[Ronan shoulders past Adam on his way to the door, he keeps his jaw tight, teeth clenched hard. He doesn't know who he's blaming anymore- Adam, or himself, or Gansey, or any of the other factors at play here. All he knows is that it hurts, and he has no system in control for how to process the pain when it feels like exploding out of him in every direction, like the shrapnel pieces of it would shatter the windows, dent the walls, lacerate Adam's skin.
He stops with his back to Adam at the final few words, one hand on the bag, keeping it up on his shoulder, the other down by his side, fingers so tight that his nails cut into his palms, his knuckles are white, his hand is practically trembling with the tension of it.
There are very logical reasons why he's storming out in the middle of this fight. He can't stay here, not where he'll clash with Adam endlessly about this, not where he'll get frustrated and yell at Noah for not being able to stay, not where Gansey's bedroom is just up the stairs, not where he can't drink himself into a stupor and destroy something without one of his friends breathing down his neck. Fighting with Adam now just solidifies his reasons- they're both burning too hot, too angry, and unlike so many of the other times that they fight, they have no mediator, no one to pull them off of one another when it gets too far.
Adam is probably right about Ronan wanting to blame him. He's not sure- he isn't thinking this through to manipulate anything, it just hurts, and he wanted something, a glimmer of hope, anything to latch onto and work toward. Maybe he didn't want that, though- Ronan has never been one for platitudes, but this is important, this is too much, and if he didn't want a reassurance then it makes sense that he'd want something to yell at and it makes sense that Adam would be able to know him almost better than he knows himself. Even when he's spiraling like this- maybe especially then.
But he can't whittle his claws and teeth down on Adam, not when he knows truly that the other boy doesn't deserve it. This has been bad enough, they're both reeling and wounded just from this, and he has to go, at least for tonight, at least for long enough to get trashed and stop thinking for awhile.
He turns back for a moment, the room still static with the energy behind Adam's curse, the finality of it. Fuck you hangs in the air, alongside all the messy, nasty things that Ronan said. He's not interested in having the last word, and he realizes suddenly that there's nothing he can really say to argue, anyway. Nothing that hasn't already been said.
Ronan meets Adam's eyes for a moment, brow furrowed in a look of hawkish anger, mouth tight, fist still trembling. This is how they're ending this.
He thinks that maybe he sees something else in Adam's expression. A frisson of weakness, like he was going to say something different, like he wanted to say something different- but instead, it's just this. Ronan doesn't know what could have been different. There's no place for weakness here, so he doesn't let himself give Adam that chance.
In the end, there's nothing else to do but leave. Ronan turns back to the entryway with a low, frustrated growl and storms out without another word, slamming the door behind him.]
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He stops with his back to Adam at the final few words, one hand on the bag, keeping it up on his shoulder, the other down by his side, fingers so tight that his nails cut into his palms, his knuckles are white, his hand is practically trembling with the tension of it.
There are very logical reasons why he's storming out in the middle of this fight. He can't stay here, not where he'll clash with Adam endlessly about this, not where he'll get frustrated and yell at Noah for not being able to stay, not where Gansey's bedroom is just up the stairs, not where he can't drink himself into a stupor and destroy something without one of his friends breathing down his neck. Fighting with Adam now just solidifies his reasons- they're both burning too hot, too angry, and unlike so many of the other times that they fight, they have no mediator, no one to pull them off of one another when it gets too far.
Adam is probably right about Ronan wanting to blame him. He's not sure- he isn't thinking this through to manipulate anything, it just hurts, and he wanted something, a glimmer of hope, anything to latch onto and work toward. Maybe he didn't want that, though- Ronan has never been one for platitudes, but this is important, this is too much, and if he didn't want a reassurance then it makes sense that he'd want something to yell at and it makes sense that Adam would be able to know him almost better than he knows himself. Even when he's spiraling like this- maybe especially then.
But he can't whittle his claws and teeth down on Adam, not when he knows truly that the other boy doesn't deserve it. This has been bad enough, they're both reeling and wounded just from this, and he has to go, at least for tonight, at least for long enough to get trashed and stop thinking for awhile.
He turns back for a moment, the room still static with the energy behind Adam's curse, the finality of it. Fuck you hangs in the air, alongside all the messy, nasty things that Ronan said. He's not interested in having the last word, and he realizes suddenly that there's nothing he can really say to argue, anyway. Nothing that hasn't already been said.
Ronan meets Adam's eyes for a moment, brow furrowed in a look of hawkish anger, mouth tight, fist still trembling. This is how they're ending this.
He thinks that maybe he sees something else in Adam's expression. A frisson of weakness, like he was going to say something different, like he wanted to say something different- but instead, it's just this. Ronan doesn't know what could have been different. There's no place for weakness here, so he doesn't let himself give Adam that chance.
In the end, there's nothing else to do but leave. Ronan turns back to the entryway with a low, frustrated growl and storms out without another word, slamming the door behind him.]