If I could face them [CLOSED]

[thechoiceisyours]

Who: Chris and Carlisle
What: Nerd friend meetup to maybe or maybe not talk about serious things but definitely to introduce Carlisle to coffee
Where: Delight's Bar
When: Ambiguously nowish (early August)
Warnings: Nothing actively happening, but likely discussions of in-game and canon events


[Don't throw the phone. Really, really don't throw the phone. Deep breaths, Chris.

He follows his own advice from where he's sitting at the bar, carefully setting his phone down on the surface and taking his hands away from it, breathing in and out a few times. Most of the time he really loves technology, but when it doesn't do what he wants there are moments when he hates it.

The flash of temper passes quickly and he decides to reconsider the problem with the program he's working on after he makes some more coffee; he's used to just looking on the internet when he has a problem with a code working, but in Hadriel it's all trial and error and, occasionally, that can be a bit frustrating. But he'll figure it out, just like he has with the other times this has happened, only it's probably best to take a break for the moment.

So he gets up and goes over to the coffee cart, which is a whole four feet away, and begins brewing a little more espresso than he actually needs. Maybe someone'll show up who wants some themselves.]

Comments

[tongueamok]

[Normally, Carlisle doesn't leave his apartment unless he has to. With Kate coming over on occasion to make healing trinkets, he doesn't feel the need to go looking for work or actually visit the clinic -- not that he would anyway. He rarely goes to the stores for supplies, getting just enough food to sustain him, all while scrutinizing every choice there is in the event should something be made out of people. The saplings he placed in the orchard only need to be checked on every few days or so. Generally, he has neither reason, nor want to leave his abode.

But he was bound to run out of alcohol eventually, and that is enough draw him from his home. He has his flask, a container enchanted to carry all the Dwarven ale he could ever want, but he would prefer to mix his drinks with other choice supplements on occasion, especially when he's trying not to think about the dozens of things bothering him at any point in his day.

So as Chris gets to work on that coffee, it's Carlisle who comes into the bar, his usual badger-pelt bag across him one way, an additional satchel crossed the other. Despite all that's on his mind, he does seem to brighten just a hair as he spots his bespectacled acquaintance.]

Ah, Chris. Good. Convenient. I have some, ah. Notes.

[He digs through one bag, then the other, finally producing a page scrawled with his handwriting.]

For Emily. Obviously.

[thechoiceisyours]

[Chris glances up briefly from what he's doing when he hears someone enter the bar, and he's a little surprised to see Carlisle despite their conversation a few days ago. But he offers a smile of greeting and turns more to face him, letting the espresso start the brewing process.]

Hey Carlisle.

[He steps a little closer, curious about the paper but trying not to look out of politeness.]

Okay, cool. I can give it to her when I get home if you want?

[tongueamok]

Yes, please. That saves me a trip over there. Not that I wouldn't be going over there at some point anyway, of course. For lessons. Not that she particularly needs them.

[He has a nervous laugh, followed immediately by a sigh.]

She's quite talented.

[thechoiceisyours]

Yeah, of course.

[And okay, it's kind of impossible not to notice how he seems slightly... Displeased? Unsure? Something Chris wouldn't expect whenever Carlisle mentions how talented Emily is at whatever it is they're working on.]

She's uh, kind of a nerd. But don't ever say that to her or she'll like, claw your eyes out or something.

[It's half a joke and half not.]

But um... Is there some sort of story there? You seem kind of... Worried about it.

[tongueamok]

I'm not worried!

[He snaps back with that so suddenly that it seems to surprise even him.]

I'm not... hn. My apologies. I suppose I am just frustrated when I ought not be.

[And embittered. Jealous. Self-conscious. All of those.]

[thechoiceisyours]

[Chris draws back slightly at the snapped response, briefly startled, but then just sort of raises his eyebrows a little.]

No, it's cool, I uh... I know the feeling.

[His phone gets a brief glance at that comment.]

But um... What about? If you want to say.

[The espresso machine makes a gurgling sound and then a hiss of steam escaping, indicating it's done, and so Chris steps back toward the machine before looking back at Carlisle again to add another quick question--]

Want some?

[tongueamok]

[His voice is subdued as he answers Chris's question.]

Yes, please.

[He picks at the bandage on his arm nervously, the ink stains on it faded from the many times he's washed it. He can never quite get them all out, though. Finally, he slides his bags over his head and off his shoulders, setting them on one of the tables as he sinks into a seat.]

Do you ever just feel woefully inadequate, Chris?

[thechoiceisyours]

You prefer bitter or sweet?

[Since Carlisle hasn't had coffee yet, he figures he'll just ask generally so he knows how to prepare it. He's finding two mugs and pulling the espresso from the machine when Carlisle asks his question and... Wow, straight to the real talk.

Not that he actually minds, he's just a little surprised.]

Um, yes. I mean, not as much now as I used to, but sometimes.

[He was really insecure when he was a younger teen, and though he's more self-assured now there are definitely times when he feels inadequate, especially when it comes to the kinds of situations that occur here.]

[tongueamok]

I'm not sure. Bitter, I suppose.

[That would be fitting, he thinks to himself. Despite the immediate serious question, he falls into silence as soon as he gets his answer, his mind turning his thoughts over and over.]

[thechoiceisyours]

[Bitter's easy enough, and Chris just adds enough hot water to the espresso to make it fill the mug; it'll be easy to make it sweeter later if Carlisle decides he wants it that way. Chris' own coffee, however, gets plenty of sugar and creamer right off the bat.

He brings the mugs over to the table Carlisle is at, setting Carlisle's coffee in front of him and then sitting down himself as well before decided to try broaching the dropped topic again.]

If it's about Emily, um, I dunno if it'll help but she was like, top of our class in school. Really smart, really academic. It's just... It's her thing.

[She's a fast learner and very dedicated at succeeding when she puts her mind to it.]

[tongueamok]

[Carlisle looks down at his coffee, not yet drinking it.]

And what is your 'thing'? What is it you and your friends can do that she cannot?

[thechoiceisyours]

[Chris watches him a moment, then glances off to the side to actually think about that question.]

We're all um, better at some things than others. I mean, Ash is booksmart like Em is, but she's also really talented at writing and communicating through words just in general. Josh is super creative, even if uh... He could probably use some, you know, discretion about how to use it. Hannah's really friendly and sees the good in like, everyone and everything.

[Chris has to pause a moment to think of something for himself, though, not because he can't--his self esteem isn't that low--but because he's carefully choosing the right thing and the right way to say it.]

Between me and Em I'm definitely better with people.

[tongueamok]

She does seem a bit abrasive.

[That's putting it lightly. He hesitates as he stares into his mug, as though the liquid there would hold some answers for him.]

I think it's a matter of not knowing what my, er. 'Thing' is anymore. The one craft I am good at, others here can do as well, and probably better. I don't have my church, or even my family name.

[He stops again, wondering if his goddess can even hear him from so far away. Does it matter? Would she care?]

[thechoiceisyours]

[He offers a bit of a grin at that, because yeah, nice way to put it. Chris sips at his own coffee while Carlisle continues, then fixes him with a serious look.]

Your thing doesn't stop being your thing just because other people are good at it too. And I mean, if you're talking about your healing power there's a lot more than just being capable of healing that matters there.

[He doesn't know what to say about the last part of Carlisle's response, though; that sort of feeling out of place is something he doesn't think he can help much with.]

[tongueamok]

Kate said something terribly similar. [His eyes flick to Chris.] And I have yet to discern exactly what she meant. I cannot fight the monsters that wander through the caves. And if there are other healers, why bother with me at all? Why would anyone seek out someone—

[He stops suddenly, stifling what he nearly said -- cursed.]

S- someone like me, when there are plenty of others who can do exactly what I do, but without all the, ah.

[He gives a vague gesture with his hand that likely has something to do with the ink he coughs up.]

[thechoiceisyours]

[Chris notices the quick stop but lets it go for now, though he makes a mental note of it. Prying just seems like the wrong way to go about things at the moment.

So instead he focuses on the actual question, tapping his fingers quietly on his mug while he responds.]

I mean, I hope it doesn't crush your self-image or anything when I say this, but uh... You're not exactly the intimidating type. That's kind of super important when you're um, trying to figure out who to trust with letting use magic on you when you're hurt.

[tongueamok]

[That gets the barest of smiles from Carlisle.]

No, I'm well aware of what I look like and how I appear to others. Though not intimidating, some might not be so inclined to have a man they believe to be sick healing them, either.

[He finally sips at his drink, his nose wrinkling at the smell. Oh wow, that is... certainly something.]

[thechoiceisyours]

Well, it is kind of... Worrying. The coughing thing. Not like, worrying for whoever you're healing but, you know, that it might be hurting you to be doing it?

[But if Carlisle says it's normal then Chris is tentatively taking his word for it. He also might have a bit of a grin when he sees Carlisle's reaction to the coffee.]

It's uh, not too late to make it sweeter if you want.

[tongueamok]

[He nods, pushing the mug toward Chris.]

I insist I'm fine every time. Not that anyone listens to me.

[thechoiceisyours]

It is kind of hard to believe.

[Just saying. He picks up Carlisle's mug and head back to the coffee cart briefly, adding in a moderate amount of sugar and a little cream and then returning with the mug and some spare packets in case it's not sweet enough, handing the mug back to Carlisle and taking his seat again.]

I mean, it looks super not-great.

[tongueamok]

There's nothing I can do about it. It's either I deal with it, or I don't heal at all.

[He tries the drink again. Much better, if his expression is any indication.]

[thechoiceisyours]

Do you um... Do you know what causes it?

[He doesn't at all disagree with Carlisle's decision though; he's pretty sure he'd make the same one, especially if it only looks bad and truly isn't harmful.]

[tongueamok]

[He buries himself in his drink for another few seconds, the silence allowing him to put order to his explanation.]

It's a condition I have. Well, not so much a condition, since in hindsight, that does make it sound as though I'm a sick man, but it's not- no one need worry about it, so long as the job gets done and I am, in the end, unharmed.

[So much for that order.]

[thechoiceisyours]

[Well that's an evasive answer if he's ever heard one, but if Carlisle doesn't want to say more then Chris won't pressure him to.

Instead he sips at his own drink, before shifting the topic slightly.]

How uh, how much can you heal anyway? Like how serious an injury?

[tongueamok]

[Carlisle is grateful to not be talking about the black bile anymore, though his insecurities regarding his abilities still remain.]

I'm no necromancer -- certainly not -- but I once brought back a man thought to be dead. His heart had stopped, but his body still had life within it. I'm not sure how critical of wounds I could handle on an alien or someone non-human. It is easier if I am familiar with their anatomy.