[closed] spend my days locked in a haze trying to forget you babe

[substances]

Who: Klaus Hargreeves and Drake Holloway
What: Klaus needs help because he's a mess. Also emotions are hard.
Where: Drake and Ephemera's apartment.
When: Backdated to Apr. 27
Warnings: Mentions of sex (while intoxicated); drug use/Klaus is high (marijuana). Nothing explicit.



It's getting dark by the time he leaves Julie's place, because it was only polite to hang out with her for a bit after...well, all the stuff that had gone on. Besides, she was cool. A really cool girl. A cool girl that he'd slept with, less than a month after Dave bled out in his arms.

That's cool.

Before he can even finish that thought, he's already lighting a second joint, pulling on it before any of that can sink in too deep, because the only thing worse than the ghosts is the things that are swirling around his own brain right now. It's a little scary how little he thinks about or debates lighting up what he'd thought of as his 'backup sleeping joint' but there it is, shutting down his mind in exactly the way he'd wanted. Needed.

By the time it's done, the oppressive humidity of jungle air is getting to him, choking up his lungs and throat, the fuzzy haze of his high buzzing in the back of his head, all of it reminding him way too much of the jungles of Vietnam. So he goes to head home, except instead of the place he's crashing at, he ends up knocking on Drake's door instead. He looks like a mess, disheveled with messy hair and dark smudges under his eyes and smelling of weed and sex. Perfect. Just...fucking perfect.

Comments

[braveoff]

Drake's done with patrol for the day and making dinner, but he isn't expecting the knock on the door. Ephemera would just come in, obviously, and Lup has a habit of popping into existence right in the living room. He thinks for a moment it might be Komaeda but just in case sticks the tupperware of brains back in the fridge, something he's glad for when he opens the door and sees that it's none of those people... it's Klaus. He's been checking in regularly, thought the newcomer was doing okay all things considered, but that's definitely changed. He's thoroughly mussed and Drake could have smelled the weed on him from across the room, which he recognizes as a bad thing. A backslide.

No judgments, no condemnation -- it's probably partly his own fault for even mentioning that Hadriel had weed in the first place -- he's more concerned by how miserable Klaus looks. He just opens the door wider and steps aside for Klaus to come in.

"Hey. You okay, buddy?"

It's pretty obvious that he's not, but Drake would rather hear it from Klaus. Let him get it out on his own terms.

[substances]

The minute Drake opens the door, Klaus thinks this was a stupid idea. Coming here was a stupid idea, since when had he ever gone to people who weren't his boyfriend-of-the-week for any kind of comfort or reassurance or help or whatever and why did he think it was a good idea this time? What is he even looking for? What is Drake going to do other than be disappointed in him like everyone always is when he backslides?

Fists clenched at his sides, he's about to just wave it off and head back to wallow alone in his self-pity, but then Drake asks if he's okay, and that does it. He knows he's not going anywhere. Biting his lower lip, Klaus shakes his head, then lifts a hand and scrubs it over his face. Opens his mouth to speak but doesn't know what to say, and so he just steps inside, his arms cross over his belly self-protectively, he sways slightly on his feet, the world looks like it's spinning, and he can feel his heart racing, he can feel that tell-tale twisting in his gut.

Shit. It's not a good high. Drake did not sign up for this.

"Sorry. Sorry to bother you, I should go."

[braveoff]

"Whoa, whoa." Drake reaches out instinctively to steady Klaus, who doesn't even look like he'll make it back down the stairs. He's definitely had way too much, that's for sure.

Very deliberately in response to Klaus saying he should go, Drake nudges the door closed with his foot and tries to guide him into the kitchen and a chair. He can still leave if he wants, but Drake gets the distinct impression he's just saying that because he's freaking out and shouldn't actually be alone right now.

"Here, come on. We've got to get some water into you, just sit and breathe through it."

Can he let go? Is Klaus going to sit or topple over?

[substances]

Drake's hand is firm and steady on his shoulder, and Klaus stops moving, just looks at him for a few moments, pale and a little shaky, while Drake makes a point of closing the door behind him to indicate he's not going anywhere.

Klaus has always managed to take care of himself the best when his choice is taken away, and something in him relaxes at that. When Drake starts guiding him toward the kitchen and a chair, Klaus moves along with him willingly, stumbling a little over his feet before sitting down heavily on the chair. Drake tells him to breathe, so he breathes, leans forward and rests his elbows on the table so he can bury his face in his hands while he listens to Drake move around the kitchen.

With his eyes closed, he feels like his whole world is spinning, too fast to keep a handle on, his stomach is clenching again and his hair is wet with sweat. Second joint had been a bad, bad idea, and what a goddamn waste.

"Sorry, sorry sorry..." He mumbles it into his hands, "Once I catch my breath I can leave, you didn't sign up for this."

[braveoff]

From his seat at the table Klaus will hear a cupboard opening and water running, Drake setting the glass down in front of him and dragging a second chair a little closer. Then there's something soft and cool on the back of his neck, a damp kitchen towel.

"No sorries, I'd rather you be here than alone like this. Let me decide what I signed up for, huh?"

It's not like he hasn't dealt with way worse, over the years. With the life he led and friends he kept. With the criminals he fought to take down and failed to survive. It'll take dramatically more than this to make him turn his back. He has to ask why Klaus showed up at his door, though, what exactly is wrong. Just a slip, or...? Here, it could really be anything.

"Is this just a bad trip or did something happen, Klaus?"

[substances]

As good as it feels, Klaus startles a little when Drake presses the cool towel against the back of his neck, mostly because he wasn't expecting it. No one's ever really helped him when he was dealing with this sort of thing before, he doesn't really know the tricks - before Vietnam because they didn't care to, and during Vietnam...well, Dave hadn't been able to do as much as he wanted, didn't have the resources. Once he relaxes, he makes a soft groan into his hands, because it feels good. Really good.

Drake's reassurances remind him of Dave so much it hurts, and he feels his throat choking up a bit and his eyes sting and go hot with tears as that void opens up under him again, swallows him whole.

He holds his breath until the sensation passes, holds it down, stores it somewhere down under his diaphragm and lifts his head, gives Drake a little smile.

"I happened. Klaus Hargreeves, making bad life choices, truly a shocking turn of events. But no big deal, it's nothing I haven't dealt with before!"

His voice is light and purposefully jocular, he picks up the glass of water, his hand shaking, and takes a sip from it, then another, and a gulp because it feels so good sliding down his throat.

[braveoff]

"...easy. You're still shaking."

Drake lets his hand drop as Klaus drinks, studying him instead. The cheerful tone and smile are completely contradicted by those words, which earn him a quirked eyebrow. What kind of bad life choices... cave weed? Not the end of the world. There must be more to it.

"Everybody slips, man. You're not going to turn things around overnight, especially not after the stress of being dragged here. At least you didn't take something that'll kill you or make the withdrawal worse later... or is this not just about the drugs?"

It does seem like he's beating himself up way more than he should if it was just that, but Drake knows to tread lightly. If Klaus came here some part of him must want to get it out, but too much pressure to spill could drive him out the door anyway. Too little and he could just stay bottled up. Drake reaches up again and wipes some of the sweat on Klaus' forehead away with the towel, hoping he can get the other man to look at him properly.

"Something's weighing on you, anyway. You can tell me."

[substances]

Once the glass of water is empty, Klaus sets it down on the table with his shaking hands, being careful not to put it down too hard, doesn't want to break it. Drake is saying comforting things, that everyone slips, that he can't turn it around overnight, not after how stressful coming here was, that what he did wasn't so bad, and Klaus laughs. It's a breathy almost sarcastic laugh, and he rubs his hand across his face, trying to reassure himself it's still there (it's numb, and that's how he can tell he definitely OD'd on weed...of course he did).

Rubbing his fingers against his forehead, he shakes his head, laughs again, and then speaks.

"Oh, no. I mean. Weed is barely drugs, and sure I OD'd but it's not like I had to get defibbed again or anything. Nope. No big deal. It's never really the drugs, it's always what you do to get them, or what you do while you're high and..." He laughs, leans back in the chair and looks at the ceiling for a moment before dropping his arm across his eyes, "I sure did cheat on my boyfriend. The only person I ever loved. And you know the funniest part about it? He's dead. Dead, dead, dead, so technically I guess it's not cheating but it sure feels like it."

A long pause, and then he finally speaks again, his voice a little throaty this time, "Actually no. It feels worse. I've cheated before, I know how that feels, this is way, way worse."

[braveoff]

Well. It sure wasn't just the drugs. It's an issue Drake can actually relate to personally. He huffs, the sound vaguely like an aborted laugh, but not a happy sound. Should Klaus open his eyes Drake isn't watching him anymore, his gaze now directed at the art on the living room wall, visible from where they are in the kitchen.

"Go figure, I've kinda been there too. It's a shitty thing to have in common and I wasn't even high, just... miserable and lonely, and making bad decisions all on my own. You're right, it did make things worse."

He remembers that day with Rita, both of them upset and vulnerable about different things, hoping to take comfort in each other. He remembers just how terribly it didn't work. Sure, the sex was great. Distracting, for awhile. But after? When she'd left and he was alone in the bedroom he'd used to share with a partner, reminders of whom were still everywhere? It had just felt hollow, like something had been ripped out of him and that space left empty. Eventually that kind of pain fades and you're able to move on, but if you're not ready yet it's just a giant mistake. Yeah. He gets it.

"It's not cheating, Klaus. It's that being with anyone else just reminds you of what you've lost. It makes things hurt more."

[substances]

Klaus does open his eyes, mostly because the dizziness was getting oppressive with them closed, he'd started to feel like his head was in a washing machine, spinning around and around with such force that his neck was going to snap. When he opens his eyes, he sees Drake looking off toward the living room, at the art that he told him was done by his partner while he talks about how he's been there before.

The tears threaten again, leaving Klaus' green eyes glassy with wetness, and his eyelashes feel heavy, but only one or two fall down his cheeks when Drake says that it's not cheating, it just makes it hurt more because it highlights what he's lost. Dropping his hands to the table, Klaus clenches his fists hard enough that his nails dig into his palms, and the slight sting is enough to distract him from the pain that feels like it's gutting him alive.

"It still doesn't feel real." He says, his voice quiet, a little distant, and two more tears slide down his cheeks, "It feels like some nightmare I'm going to wake up from."

[braveoff]

The flicker of movement as Klaus sets his fists on the table draws Drake's gaze back, in time to see the tears start to fall. Something aches in his own chest sympathetically, remembering.... he really only opened up to one person at the time, his next closest friend of over a year, and not often. Mostly, Drake had just tried to hold his shit together on his own. But Klaus is chattier than he is, and came to his door for a reason.

Start with the easier questions first, and this one's probably the easiest. Drake himself had counted every damn day.

"How long's it been?"

[substances]

When Drake asks that, Klaus takes a deep breath, holds it for a few moments, looking blankly forward, eyes still wet, every time he blinks tears streak down his cheeks again. Then he exhales, and on a sigh, he speaks, softly, breathlessly.

"It's been twenty days..."

Swallowing hard, he focuses again, a little, looks over at Drake with a dazed sort of expression, licks his lips.

"So you had a person who died and then...you're with someone now, how...how did you...?"

But he can't finish the sentence, it's too much, because he doesn't want to know how to get over Dave, he doesn't want to get over Dave at all. He just wants to know how to stop hurting.

[braveoff]

Oof, that's.... just before Klaus wound up here. No wonder he's a mess.

"I'm sorry."

It doesn't mean anything, he didn't know the guy and a stranger's sympathy won't bring him back, but Drake says it anyway. Then lifts a hand and rakes his fingers through his hair, exhaling as he considers the question. He knows what Klaus is actually asking, how do you get over someone's death like that, but Drake didn't actually have to. The situation is far more complicated than he's presented it, but he didn't expect Klaus to ask about it.

"Long story short, I didn't have to. I got lucky and he came back. This place doesn't actually care about what state you were in back home, and we'd met here. There's a whole bunch of us with nothing to go back to, so when he disappeared I thought that was just it... I don't really know how things would've gone if it had been." He feels oddly guilty admitting that he got lucky, when that's probably not going to be the case for Klaus... but maybe? You never know. Drake clears his throat, speaks again honestly. "I don't have the answers you need, but I do know what you're going through. For a hundred and thirty eight days I believed he was dead for good, and it was horrible."

And it could happen again at any moment, for either of them, but Klaus doesn't need to know that right now. Even if it's something constantly on Drake's mind.

[substances]

Honestly, some small part of Klaus is kind of proud of the fact he went that long before having a meltdown, getting himself high in whatever way possible. The whole time he'd been dealing with this back home (a whopping two or three days) he'd been dealing with his siblings being a handful, dealing with the apocalypse and trying to stop it, with surviving the dope sickness so he could summon Dave - his brain had been distracted enough that it had been tolerable.

Now, though, everything feels wrong.

When Drake starts talking again, Klaus pays attention, scrubs his hand over his cheeks to try to rub the tears away. He's not ashamed of them, but there are still echoes of his father's voice in his head, talking about weakness. The drugs. The tears. The fear of the dark.

"Wait, so...he was dead back home?" He asks, his brows furrowing. It's not the first time he's heard that. Cashmere had told him about being killed back home, and she wasn't a ghost, so there's obviously some sort of weirdness going on here about the usually pretty straightforward borders between life and death.

"So he went back home and was dead back home and then came back and was alive again?" His voice is rising a little, his breath quickening, his heart beating harder. Because that sounds like hope, it sounds like something he can cling to, like summoning Dave's ghost.

"Wait, so maybe if...do you think one of the gods or whatever could bring Dave here?"

[braveoff]

Shit. The last thing he'd wanted to do was give Klaus false hope... there's a chance, of course, but it's so slim that he really shouldn't hold his breath for it. The odds of any of them ending up here are ridiculous in the first place...

"They can't control who shows up or goes home any more than you or I can," he starts off, wanting to temper the hope he can hear in Klaus' voice. "I think they'd be a lot pickier if that was the case, honestly, some people here have caused serious problems."

Drake hesitates before continuing. Should he say they're working on it? Is that just going to make it worse? He doesn't want to totally crush Klaus, either.

"They're trying to figure out the Door, but haven't got it yet. And the focus is mostly on how to get to other worlds, not bring people here from them. I don't know if that'll ever be possible, or if we're stuck here forever if we want to live, or can go somewhere else... there are a lot of question marks right now."