it's not, and reaching for Adam's shirt instead, snatching it away from him.]

Let me.

[Ronan fluffs it out then, giving the garment a quick once-over, before frowning, pointing at a near-invisible stain on the shoulder of it.]

Jesus, Parrish, you bled all over it. [That absolutely won't do, and with an exaggerated eyeroll, Ronan balls up the shirt, tossing it in the corner of his room, where it hangs over a half-assembled wicker basket.]

Borrow one of mine instead.

[unknowable]

[Since when has Ronan ever cared about stained clothing? Adam doesn't quite roll his eyes, but he's not buying it. He lets Ronan take the shirt, though, and decides not to question it. Not right now, anyway.

Besides, he sort of likes the idea of wearing one of Ronan's shirts. They aren't really Adam's style, mostly because Adam doesn't have a style to speak of unless you count wearing mainly things from the thrift store because he couldn't afford better. Here, he just wears whatever fits and doesn't look too weird.]

All right. Sure.

[He was just going to take his shirt into his room, though - it's too awkward to get dressed in front of someone else, not when he can't lift his arm much. He still doesn't really want Ronan to see that, though he's aware Ronan would probably just think it was funny. Maybe that's why he doesn't want Ronan to see it.]

Go get me one, but you'll have to help me get it on.

[That might be asking too much - pushing too far. But if so, Adam will back down. He doesn't want to make things weird. He does want Ronan's shirt, though.]

[greywaren]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ronan sighs as he moves over toward his dresser, which is mostly empty. There's nothing that remotely looks like clothing hanging up in his closet either, and he resists the urge to look back at Adam to see his reaction to the state of mess that his room is in. Not that Adam is the cleanest guy ever, but- well. Probably a bit better than this.

The clothes hamper is at least clean though, so Ronan digs through that, tossing aside socks and pants until he finds something workable. It's not much to look at, just a dark t-shirt that happened to fit, and he turns it right side out, holding it up for a moment to make sure that it's actually clean and not excessively full of holes.

It seems to pass his test though, because he steps in closer next, not minding in the slightest that he'd have to help Adam into it. Honestly, it means enough to him that Adam would even suggest a thing, and Ronan is grateful for the flash of vulnerability that it puts between them.]

Here, bad arm first.

[He'd never say it though.

Ronan figures that it would be easier to start with the arm that has limited mobility, and he tucks the shirt up and eases the sleeve of it over Adam's wrist, and up to his shoulder. There's a quick scuffle as he tries to properly fit Adam's head through the neck hole, disheveling his hair in the process, and then gently stretches out the rest of the material to accommodate his good arm.

Not bad.]

There, [Ronan murmurs, tugging the hem of his shirt down over Adam's stomach. It fits a little looser on Adam than it does on Ronan, and the sudden thought of it makes his stomach turn relentlessly as he steps back to take a better look.]

Good as new.

[unknowable]

[Ronan is not practiced, but he's careful, even gentle. The shirt doesn't pull at Adam's shoulder, and he doesn't really need to lift his arm, so it's less painful than getting dressed by himself this morning was. Adam would rather not have to ask for help every day - he won't, he can handle a little pain - but right now, he appreciates it. He also appreciates that Ronan managed to find a clean shirt for him. It seems like that might be a rarity.

He tugs at the shirt with his good hand so it falls the way it should. It feels a little odd to be wearing Ronan's shirt, but - well, he loaned one of his to Ronan, ages ago, and he never got it back. He sort of doubts he's getting the one he wore today back, either. And that's okay. He'll keep this one in return.]

Thanks.

[He smiles at Ronan, easy and affectionate, and runs a hand through his hair to try to get it back to some semblance of order. It doesn't work that well, but it's an improvement, a little.

He would like to stay here with Ronan and get up to - well, whatever they might think of. Adam has a lot of ideas. But with Gansey and Blue at odds, with someone out there intent on killing each of them, now isn't the time. If nothing else, they both have to try to keep the peace, keep any blood from being spilled here.

For a moment he hesitates, then he steps closer, leaning in to press a careful kiss to the corner of Ronan's lips.]

I better go.

[greywaren]

[Ronan's heart lifts with that smile, with every minute movement of Adam's body that suggests he's not in pain. He feels revitalized with that smile, like he could take on the rest of the world in here- even Blue, even his own assassin, even Fear himself.

He starts to smile back, but the expression is cut off by a kiss, and Ronan returns the gesture, at once marveling at how sweet Adam is. Before this, when they were alone and watching one another through feet of empty space- sometimes, rarely, Ronan would try to imagine what something like this could be like. All he had for context back then was the way that Adam had tried to court Blue and Declan's own shoddy dating skills.

He'd thought- wondered, maybe a tiny part of him had hoped- that Adam would be as cautious and as sure as he was with Blue. That Adam would like him, really fucking like him, no matter how high school bullshit that sounds, and in those rare snapshots of moments, Ronan didn't know if he'd even be able to respond to such a thing, but some soft, silly part of him had had wanted it anyway.

Now, he kisses back, reaches in to squeeze Adam's hand, and presses their foreheads together just for a moment before nodding and stepping back, a smile still tugging at his mouth.]

Then go. I'll see you around.

[unknowable]

[It feels easy, in a way, to be affectionate with Ronan like this. Adam is still finding his balance, feeling out the edges of their relationship, figuring out what he can do and what he shouldn't, but in some ways it's easy. Fierce, intimidating Ronan responds so easily to Adam's careful affection now, and that more than anything tells Adam that he meant this, he meant all of it. That he really does like Adam.

Not that there was really any doubt anymore. But still.

He squeezes Ronan's hand in return, then lets go.]

Yeah. See you later.

[And though he'd like to stay, Adam does what he knows he ought to do. He goes back out Ronan's door, onto the balcony, and back to his own room. His shoulder feels better, he feels light and surprisingly happy despite the dire situations they always seem to be in. It's not impossible to find good things here.]