kate galloway; (
dedikated) wrote in
hadriel_logs2016-06-06 02:24 pm
Entry tags:
( log three | june catchall | come follow me right now )
Who: Kate + anyone and everyone
What: Catchall log for June
Where: The clinic | the bar | spire 4 | riverside | caves & rage's temple
When: Any time this month, really!
Warnings: Alcohol, violence, injuries, the usual things + philosophies on killing
[wildcard | anywhere] come on hey brother, someone stop these kids
What: Catchall log for June
Where: The clinic | the bar | spire 4 | riverside | caves & rage's temple
When: Any time this month, really!
Warnings: Alcohol, violence, injuries, the usual things + philosophies on killing
[wildcard | anywhere] come on hey brother, someone stop these kids
[[ nothing here working? Write something! Or hit me up via pm/windlicht to discuss something specific. ]]

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Drinking helped a lot when I was younger.
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... She might need something stronger, like a shot. So she gets one and knocks it back easily. ]
Want to tell me who Maria is? [ it's an invitation, not a demand. Although she's incredibly curious about her, about the reason for his anger. ]
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She remembers the words, vaguely, the implications that she never made it and that's why he's so pissed at the world. Thry don't come clear, but she doesn't think that she's wrong in her impressions.
Sorry isn't even a thing to say. It's so cliche and pitying. It's the kind of trite phrase she had to bite her tongue and swallow the urge to say fuck you to. ]
She was killed? [ The notes of sympathy is her voice can't be hidden, however. ]
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well... ]
Mine too. [ Not Maria, obviously. But Marc. She should never have just stood there, locked up by fear or not. She should have been able to deal with it. She'd been fighting for years by then; she'd fought through far worse sights and blood on her rather than just in her vicinity.
So why did she ever freeze, then of all times? After promising, promising to protect him. Swearing she'd deal with everything she doesn't want to just because he felt he needed this to move on.
She failed. ]
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Maybe that's a good thing. [ Who is she kidding? That's definitely a good thing.
And no, nothing will bring them back, no matter how much they both bury themselves in guilt and regret. It's something Kate knows, logically, something she manages to accept most days.
At the minute, it's too hard to accept. The dreams have left his death too fresh in her mind to go about her day without thinking about the myriad of ways she failed Marc. ]
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I don't remember. [ she blacked out for a length of time and doesn't even know what happened or how long it was. Her friends didn't seem to want to say anything about it. Carl just told her to snap out of it and stop ruining Marc's memory. ] Just- maybe it's a good thing we didn't destroy everything. [ Maybe, as much as she hates not having that honour, maybe it was a good thing she wasn't the one to kill Rosenberg. Maybe that wouldn't have done anything at all. ] Doesn't bring them back. It's just something to satisfy our egos.
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No, she doesn't agree. Not if she really thinks beyond her own pain. Revenge ruined her best friend - her brother - and he died without ever fulfilling all the promise he had.
She doesn't want to fall into it too.
Kate takes another drink and doesn't bother to argue the point, just drains the glass. ]
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One she does not want to tell. Going through the entire fact of quitting because they got the information - the name - they wanted, the fact that she and her friends kind of destroyed the management (and the fact that she, on multiple occasions during that battle, ignored Faith's wishes about not killing other Agents) of The Agency and ruined the UK's stability in a whole mess of ways. Going through the even more pertinent fallout - that she couldn't have returned even if she wanted to...
But there's one very simple reason she's never looked back on Agency work. ]
Never liked it. Wanted to do something useful with myself.
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...It's time for another drink. ]
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Then, there are nights like this. ] It'll go away soon. [ As soon as she can actually think of anything else. ]
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Felt like having company. [ shrug.
Kate vaguely, vaguely recognises the voice in her head that says she needs to fix this. That she should be over these traumas by now, they're years in her past and she was supposed to have dealt with them. Isn't that what she was doing while training in Denmark? Handling the fear of blood and repairing herself?
Does she need an MOT or something? Great. ] You seemed better company than most for a night like this.
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