hadriel_logs | [CLOSED]

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Who: Ignis Scientia & Noctis Lucis Caelum
What: Stopping for the night
Where: A small island, faaaar out to sea
When: August 30th... ish
Warnings: n/a

--

[Often, the two of them have sailed through the night, with one or the other catching quick cat-naps before taking over from the other. Tonight, though, just before sunset, they came across a small, ragged little island that offered them the opportunity to stop.

The sun has long since gone down, but the encroaching darkness is broken up by the crackling, merry blaze of a camp fire and a multitude of stars shining down overhead through broken cloud. Supplies for the trip were the only thing that Ignis could not say were lacking in the slightest, and they haven't gone hungry, but he does strangely miss the actual act of cooking for himself even if he would always say he doesn't particularly care for it. He pushes what's left of his food around the bowl with his fork, then sets it aside.

Hadriel has never made it easy to track time. He would have missed his own birthday easily, and it takes some thought now to count up just how long he's been here, but there's one date he would always make an effort to remember.]

Ah, Noct... I have something for you.

[It's been good to spend time together, just with the two of them. No small amount of it has been hard work, but made easier by the company and the way they have always known just what the other will do moments before they do it. Being in this place has put pressure on them both and Ignis would have to be blind and deaf to have missed the strain his friend has been showing.]

I can't be entirely certain if I missed it, but I'm sure I'm within a few days--... [He pulls a little, hand-sewn bag out of his pocket and offers it out, giving a small smile along with it.] For your birthday.

[Inside the bag, carefully put together is a delicate pendant made from iridescent blue shell fragments. It's a close match to the one perpetually hanging around Ignis' neck, the symbol of a bloodline and a loyalty sworn long ago by the clasping of two small hands.]

I'm only sorry I couldn't find a chain for it before we left.

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[ There have been cracks in the relationship ever since he'd been here, but Noctis has never been one to proactively address or fix them -- he deals with it the best way he knows how; to retreat, his own tension, displeasure and insecurities tucked into the back of his mind.

It's something he nurses in private, jealously guarding his own secrets, the bond he shares with Ignis. These days have been blessedly welcome, just the two of them -- he misses Prompto and Gladio sorely, too, but he holds out hope that they will turn up here again someday. Now, however, there's a lot for him to deal with, the very real fear that Ignis would leave him for something in this city, that when Noctis turns to look for him, he won't be there.

He said it as much when they first met, hadn't they? He hasn't forgotten.

So he's not holding out much expectation for anything to change, even if he had been terribly disappointed, enjoying the time he gets with him, the things they share that can never be replaced by another.

Maybe if he leaves it alone long enough, things will get better.

Things are looking good tonight, however, even if Noctis doesn't have much of an appetite. This island is strangely serene and peaceful, and Noctis is actually enjoying land for once. They'll fix their boat when morning comes, but he's in no hurry.

He glances away from the starlit sky when Ignis breaks the companionable silence, curiosity piqued as he looks over what he offers. He's reaching for the little bag, surprised and warmed by the gesture, and softens into a genuine smile (the first, in all the time he has been here) when he sees what's in it.

It's stunningly beautiful, and he's charmed, a finger stroking over what seems to be similar the necklace Ignis wears. ]

Hey, isn't this the shell we got the other day?

[ Delicately, wonderfully repurposed, and it seems to flare in the dancing firelight. ] Thanks, Iggy. It's beautiful.

[ He pauses, then carefully: ] You didn't have to.

Edited 2018-09-12 08:40 (UTC)

[New friends made in this place can't even come close to making up for the absence of Prompto and Gladiolus, as well as others. Ignis has managed, over time, to carve a small niche out for himself in the day to day of Hadriel and yet it always so undeniably feels as if something is missing. Yet, it isn't entirely strange. After all, he and Noctis were one another's closest friends for several years before anyone else came into the picture at all.

He observes Noct's reaction to the gift and seems to find it satisfactory enough, a small smile lingering on his lips and a nod given to the question asked.]

The very same. [It had seemed a pity to break something so stunning, but once the idea had come to him he hadn't been able to shake it. Hadriel doesn't offer much by way of supplies in making such things... but thankfully a little bonding agent hadn't been too difficult to come by in the end.

Then, though, there's that-- 'you didn't have to' and the edge of his expression turns curious. No, of course he didn't have to.]

Why would I not want to?

[It's such a small, easy gesture to make. Noting a date he can't even be sure he got right in a place where the passing of time means nothing, but one that is important regardless.]

I've never missed your birthday.

[ It does seem like a pity to break something so stunning, but the product that emerged from it is something even more exquisite than the item itself. Ignis has an incredible skill with design, and he can't help but turn the pendant this way and that, tracing over the beautiful pattern with his fingers.

It's gorgeous, but he pauses at that question, trying to figure out how to respond to that. It'd slipped out without him intending to, and he closes his hand around it like it's something precious -- and it is. ]

Yeah, you haven't.

[ He says softly after a few moments, as if realizing it anew. He doesn't add more, the words caught in his throat. No, he hasn't forgotten his birthday before -- although Noctis genuinely thought that maybe this year, he would. He shouldn't have, on hindsight -- their bond runs far, far deeper than any connection made here. He shouldn't have doubted Ignis, and yet, somehow it had eventually evolved this way. ]

I guess I'd thought things changed with us.

[Ignis doesn't expect this to turn into anything, because whatever has been on Noctis' mind is something he hasn't seemed open to sharing. While his friend examines his gift Ignis turns his attention to the fire, poking lightly at it with a thick and by now slightly charred branch. A slim piece of mostly-burned wood collapses, sending a shower of sparks up into the smoke rising from the flames.

But then he pauses, hesitating long enough that the wood he's holding catches fire and he has to put it out against the fine stones they're sitting on. Curiosity shifts to sincere confusion, and subtly, in the back of the expression and almost entirely hidden by the glint of the firelight off his spectacles, he looks stung.

Oh, he's certainly noticed things have been oddly strained, especially when Kate is around, but this..?]

Changed? Enough that I'd forget about your birthday? [Things have changed - a place like this, far from the bonds of duty and the inexorable pull of Fate, will always do that - and they aren't together as constantly as they have been in recent years, but he had thought--

Ignis realises very quickly now, in this quiet space with just the two of them, that he has been overlooking something far more pressing than he had been giving it credit for.

He also realises that he isn't certain of how to approach it.]

... Why would you think that?

Don't you remember what you said to me before?

[ There's no getting around this now, and it comes out -- strangely bitter, way more bitter than he intends it to be. ] Something about how you have to go to others first now.

[ At least, that's how he processed and registered it, how he'd harbored it in his heart, sad and lonelier than he's ever been. He doesn't like this city, doesn't like that the people in it have taken Ignis away from him, and he's never liked sharing.

He tucks the pendant back and puts it in his pocket, rising to his feet. All his life Ignis has been his, first and foremost. And now that things seem to be changing he doesn't really know what to do. Prompto isn't here, and neither is Gladio, there's no one else here for him, and Noctis doesn't do well on his own. ]

[Remember what he said? He's said many things and it doesn't register what's meant by that until the bitter follow-up, and everything abruptly falls into place.]

I remember what I said. [He replies with a small but noticeable frown.] I told you that I had taken on certain responsibilities since my own arrival months before.

[Ones that meant he had other people to protect, other people to think of. He had never seen it as a bad thing - his involvement in the Guard has been something that kept him grounded and busy.

Ignis shifts position, but he doesn't stand up when Noctis does.]

That was, and remains true. I also said that you would remain my priority, though there may be times - due to this place's unpredictability - when I would be unable to be with you or may not recognise you. [His voice stays level, even, the kind of steely patience in it that has won him many a debate. He's stung by this, but he doesn't let it show. Not yet.]

And I told you that we should not forget that our best resource here would be one another. Do you remember that?

...Best resource.

[ Noctis stares at him, echoing those words. If he had been in a better mood, he would've dismissed that, but even this now seems to be rubbing him the wrong way. His hand finds its way into his pocket, rubbing over the precious little gift in its little bag, the gift Ignis had painstakingly made for him.

He's not looking to win anything, not least a debate, this is someone who's been hurting, who's kept his own feelings on the matter quiet, escaping the unpleasantness whenever he can. ]

And I said I would always recognise you, no matter what.

[ Probably, he did say that, didn't he? He's not too sure now, but he feels every ounce of it. ] You're more than just a resource.

[To Ignis' recollection, that isn't entirely what was said, but there is more going on here than a simple perception of a small slight. He clamps down firmly on the irritation he feels sparking at this, at how something so evidently important must have waited until now to come out.

He knows Noctis so well, so how can he not see that retort for what it is? Picking at what Ignis says, finding what he can to fuel what he's finally finding words to express.]

You know very well that reducing the both of us to a resource to be used wasn't the intent. [But a friendship can be a resource as much needed as anything else, particularly here, where things so often conspire to drive people apart. It was such a relief when Noctis and the others arrived, and a comfort when he stayed after all the others left. Sometimes, he's still unsure of relying on how long it might last.]

What is this really about, Noct?

[ How does he even begin to tell him? Noctis has never been the best communicator -- hell, look at what he's doing now; holding his own bitterness and insecurities in until it's come tumbling out, and he hates himself for it.

He's cooler than that, better than that -- but the truth remains that this is his closest, oldest friend, and the only person who matters here in this godforsaken world. Noctis knows, too, that it isn't what Ignis intends -- he's sore, and picking fights the way he's always had, his own feelings stinging.

He looks away, finding none of the comfort when he thinks it's only a matter of time. ]

...Sometimes I think you'll leave me for this life you've made here. And that other person.

[ That other, that intruder, that person Noctis had always stayed away from. Interloper, he'd thought, his dislike couched in cold indifference. ]

['That other person', he says, and Ignis is silent for a moment.]

Kate. She has a name.

[Ignis carefully keeps the way he can feel himself bristling up under wraps, so immediately and fiercely defensive of someone who has done so much for him while he's been here. He shakes his head, his eyes burning sharply into Noctis even as he looks away.]

You have been my closest, dearest friend for more than fifteen years. [Gods, that's why this stings so much. It does sting, he realises, as he identifies a sudden hot discomfort in the pit of his stomach not as anger but something close to disappointment. It curls there and rolls over into faint nausea, blended in with wounded disbelief.]

We grew up together. Our lives have been tied to each other for as long as I can remember. [He passes over, for now, how his entire life has been bound to Noct's service. Bound to the royal line. That isn't what needs to be argued now.] I have made a life here, yes. Sitting and doing nothing is not in my nature, as you well know. But thinking, even for a moment, that anything could reduce your importance to me? Against the years of our friendship, everything I have done for you, everything that I will do for you? That is unworthy of you, Noct. It is unworthy of you.

[ He doesn't care for her, that much is obvious -- so much of it is jealousy, dislike, and he doesn't say anything. But Ignis' words sting, so much of it, a reminder of how much Ignis has done for him, how much he has wordlessly sacrificed.

His mouth is dry, and he exhales. There is little reassurance to be found in those words when it's buffered by Noctis' insecurities, but he realises just how his words had hurt Ignis, and he looks back at him, guilt curling in his chest like an ugly little thing. He has never had to share Ignis before, he's never needed to feel threatened, and yet. ]

...I'm sorry.

['As you should be,' his thoughts prompt him to say, but he holds it in like a burning coal in the pit of his stomach. He's never had to feel that Noctis didn't respect him before, that any choice of his would be seen as worthy of disdain, and yet here it is and he finds himself uncertain of how to properly respond.

If it had been anyone but Noctis, he could have found the words so easily.

He knows, though, that some of the fault lies with him for not noticing this sooner. That his own single-mindedness had not assigned the level of urgency to Noct's behaviour that it should have. Yet... he wouldn't have thought for a moment that it could come to a point like this, where he would prompt a fear of abandonment.]

Sit down. [Ignis says, keeping his voice level.] Let's talk about this.

[ Noctis looks over at him, wary. They're definitely going to have to talk about this, but what about? He's pretty sure whatever that'll come after isn't going to be pleasant, and he considers him briefly.

Noctis is, after all, nursing his own insecurities, so long gone unnoticed. He's afraid, of course; that he would be abandoned, that he would be charged with... whatever this is, and more than anything Noctis finds himself not wanting to talk. But he has to, probably. He has to at least try; Ignis deserves that much. ]

What about?

[Ignis, too, is certain that this won't be comfortable. Something he has always considered so very solid has been rattled, but now the spotlight is shining on it there's no way to turn his back and pretend he didn't see, that he didn't hear. It would be an insult to the both of them to ignore it, and he utters a soft sound of disbelief at his friend's reply.]

What ab-- You brought this to my attention, Noctis. Do you not think it worthy of discussion?

[They should, and no matter what the response he knows he cannot let this lie.]

Sit. [He says again, a little more gently - more a suggestion than a demand.] If I've given you cause to doubt our friendship to the extent that you felt you could say nothing about it, then I would at least like to know where I misstepped so grievously.

[ What part of Noctis has Ignis convinced that he would actually be good at the discussion part of things? Already Noctis is thinking of ways to head it off, to squirm out of it and pretend nothing's wrong because that's how shit works, right? (Wrong.)

Still, he sits, amenable to the suggestion. He would have bucked fiercely if it had been phrased as a demand, and reluctantly, he crosses his legs, trying to find the words to say. Finally, he settles on a delicate: ]

... It's always been you and me, ever since we were little. When I had no one, I had you.

[It might have been easy for him to do just that, if there had been anywhere for him to run to. But here, under the faint moon and starlight, Ignis can see the other side of this small island from where they sit. There's nowhere to run, and they have a good time at sea in front of them yet.

He waits, patiently and quietly, for Noctis to sort through his thoughts and speak. Approaching delicate situations has always been Ignis' forte, something he has been educated and trained for, but he knows that his friend is far more capable of it than most would give him credit.]

And you will always have me, until the very end. Nothing could come between us to change that.

[Ignis answers easily, without hesitation and with complete faith in his own words. It isn't only duty that holds him to Noctis. It's friendship, and brotherhood, and a deep bond that goes beyond either of those things.]

[ No, there really is nowhere to run, is there? Expressions of emotion have always been hard as hell for him, and Noctis is uncomfortable, shifting underneath that honest, heartfelt sentiment. ]

...Yeah, okay.

[ He says at length, just a touch more mollified compared to before. Noctis will always have Ignis, and that's the important thing. He fidgets, fiddling with the sand at his feet, not looking at him as he lets the grains slip through his fingertips. ]

I seriously thought I would've. That you would choose someone else. I didn't know what to do about that.

I.. have to admit I'm more than a little stung that you'd even consider I'd abandon you so easily.

[There it is, his own honesty, if they're going to be so honest. Things may be different here, but they are not so different that he would brush his closest friend aside without a second thought. And isn't it always Noctis telling him that he's far more than just a retainer?

'That person', he'd said, and how quickly Ignis had snapped back in retailiation against the impolite term. He shakes his head slightly.]

Kate has no interest in replacing you. She is very aware of how important a position you hold in my life, to the point that she... has previously withheld her own troubles from me in order to allow me to be with you without also worrying about her.

Edited (typo) 2018-10-19 09:49 (UTC)

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