Icescapades

[glacius]

Who: Glacius (glacius) and Carlisle (tongueamok)
What: A lightheared attempt at cold camping that inadvertantly lets these two avoid Rage's influence following Delight's demise.
Where: Outside the city limits.
When: 2/23
Warnings: N/A

What sunlight made it through the light cloud covering of this cold world shone down on the even colder alien that crested the hill, using the vantage point to cast a glance back at the city that was dwindling in size behind them. Then, those glowing green eyes dropped to the human following behind him, extending his long limb to aid the human behind him as he tackled the incline next. It wasn't uncommon to see Glacius trudging diligently out beyond the city limits, exploring and keeping watch, but for his partner to join him was a special occassion.

Glacius had long been keenly interested in exploring this planet for an extended period of time, and Carlisle had mentioned a few times that he wouldn't mind going out with him on a camping venture. Now, given the most recent transmission the citizens of Hadriel had received from the Null, it seemed like the perfect time to get away from it all. The ice alien did not want to be involved in the exchange, did not want to be dragged into the conflict between the murderous machiens and the torturing parasites any more than he already had been... so, what had initially been planned as a fun get away together now had added incentive.

"Ah, there you go," Glacius speaks, pulled out of his thoughts by the human's much warmer gloved hand resting lightly in his own. He clasps it supportively and helps him the the rest of the way up the hill, happy for Hadriel to vanish behind it. "The terrain may be uneven, but you are doing well... and soon we will be far enough away to look for a place to set up camp and rest. How are you doing, my partner?"

Comments

[tongueamok]

As Glacius departs, Carlisle gets to work on unpacking the provisions they brought for their camp, most of which was shouldered by Glacius on the trek there. He sets down a tanned hide first to keep away the chill of the ground, then a large pelt for cushioning, a blanket on that for a smooth texture atop which to sleep; that is followed by another blanket for a cover, then a second pelt for warmth, and then their makeshift tent to help hold in the heat. All in all, it's not a bad place for them to get some shut-eye... or at least for Carlisle to do so, given the cold has little bearing on a warrior already covered in ice. The temperature is quickly dropping as night approaches, and without the walls of their house to protect him, he merely wants to make sure he won't freeze. How embarrassing it would be for him to have survived his affliction, only to die to the cold.

After a quick glance Glacius' way to make sure he is indeed within eyeshot -- and he is -- Carlisle sets up the spot for their fire. It's a greater distance from the tent than one might place a campfire normally, but he is trying to consider his partner's well-being here.

The chill bites into him, the wind cutting down and around the rocks more than he thought it would, so he pulls his kalugra cloak around his shoulders, tucking his head beneath the hood as he tries to stifle his shivering. With his spot at the treeline, Glacius might see only the illusion when he looks back toward his partner, seeing the figure of a monstrous kalugra wandering about their camp instead of the frail clergyman. In good news, should the two of them be separated at any point, the enchantment Benistad placed on the cloak long ago is still functioning, and might help keep Carlisle safe.

The kalugra-shaped Carlisle finishes his work, the monstrous form standing upright on its back legs as he surveys his handiwork. It's no cozy cabin in his garden, but it will do, and it beats walking for another several hours.

[glacius]

Carlisle might find the current set uo somewhat lacking in comfort and warmth, but to Glacius the set up looks perfectly cozy as he finishes gathering up the first armful of wood and returns to the scene. The strange beast milling around the campsite had initially caused some concern—he'd been occasionally looking out for danger and seeing that thing where his partner should be qualified—but then the alien remembered the enchantment on that cloak and had relaxed somewhat.

It still feels strange to be standing in front of an animal and communicating with it, though. Glacius puts the wood down in a neat pile near the spot it seems Carlisle has chosen for the fire, then straightens up, dusts his hands off, and tilts his head at the illusory form of the beast.

"Is this going to be... a permanent thing while you are wearing that cloak? If you need it for warmth then you should wear it, though I must admit I was... hoping to cozy up with a Bondmate, rather than a beast."

[tongueamok]

Carlisle eyes the pile Glacius brought, getting to work on building a proper setup for a fire, his illusionary form holding as he leans the branches against one another to form a point. Rather than fingers, the form uses its claws to maneuver the wood around, making for an odd sight for anyone unfamiliar with the enchantment.

But thankfully, Glacius is familiar with the enchantment. Carlisle gives him a puzzled look. "Huh? Oh, oh I, er." He lowers the hood as he stands up, dispelling the illusion. "Aheh. I was merely keeping the chill at bay. Nearly forgot this cloak did that, honestly. I would not dream of having you sleep next to a creature, of course."

He stoops again, returning to his work. "Uncle Benistad's enchantment is still strong after all these years, I see."

[glacius]

"Do what you need to do to stay warm and safe," Glacius replies, lifting a hand, not wanting Carlisle to think his minor qualms should be prioritized over his partner's comfort and protection. It is, however, much easier and much more natural to lean down next to the cleric when he returns to his work once the illusion has been dispelled.

The alien does his best to help with arranging the logs, but there's only so much he can do in that regard without getting in Carlisle's way, so he moves on to surrounding the firepit with small stones and then clearing the surrounding area of any pines or twigs. Preparing a site to burn might be counterintuitive to his very nature, but he has learned a thing or two over the many years he's lived among humans now.

"It seems so. I always knew the cape belonged to him but I suppose I never realized he was the one that enchanted it, as well. Is it a difficult process? You have enchanted a few things for me now. It is quite remarkable what they can do."

[tongueamok]

Carlisle reddens just a hair at Glacius' words, simultaneously flattered by his praise and embarrassed by a completely different point.

"This is my cape, actually," he murmurs, a face apparently important enough to warrant correction. "But his enchantment. The potential for enchanting is practically limitless, but the art itself, and to perform it well, is indeed difficult."

He lets Glacius work on the firepit, fumbling with the claws still attached to his cloak. "It is tradition for members of the family to present gifts to those who have completed their rite of passage. Though I... did not technically complete mine, Uncle Benistad thought it best I have something to help protect myself when they were away. I suspect this was not his first choice for a gift, but he felt it a better fit than anything else."

[glacius]

Glacius frowns, plainly embarrassed by his slip-up in not recognizing his partner's posession of the cape. He should be more familiar with Carlisle's family history than to make such an error... he supposes it is a good thing they are sitting down to a night of simply talking, then.

"It was nice of him to leave something for you, at least. What do you reckon he would have preferred to gift to you? If the enchantment takes such work, is it not a fine one?"

[tongueamok]

"Ah, it is," Carlisle replies, stiffening at the thought he might have somehow painted a poor image of his uncle, as though he'd ever think to grant his nephew a gift with a lackluster enchantment. "It is a fine one, obviously, and- and admittedly, better suited for me than many gifts, considering my, um. Considering I have no inclination toward fighting, or hunting, or anything of the sort."

He's a coward, in other words, and he's well aware of it. He would rather run and hide than draw a weapon, so why not hide as a beast that many were not brave enough to challenge in the first place?

"I believe, however, were he to have his preference, he would have given me a weapon. A wand, maybe, or a staff like his own. Every Longinmouth for as long as we can remember was given one for their Hunt, save for me. And he always did complain that the maces of my order were ill-fitting for someone who showed any real talent for magic."

[glacius]

"Oh," Glacius replies, toeing around in the dirt a bit more for a moment, "I understand."

It might seem like the alien is going to continue to distract himself with busywork, but then he flicks one errant pine out of the way, taps his two sturdy white toes against the frozen ground, and then looks to Carlisle. "I understand customary exchanges... appreciate them, even. But I also think that every person's needs and tastes are different. I know that you probably wanted to fit in with what was customary for the rest of your lineage, but I do not think it is a bad thing that your uncle knew and cared for you enough to give you something that better suited your needs. Not every person can or want to conform... and that sort of rigidity can sometimes do more harm than good. Better to get something you can actually use and stand out a bit, than to receive something that would only get you into trouble for conformity's sake. No?"

[tongueamok]

Carlisle places the last of the sticks into place, his eyes affixed on his work rather than on his partner. There is something to be said about that kind of advice coming from someone who seems so averse to being different, so troubled by the mere thought of there being a version of himself that does not conform to his strict notions of what is acceptable for the society in which he was raised. Perhaps Algidus is aberrant, but Carlisle refuses to believe that makes him inherently bad, no matter how grief-stricken Glacius may be by the very concept.

But Glacius does ultimately know what it is like to not entirely fit in with those around him, and more importantly, he is trying to be encouraging. Thus, Carlisle holds his tongue on his argumentative thoughts.

"It is," he agrees, offering his partner a lopsided smile. "Disappointed as he may have been, I believe he wanted the best for me. They both did." His father was another matter entirely. "And perhaps he was gifted with the foresight that once ran in our blood, as it has indeed come in handy more than once, particularly here. I ought not complain."

[glacius]

"It is always good to be grateful for the gifts that we are given," Glacius nods, coming to squat next to Carlisle and his pile of twigs and kindling. The ice alien, hunched over as he is, further lowers his head to give his partner a sidelong glance. "I have to ask, though, what made you think your Uncle was disappointed? Did he say such things to you when giving you your cloak?"

[tongueamok]

"Of course not," Carlisle replies as he looks toward his partner, shaking his head as though to further emphasize the point. He would never want Glacius to think ill of his uncles, of all people.

"Brash as he could be at times, he would have never vocalized such frustration in front of me, even if he felt it. I mean not to paint a poor picture of them. He— both him and Uncle Boris knew I would be uniquely burdened by my circumstances, and that they need not place any more upon me than necessary."

[glacius]

Glaicus pauses a moment later, continuing to regard Carlisle with careful thought, before looking away and replying. "That is good. I suppose I am simply curious why you think yourself to be a disappointment if these people never vocalized such things to you. It... hurts me to hear you refer to yourself as such even in passing."

Another beat, and those glowing green eyes flick back once more to Carlisle. "You know that... I would never consider you as such, right?"

[tongueamok]

"A disappointment or a burden?" Carlisle asks, realizing a fraction of a second later that he can answer that question for himself, as Glacius would strongly insist he is neither. "I- what I mean is that I know you would never consider me as such- or either. You have told me so before, though at times, I cannot see why."

And that would be more of what Glacius doesn't like to hear; he fumbles over another pile of words, trying to make up for it. "Not- not that you haven't explained your stance adequately, of course. It's- it is merely easier to see myself as a disappointment, knowing my bloodline, having grown up hearing their tales and trials, and their subsequent victories. I had always pictured myself among them, of course. Er, literally, in some cases. We had a lot of portraits of my family in the estate, and such images and, ah. Their implications left a permanent impression upon me."

He does not realize Glacius is more acquainted with said portraits than he could ever know, courtesy of the gods' interference in their dreams.

[glacius]

Glacius listens as Carlisle speaks; he starts of well enough sounding like he's acknowledging the alien's sentiments, but then he careens down his usual path of countless words and Glacius' expression twists into one of confusion. When the clergyman finally pauses he reaches out and puts a hand on his should, not only as a time out gesture but to hopefully convey an attempt at genuine connection.

"I feel like you are listening, but maybe not entirely hearing me... or fully acknowledging the depths of what I am telling you. I was not talking about your family or your blood line. I was talking about us, about how I feel about you, and I am telling you that I would never consider you a disappointment or a burden. Never. I love you and I... am proud of you. I just want you to think about that, to actually consider it, before you careen off into other thoughts and worries."

[tongueamok]

Carlisle reddens, his hands wringing together as he tries again -- slower this time. "I know, truly," he starts, his eyes flicking to the ground. He puts a hand to his chest, continuing. "I feel it here, within our Bond, but it," —his gaze lands on Glacius as he puts a hand to his own temple— "it's hard to make sense of it here. The path of logic often struggles to find its way through the chambers of the heart."

Even now, his head tells him that Glacius wouldn't say such things if he didn't feel they needed reiterating -- that Carlisle needs a reminder, needs that reassurance. He does need it, and he knows it, and though he realizes that is just something he'll have to accept, he finds himself frustrated with his inability to do so. His time may not be as brief as it once was, but he should still attempt to make the best of it, lest Glacius find he's wasting his time and—

Stop. Carlisle manages to quell that spiral by falling back on bad habits -- ones that have been redirected in a more positive direction than before, but arguably bad nonetheless. Glacius would disapprove of such thinking; he might not consider Carlisle to be a disappointment, but he would disapprove all the same. If he cannot think better of himself for his own well-being, he should do it for Glacius, his partner for whom he'd do anything.

If nothing else, his guilt has always been a strong motivator. He reaches for Glacius' hand, wanting to envelop himself in his partner's arms; there is no place he feels safer, even from the tempest of his own self-loathing.

[glacius]

Glacius seems surprised by the bid for comfort, but allows it readily, wrapping his strong arms around his partner and resting the smooth curve underneath his chin rest on the top of the human's soft hair. When Carlisle is this close to him, the alien's voice comes out as a deep rumble, emanating up from his broad throat and out of the openings in his neck.

"I am glad that you know. I think that sort of security is important to one's development—knowing that you have someone who will always love you deeply, and always be proud of your earnest efforts. I know it probably is hard not to worry when your bloodline has been emphasized continuously throughout your life, but... you are doing more than you give yourself credit for. I could speak similar tales of your tales and trials, and yes, even victories. I think you belong among those you compare yourself too... but after getting to know you over the years, and after learning what I have of your family, I would... hazard to say that you have also become something more."

[tongueamok]

That gets Carlisle's sheepish smile to return. He chuckles, the pale skin beneath his glasses an obvious red despite the fading light. "I doubt any Longinmouth has had relations with an individual from another world," he remarks coyly, "I will give you that. Even Uncle Benistad's, ah... rumored endeavors were not so incredible."

In the literal, physical, and emotional sense. Carlisle has many words for how he feels when they are together, and still cannot find the right ones to describe it.

[glacius]

That gets a surprised bark of laughter from the ice alien, his brows raised as high as they can be, leaving his green eyes wide. "What! Ha, of all the things my reserved cleric could focus on, this is what he chooses! Should I be flattered? Are you going to crow about me over drinks as though your laying me is some great conquest?"

He is teasing, of course—he knows the last thing Carlisle could be described as would be an obnoxious braggart, especially when it comes to such personal matters. That brings up a thought, though, and he pulls the human back from his throat so that he can gently clunk their foreheads together.

"Speaking of, there's a feat right there. I never did give you your flask back, did I? Perhaps the time is drawing near; you have long since proved that you care more about me than old bad habits."

[tongueamok]

In the brief moment they are parted, Glacius may notice just how red Carlisle is, his teasing -- however in private they may be -- having turned the cleric absolutely crimson. He's grateful for the repositioning, his face hot as their foreheads connect; Glacius' icy shell is a welcome deterrent to the burning sting of embarrassment.

And he's equally grateful for the change in subject, apprehensive as he may be about the topic. "As... as true as that may be, I still feel temptation. Not- not as much as I used to, but it is undeniably there in my moments of weakness. I cave now to- to other indulgences, but the reason is all the same: to quiet the guilt that storms within me. I have yet to absolve myself of it."

[glacius]

Glacius had not meant to Carlisle quite that thoroughly, but it seems that there are other, more important issues to focus on now. The ice alien hmms quietly as he tilts his head over so slightly against his partner, observing him from behind half-lidded eyes.

"After all these years, nothing has... helped at all? There is nothing I or anyone else has done that has lifted it even a little... not even your own growth has been enough to help you see differently?"

It is a discouraging thought. They have worked very hard at bettering themselves and their lives, together... for it all to come to nothing, well, Glacius is afraid he might start running out of ideas. Perhaps their time in this place has not been worth as much as Carlisle tries to assure him it has, but they have no option now other than to keep trying, and the ice alien isn't one to give up on the people he cares about.

[tongueamok]

Carlisle gives Glacius a reassuring smile, hearing that shift in tone, sensing his discouragement through their Bond.

"Guilt takes many forms," he explains, trying to swallow down his embarrassment (and now frustration that he made he has seemingly disappointed his partner, as always). "It shifts between them, shapes great and small, finding new crevices in my heart in which to hide when one has been mended. Bolstered as I may be by your support, and the support of others, my own constitution will never be enough to fully shake its burden. It's... merely who I am, I suppose."

He trails his fingers along the curves of Glacius' shoulder, coming to rest on his partner's broad chest. "I am not blind to how I have changed, however. I still struggle to accept it from time to time, but I am more aware than ever that my affliction does not define me, nor the downfall of my bloodline. There is more to who I am than twice-cursed, or the Longinmouth heir, or even a servant of the Clarity. I have intrinsic value that cannot be found elsewhere, no matter how one may look. That means something."

His hand makes its way back to Glacius' ruined mandible as he returns his forehead to rest against his partner's once more. "I would not have that without this place, or the friends I have made here. But most of all, I would not have that without you. Guilt may storm within me on some nights, but you have been my steadfast bastion against it. I may not have the strength to absolve my regrets yet, but with you, I will one day find the strength. I have faith in that."

[glacius]

"Well now. Here I was going to tell you not to say 'never' in regards to change in yourself, but you seemed to have it figured out already," Glacius replies, his expression having settled into a more peaceful and fond smile by the end of Carlisle's little speech. "I do hope you remember that—not to frame things in a way that causes you to discourage yourself, because that would set anyone up for failure... but to believe that what you want to happen may one day be achievable. The best goals in life take working towards, and I too have faith that you will one day triumph over your guilt."

The ice alien nestles his scar into his partner's palm for a moment, then turns his face to prick the cleric's palm with his remaining mandible in a little kiss. Then he pulls up and away, leaning back on his haunches. "Now let's go about finishing up this fire. The temperatures will only drop as it gets darker, and we need to be sure that this site we have chosen is set up to be as safe and comfortable for you as it can be."

[tongueamok]

Carlisle rubs his thumb over the spot where Glacius' mandible pricked him, committing that sensation of the tine against his palm to memory. "A splendid idea. The sooner we are set up, the sooner we can rest. How it was my uncles trekked so far and so often, I will never know."

He does know, of course -- they were paragons of strength, despite their aptitudes lying in very different areas, and they traveled so often that a hike like the one away from Hadriel would be considered trivial, at best. Then again, they were not cursed, nor had they ever dealt with a whole host of parasitic deities. There were arguments to be made in his favor.

With the fire roaring and his hunger sated from the meal following, Carlisle cannot help but yawn as he pulls his cloak around him, the chill of the night having arrived while they ate. If their distance from the city has granted them anything, it is a gorgeous view of the night sky, an array of colors dancing across the starry expanse above them. Carlisle finds himself entranced by the sight, nearly forgetting how cold he is as he remains silent, the lights above reflected in his glasses.

[glacius]

Glacius stays close as the light wanes and the day recedes into night, even when the plummeting temperatures necessitate a larger fire. That part is difficult; being so close to such a blazing, open heat runs counter to everything he is, and it's hard to fight down the fear that tell him to trample it out to protect, or to flee before its hissing red-orange tendrils can lash out and lick over his body. It is the desire to be close to his partner that keeps him rooted there, telling himself over and over again in his mind that these are old-rooted fears that are more instinctual than anything; this fire is not powerful enough to strip him of his icy skin, nor is there and detritus or foliage close enough for it to catch on, consume, and grow to become so.

The ice alien is still nervous, and the close proximity to the burning heat definitely is uncomfortable for him, and that can all be read from the tenseness of his body as he sits there. They are things he can deal with, though, if it means being present with his partner... and the stars becoming visible as the sky goes pitch-black is also a good distraction. Glacius has always been sure to come back into the city by the time night has fallen to look out for Carlisle, so though he's seen the stars of the sky before, it has been nothing like this. Now there are no Spires partially obstructing the view, no light pollution from the city to diminish their shine; it is just an open expanse of shining cosmos above them.

"It never loses its beauty or its promise," the otherworldly being chuckles quietly, gently putting an arm around his partner—outside of the thick cloak, of course—as he feels his mood lifting just at the sight. "Has it been since the ocean that we last were able to see something like this?"

[tongueamok]

Allowing Glacius to pull him closer, Carlisle nestles against the side of his cloak that rests against his partner, grateful for its warmth while wishing it were not a (however necessary due to the temperature) barrier between them.

"I believe so," he replies. "How long ago that seems now, that you had to come rescue me because I could not will myself to walk through the streets of the city. I feared that I would be swallowed whole by the buildings looming above us. Then you took me onto the water, where I was sure I would be dragged into the unfathomable depths, were it not for your presence."