ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴏᴅᴛᴇᴀᴍ ᴏғ ʜᴀᴅʀɪᴇʟ (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hadrielmods) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
hadriel_logs2019-02-24 04:46 pm
hadrielmods) wrote in hadriel_logs2019-02-24 04:46 pm
Event Log: Prisoner Exchange (City)
Who: Everyone in the city
What: The city event log for Prisoner Exchange event
Where: All over the city
When: February 24th-March 3rd
Warnings: None
What: The city event log for Prisoner Exchange event
Where: All over the city
When: February 24th-March 3rd
Warnings: None
There's no warning or notice- one moment, you're going about your day and the next, you're suddenly hit by an overpowering wave of happiness. It lasts for several minutes, and during that time, you can do no wrong. Sadness and melancholy are simply emotions that don't exist anymore for you, and it feels like you're on top of the world.
But it can't last forever. Once it fades, it takes everything else with it, leaving a hole where happiness used to be. It feels empty, like you'll never be happy again- and that's simply unacceptable. For the duration of the event, characters will feel the need to try and get that happiness back, through whatever means necessary.
Perhaps it would be easier to manage if it were only that, but a deep-seated feeling of fury also begins to bubble up from Rage's temple, affecting anyone nearby and sending them into a mindless rage of their own. For those who are missing their happiness, it seems as if destruction is the only way to fill that void- so get out there and burn some houses down!► This log covers February 24th-March 3rd
► Please tag headers of threads with content warnings where they apply
► Please put your character's name and open/closed in the subject line of your starters!
► If someone kills you, or if you do something really stupid, please let us know here.
fuck this shit
she's also totally not dressed for the weather, just wearing a tshirt, jeans, and ratty black Converse sneakers.
when she finds Peter and his camp, she just strolls on up there like it's no big deal and plops down on the ground next to him.
she doesn't say anything for a while, just kind of. sitting there. but then she finally speaks]
So! I'm not gonna ask you to talk about it, 'cause I know you probably don't want to. So let's talk about something else.
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He also doesn't reply to her for like a minute, just kind of pokes at his fire in silence before he says anything.]
I, uh. Don't really have anything to talk about. Just needed to get out of town for a bit.
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yep. sure is a fire]
Oh. Then people finding you probably wasn't part of the plan.
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Yeah, that was the idea.
[He realizes that that had maybe sounded a little douchier than he'd meant for it to. Sighing, he gives the fire one last prod before he finally looks over at her.]
Sorry. I-- I should have told you guys I was leaving for a couple days. I just can't deal with the city right now.
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Okay.
[ehhh, maybe a little douchey. but she's heard worse. hell, she's said worse]
Understandable. It's been a little crazy lately. And by "a little," I mean a lot.
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It like, double sucks. It could have been avoided this time.
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Avoided? How?
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This started right after the trade with the Null. Like, immediately after we got back. If we'd been able to bring all the gods back, I don't think this... whatever's happening now would be happening.
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...maybe. [she rakes a hand through her hair] Jesus. I didn't wanna ask about this because for fuck's sake, you've been through too much shit lately. But. I dunno. If it helps to talk, I'm here to listen.
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[This does literally affect the whole town, after all.]
I-- I guess long story short, we. We lost Delight. She... the Null killed her.
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[it does and it still is. no doubt its ramifications haven't seen an end.
it takes her a moment to respond and a line forms between her brows] But--why? I thought she was on their team?
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...You remember back when we were all discussing the trade? Rage was telling one of the people that wanted to trade Delight away that the only reason Delight made a deal with the Null in the first place was because she was afraid, and was trying to save us. Well, you guys, I wasn't here yet. It was a really bad idea, I'm not defending her, but the idea that she hadn't done it because she was actually on the Null's side... it's stuck with me, y'know? When we were preparing for the trade, she told us that she thought it was a trap, and she didn't want to go back to the Null, but she still wanted to save Tranquility. And she did, she freed him right before she was killed. Fear teleported us away before any of us could help her.
[His voice cracks slightly, and he pauses to collect himself. Peter was never all that invested in the gods, but this whole thing was hitting him in all the wrong ways. He's taking it personally, even if nothing that had happened was his fault like all.]
She made a mistake, and it was a big one, but I was not going to abandon her for it. And now she's dead and there was nothing I could do about it.
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and listens in silence as he tells his story.
it takes her a while to compose her thoughts and feelings because she was here when Delight sided with the Null. they weren't bffs or anything, but it's hard to not take betrayal personally. but. she wasn't there when it all went down, so she doesn't feel right making any judgement. but sympathy for him, maybe advice, that she can do. carefully so that he doesn't think that she thinks he's weak.
she sighs] That--well, it sucks. I know what it's like to have death on your conscience. Death you tell yourself you could have prevented, but didn't. For--Jesus--for any number of reasons. But you'll drive yourself crazy, thinking about the things you wish you coulda done about it. [she sighs again and rests her forehead on the heel of her right hand, its elbow propped on her knee] I'm not telling you what to do. Or how to cope. All I can tell you is what worked--and what didn't work--for me.
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That's not something he wants to dig up right now.
He doesn't even know if anything George says will actually help, but it's at least something else to focus on.]
I'll-- yeah, I'm listening.
[hit him with your wisdom, George.]
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weird.
she'll do her best to help. even as simply a distraction.
she lifts her head from the heel of her hand and draws her legs up at the knee, wrapping her arms around them.
slowly] ...okay. I left behind a fucking trainwreck of a family and a life, so take all of this with that in mind. But you've gotta stop blaming yourself for stuff you couldn't help. Sorting out what you could and what you couldn't have done anything about, that's not easy. It takes time.
And you've gotta be willing to forgive yourself for the stuff you couldn't do anything about. If you don't, it's--it's gonna eat at you. Eat away at your soul until all that's left is regret. And no one can live like that. Not and--and actually have a life and friends and people to support you.
[her eyes are wide and dark and serious as she looks at him]
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You're not... wrong. Things that I literally couldn't do anything about, like, logically it doesn't make sense that I'm pissed at myself for them. I get that. At the same time though, in the back of my mind I think I don't believe that there's just nothing I could have done? Usually, anyway. This thing with Delight, I think this might be one of those times where there literally just wasn't anything I could do. It's not like we asked to be teleported out.
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Well, like I said, that's the hard part. Sorting out what you could have done something about and coming to terms with them. And what you couldn't and forgiving yourself for them. What happened with Delight, yeah, you couldn't have done jack shit about. Delight made her choices. So did Fear. You can hold a grudge against Fear, but what good is that gonna do? Other than be a little ball of anger and resentment that'll be with you all the fucking time. Who wants that?
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[Unless they're against himself, but he's obviously not going to just say that. He's not so sure he's just going to get over being pissed at Fear any time soon, either, but at the very least Peter isn't flat out blaming himself for what happened. That counts as progress, right?]
I think... I don't know how to come to terms with, uh. With-- with failure, I guess. With not stopping something that I could have stopped.
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[she knows a thing or two about holding grudges against herself. she blames herself for her little sister's insanity, for her parents' impending divorce, for everything bad that's happened since she became a Reaper. but it is good that he's not blaming himself. it took her way longer to figure that part out]
...okay. Everything I know about what happened is third-hand at best, but. Delight made her choice. So did Fear. You couldn't have stopped either one of them.
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I don't mean that. I just mean like, in general.
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I mean like in general. The stuff you could've done something but didn't and the stuff you couldn't have, but did? They're the same category. So either you forgive yourself or you don't. If you forgive yourself great. If you don't. [she rests her head on her forearm again] Jesus. I don't know what to say. Other than not to let it poison you. Because it will. One way or another.
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[He'll either figure it out or he won't. Even if he doesn't he'll pretend that he did, it'll be fiiiine.]
Thanks. Sorry for being such a downer all the time.
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and noooo, no pretending. pretending that Everything Is Fine is squishing all of the Not Fine down and trying to box it up. it won't stay boxed forever]
--what? You're not a downer all the time. Only like a third of the time. I'm a downer all the time.
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[HA HA that's not going to stop him from bottling ALL of his feelings up!!]
You're really not, though. Just sayin'.
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[NO. WRONG. IMPRACTICAL PLAN. IT DOES NOT WORK IN THE LONG RUN]
I'm not, huh? You're like the first person to tell me that.
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