[closed] by all calculations, we're pretty sure...

[pocketspa]

Who: The residents of Horny House (imported house 5-1) and their esteemed invited guests (The Drakes, Alphys, Gren, Ephemera, and Cecily)
What: It's Candlenights! And considering how much the rest of the month has sucked, it's fuckin time.
Where: Horny House (imported house 5-1)
When: Backdated to December 25th
Warnings: Should be clean, other than some drinking and cursing.

The thing about Candlenights is that nobody actually knows what day it is. The nature of Candlenights is it's appearance- its not Candlenights, and then suddenly it just is. There's calculations you could do, sure, but that sounds like a lot of work, and the twins about figure that it's been roughly a year since they last did this. Plus, this month has sucked in an incredible way for them both, so you know what?

It's Candlenights now. Boom, just like that. Fuck you, Gods. It's Candlenights.

So when the guests arrive, the house is as decked as they're able to get it, under the circumstances. The front hall has shiny beads and a line of floating candles to and up the stairs, which guests can climb to find the party on the top floor. The living room has the familiar warm ambiance of the house itself; more candles floating around the room but giving off no heat. If someone takes the time to brush them, they might realize they're illusions, capable of producing at least light. Thankfully, a fire pit in the center of the room burns bright and strong, hitting some sort of invisible wall if it tries to flick outside the boundaries but providing warmth to the room at large. The kitchen holds plates of food, a large stew on the stove with meat from one of those large beasts simmering to taste. Additional hors d'oeuvre, mostly breads and fruits, lay in dishes for guests to partake. And for later, a large cake dusted in powdered sugar sits atop the mantle, waiting to be cut. A few bottles of wine, obviously hoarded since better times, sit on top of the bar to be distributed as one sees fit, as well as a large punch bowl filled with... something. It's alcoholic, but uh, maybe take it slow. Or don't, and get drunker than you've ever been. It's Barry Bluejeans' Ultra Punch (what if Punch...... but More) and it should be imbued with caution.

And finally, the thing Taako is most proud of, is a real bush sits in the corner surrounded by gifts. If one were to look closely or think about it critically, they might realize only Carlisle's gardens have bushes, and this one looks very similar to one of those. Don't think about it too hard! Just marvel at the bush! It's also been covered in illusory candles, so it isn't a fire hazard, but they're not above putting real candles on it. What do you think they are, safe? Please.

But for once, among the gloom from the last planet to this one, and the darkness in their lives, Candlenights brings warmth and good tidings for the year ahead. Time to get through the winter, folks, and maybe quite literally forget your problems for a while.

This is a mingle log! Post top levels, give gifts, get incredibly drunk on magic punch- anything goes. Happy Candlenights, everyone!

Comments

[pocketspa]

[Honestly, he could make a good argument about jails and lawyers and him being the law, but he's too delighted by SUDDENLY HAVING AN ENTIRE GLOCK to even give a shit. Taako's face lights up, bringing the gun out and immediately waving it in the air.]

Oh shit! You actually did it!

[He takes the time to lean in, whispering slyly--]

You know, technically we made a deal for this previously, so it's not like a Candlenights separate thing...

[But he's still grinning, so he obviously doesn't look too disturbed by the whole thing.]

[hellosirs]

Pleasebecarefulwiththatsir!!

[ The gun may not be loaded, but Angus still ducks away from it as if it is. He's happy that Taako likes the gift, but man oh man is he ever glad that he hid the ammo! ]

It took me this long to figure out where Carey hid it, it was under the floorboards of her old apartment!

[pocketspa]

[He laughs, swinging it once more before bringing it down to inspect it again. Man! Fuckin' killer! This is his spell focus now, move over Krebstar, this is gonna rock.]

Damn Ango, good ol' sleuthing there. Never woulda remembered where she lived.

[Sure, that's the. That's the thing, kay.]

You, my man, keep up your bargain.

[He tussles his hair, tucking the gun in his back pocket, and then snapping his fingers. Suddenly, a black portal opens near his head that a rope unfurls out of- he ignores that in favor of reaching in and producing a wrapped box. Pocket dimensions are great places to hide Candlenights gifts. It's longer than it is wide, but it's not very small.]

Guess you've earned this, then. Like a Candlenights bonus from ol' Taako.

[hellosirs]

[ W H A T.

WHAT IS THIS. WHAT IS HAPPENING! Is there a single macaron inside that big box? Angus wouldn't put that past Taako, although it seems like a lot of effort for a goof, but he didn't expect an actual wrapped present this year! ]

Ohmygosh. Th-thank you, sir!

[ He carefully takes the box and begins unwrapping it, like it's either the holy grail, or something that's about to explode. Maybe both. You never know, with holy grails. ]

[pocketspa]

[He just shrugs like it's nothing at all, even if it's Very Clearly Something.]

Look, you're the first employee of Taako's Incredible School of Magic, so like, this is holiday pay. Basically.

[But it's not more cookies like that might suggest. Inside instead is a wand. It's a twisted piece of metal, shaped with magic into a curve at the top; it looks like a cane handle without the rest of the umbrella to go with it, though on a smaller scale. Just enough to resemble. It's swirled with iridescent something in the make of it, little stars dotting the pattern without looking gaudy.]

Can't have you teaching with that dorky little getup. Brand awareness, y'know.

[hellosirs]

[ He just stares at the wand in awe for a few moments, wide-eyed and completely silent. This is Absolutely Something, and the more that the magnitude of the gift sinks in, the more floored he is. The starry pattern swirled into the metal echoes the wooden star at the tip of his regular wand, which he’s pretty sure Leon the Artificer had picked up from the discount bin at Fantasy Costco way back when, and the resemblance to Taako’s Umbra staff is obvious. Just the fact that Taako combined the two is... it’s a lot, and it speaks to how much closer they’ve gotten, and how much magic lessons are their Thing.

Unfortunately for Taako, Angus isn’t someone who’s great at keeping his cool when he’s emotionally overwhelmed, which means that he basically throws his arms around the elf in a fierce hug, and is dangerously close to just straight-up happy-crying. Sorry buddy, you are the engine of your own destruction! ]

It’s... [INSERT HUGE SNIFFLE HERE] It’s amazing, sir! Thank you so much! I really appreciate it, and also your dedication to the aesthetic!

[pocketspa]

[Don't fuckin' @ him okay, he is incapable of showing affection in a way that isn't a mess 24/7. Just take the Thing and don't think about it too hard! It's fine!

At least Angus is the one having a fit over here and not him. Angus has emotional outbursts all the time. It's normal.]

Ango, who am I if not committed to the aesthetic.

[He pats the head resting on his chest, determined to ruin this somehow.]

This should cover any and all overtime too so don't go looking for more handouts.

[hellosirs]

I... [ ANOTHER BIG SNIFFLE, Angus will have enough emotions for both of them! ] I don't think that's how Candlenights generally works, but, but I'll consider this a holiday bonus as well as a very thoughtful and nice gift!

[ He pulls away from the hug, wiping his eyes with one sleeve and testing out the weight of the wand in his hand. It has a pleasant heft to it, a bit heavier than his regular wand, and the stars scattered across the metal give it a nice texture.

Now it's time for a real test drive. Angus grips the wand by the curved handle, takes aim, and very, very carefully levitates the Candlenights bush about a foot off the ground, breaking into a huge grin when the spell works. Success! ]

[pocketspa]

[Man, it's a good thing Angus turns to mess with the bush. If Taako has viewed his precious little boy smile for another minute, he might have actually felt something. How bad would that be for business, huh! Feeling something! Terrible, for sure.]

See, there you go boyo. What, you think I'd make subpar shit? Come on, best wizard ever, remember? We're just keepin' the whole branding in line.

[Not that the Krebstar resembles it now, not that they match, but... maybe it's more of a passing of the mantle. A symbolic handing down of the only heirloom he has.

Don't think about it too hard.]

[hellosirs]

[ Look, telling Angus not to think too hard about something is like telling him not to breathe too much, he know how big a deal this is! There's no backtracking out of this one!

The bush floats another foot and a half in the air, carefully spins in a circle, and is set back down with a light thump.]

Nosir, not at all, I was just testing it out! It's heavier than the plastic one, you know? But it feels great! I guess wands that sort of look like umbrellas are part of 'the brand' now?

[pocketspa]

I mean, basically. Lup made the first one, I had the ol thing for a while, like she might hate it but it's pretty good branding, right? Then we can sue anyone who has a cane.

[Taako no. It's evident he's thinking hard about something else to distract from the like, abrasively sweet sentiment Angus is getting from all this that he Absolutely Didn't Do, For Sure, Not Him.]

People are gonna wanna kill you over a piece like that, y'know. Stay sharp kiddo.

[taako,]

[hellosirs]

[ Oh, so it's gonna be like that. Angus is onto him now, he'll let Taako back away from the precipice of Dangerously Emotional Territory, but he's also prepared to goof right back on him. ]

I don't think that's how legal branding or copyright law actually works, but I will! I promise. Maybe they won't immediately recognize it as a wand, they might think it's a really badass candy cane.

[pocketspa]

Yeah, little boy with a candy cane sounds like you.

[Should he have sharpened the tip?? Maybe it can also be kind of a knife. Seeing as Taako's weapon is now like, six knives, he just has it on the brain.]

We just gotta get you a holster like its a cane. Or it's collapsible or something and then bam, magic missile to the face. Really, it's the ultimate stealth.

[hellosirs]

But I already have a lanyard!

[ This part is not a goof. You can give the kid a cool new wand, but he'll still be a giant nerd. Case in point, Angus unclips the star-tipped wand from the lanyard around his neck, and since the cane-wand doesn't have a little clip on the end (yet!), he just hangs it from the lanyard by the hook, and beams. ]

See? This is stealthy! Or it would be, if I had the sweater over it.

[ Maybe he can get a knife next Candlenights. Candleknives. ]

[pocketspa]

[He can't stop himself from bursting into laughter when he just. Hangs it there. Oh my god he's so dumb and he loves him so fucking much. This is illegal. Absolutely banned.]

You don't-- you don't think someone's gonna see the fuckin', cane lump moving under your skin and think you're about to have a fantasy chestburster experience right there? Or like third pec? What if it's just the nipple?

[Sorry Angus, you can get heartfelt gifts, but only with horrible mean teasing attached.]

[hellosirs]

It would lie flat!

[ He pats the wand close to his chest to demonstrate, even! ]

That's anatomically incorrect and pretty darned goofy, Sir, nobody thought I had a star sticking out of my chest when I kept my other wand tucked under my sweatervest!

[pocketspa]

[The fact Angus tries to reason with him is half the fun of this entire experience. He can't even hold himself together long enough for Angus to make it through the entire explanation, already losing it at the critique of his ideas of anatomy.]

You don't know that! Tons of people out there could think you have a third starry nipple! That could be your whole rep!

[Taako no. He just pats Angus on his head through his fluffy hair, wiping a tear from his eye.]

Oh man. Classic. Star nipped Ango, grand detective. I'm gonna get you a shirt.

[hellosirs]

[ There's a brief moment of quiet before Angus finally looks back up at Taako. His expression is utterly deadpan, and 200% done with this horseshit. ]

... Okay, your Candlenights privileges are officially revoked. I'm taking the gun back.

[pocketspa]

[He still looks incredibly, impossibly smug.]

Oh yeah? You gonna take it from me?

[The gun is still obviously on his person (of course it is) and he take it out, holding it above his head.]

You gonna come get it little man? Can, can you reach?

[hellosirs]

[ Angus can't reach, no, but y'know what? That's what Mage Hand is for! He doesn't say anything, he just pulls out the cane-wand, and suddenly there's a spectral blue hand reaching up and taking a swipe at the gun. Take that! ]

[pocketspa]

[He just rocks backwards away from the hand, laughing as he summons his own, that proceeds to noogie Angus relentlessly.]

Happy Candlenights Ango, the deed is done!

[And then he just bolts.]