hadriel_logs | Event Log: Soulmates

Entry tags:

Event Log: Soulmates

Who: All characters participating in the event
What: The event log for Soulmates event
Where: All over the city
When: February 14th-February 22nd
Warnings: None

Oh shit, what even happened last night? You're pretty sure you had a normal night, no crazy drunk antics (unless that is your normal night). But this morning you woke up with a brand new tattoo, and it's... a name?

Maybe it's a name you recognize, one of your good friends. Maybe it's a stranger. Maybe it's someone you can barely stand. No matter who it is, you kind of feel like you should look for them and figure out what's going on with this weird tattoo. And when you find them - well, they've got one too, except this one is your name. It would seem weird, except as soon as you see each other you kind of understand. Of course you'd have a tattoo with the name of the person you've found such an amazing connection with. You were meant to be together.

So enjoy your time with your newfound soulmate. Who knows, you might wake up tomorrow with a whole new name on your arm, a new connection, a new love. Make the most of it!

► This log covers February 14th-February 22nd
► Please tag headers of threads with content warnings where they apply
► Please put your character's name and open/closed in the subject line of your starters!
► If you try to pull off a stupid stunt to impress your soulmate and fail so miserably you die, please let us know here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

No.

[ She answers immediately, then quickly relents. ]

Well, maybe.

I don't know, Taako. I mean, this whole thing is weird, right?

[ Of course it is, but talking about it - about just why they're sitting here in her living room talking about anything rather than Taako loudly declaring he'd rather rip out his own throat than set foot in her house - won't lead anywhere good, she's sure. ]

I just -

If you wanna talk about it, you should. I don't know Kravitz, but I wish I did, if he's that important to you. I want to hear about him.

[He sighs, more defeated than much else. This is dumb. Everything about this feels so dumb and he doesn't even know why he's attempting to make it not dumb. This is his life now. A land where he can't possibly get his feelings in order.]

Just, not just Krav, fuckin' all of it. You over here by yourself, me doing... everything.

[Taako bites at his tongue, but says it anyway.]

I know some of it's whatever the liches are doing. But how the hell do you not hate me by now?

[She'd have every reason to. He has no idea what he's even looking for here, just that it makes his heart ache, and he waves his wrist as if to dismiss his own words.]

You don't have to answer that. It sucks.

[ Oh.

Of course he's not just talking about Kravitz. Of course it's more than that. Lucretia takes in a breath, bracing herself for Talking About This, but when Taako asks how she doesn't hate him her eyes open wide in utter disbelief. ]

Hate you? I could never hate you. You should hate me.

[ And he does, of course, maybe not right now when he's not really in control, but the rest of the time. He hates her, she knows it, and it's miserable but she understands. It's the worst thing about her life, Taako hating her, but she deserves it.

Hating him, though? She couldn't. ]

Of course it sucks. Of course I wish that, that things were different. But I took your sister away. I- I fucked everything the hell up.

You don't want me around after that? You don't want me living in your house? Shit, Taako. I fucking get it.

[He doesn't hate her, now. Couldn't, in the state they're in, with the invariable pull of something he can't place that's come a few times in his life. Of course, then, the culmination of those moments were those of utter triumph; connecting through worlds with magic he doesn't understand to save Kravitz from a thread started decades ago, breaking an umbrella over his knee, grabbing hands with Magnus and Merle before they ride into the apocalypse--

It stopped being an issue of hate a while ago though, even if she doesn't know it. Now... it's something else.]

It's not about hating you, it wasn't-- ugh.

[He should stop talking, but he wants to make this right now, he wants this to stop being weird with a person he should be so close to, right, he can just-- speak--]

I've been here for like, kind of a while, okay? This thing, this back and forth whatever isn't new to me. I got my memories back like, more than a year and a half ago, it's not about hating you.

[Taako pauses, a wrestle with himself where he can only reclaim so much. He can't get completely into it, the way he has with Lup, the way he's scratched with Barry. But he has to say something.]

But everyone else has just forgiven you like it's nothing and I can't do that, alright? It's not just, over like that, if people think we're all buddy buddy again it's over and it's not fucking over.

[He has no idea if he sounds like he's making any sense right now; it's paradoxical and messy and a byproduct of fighting down years and years of how he's conditioned himself to think.]

I just can't-- close this yet, okay. I don't know when I can.

[ She's quiet, not interrupting, doing her best to just listen and try to understand without her own feelings getting in the way.

It's not easy. This isn't Taako confessing that he's missed her like she's missed him. It's certainly not him saying that everything's okay between them - exactly the opposite, in fact. But she still has to fight to control the little sparks of hope that flare in her chest as he speaks. They're little things, scraps in comparison to the rich friendship they once had, but they lift her heart all the same.

It's not about hating her.

He can't close this yet.

When, not if.

It's not everything she wants, but it's far, far more than she'd ever expected or let herself hope for. It's - or at least it sounds like - a promise of someday, without even the conditional of a maybe to give him an out.

Lucretia nods, slow and somber, and while under normal circumstances she might have been content to leave it at that, to protect and tend that small flame of hope and keep quiet for fear of ruining it, the same drive that's forcing Taako into honesty is still affecting her too. She needs to tell him how she feels. Try to actually communicate with him, for the first time in years. ]

I understand.

[ She does. She'd never assumed he would forgive her, and she doesn't expect it now. But...She looks away, knowing better than to subject Taako to eye contact while she says this. ]

I love you. You're my family, and I miss you so much. I miss you every single day.

But I know what I did to you. And I don't - I won't push you to forgive that, or to move past anything a second sooner than you're ready to. I know I - maybe, maybe I don't deserve your friendship at all anymore, ever.

[ Today, he's her soulmate. Today, Love pushes her to keep talking, confess to things she'd never have said out loud otherwise. ]

But I still want it back. So badly.

[Later, he'll wonder if this gave her too much hope. When he isn't so stuck on the implications of what was said, of what he felt, of what was real or imagined or placed in his heart, he'll worry that he still gave too much. Did this revoke his permission to ever ask for space? Did this decide his future in a way he can't control?

Right now, he isn't thinking about it though. Right now, he's thinking about how to wrestle with her words, with her I miss you and I love you and all of the baggage that trucked right into his house. Now he has to deal with that. Now he has to handle...

Well, whatever this is. He hasn't determined.

So he just shrugs.]

I know you do.

[I would too, he thinks. If I did what you did. But that's the extent of his sympathies, the lengths he can go to justify this to himself.]

It's not even-- you didn't do something that means I think you're morally bad or whatever, it wasn't about that, I just--

[He shouldn't. He shouldn't, he shouldn't.

He is.]

I just can't trust you. I can't trust you not to decide you know better ever again and do something that I can't fix. That's it, alright? I'm not saying I forgive you for all of it because like, there's a lot of other shit there that was super fucked up, but there.

[Taako's shoulders drop and he scrubs at his face, just trying to handle all of that out of his mouth. He speaks through his hands next.]

Can we talk about something else, literally any fucking thing else, I don't care what. Keep dragging me about my dick appointments, whatever, let's talk about how big Barry's ass has gotten, anything.

[ She tries so hard to suppress herself around him. She'd had to, back at the Bureau, had to mask her feelings every time she interacted with him and the other two, her closest friends who only knew her as their boss, a near-stranger. And then here. He doesn't want her to be part of his life and so she's tried her best not to be, to make room for Taako and his feelings and his justifiable hurt, make room for him to live the life she'd stolen from him while she makes herself as small and inconspicuous as possible, bottling up her own guilt, her own confusing mess of emotions, so as not to bother him with them. It doesn't make up for anything. But it's all she knows to do.

He says I can't trust you and her expression contorts with surprise and anguish before she can stop herself. For all the times she's said she's not asking for his forgiveness, that he doesn't owe her anything, that she doesn't deserve it...this still hurts. She loves him, she only wants the best for him, only wants him to be happy...but she'd betrayed him. And now he doesn't trust her. Why should he? How could he, after what she'd done?

There's nothing she can do, nothing she can say to that. Lucretia wraps her arms around herself, feeling small and cold. She wishes, briefly, that Lup were here to wrap her up and comfort her, and immediately feels a thousand times worse. ]

Of c- of course. Um.

[ She scrabbles for something to talk about, her mind blank. She doesn't want to talk about Taako's dick appointments, or Barry's ass. ]

How's your, uh, how's your risotto these days?

[Part of him regrets saying it. Does he feel better? Well, that's subjective. He's set some boundaries, ensured he has an escape route from all this, which is good. On the other hand...

Taako hates causing trauma. He wants to be remembered, adored, kept on a pedestal, but he never wants to be the reason someone cries themselves to sleep. To an extent, Lucretia did this to herself, brought it on when she refused to let anyone else change the course of the world. But her face hits him in the heart. He'll reason it away later as the liches fault, making him care about something he shouldn't.

It's no surprise he pulls back into anything else, just anything that can salvage this, when he doesn't want to leave but knows he shouldn't stay. He moves his face from his hands enough to talk, putting that facade back on like an old coat.]

I mean, fuckin' baller, of course. This place sucks ass in terms of resources but we've made it work. Like, I know we could just go ask the liches for new stuff and trade them some feelings juice, but I don't wanna give 'em any more than they force outta me. Only time I got them to give me something it was what they stole from me, so like, that wasn't really a favor.

[At least he can prattle on about this, even if it gnaws at his chest to shove anything else down.]

'Ss been a lot of waiting, except we don't even have the nice year mark to slap down. Just makin' it through day by day.

[ Unsurprisingly, perhaps, she's not actually all that invested in his risotto. It's just something to say, something to fill up the awkward silence. An excuse to keep sitting here and talking to him, because as miserable as she feels right now, the gods' influence is still active. She still wants nothing so much as she wants to stay by his side, bask in his presence. Enjoy these scant few hours before it all fades and Taako goes back to pretending she doesn't exist.

But she listens, attentive because it's Taako, because everything he says is interesting. Her eyes widen a little, and she leans closer. ]

What did they steal?

[Of course she doesn't. He may act like a fool, but Taako's never been an idiot. She gave him an out for their soul-wrenching conversation so they could pretend to be people who didn't have a history for once. In a certain respect, it's the kindest thing they could have done, to make him want to smile when he sees her again. But he's tired of forgive and he refuses to forget anything ever again. He won't be told how to feel. No one can force him to do this now.

But this is an entertaining story, one meant to be a one-off he would tell anyone, a hook into something out of context to cause a double take. It doesn't matter that it's her. Could be anyone. It doesn't need to matter.]

So all the liches here get off on a different emotion, right? One of 'em is tranquility, which like, good, someone needs to be the fake god of calm or whatever. He and Confusion did a thing for a bit where we all thought we were somewhere else n' had memories of livin' there our whole lives. So like, Lup and I were famous, natch, we had a restraunt and our own show and we were about to do a huge tour. Soooo we had posters. And when it came out it was like, all fake, I told him he owed me all my merch, that was Taako branded material and I did not extend him my copyright. Aaaaand he coughed it up.

[If Lucretia has been to the house while Taako was out, it's centered on the back of their bedroom door, a little worn from the move from their first apartment but otherwise immaculate.]

That was like, right after Lup arrived. Weird to think about uh, time or whatever.

[ Her heart is still aching, but she's got plenty of practice now in setting her pain aside, to be considered and confronted at a later date. She does the same now, locking it away in its own little bubble, focusing on appreciating these scant few moments of companionship and camaraderie before the spell ends and Taako leaves her alone again.

The story itself may be surface-level, not exactly a heartfelt confession, but it's still a Taako story, and she eats it right up, laughing and clapping a few times in appreciation at the end. ]

Should've known better than to come after your brand, of all things. Had they even met you?

[ Clearly not, if they'd thought Taako would just walk away without his precious merch. ]

How, uh, how long have you been here, anyway?

Psssh, not until then I guess. Thought they could really get that one on me. They've got a pretty shitty idea of what TV is though, so that's prrrrobably why.

[It was also so, so soon after he got his memories back, remembered Lup and their journey and all of it over again. In a way, it was nice to have that time with her just like it always was. In another, he was so, so damn tired of getting fucked with already-- and he didn't even know the half of it.

Taako leans back as he thinks, counting on his fingers as he tries to remember times.]

Assuming the Door slaps open about once a month, and 12 months are still a year... year and a half? More than that, year and eight for me. But I've been here a few months more than anybody else.

[Long enough for two Candlenights, a birthday, and more running for his life than he'd like for sure.]

There's one girl that's been here since day 1. Pretty sure that was over 3 years back now.

Cecily, right?

[ They've met. See, Taako, Lucretia can make friends too. ]

A year and a half isn't anything to sneeze at, either.

[ And at least part of that without Lup. She looks down, thinking, studying her fingernails for a moment. ]

Were you here, uh, alone? At the beginning?

[He raises an eyebrow that Lucretia knows the name, but dismisses it. This place isn't that big- it stands to reason they've met somewhere, and with the other magic pulling him towards her, he doesn't have the defensiveness to fight her on it. But the first comment just garners a small shrug.]

Eh. Doesn't seem like much compared to a hundred, huh?

[The second part though gives him pause, the way she looks at her hands. He finds himself following suit, fiddling with the edge of his shirt, pulling idly at a loose thread there.]

Nah. I tumbled in with Magnus, 'n Merle showed up next Door cycle. But, uh. They both dropped on outta here a while back. Maggie's been by a couple times, actually.

It's long enough.

[ Her voice is quiet, eyes still downcast as she remembers a year a long time ago. How lonely she'd been. How afraid.

But at least Taako hadn't been entirely alone. She looks up at him, unable to completely hide the relief she feels that at least he'd had someone here with him.

Even if the thought of the three of them running rampant in Hadriel without any kind of supervision makes her shudder. ]

I saw their, uh, their rooms, back at th- your house.

Were they here long?

[He's always had someone. When Magnus left, Lup was there, when Lup disappeared for a short period he had Merle, when Merle left it was Angus and Kravitz and--

He's had a lot of love here. It's a sobering thought to realize. And yet here she is, thinking of his loneliness, when he knows she was...

Taako shakes his head.]

First time Magnus was around like... six months? Something like that. Dropped out right after Candlenights. Came back with no memories like 2 months later, hung around for a bit, left again. Third time he was in and out before Candlenights 2 Fantasy Electric Boogaloo, and uh, Merle made it a... year? Whole first year at least. Dropped out like, last... ugh, I couldn't tell you seasons, we hopped worlds like every three months. Hard to track.

[Lots of in and outs. Plus, he was gone once or twice too; sometimes the time is just missing.

He wonders if he should clarify the next thing he's thinking, and decides to.]

Third time you've been here, too. This you.

[ There's no hope of remembering it all, and it doesn't matter anyway, at this point. But Lucretia listens all the same, all her attention on Taako as he goes through the timeline. As if it'll bring her closer to him, knowing just what he's been through here, who he'd had and when and for how long. ]

"This" me?

[ What does that mean? But she nods, her expression thoughtful and just a little sad.

Maybe it wouldn't be so sad, if she'd known just how badly her previous visits to Hadriel had gone. ]

I've heard. I don't remember any of it, though. Just this.

Yeah, that's what I mean. This you being off from all those other ones.

[Of course she wouldn't remember, and frankly, it's better she doesn't. The other two were... well, a mess at best. The distance he can keep from her now without feeling horribly raw is probably as good a thing as any.]

Basically no one remembers. Sometimes you'll see people go for a real short time, a week or less, and they'll come back like it's all okay. But longer than that... never happened to people I knew. If they're not back by next Door day, they're out.

[He shrugs.]

That's just how it is.

It's horrible.

[ Knowing she's been here before, but not being able to remember it. Having no conception of what had happened, what conversations she might have had. She can't know how awful things had been between Taako and her earlier selves, but she does know it wouldn't have been pretty.

More than that, though, what's horrible is just knowing that people can vanish, just like that. Gone, maybe to return, maybe not, but there's nothing anyone can do about it. They're all powerless here.

She shakes her head, apologetic, rubbing her eyes. ]

I'm sorry, I shouldn't - You've lived through it. I haven't.

[She actually apologizes. He doesn't know if it's genuine, but the snippy response that came easily melts off his lips as quickly as it came. Accept it. Take it. Take every one until they amount to something that feels real.]

Maybe you won't have to. If we all stick around 'till this is handled, we can just go home and get back to the apocalypse we already fuckin' ended.

[Taako picks at his nails, finally feeling comfortable enough (fake or not) to get more jokey with this whole clip.]

Like, it figures right? We fight for a hundred worlds, and the universe is like hey! Wanna make that shit 101 or 102, we don't even remember! Get fucked!

[He is grinning through it though, obviously not bitter at least about that.]

If I'm gonna become some legendary multiverse hero, I'm gonna need someone to start paying me appearance fees and a bangin' trailer. I don't just work for free, and you sure as hell don't seem to be bankrollin' this one my gal.

[ She'd apologize a million times, if she thought it would do any good. But Taako's already made it clear that it won't.

Lucretia chuckles, shaking her head. ]

Ah, no. I'm afraid I left all my assets in the other dimension.

[ Excuses, excuses. She goes quiet, though, frowning slightly as she considers what else he'd said. ]

You realize I...won't be going back with you all.

[Despite himself, he's not tense now for a few moments, allowing him to tilt his head towards her to consider her words.]

You don't know that.

[Because she doesn't. Who knows what will happen in the end. He can think of some use cases, anyway.]

Maybe you go back to your time and us to ours and you just remember everything when we tumble back in. Cosmically the same. Assuming we're the like... furthest along, I guess. Lup's technically from a little ahead of me.

[He just isn't worrying about the details right now.]

We'll figure something out. Always do.

[ Lucretia isn't so sure. What if she does go back and remember, and has to sit on all that knowledge until they finally catch back up? Would she even be allowed to change things, to free Lup or break the Voidfish spell, or would that just screw everything up? What if none of them remember any of this at all? Or she remembers and they never do?

But she doesn't want to worry about that right now. She's here, with Taako, which is exactly where she wants to be. And for once, he seems to feel the same way. Lucretia wants to enjoy that while it lasts.

She just smiles, shrugging her shoulders. ]

Yeah.

We always do.

[ Maybe, one day, they'll even figure them out. Even once Love's influence wears off.

She sighs, settling back in her seat, and hesitates. Should she say anything? Is it dangerous to acknowledge it, even now? But she has to say something. Wants him to know how much this means. ]

This is nice.

I know - I know it can't stay like this. But - thank you, Taako. For...

[ For being here. For talking to her. For this little glimmer of normalcy. She trails off, unable to put any of it into words. ]

[To be fair, having them figure themselves out requires Taako to put forward much, much more effort than he has in the past in the direction of actually fixing things. Which is to say, he's certainly putting in energy, just... not to reconciliation. Not to healing.

Maybe that will change, with time. But right now, she can be here and he can be there until they address whatever the hell this is. Right now, they have each other.

It means something to him, too. Just nothing he'll admit.]

Yeah, yeah, don't go getting sappy on me. Maybe I just wanted to break into your house.

[His tone states fairly clearly that they both know he could have done that anytime. But y'know. Won't dwell on it.]

You got anything to eat around here? Or am I gonna have to pull out a Taako tier stew out of whatever the hell's in the fridge?

[ She'd expected him to dismiss her words entirely. It's all right. She'd just needed to say it, that's all. She would have been sorry later if she hadn't. ]

Nothing that meets with your approval, I'm sure.

[ Lucretia sighs, shaking her head with a fond roll of her eyes. ]

Lup keeps bringing me pastries.

[ And not much else. The twins would be horrified if they could see what Lucretia scavenges up for herself on the days when Lup doesn't come over, or when she doesn't think to bring something with some actual protein. Let alone what she'd lived on during those ten years she was alone. ]

Event Log: Soulmates

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