hadriel_logs | These are the things we lost in the fire [OPEN]

[ Kate inhales. It's hard to explain. How do you explain a fear that has lingered in the back of your mind since day one? One you've ignored? She managed to explain it to Sharon - because there was that thing about screwing up, the one that meant you really didn't have secrets - and to Maketh, after way too much alcohol.

It's not a wound she really wants to reopen, but it's also is the only explanation she has for why her decisions went so badly wrong. For why she pushed it through faster than she knows she should have, why she went along with Bianca's machinations in the first damn place.

(And, Chris, there's always something happening here.)

She shrugs a shoulder, tilts her head back to look at the ceiling for a moment, like it'll give her the right answer to what he's saying. ]

This place. [ She settles on that, although doesn't care to add further details about why this place might be so terror inspiring that it prompted her to push herself to exhaustion and undergo something so risky in so little time.

Instead, she sort of changes the subject. ]

We thought her power could have done something to affect the door. Open it. Show us where it was. [ If, indeed, the door is a location at all.

But, anything, other than what it did manage. ]

[His grip on his mug tightens a little and he has to turn away a moment to make sure he won't snap at her for that non-answer, taking a slow deep breath. Getting angry won't help with anything, and Kate's bad decisions aren't an excuse to be unkind to her especially if it's just out of pure emotion.

So he waits several seconds until he's sure he can make his voice sound calm once again, trying to ignore the twist of guilt and nervousness about the fact that he has to put in this much effort to keep from getting angry in the first place.

He still doesn't look at her when he responds, but at least his tone is even.]

Yeah. So I've heard.

[He thought it was a stupid idea the first time he heard the explanation and only thinks it's even more stupid now that it's known that it indeed didn't work. But that really isn't the point.]

Do you... Do you regret doing it? With everything that happened?

... Yes. [ Maybe it isn't as simple as yes, or maybe it is. She's never really sure where her mood will take her on any day. Some days she wakes up, resentful and petulant that they did try and that was a hell of a lot more than a lot of people did. Other days, like today, she genuinely wishes she could turn back time and never respond to Bianca's suggestion, or tell her to stick it. And the last few she's somewhere in between, flip flopping from one moment to the next. ]

Not s'posed to be in th' business of getting people killed. [ Not any more. God only knows she had enough blood on her hands before that idea went awry. ]

[That answer isn't the great relief he'd though it might be, but it's... Something. It's more important, in many ways, than the why, because he can understand making a mistake. It's doing something that causes so much harm and then not caring at all that's hard to accept.

And, suddenly, he realizes why he's so mad at her.

Part of it is genuine anger for what she did and how she handled it, but a lot of it isn't actually anger at her at all. He gives a long, quiet sigh, nervous energy seemingly evaporating all at once, and he sets his coffee mug down and turns to look at her again.]

Okay. Okay, then... Pull something like that again and I get to remind you of this conversation as obnoxiously as I can possibly manage, deal?

[He even offers a faint smile to go with the incredibly unintimidating threat.]

[ Nah, unintimidating would be threatening to kick her ass. But that sudden change in tone gets her to properly look at him - rather than past or near him - for the first time in a few minutes. ] Deal. [ She even manages to quirk her lips in something that lies somewhere between a smirk and a genuine smile.

At least reminders would be embarrassing enough to make her reconsider.

The conversation can lie for a moment, before anything else is said. But, eventually, Kate pipes up; ] Heard you got blessed. [ Yes, she was nosing on the network. ]

[It is true that Chris can be terrifyingly annoying when he feels like it.

He lets the silence hang for a bit, deciding it's safe to sip at his coffee--he still feels a little unsettled, but that's nothing new--and lean sideways against the bar until Kate decides to speak again. At her comment he grins a little more, showing the mark on his hand again.]

Yeah. Purple's totally my color, right?

[ She looks at it for a moment and cocks her head to one side to work out a crick in her neck more than anything else. Never look gift horses in their mouths etc. ] Anything's a good colour if it helps out here. [ At least it isn't Delight's?

And, after another moment's pause; ] What's it do, anyway? [ She's heard a bit about the blessings, but what they do is something she's fuzzier on. ]

[He shares the sentiment; it could be hot pink and he wouldn't care in the slightest because it's really, really useful.]

It's uh, a healing power. Hope said it can do just about anything but bring someone back from the dead, so I was talking to Carlisle and he thinks I should save it for that since you guys have the healing things at the Clinic now.

[ ~~Hot pink is awesome tho :|~~ Her eyes widen at that description because, well, really, really useful is an understatement. And maybe it's just a little bit of a punch and a reminder that she still can't do anything that useful for the clinic, not really. But that's not the issue, is it? Instead, Kate lets out a low whistle of approval.

Alright, so she's a little annoyed, but more healing power is always more important than her own feelings of inadequacy. ]

Probably best. Can't imagine we'll get to rest much longer. [ Last month was almost suspiciously quiet. ]

[Chris is not the type to have his masculinity particularly threatened by pink or otherwise 'girly' things, but he wouldn't exactly call hot pink awesome either. It's a little too bright and eye-searing for him.]

Yeah, though at least um... At least people don't seem to get really seriously injured that often, even when the worst stuff goes on.

[Comparatively not many, anyway.]

I wasn't sure if I should maybe hang out around the Clinic more or what, though. I mean, if it's something life threatening there wouldn't be a huge amount of time to trek out there, right?

[Give him advice, Kate ~~even if he might or might not listen to it~~.]

[ That is true. She's always a bit confused as to how the clinic seems to be forever understocked, understaffed and yet bored all at the same time. Either people healed themselves outside of the clinic or everyone seriously injured just dies. Who knows. ]

No one would say no to more help. [ She drums her fingers against the countertop for a moment in thought. ] I could put you down as an emergency contact. Ring you if we're really in need? [ That's a compromise, one that doesn't necessitate Chris having to hang around needlessly or rearrange bar shifts. ]

I uh... Had kind of been thinking about seeing if I could learn more basics and whatever anyway, so if that's okay, then...

[Then he'd be willing to help out a bit, between all the other things he's doing. It'd be a good distraction, and since the healing power won't last forever and he keeps finding himself in emergencies the more he can learn the better.]

But yeah, the uh, emergency contact thing sounds like a good idea.

[ Well, the doors are always open to teach first aid. Even outside of class times. But for now, Kate just pulls out a pen and a scrap of paper to note that to herself. ] Great. ... those things last, you know?

What, knowing how to do that stuff? Yeah, I mean, what I do know is from like one class in eighth grade, the internet, and television marathons, but it's already um... Been really useful here.

[As much as he wishes it hadn't been, because that would mean people hadn't gotten hurt. But he is really, really glad he knows what he does, and more practice and training would only help.]

[ Oh.

Sorry. She shakes her head. I mean, that's useful but. ] Meant: do you know if that's [ she gestures to Chris' hand ] permanent?

Oh.

[Well, easy enough to answer that question--]

It's uh, it's not. Rey said hers lasted a few months, and Hope mentioned it'd run out faster the more it's used.

[And Maketh said she lost hers when she died, though he won't add that part.]

[ Along with the scribbles of Chris. Hope's Blessing. Emergency contact. - a quick temp gets placed at the side. ] S'pose that makes sense. [ For all the whining the gods do about their levels of power, it wouldn't be sensible to give people permanent power, right? ] I'll stick this in the office. [ She gestures with the paper for a second before slipping it into the pocket of her jacket. ]

Awesome. Um, I'm wondering if maybe I should go to the arena when the new arrivals show up too.

[Just in case. He's been worried for months now about the people new to Hadriel showing up in such a dangerous place and someone getting seriously hurt, and risked going into the arena last month because of it, but this time it'd be a lot safer considering the blessing.]

[ Chris, no.

Kate shakes her head. ] Just worked something out for that. [ With the guard. ] Not sending healers in where they can be injured. [ Henry does talk sense, really. ]

[Well, okay, that makes sense, but he's still not totally sure. Not that he wants to go into that kind of danger, but Hannah appeared last month and what if Beth--or any of the others--are there this time? And even besides his friends, there could be people who arrive already injured or are hurt by the monsters and it's wrong to just leave them.

But if something's been worked out...]

Maybe just... Staying outside of it, then.

[In case there's an emergency and someone who won't be able to make it to the Clinic.]

[ she nods, just a little. ] Bruce is organising that. Talk to him. [ the if you want goes unsaid, but really, it's less a suggestion and more a request to keep things streamlined and make sure they're all aware of the people helping as possible. ]

Okay, I um... Might do that, then.

[Or might not; he's not sure yet. He understands the point of streamlining things, but it also seems like that'd be committing to a plan he might need to change for some reason.]

[ shrug. the choice is yours. the plan seems mostly in place anyway, so extra help or not, it'll go ahead. ] Just don't go wandering in. [ she gets the compulsion to help, she really does, but - ] Think Henry'd have me head. [ that was so dry it almost actually sounded like the joke it was meant to be. ]

I went into the arena last month and it turned out okay.

[It had been pretty terrifying, but he and Hannah had gotten out without any serious injuries and that was before he had a healing ability.]

[ She tilts her head to one side in a variation on her usual shrug. ] That was this month. [ Granted, the things were fucking huge and powerful, but all the same. ] You can heal. Need that more than heroes. [ They have plenty of people who can kick ass. ]

I guess. I just... I dunno. I'm worried about people who might show up who are already hurt, or might get hurt in the arena and not be able to, you know. Wait for healing.

[What if, for instance, Hannah had arrived after breaking her leg and not before? What if someone got attacked while in the arena by whatever awful monster showed up with them?]

[ She gets that, now it's explained. Having not explained the whole situation with the guard, it should be expected. She wasn't thinking, assumed knowledge that she had was general etc. ]

Ah. We're sending some of the healing cells in with the guard. [ For the people that are so badly injured they need more than that, well hopefully they can co-ordinate well enough to move people to the clinic before anything serious happens.

At least the clinic is close to the Colosseum. ]

Oh.

[That knowledge reassures him a bit, because okay. That should indeed, hopefully, be enough.]

Okay. Then um... Yeah, I'll just hang out nearby but... Outside. Just in case.

[But he's less concerned now, at least, that that would mean abandoning someone who needs help. The large part of him that wants to stay away from danger can do so without guilt, now.]

[ That. That will work. ] That'll be fine.

[ She thinks most things have been worked out then, and lapses into thoughtful silence for a moment, just to check if there's anything she's forgotten.

Nope. Can't think of anything ]

Guess that's everything?

I uh, think so.

[And as kind of weird and awkward as all of this was, he's glad things are pretty okay again.]

I'm uh, running the coffee cart for another few hours, but if you have like... Clinic stuff to do, you should feel free to get back to it.

[He doesn't want her to feel like she should be sticking around if she's ready to get out of here.]

[ not so much Clinic stuff, but she's actually pretty hungry. ]

Might stop by later. Need to find something to eat first.

[ sadly, Delight has not blessed her. :| finding food here is a chore at the best of times. ]

[Food's just as important, if not more so.]

Okay, cool. I'll um... See you around, then.

[He even offers a small smile.]

Edited 2016-09-05 04:34 (UTC)

See ya.

[ and she's gone. maybe she'll be back later for coffee.

probably, let's be real. that's been the worst part of this all. feeling like she can't get the good coffee.

~~okay, that's a lie. but it's been pretty sucky.~~ ]

These are the things we lost in the fire [OPEN]

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