hadriel_logs | Event Log: Fourth Wall, Part One

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Event Log: Fourth Wall, Part One

Who: Everyone in the city + Fourth Wall visitors!
What: Part one of the fourth wall event, hosted by Fear, Confusion, and Delight!
Where: All around the city
When: October 24th-November 1st
Warnings: Visitors from other worlds!

If you're not from around here, you may be wondering what's going on. You've woken up out of the blue in the colosseum, or near a temple, or in one of the numerous other locations in the city. You're somewhere underground and it's dark, cold, and maybe a little unnerving.

Luckily, shortly after your arrival, the road below your feet begins to light up in a gentle, warm glow. The light points you in a set direction and, if you choose to travel that way, will lead you toward the center of the city, where there is a large gathering of others who are lost here like you, people who might know their way around a bit more, and even some of the gods who rule this place.

There are lights strung up on poles throughout the large clearing, casting a comforting glow onto the tables beneath them. The tables are abundant with lots of food that looks simply delicious- though, none of it tastes quite like it should. The tarts taste like green beans, the mashed potatoes like cheesecake, and the chocolate seems oddly reminiscent of steak. In addition, there are decorations artfully placed around the meeting point. If you see them moving, don't worry- that's probably just your imagination.

Also distributed along the tables are shot glasses, filled with a sludgy, yellow substance. If you're brave enough to consume them, they taste strongly of mint and will give you a much needed energy boost, circumventing the need to eat or sleep for a full 24 hours! After that, however, everything hits you all at once, so use them wisely. Some of you may remember these shots from our How Delightful event earlier this year!

In addition to all of the above, there are also party poppers strewn around the area. Each popper can jet out some strange objects- glitter bombs, seashells, plastic dinosaurs, maybe a live lizard or two- so be careful! Feel free to use your discretion on these, but remember to keep it small!
_

Of course, you can always not travel that way. The rest of the city has plenty of places to explore- maybe you'd like to stumble in our Silent Hill zone, have a quick look around the alien orchard, or check out any of the god temples that can inspire their chosen emotion. Be careful not to get lost in the tunnels leading away from the cave- none of them can actually move you above ground, but you may run into a few monsters on the way.

For those of you who have been with us awhile, please bear with the gods while they try to adjust around these new folks! Join in on the festivities if you like, or try to orient as many of the others as you can. Start a community outreach program, start a fight club, introduce your parents to your weird cave girlfriend- nobody's judging!

Well. Some of us might be.
_

Enjoy the fourth wall event at Hadriel! Once you're settled in feel free to explore the rest of the city! Find a house, find a new monster, or simply scavenge for supplies.

Fourth wall characters do not enter with phones so they cannot reach the network- however, if you'd like to handwave that they somehow got ahold of Mello's Newcomer guide to avoid the 'where am I/what is this' sort of questions, then feel free!

Good luck, and enjoy your stay in Hadriel!

► This log covers October 24th-November 1st.
► Feel free to make your own logs as well! Fourth wall characters will not have posting access, so grab an in-game friend if you wanted to do anything separate from the main log.
► Fourth wall characters will be in the city for at least one week, though they can stay for longer. The party will go on throughout the entire week, thanks to Delight's boundless energy!
► Please put your character's name and open/closed in the subject line of your starters!

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Asgore...he doesn't - he doesn't mind. None of them, none them mind.

[Their voice cracks humiliatingly.]

That's the worst part. They keep, they keep saying - it's okay, it's okay, Frisk. You were scared. You're a kid. You messed up. And none of them will just look at me and tell me that I did something wrong.

I'm not - I don't -

[You don't deserve their forgiveness. Not a single, stupid scrap of it.]

You can be to blame, and still deserve MERCY.

[It took them so long to learn that.]

If you can forgive them, understand why they did what they did, then the same is true for you. We screwed up, we hurt a lot of people. We hurt people just because we could, and it's important to not forget that. But it's just as important to accept that the past is what it is, and move forward.

[* When did we get fed that line, the twentieth session with the good one?]

[They chuckle, weakly. Can't help it.]

...it's okay if you can't believe that right away. It takes time. But you're worth forgiveness, okay?

I...

[They've been trying. God but they've been trying. Trying to learn to accept what they've done, move on from it, instead of dangling it over their head like their own personal Sword of Damocles. It's so hard to...

They sniffle, and immediately lift a bandaged hand to wipe at their nose. Don't get snot on their shirt. That's gross. You're gross, Frisk.]

How...long? Does it take?

It's different for everyone. And it doesn't come all at once. Maybe you can be near someone without flinching, but if you hear footsteps you get nervous again. Or they'll say something you weren't expecting, and all that hurt comes rushing back.

[They rub Frisk's back in slow circles, between the shoulderblades.]

You can be afraid, but still have forgiven them. And then the next day you'll want nothing to do with them because it hurts too much. ...feelings are really messy. A lot of people would try to say I've recovered, but I'm still struggling. Trauma is something you learn to manage, not something you can cure.

...it can take months. Years, for some people. I'm not saying it will take that long for you and Toriel, or the rest of your family. But no matter what, the important thing is that you keep trying. Give her the space she needs, but if she reaches out don't refuse it.

[Frisk would be willing to bet Temmie's entire college fund that Toriel's already struggling with the conflict in her heart. But in the end, it's her choice, and none of them can force it.]

And...you can rely on other people too, okay? Your other friends, they want to help you, too. You don't have to hold all your burdens alone.

[It hurts. It - it all of it hurts, more than they can bear. This kind of patience, this softness, this gentleness, it's all what they know they can't possibly deserve. Crying into the front of someone who understands, who knows they understand, their shoulders trembling fearfully.

They want to hold them up as proof, absolute. Not alone. Not alone forever, not afraid forever. Sometimes struggling, but not defeated. Never beaten.

Still here. Still you.]

Y-you're really good at this. [They sniff again, pathetically, and bite the inside of their cheek to keep their voice steady.]

I-I can...be you someday. Can't I?

[Frisk laughs softly, and blinks a few tears out of their eyes.]

I've had some good teachers.

[They unwind their arms from Frisk, but only for a moment, and only so they can kneel down and be eye-to-eye with their younger self, cup their cheek with one hand.]

You will be. You're strong, Frisk. And you're not alone. Never again.

You're lucky. You're never alone.

[But being apart means that they've got the capacity to really, truly separate. Run away from one another. Shove each other aside. And it hurts, it hurts like a splinter wedged in their SOUL. Peppering one another with a storm of frantic texts, pained and painful.

Even if separation is...natural, it still hurts.

They sniff again, try not to feel as disgusting as they probably look. Try for a faint, watery smile.]

[That, Frisk can't help a soft snort at, though it's followed by a warm grin.]

Yeah, and it makes arguments hell to work though. You know how hard it is when you're mad at someone and you can feel them being mad right back at you? There's good and bad with both sides of it.

...look. I want you to hear this from me.

[Chara frowns and grips Frisk's shoulder--not tightly, never tightly, but firmly.]

It's true that we're the only ones that will ever understand a lot about eachother. And if I were pulled out of Frisk's head right now, I'd probably have a meltdown and try to throw myself off another cliff. But you two, you're already functioning apart. You can be two separate people, and that's not a bad thing. You can get to know other people, not as a unit but separately, and that's fine. You can make other friends, and care about them just as much as your partner. It's not betraying them to do that.

[...shut up, they know that was blunt and on the nose, but it needed saying.]

[Frisk blinks, their eyes thick and watery, trying to scrub away the heat that won't stop spilling over. Stupid, stupid crybaby. They cry too easily. They have been since Wonderland, ever since they learned that they could.

They know who's talking to them now. They could always tell.]

Are they...will they be okay? If we...if that happens?

[They put each other first. It's what they do. They watch each other's backs, keep each other in line, call each other out when they have to. They're honest, dependable, committed, true. Partners. SOULmates.]

...they'll probably be a little upset, at first. We...I only ever had one friend, before you. And if you ever found other friends...why would you come back to something like me, right? All I ever do is hurt anything I touch.

[--Frisk, for god's sake! They're just making a point about what they thought back then, calm down!]

But you won't, right? Even making friends with Toriel, and Papyrus, and Alphys, you still come back to them. You just need to tell them that until they start believing it. ...trust me, it'll take a long, long while. In case you haven't noticed, we are not stellar examples of mental stability. But you need to take care of yourself, too. And sometimes that means getting a bit of distance from someone you love for a little while.

I'm never leaving you. Not - I mean, I don't leave you. You're, we're - Chara said we're SOULmates!

[It tumbles out in a sloppy burst; as soon as they remembered it, they say it with an unmistakable air of pride. Love is a scary thing, even scarier when you don't know how to show it in any way besides in trying to keep each other alive, in clinging to one another so tightly you don't know how to let go.]

I just - I don't know how to be...alone, exactly. I don't know if either of us do.

[Chara bursts out in laughter, grinning and shaking their head. Partner, you were way too cute at this age, they're gonna have to give you a 100G fine for this.]

Damn right, you are!

[They huff out a sigh and, after moment of flexing their free hand awkwardly, pulls Frisk into another quick hug.]

I'm afraid neither of us have a whole lot of advice for that. Haven't had a practical need to figure that out for ourselves. Maybe...work out ways to signal you need a bit of space? Or establish spots that if one of you is there, the other won't come unless it's an emergency. So you both know where the other is, but you don't have to be there.

[That seems...reasonable, they think? It's such a foreign concept to think about.]

[Frisk's brow scrunches down thoughtfully for a moment as they duck their head, dashing the cuff of their sweater over their eyes to wipe away the last of the drying tears.]

I...I guess. I dunno. We kinda, um, freaked out the few times one of us disappeared.

["Disappeared" in some cases. Straight-up vanished in others. Living in the woods or in libraries like the scruffy vagrants they are, ha ha.]

But...I guess we're gonna have to start somewhere.

Everyone does. That first step tends to be the hardest.

[Chara grunts and pushes themself back to their feet, and looks down at Frisk with a considering eye.]

...you'll do fine, though. Trust them, but don't be afraid to be honest even if you think it will hurt. Holding things in just...makes it fester.

[--oh you shut up Frisk, they're...they're working on it!]

[First step. First step has to be a...small step, maybe. Not vacating Room 12 entirely when one of them encounters something they don't want to see. Not drowning the other in an avalanche of panicked texts when the slightest thing goes wrong. Learning to separate. Learning to be somewhat - somewhat apart?]

What...how do I...keep them from turning it on themself? You know how they just - they'll think it's them. They'll think it's them.

[They'll think it's just Frisk, realizing what Chara has always expected them to realize, and they know it because that's precisely how Frisk feels whenever someone leaves them.]

[Chara frowns...and sighs, shaking their head.]

I...I don't know. It's hard enough believing Frisk sometimes even as we are now. But...

[They look over Frisk's head for a moment, brows creasing in thought.]

Frame it...as something they might need from you, to start. That it's okay if they need distance, that you know they aren't abandoning you if you do that--and I know that thought will crop up anyway, so remind yourself of that, too. They're not going to take it well no matter what, but that might be an easier way to digest the idea.

O...okay.

[A choppy nod. It's a daunting ask, but if they're right - if they're right, they're going to have to try to make it work. Determination and all that, right?]

Still, I, um. I guess you're proof that we can...turn out okay? That we won't just...

[Won't just step over the edge of that creation, and let yourself be scattered across spacetime?]

...it was a close thing. We weren't quite as clever in sneaking off as we'd thought we were.

[Not light-footed enough to keep from disturbing roots and vines under the ground. Hesitated too long before taking what they thought would be their final step.]

...it's still tempting, sometimes. But we have more worth than just our accomplishments. It's not the savior of the Underground that they came back for, it's Frisk.

[Ha...ha. Yeah. Easy to disappear, isn't it? You just have to make sure no one misses you. Distant and...simple. Underground just made it easier. You just had to run into the bullets, after all. Hesitate a little too long before swiveling the spear around to block. Then blackness, the stuttering, high-pitched squeal of a SOUL separating into pieces, and the steady pulse of a question - is this it? Does it get to be over now?

Never. Never again.]

More worth than our failures too?

[It really was too easy, back then. That moment of sick hope, of waiting for the last shred of instinct to give up and let go. It would have been what everyone wanted, right?]

[Everybody wins, except you.]

Yes. It's not our mistakes that define us, it's what we do about them. How we move forward, and learn.

[How'd they get to be so...

They've always been like that. Thoughtful. Smarter than they thought they were. They were just so eager to always turn those statements onto Frisk, onto other people, rather than onto themself.

Their smile is watery but wry, almost rueful.]

How long did it take to learn that one?

A long, long time.

[Frisk reaches for their younger self's hands, closing their own faintly scarred fingers over smaller, brightly bandaged ones.]

But it was also a long time before anyone knew to get us help to learn that.

[Scarred fingers. The shift isn't immediate, but they can perceive it regardless, and their fingers close tightly over those of their older self's. Like roots, like an anchor.

They don't want to let go.]

The people we know...our friends. They're kinda bad at it too, huh?

[They squeeze Frisk's hands gently, and nod with a small, faint laugh.]

Yeah. Like attracts like, I suppose. We all wound up learning together, in a lot of ways.

[When feeling bad about things can be an actual health risk, it doesn't tend to breed the best communication skills.]

Did we teach them that?

[Or was it the other way around? They'd always learned, from the start, from the very beginning, to be...small. Unobtrusive. To not speak, not be heard. To not be a bother. And then they landed on a bed of golden flowers, and learned how humans were vicious, hateful creatures (they already knew), and kept their mouth...shut. Shut tight. Speaking only to say yes, or no. To nod their head, shake their head. To answer questions, imaginary, inconsequential binary choices.

It wasn't really ever taught to them. But they still learned it.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Event Log: Fourth Wall, Part One

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cw suicide ideation

cw reference to suicide attempt

cw continues lol

cw for days

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