Event Log: Memories Past

[hadrielmods]

Who: Everyone
What: Memory Share Event!
Where: All around the city
When: November 14th-20th
Warnings: Please remember to tag all warnings for memory shares!

Have you ever looked through someone else's eyes? Heard through their ears, spoken with their tongue? The gods have tried to teach some of you empathy, but it's time you learned the hard way, exactly what the others here have been through. For a week, every time you brush skin to skin with someone, you'll experience a memory of theirs: happy, sad, it doesn't matter. All that matters is that it feels real to you.

The first touch may come as a surprise- it lasts only for a split second but may feel like an eternity, where you're trapped in someone else's memory. After that, it could be more expected, and some may even figure out how to control it and share specific scenes from their past with others. Or, you might wear gloves and long sleeve shirts for awhile, nobody's judging.

Maybe curtail the handholding for awhile- or go right ahead, if that's your thing. After all, you never really know somebody unless you've walked a mile in their shoes, right?

► This log covers November 14th-20th.
► Feel free to make your own logs as well
► Please tag headers of threads with content warnings where they apply
► Please put your character's name and open/closed in the subject line of your starters!
► If you die in a memory, you don't die in real life, but if you do die in real life please let us know here.

Comments

Adam Parrish | open, will match format

[unknowable]

Adam can be found in many places around the city as he tries to keep himself busy during the day. Most common is probably the clinic, where he spends a few hours most days helping out with cleaning, organization, and basic first aid. The streets around it are a likely place too, looking through the shops for useful items.

Though less common, he can be found looking out at the ocean, too. It's familiar now, but still not the sort of thing he ever had the chance to see at home, and sometimes he just likes to look at it.

Adam isn't one for a lot of unnecessary physical contact, but it's not so strange to bump someone's shoulder or brush their arm.

[I've got a few open starters here, but please check out Adam's plotting comment for other options and let me know if you'd like any!]

sacrifice

[unknowable]

This memory begins in an island of stillness in the the middle of chaos.

Adam is there, in the center of a pentagram he has only just thrown himself into. Outside the pentagram are a collection of other teenagers - one of whom is Ronan, also living in Hadriel now, though he's younger in this memory. He is on the ground, having been smashed in the side of the head with a gun. That gun is in the hand of an adult man, and it's being held on one of the teens. One of Adam's dearest friends, now meant to be a sacrifice.

When Adam speaks, within he seems utterly certain, as if this is the only possible course of action. And it is, because a sacrifice must be made, and so he gives up the thing so important to him, the thing he's worked so hard for.

"I sacrifice myself."

One of his friends shouts, denying this, and there is a crackle in the air. The ground begins to shake. The trees are moving, leaves and branches falling, the teenagers yelling in surprise and fear. The man with the gun stands, thwarted anger on his face.

"What would you know what to do with power? What a waste. What a fucking waste."

He raises the gun, points it at Adam, and pulls the trigger. The bullet does not hit Adam, because the magic does not allow it. Instead, it is simply gone.

His friends are horrified. The man drops the gun. The trees begin to speak.

A stampede of strange forest creatrues bursts into the clearing. They part neatly around the pentagram, leaving Adam in utter safety. His friends find shelter. The man who had the gun tries to enter the pentagram, but Adam, who now has the gun, does not allow this. It all happens very suddenly. When the stampede is over, the man is on the ground, dead.

The memory ends.

[theweakhavepurpose]

Pratt is in the stores. Pratt is practically always in the stores, unless he's out helping to plant trees in what used to be the orchard. He has a stockpile of soup and canned goods in his home already but there's something in him that keeps compelling him to go back and check the stores for more. Maybe one day there'll be something he recognizes. Maybe they'll get a sporadic shipment of Mountain House pasta primavera. He has no idea where this food comes from so he can secretly dream of things that most definitely won't happen.

There's usually other people there, people who come often to gather just what they need, not stockpiling like he does. And even he realizes the prepper lifestyle is weird. He blames Hope County even more than he blames the Project at Eden's Gate.

Reaching over to grab what he hopes is a can of peas and not something awful like bug eyeballs, his arm brushes against someone he's never seen before and suddenly he's frozen.

It's all a strange jumble. The forest, the teenagers, the sense of chaos as Pratt tries to process what he's seeing. He recognizes the pentacle for what it is, but not what's happening. No one looks familiar, it's like turning on a television show in the last 15 minutes and trying to figure out the plot.

He backpedals from Adam eventually, though moreso from the creatures stampeding around. There's too many legs, antlers on creatures that shouldn't have them, and everything is in a panic before it abruptly ends.

"What the?.. What the fuck?"

Staring at the man he brushed against, he realizes that's who he just saw in the .. vision? Is that what this is? His mind has seized on the sacrifice and is trying to fit that into his very narrow concept of sacrifice as drilled into him by Jacob.

From his expression it's not going so well.

[unknowable]

He doesn't know what Pratt saw, but he knows what's been happening. He's had enough uncomfortable encounters with friends and strangers to know that any casual touch can reveal memories, secrets, things you'd rather keep to yourself.

Adam tries to think, tries to remember what was on his mind when they touched. Sometimes that matters. But he doesn't remember thinking about anything in particular except whether he and Ronan needed more cans of soup. The contents of his pantry don't seem like the kind of thing that would inspire an expression like that.

He's not even sure exactly what that expression is. Confusion, maybe?

It's not like there's a lack of things to be confused about in Adam's memories. He only hopes it wasn't anything too horrible, too personal.

"What did you see?" He tries to ask it calmly, but it comes out more defensive than he intended.

[theweakhavepurpose]

Pratt takes a step back, centering himself while he tries to think rationally about what just happened. It's happened a few times, but he's still not entirely sure what exactly he's seeing. Visions? Memories? Dreams? And everyone else had been people he knew, or at least had spoken to before. This was a complete stranger and somehow that made it significantly more uncomfortable.

"You were in a forest. In a .. circle thing. And someone was trying to shoot someone else and I think you ended up shooting him?"

Yeah sure, that's a great explanation of what looks like a satanic ritual to Pratt. He doesn't want to sound too judgmental since he feels like a creepy voyeur already.

"I wasn't trying to see in your head."

[unknowable]

A lot of weird shit has happened to Adam in forests, but there's really only one thing that comes close to matching that description. And though perhaps he shouldn't, he feels compelled to clear at least part of it up.

"I didn't shoot him. I just kept him from coming in the circle."

Which, of course, meant that he was trampled by the creatures the forest sent. Either way, the man died. Is it still murder if it happens by inaction, rather than action? Adam didn't kill him, exactly. He just didn't save him, or allow him to save himself.

The difference is really meaningless. Adam knows that, but he makes the correction anyway, because somehow it feels like it could mean something.

That was a rather personal memory, but in all truth, it could have been much worse. It's just a confusing one, a strange one, the beginning of a long and sometimes terrifying relationship with magic. All things considered, Adam can't feel too violated by the sharing of that particular memory - after all, other people were there even at the time.

"I know you weren't trying to. I just - hate not being able to control it."

[theweakhavepurpose]

Honestly Pratt isn't going to hold it against him, he doesn't know what's going on and the guy was trying to shoot someone else. With all the atrocities that Pratt has seen, this is nothing. But he's not going to say that, this was a personal experience for someone else and for all he knows this was the worst day of Adam's life. He doesn't want to diminish that.

"Yeah, same." He runs his hands through his hair. "Everyone's going to know our darkest secrets."

Which for some people might be hazardous to their health.

"Why is this even happening?"

[unknowable]

Not quite the worst, but probably somewhere on the list. Adam has never thought of himself as a good person, but taking that step to murderer isn't easy, either. So much has happened since then. It shouldn't matter what Pratt thinks of him - they don't even know each other, Adam shouldn't care - but it kind of does.

"More of the gods messing with us, I guess. Provoking an emotional reaction to make them stronger."

Sometimes you can even tell exactly which god is doing it, but this time it's unclear. Fear, maybe? Or Confusion? Adam supposes it depends on what memories people see.

"I don't think there's anyone here who doesn't have something on their conscience they'd rather not share. And now we have no choice."

[theweakhavepurpose]

"I don't suppose there's one for happiness is there?" Of course not. Why would there be? He supposes Tranquility and Love are sort of close, but not quite. Those are both different than just actually enjoying life and feeling joy.

"Seems a gamble when they don't know what people will share. Unless they do." He makes a disgusted face. "Well that's extra terrible now that I think about it."

He's been manipulated more than enough recently, this is salting the wounds. Especially when he feels powerless to stop it, or even have some semblance of control. Other than staying home and avoiding everyone forever.

"I'm sure they'll use this against us eventually. The next god will be the god of blackmail."

demon

[unknowable]

Everything is terrible, and something is controlling Adam. Not all of him - just his hands. Just his eyes. The rest of him is his own, and that makes it worse, if anything.

His hands are wrapped around the neck of Ronan Lynch, trying to strangle the life from him. His friends, around them, are horrified, unsure of what's happening, unsure of how to stop it.

"Fight back," Adam says. "Stop me!" He's begging. He can't stop this, he can't control what his hands are doing. His friends try to stop him - grabbing his wrists, reaching for him, pulling him away - but his hands don't move like human hands might. He grabs at them, fights them, ripping stitches out of a wound above one's eye, trying to scratch another's face, pulling a switchblade away from another and lashing out.

"Just hit me," Adam says miserably, "don't let me do this."

But none of them want to hurt him. After everything they've known him to go through, they don't want to cause him pain, too.

It's an awful scene that lasts far too long. Adam, struggling against himself, trying to stop this - but when he does, his hands claw at his own face, gouging bloody lines into the skin. His friends, trying to hold him without hurting him, without him hurting them.

Finally, in the midst of the struggle, Ronan is able to wrap his arms around Adam, holding him still, using his strength. One of the others ties his hands together, a struggle in and of itself as the demon possesses him continues to use them to fight.

When it's done, Adam can barely stand. He breathes heavily, he is near tears, blood is welling up from the gouges in his face. Ronan is holding him up, his hands still tied, the demon still controlling parts of him. It's not over.

The memory ends.

[am_i_a_monster]

Abigail makes her way down to the ocean, looking out at the water to see if it will make her feel peaceful.   She isn't expecting anyone else to be around.  When she bumps into someone, she is about to apologize for the accident when she finds herself in his memory.  She thinks it's a hallucination at first.  She's been controlled in her past to hurt others - but never so literally.  This feels like she's possessed. Would her mind make something like this up? 

The memory continues and she realizes it's nothing of her life.  It's someone braver than her; he's trying to stop himself from hurting anyone.  The struggles continue with others trying to help too.  At least she thinks they're trying to help.

When the memory ends, Abigail's confused and slightly frightened.   She looks at Adam, almost expecting to see the injuries on his face that she experienced in the memory.

"Are you okay?"

[unknowable]

He doesn't know what she saw, but by now he knows how this works. She must have seen something - Adam can only hope that it wasn't anything too personal, too private. But that question doesn't give him a lot of hope, really, since there are a lot of things in his memories that - well - might make someone worry.

So he's a little wary when he responds, trying to stay polite but already on the defensive.

"I'm fine."

Of course there are no injuries on his face. They healed long ago. He is fine - now.

"What did you see?"

[am_i_a_monster]

Abigail stares down at her hands.  They're shaking.   She reminds herself that's she in control of herself, her hands, then takes a deep breath and steadies them.

"I saw a fight."   

It's far too simple of an answer for what she experienced.   

"It was more than that.  I, uh, you didn't want hurt him.  Something was making you do it.  People were trying to help you, stop you.  Then you were hurting yourself.  They tied your hands."   

She stops herself, feeling as if she's rambling.  It still seems so real. 

"Does any of that make sense?"

[unknowable]

He winces, tries to hide it. The memory she saw could have been worse, maybe, but that one is terrible all on its own. One of the worst moments of his life, and one he wishes had never happened.

"Yeah."

Adam isn't sure how much to explain - how much he wants to explain, how much she would want to hear.

"I was... possessed, I guess. A demon took control of me, or parts of me. That's why I didn't want to, and why I couldn't stop it."

It's been a couple years since then. He still can't forget how horrible it was to be unable to control his own hands, to be begging his friends to stop him somehow.

"I'm sorry you had to see that."

[am_i_a_monster]

"I'm sorry you had to go through it."

Abigail feels a similar uncertainty.   She can share about her own life to give a sense that they could both know things about the other.  It may make him feel less exposed.  Or, she wonders, will that seem like she is trying to compare their lives unfairly.

"I had a monster in my life, one that made me do things.  I couldn't stop him."

She says it slowly.  She actually had two, if she were to include Hannibal.

"It wasn't the same as what you went through.  It wasn't so literal.  That, uh, that must have sucked." 

[unknowable]

"It definitely wasn't fun."

He says it with something approaching wry humor. It's not a good memory - it's a terrible one, in fact - but it's over. With luck, nothing like that will ever happen again, though in Hadriel it's impossible to say what could happen.

He listens to her quietly. It's not like it's all that much less terrible to be manipulated by a person, rather than a demon. It's less black and white, maybe. It's so hard to look at someone doing awful things, someone who is supposed to love you, and truly believe that what they're doing is wrong.

"What happened? You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. But I think I can understand."

Not only because of the demon.

[am_i_a_monster]

"My dad was sick."   

Abigail begins slowly.  Other than 'monster',  'sick' is the best word that she has for him. 

"He used to be a good dad, until he wasn't.  He came to my room one morning, really early - before my mom woke up. He started whispering to me; he told me that he wanted to kill me.   He had fantasies about it." 

She reaches up and plays with her scarf.  It's almost become like a security blanket to her, with the way it keeps the scars of her past hidden from view. 

"He told me that as long as I did want he wanted and I never ever said no to him, that he wouldn't have to kill me." 

She remembers that part well, that he claimed he'd have to kill her if she refused him. 

"So I did what he told me.  I didn't have a choice."

school

[unknowable]

Adam rides a bicycle along a street in the small town he grew up in, but this isn't the sort of place he's used to going. This is new, strange, frightening, and Adam's face is set in something like determination. Every now and then, something very much like fearful anticipation slips through. Adam is young, hopeful, but also terrified. This is what he's worked for, but he knows it won't be easy.

He arrives at his destination - a school, all stately stone and red brick, the sort of school whose tuition costs the kind of money someone like Adam usually wouldn't see in a year. The parking lot is full of expensive foreign cars, and when he wheels his bike to the bike rake, the income disparity is clear. These are fancy bikes, things to show off, things to be proud of.

Adam's looks like it has been fixed many times over, like it hadn't been new to begin with.

He locks his bike, takes a deep breath, and adjusts his uniform one last time. That's the proof he belongs there, never mind that it's secondhand, that some of the seams are already fraying a bit. It's still his.

It's the first day of school, and the atmosphere of the place reflects that. There seems to be healthy, happy, upper-class boys all over the school campus, greeting each other and chatting and laughing.

"Oh, we usually summer in the south of France, but really, it's getting boring."

"Did you see my new Bentley?"

"My father's private plane was being cleaned that weekend, so we couldn't make it."

He sticks out like a sore thumb. It must be written all over him. How can he make it here, when it's so clear he doesn't belong?

But it doesn't matter. He has to. Adam squares his shoulders and walks into it all, and the memory ends.

school

[toiletseat_girl]

[George is at his side. how she is, she doesn't know, but she is. and she's heard all of those assholes' comments. she nudges Adam in the side gently and mutters]

If you have to fucking brag about being in the south of France, how good can it be?

[unknowable]

[He blinks in surprise. He doesn't know what she saw, but he knows memories are being shared, so - well, it's actually not a difficult thing to guess at all. Adam smiles, a little wry, a tiny bit bitter.]

I wouldn't know, I've never gone. But my classmates always had to one-up each other somehow.

[toiletseat_girl]

Fuck, that would get so annoying. Like some rich kid's dick measuring contest.

[and she's of the opinion that they should just to ahead and measure dicks if they're going to act like ones]

[unknowable]

It really never got any less annoying.

[He'd hoped it would, once he was used to it... but no.]

That's just how they talked to each other. Constantly measuring themselves against what they thought success was.

[toiletseat_girl]

God, I can imagine.

[annoying douchebags never get any less annoying. they only get more annoying]

I hope that their wives cheat on them, their dogs don't like them, and they lose all of their hair by their thirty-fifth birthdays.

[unknowable]

[That makes him laugh, sudden and un-selfconscious.]

I like the way you think. They'll have to comfort themselves by buying only the most expensive and fancy toupees.

[toiletseat_girl]

[she grins at his laughter]

No, no, not even toupees will be enough to save them. I'm talking full-scale bald as a cueball bald.