give up if you wanna survive [closed]

[skelebro]

Who: two emotionally dysfunctional assholes (sans t. skellyman and wade motherflippin wilson)
What: tfw you actually make an effort to connect with your alcoholic friend
Where: all around the city probably
When: backdated to just after this conversation on 10/13
Warnings: given the things these two do and say, I'd say cautious warnings for alcoholism and all-around dysfunctional behavior. will update as needed.


[So he feels pretty, uh. Pretty bad about that whole "moving out" thing. And Wade is probably the one of his former roommates that he knows least about. Might be the guy is real used to playin' things close to the chest, but so is Sans. And he's especially good at recognizing the same behavior in others.

So he ends up outside House Number One with his hands in his pockets, leanin' up against the wall like the insouciant bastard he is. Only he ain't really all that insouciant, all things considered. He's...

Huh.

He's worried.

That's new.

Or maybe not - not new, per se, 'cause he's frequently worried, frequently concerned, he just don't ever really put any genuine action behind the thought. It's more of a mute and move on kind of deal, more often than not. There's a thing he should be concerned about, he acknowledges it, and then he shunts it to the side and never looks back. But things are startin' to look a lot more permanent than he's ever figured they would be. And what kinda world does he have to look back to?

Nothin' at all.

So he waits outside his former place of residence. It, uh, doesn't exactly not occur to him that he could just not follow up on his offer, period. But he also feels a little like he owes him. He's a solid guy, Wade. Someone who laughs at his jokes.

And someone with a knack of sincerely bad jokes? Well, they got this whole integrity to 'em that you just can't say "no" to.]

Comments

[skelebro]

[Good different or bad different, he don't need to ask. It might not be focusin' on the problem neither of 'em are talkin' about, but it's something to talk about, a story there that Wade himself opened the door to exploring at reasonable length.]

Different how?

[Sure, he's curious. Maybe in a pretty idle sense since what they're both avoiding talking about takes a bit of precedence but - yeah, all right, consider his interest mildly piqued.]

[ishotyouuu]

Like the "had the power to make you harder than Chinese algebra" kinda different.

[There's a genuine, embarrassed sort of laugh following that statement, as if Wade's wordlessly acknowledging the ridiculousness of such a phenomenon.]

They had pheromones designed to make you wanna get your freak on when they bloomed, or something. It was... that kinda world.

Just imagine Vegas with less STDs and no Elvis impersonators and you'll kinda get a sense of what it was like to live there.

[skelebro]

[Unfortunately, Sans has never been to Vegas, so the reference is pretty lost on him. Thanks to Wade's, uh, rather "flowery" descriptors, he gets the idea anyway.

Which really wasn't the answer he was expectin', but it gets a somewhat surprised chuckle outta him, 'cause that story is - not really in the "bad" or the "good" category, maybe. Maybe it just kinda lands in the "weird."]

You been in some real wild places, huh?

[ishotyouuu]

[Too much information? Wade doesn't think so. You can only share a few flirting tennis matches with a guy before he unlocks the secret code to your TMI stash. Wade gives Sans a skeptical look.]

Dude I've gotten space poon. The million-mile high club, if you catch my drift. "Wild" doesn't even begin to describe my life.

[skelebro]

[What the hell, Wade. No one needs to know this. Okay, not true - maybe some people would like to know it. But Sans most definitely is not among them.

Mostly he just makes an incredibly undignified snorting sound, nearly doubling over with abrupt laughter.]

Holy shit, man. I didn't even need to know that.

[ishotyouuu]

[Oh, Sans. You of all people should know better than to give a comedian encouragement. Wade's eyes virtually light up with mischief, leaning over to clap the skeleton on the back.]

What the hell's that mean? I thought you'd be interested in my sexcapades, bro. I mean, we're all adults here, aren't we?

'Sides, you've never lived until you've gotten it on in zero-G, mark my words.

[skelebro]

That is not a mental picture I needed.

[All he knows about human, uh, stuff is that humans kinda have a tendency to...go all over the place. Don't they?

Goddamn Sans does not need this right now. This is not the kind of fluid he wanted to be thinking about.]

Do I wanna know how that even works?

[ishotyouuu]

["Go all over the place" isn't exactly a specific description of sex there, Sans. Wade's response continues to be nonchalant, as if he's not currently in the process of breaking his bro's brain.]

I dunno, you tell me. I mean you're the one who's apparently fantasizing about me gettin' my freak on right now, you weirdo.

[skelebro]

[He means they have stuff. Monsters aren't quite so leaky, all right? Not in terms of blood or - any other kind of fluids that may or may not be present during those moments.[

Oh no. You don't get to pin this on me, pal. You're the one who brought up cherry trees, all ready to spill an amusing little anecdote about 'em.

[ishotyouuu]

[Hey, he's seen the way you down a bottle of ketchup, okay? Kinda hypocritical to judge humans swapping fluids when you're a total condiment slut.]

Hey, you're the one who made the mistake of askin', pal. And it got you to laugh, so don't act like you're not gettin' any enjoyment outta this one. One way or another, anyway.

[skelebro]

[Fair, fair. That's perfectly legitimate.]

I'm ashamed. I'm shocked and ashamed, good sir. [He makes a show of pausing to reconsider, then chuckles as he shakes his skull.] Actually, y'know what? I just remembered I have zero standards. Carry on!

[ishotyouuu]

[And here is where Wade completely goes against the expected reaction and starts acting demure. Pretending to, anyway-- dude's so shameless that there's not a demure bone in his body, but he makes a pretty convincing act of it nonetheless.]

C'mon, now. Can't tell you all my secrets. A gentleman doesn't kiss an' tell, after all. You're gonna have to work for it.

[Ah yes. That dirty four-letter word.]

[skelebro]

Whaddaya want from me? I don't even have lips.

[Work, though. Ugh, c'mon man. Now ain't the time to grow a set of standards, really now.]

[ishotyouuu]

Yeah, I always kinda wondered about that, actually. How can you... y'know. Eat without lips? Doesn't that make it kinda hard to keep the food in your mouth?

[Granted, on all the dates he'd gone on with his Lady Death, he'd never seen her eat. Doubtless she had some sort of self-sustaining thing going on as long as there were things that could die. Or maybe she just got a contact buzz off of other people's life force. Neither theory would surprise him if it were true.]

Though I guess I kinda opened up a can of worms with that question, huh? Just makin' me think of more questions now.

...Wait, am I being racist right now or something? Or fleshist, or whatever?

[skelebro]

Magic, mostly.

[That's the simple answer, and it's kind of a cop-out, but honestly - what'd you expect? It's what he does. Practically his whole shtick.]

That's probably the answer to most of your questions, frankly. Magic makes just about everything possible if it's funny enough.

[Or...dramatic enough. But humor is easier, requiring significantly less reaching on his part. Right down on his level, no stooping required.]

[ishotyouuu]

Heh. So... a wizard did it. Gotcha. Read you loud and clear.

[He honestly wasn't expecting anything different. Sans's answer-- to him, at least-- seems like a step away from "I'd tell you but I'd have to kill you.

Instead Wade places his hands behind his head and changes to a different subject.]

So, uh... I wanted to ask you something. Whaddya think of... all this? Livin' in caves; havin' to deal with gods and all that shit? I'm still tryin' to wrap my brain around it, to be honest.

[A beat, before he utters a scoff.]

Startin' to forget what sky looked like.

[skelebro]

[Sans lids his eyesockets at half-mast as he digests the words quietly. Figuratively speaking, anyway. Don't have to keep tract of this kinda thing when you don't have the requisite organs to speak of.

He considers the words as they come. Another shift of the subject. Clumsy, but...ain't like either of 'em are eager to discuss the real reason they're here at any length, huh?

Nah. Not much.]

Monsters live Underground where I come from. The gods are new. So are the, uh...less friendly monsters.

[He's seen the sky. He knows he has. Got the photographic evidence to prove it in a drawer somewhere. But hell if he remembers what it looks like.]

Not so much of a shift for yours truly. More like...a rotation of perspective.

[ishotyouuu]

...Huh.

[He'd never really given a thought to where Sans had lived before coming here, in all honesty. Wade had encountered so many strange and interesting people in his life that the notion of where they had all come from rarely even crossed his mind. Mostly because a great portion of the strange and interesting people had come from his own world.

He remembers Sans mentioning something about living in a cave in the midst of one of their many, many flirt sessions, but hadn't really given it much thought. A part of him wishes he'd paid more attention, back then. Ah, well. No time like the present.]

Y'know, I never gave much thought to you bein' part of... y'know. A society. No idea why. Are they all skeletons like you?

[skelebro]

["Flirt sessions." And which one of 'em is blame for that, exactly?

What, 'cause he don't seem socially well-adjusted? Sans is the pinnacle of social consciousness. He's got manners, he's got jokes - what more does a guy need? Still, he can't blame Wade for bein' taken aback. Ain't like Sans ever brings up home, much.

There wasn't much of it by the time he ended up here, anyway.]

Nah, just me and my bro. We got monsters of all sorts down there, though.