hadriel_logs | Event Log: Memories Past

Event Log: Memories Past

Who: Everyone
What: Memory Share Event!
Where: All around the city
When: November 14th-20th
Warnings: Please remember to tag all warnings for memory shares!

Have you ever looked through someone else's eyes? Heard through their ears, spoken with their tongue? The gods have tried to teach some of you empathy, but it's time you learned the hard way, exactly what the others here have been through. For a week, every time you brush skin to skin with someone, you'll experience a memory of theirs: happy, sad, it doesn't matter. All that matters is that it feels real to you.

The first touch may come as a surprise- it lasts only for a split second but may feel like an eternity, where you're trapped in someone else's memory. After that, it could be more expected, and some may even figure out how to control it and share specific scenes from their past with others. Or, you might wear gloves and long sleeve shirts for awhile, nobody's judging.

Maybe curtail the handholding for awhile- or go right ahead, if that's your thing. After all, you never really know somebody unless you've walked a mile in their shoes, right?

► This log covers November 14th-20th.
► Feel free to make your own logs as well
► Please tag headers of threads with content warnings where they apply
► Please put your character's name and open/closed in the subject line of your starters!
► If you die in a memory, you don't die in real life, but if you do die in real life please let us know here.

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Epsilon had never really been sorry for going off with Carolina, not as much as he should have. He left his friends behind to work on his own redemption and none of the stories they told about the crash site ever felt as urgent as the guys made it sound. The sim troopers were on their own, caught in the middle of a fight with no one to back them up because he had decided that going off with Carolina was the best choice. But now watching everything go down, watching as Wash sacrificed himself to make sure as many of their friends got away and the dread Tucker felt--

Epsilon felt like an asshole as the memory wore off, his hands slid up under the edge of Tucker's shirt as he pulled him close. That easy, relaxed posture evaporates as he tenses up and tightens his arm around him.

"...You didn't say the fight was that bad." He let his forehead fall against Tucker's back, not letting go of him even after seeing all of that. "At the crash site."

Tucker hadn't thought anything about the What If; Epsilon's touch was good enough on its own, enough to rid the worries of memory flashes from his mind. He sighed, relaxed, eased into it, his own hand resting on Church's because he was good and warm, and fuck it, he liked good and warm. There was a small smirk on his lips, and he started to push the hand down, easier it lower down his stomach and towards his wasitband--

Oh, fuck, Church was gripping him. Tight. Really tight. He breathed, feeling the desperation in there, something lingering under the surface. Shit. What had he se--

Oh.

That.

The resentment over being abandoned. Full well knowing that if Carolina and Church had been there, maybe they would have had a chance. That people died all around them, and it was maybe the first really glimpse of an actual war.

"It was shit." Scary. It was fucking scary. But admitting that was near impossible. "What did you see?"

"I saw the end of it," Church didn't move, didn't let go of Tucker because until this moment it had been hard to consider the crash site battle as a real fucking threat. They were supposed to be safe, hidden away where no one would pay attention. The fact that they had gotten pulled into the civil war on Chorus ought to have been more ridiculous bullshit hijinks, not a pitched battle that put them in real danger. "Wash using Freckles to block the way."

It wasn't like Tucker had never been in danger before, but all the times before had been because of Freelancer. It was small fights, always contained to their own drama within the program.

They never should have left them alone.

"Fuck." He was the worst, especially now that he had the context for why Tucker had been so cautious when they hit crash site alpha. He had already lost half their number once.

Of all the things--

But Tucker wasn't upset that Church saw that; he needed to. He needed to see what it was like, the things he felt, how fucking real and terrifying it was and the way it impacted him today. Being abandoned only got worse with time, and after losing Wash and the others--

--After losing Alpha--

--After losing himself--

Church wasn't letting go. Tucker didn't shrug him off. He wanted to turn around to look at him, but Church was a fucking leech; he wasn't sure he would even be able to.

"It sucked, watching him. Like, I really thought he was dead, and I was so fucking scared and so fucking pissed at you for leaving. If you guys had been there--"

None of this would have happened.

"I think that's when it all started to go to shit."

They were supposed to be safe. They weren't supposed to get dragged into a fucking civil war. The crash site was in the middle of bumfuck nowhere and there was no one else around for miles. It should have been okay to check out for a few months and figure out how to be a team with Carolina.

"We thought you guys would be okay out there." No wonder Tucker hated him when they first got back. No amount of mercenary reports could actually show how bad the situation had actually been.

Church forced himself to stop holding on so tight, loosening his grip. "...Sorry." Dammit. It felt like he was always apologizing for something with Tucker. He was the fucking worst.

Sorry. Epsilon was saying it a lot more lately, in ways that weren't the actual word, and sometimes when it was. They had progressed. Grown. Gotten better between them.

He breathed, closing his eyes. Carolina and Church cared about them; they were family. Strong. A unit. And he knew that she wouldn't abandon them unless it was absolutely safe to do so.

For Epsilon, well, he wasn't so sure. Not then, not when he wasn't Alpha so he didn't have those bonds, but also was just enough Alpha so could bail on each and everyone one of them.

Tucker turned around slowly now that the arms were loose, and looked at him, really looked at him. Church...really cared. Honestly cared, and it moved something, shifted something awkwardly inside of him. His heart skipped a beat.

"You didn't know what would happen. Shit, none of us did. We...don't do that sort of thing."

That didn't change the fact that he felt like shit, felt like he had failed them in the worst way. Epsilon had been so caught up in figuring out who he was and how to be someone other than Alpha that he'd chosen to ignore the fact that the blues needed him too.

"Still, we should have checked in on you guys." It was the sort of thing they had kept pushing off because there was always something else to check out close by. One delay after another, postponing that trip back to their people because they needed to right all the wrongs they could to justify their absence.

It was only when they had gotten that report and realized they had stayed away.

"You do, though. You guys keep getting into shit that's way too big for you to handle. It's why no one ever sees you coming."

"Yeah, I'm starting to think there's nothing too big for us to handle."

Except losing Epsilon. That? That had been too big, too much, too...everything. It encompassed so much still, and he hadn't said a lot of the shit he had wanted to, the sorry and just how much of a friend he was. How Church could piss him off, but not nearly as much as either of them pretended.

He pressed his cheek in against his and smiled a little, proud, torn because that was the beginning of the fucking end in its own way. And Church finally Got It. Understood. That...was important.

"But we're only that way when you're around. I don't know how shit's going to play out--"

Nope. Not talking about it. Church was coming home with him. Alive. That was the only rule in this.

"Dude, shut up. You guys were fine without me there." That was the thing that had helped him choose to delete himself. He knew Tucker, knew all of them and knew that they would be able to keep going even without him.

Wash and Carolina would have their backs.

Of course that was all back home. Now, now he had reasons to want to stay with them, reasons all tied up in his family and especially in Tucker. He didn't want to go anywhere, not anymore.

"And don't get weird. I'm not going anywhere now. You're stuck with me."

"We weren't! We aren't! And you know that!" He almost tore himself away, because that thinking did nothing but piss him off. Fine? Fine without him? He was practically the core of their stupid group; he stopped them from getting killed how many times? Fuck being fine.

And maybe being stuck together was a lie, and if it was, that was fine with him. He was ready to believe it, hook, line, and sinker. Let him sign up into this, let him feel that, let him need that beautiful thing a little longer because the reality wasn't nearly as sweet.

He rested his chin on the other's shoulder and just rested there. Content, and it was a little weird to be content with Church, but this had been his life for a long time. Now, it just...evolved. Like a fish or whatever.

What? He didn't do nerd science.

"Yeah, I know." And because he couldn't say anything like a normal human being, he just squeezed him a little tighter. "I'm still trying to find a loophole in this arrangement."

"You are such a prick." He muttered, holding onto Tucker a little tighter now. "If you want out of this arrangement I'm keeping the bedroom, asshole."

It was weird how quickly being like this, being close to each other had become necessary.

Not oxygen levels of necessary, but... kind of up there in the hierarchy of needs.

Not that he'd ever say it out loud, not when they still gave each other shit whenever the opportunity presented itself.

"...You know, it's probably good this happened now. Instead of during something else." Something a lot more naked. Imagine getting a faceful of memories during that, Tucker.

Yeah, that wouldn't have been awkward at all, kissing him, touching him, and oh hey, let's watch one of the Top Three Scariest Moments of Tucker's Life play like a movie in front of his eyes. Sure. Yeah. Let's not.

Instead of all that, Tucker's body just melted into him, relaxing, easing. He nuzzled the dark hair and just was...weirdly happy? Not afraid, not anxious, not frantic. Just comfortable.

What the hell, right? When did this happen?

"You moved into my room! You can't just take my bed!" Fuck off.

"Are there any memories you should warn me about before I see them?" Which was weird to ask a guy made of memories.

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Event Log: Memories Past

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