be careful what you wish for in the dark (closed)

[unfollowing]

Who: Emily and Hannah
What: Emily apologizes to Hannah
Where: UD house
When: September 5
Warnings: There will definitely be some talking about the prank, and there will therefore be pain and suffering. Will edit for anything else that comes up.

(There's only one thread in this entry because we'd planned to do more than one, but Life Happened and so we only have the one. Oops.)

Comments

September 5, morning - closed to Hannah

[unfollowing]

Hannah.

[Emily knocks on Hannah's bedroom door after breakfast. She'd considered bringing them each a mug of coffee, but given what they're going to be talking about, she decided against it. The last thing she needs is for Hannah to throw hot coffee all over her, or spilling it on herself. (Though in that case, at least Emily would be able to help her clean up, and that'd score her some points, right?)

(God, she's not made for this apologizing shit. But she wants to -- she needs to -- so she's going to.]

It's Em. We need to talk.

[wendigoner]

[ Uh oh. Hannah stirs, still in bed, but awake. She'd been clicking through the local network, if that's what it was even called, and glances up at the knock, eyebrows raising in surprise. ]

Oh - Hang on, I'll be out in a minute.

[ True to her word, not much later, the teen opens the door wearing clothes rather than what passes for her pajamas. She looks over Emily's expression and, getting no clues there, begins to feel something like nervousness biting at her stomach. ]

Is everything okay?

[unfollowing]

[Oh god. Emily's not really ready for this. Even after coffee and breakfast and psyching herself up for it, she's not ready. Is this something anyone can ever be ready for, though? Better just to rip off the bandage and get it over with.

She can't just do that, though. Not with Hannah. Talking about Hannah and the prank to Chris is totally different. They know what happened, the hurts are different. Hannah, though--]

No.

[She's not going to tell her what happened -- she and Chris are doing that together -- but what she is going to say is serious enough that she's not going to sugarcoat it. Emily lets herself in after a nod at the room, then stands in the middle with her arms crossed, facing but not looking at Hannah as she thinks back to the missing person posters in the fire tower. Apologizing to pictures of the twins had been hard enough with Matt there to witness it. Apologizing to Hannah, in person, by herself-- it's so much worse.

But Hannah deserves it, and Emily genuinely means it.

Okay, Em. Deep breath, look her in the eye, and say it.] I'm sorry about the prank. It was stupid, and immature, and you didn't deserve it.

[And look away and breath and peek to make sure you see how she's taking it.]

[wendigoner]

[ She'd been expecting a conversation about... what had happened, but about how she'd brought it on herself, and not... this. Hannah flushes dark at the apology, eyes widening in surprise, looking away as Emily does. For a while, she's at a loss for words, searching and failing to find them, thinking of the hurt she'd felt, the betrayal, the shame.

The cold. ]

... Emily - [ Hannah bites at her lower lip, pushing hard to speak and not to just sit in confused and conflicted silence. ] ... God. I - I mean, I really appreciate you saying that, I thought...

[ It'd be put on her for having been the catalyst. At least Mike isn't here for this. ]

I'm sorry, too. [ She says quietly, not meeting the other's eyes. ] If I hadn't been trying to--... I was jealous, and when I got that note...

[ The blush is worse than before and, really, she wants to melt down into a puddle and avoid the rest of this exchange. ]

We all messed up. [ Comes the conclusion (more or less). ] I was being selfish, and... dumb, running out into the storm like that.

[ Though she doesn't know the full repercussions of it, not yet. ]

[unfollowing]

[Oh god. Oh thank god, Hannah's not chewing her out for this, now matter how Emily deserves it.

This makes it that much worse. This makes it so much more obvious that Hannah didn't deserve what they put her through. The guilt that was supposed to lift off Emily's shoulders digs its claws deeper into her, and she shakes her head in the vain hope that it'll help.

It doesn't, but at least she feels like she can speak.]

That wasn't your smartest move, no, but I can't blame you. It-- We were fucking assholes. I was just-- [She pauses, takes a breath, thinks for a second. Does she really want to go there? Does she really want to tell Hannah what was going through her mind, why she agreed to Jess's idea, planned it with her and Mike?

Jesus, why the fuck not?] You know how Mike is with girls. I saw the way you talked at him and I got so mad, like-- come on, Han, he was my boyfriend--

[Was. He was. It surprises her how angry it still makes her to think about that, about Hannah's badly hidden crush. It shouldn't. Look who Mike turned out to be. Date a guy for a year, trust him, open up to him, and he still won't think twice about pointing a gun at you.]

But that was not the way to handle it. It was wrong, and I would take it back if I could.

[Not just because of what happened after that, because of the wendigos, because of what ended up happening to the twins. Sure, Emily regrets that they caused all of that, but after seven months here, she's learned that being that cruel is wrong. It was just... wrong. Fucked up. It's not who she wants to be anymore.]

[wendigoner]

I know. [ How could she not know? She'd seen Mike and Emily together all that time, hanging out, being... all PDA and stuff when they were in a group together. Hannah had been jealous, but worse, she'd let herself crush hard on Mike. Emily might not always be the warmest person, but she was still a friend. ]

... I get why you did it, I just - [ She swallows roughly, coloring. ] ... Why did the others get in on it? They - They looked so... happy.

[ Like they were having fun. Jess and Mike, fine, they could be a little callous, but... Matt and Ashley? Ash had been laughing; Matt had filmed.

Hannah reddens, looking pointedly away, deeply embarrassed. ]

[unfollowing]

[Is it better or worse to hear Hannah say that she gets why Em did it? Does it absolve her of at least a little of her guilt, or does it just mean she's going to feel worse about it later?

Well, she'll find out either way.

As for the others... god. Since none of them is here, is it really Emily's place to answer? She can't-- she can't do that. Pretend to understand their motives, when hers were the only ones that were clear to her, and they were so cruel.]

I don't know. [She shrugs.] They're the only ones thay can answer that. Jess said she was just looking out for me. [And then she'd gone and dated Mike after he dumped Em, so who knows anymore what was really going on?] If they ever show up here, that's something you need to ask them.

The point is-- I regret it. Just, I don't know, yelling at you would've been better.

[And a whole lot less deadly.]

So yeah. I get it if you need time or space to deal. There's a lot of that here. [She pauses, thinks about whether she really wants to say this. Decides to go for it.] But if you, like, want to talk or whatever? Let me know.

[wendigoner]

[ Hannah suspects Jess was looking out for herself, knowing Jess, but she just nods silently, listening. ]

I'll ask. [ Probably. Maybe. ]

Yeah, well... I guess we all learned. [ She'd had a fucking terrifying forest experience because of it, after all, still with no knowledge of her fate beyond that. ] It's better that it happened, I think. We can... get past it, you know?

[ God. That's all she wants right now. ]

Thanks. [ She sighs, offering an... admittedly bleak smile. ] I think I need time, but I'm not... charging out to live alone in the caves, or anything.

[ Not again. ]

[unfollowing]

[It's possible, but at this point, Emily is more inclined to blame Mike for everything. Jessica is not so easily absolved in Emily's eyes, but she'll have an easier time of it than Mike ever will.

And anyway, being here, talking out your shit with your friends is all you can hope for.]

Yeah. Bigtime. [Guess who's going to be thinking harder about the consequences for her actions from now on.] It shouldn't have happened the way it did, but yeah. It's all out now.

[Emily wants to just move on too, but guilt has a funny way of persisting when you want it to disappear forever.]

You better not. [It's only part threat, more admonition than anything.

Sighing, she nods at Hannah.] I'm going to the sewing shop, in case anyone asks.

[Which is to say, "Saying bye is awkward right now, but I don't want to just walk out without saying something."

With another nod, she's off.]