hadriel_logs | With every sin I still want to be holy (in the end)

Yukari is woken up by the knocking on the door. He'd barely remembered crawling home after waking up in the Colosseum, with some fairly vague memories. Waking up in the Colosseum was the only thing that gave way to his death not being a dream. Although, it certainly still feels like one. With the weight of all that happened before fighting Sans' Double, he's just... exhausted. When he managed to trudge home, he fell asleep on the sofa, not even bothering to grab a blanket or change out of his day clothes. He'd just rather forget the whole thing happened at all.

He reaches over and grabs his phone, looking at the time as he groans. It's still the first day? He sits up and runs a hand through his unkempt hair, debating on if he should answer the door or not. It is Curufin, after all. Still, he's not sure what might have happened between him and... whatever it was that had his face. That memory hadn't come back yet, and his mind still seems to be sorting through the fog. After a moment more of debate, he decides to grab his sword, just in case this turns out to be an attack for what previously happened, and steadily goes to answer the door. He opens it just enough to see the Elf before him.

"What, Curufin-chan...?" His voice is visibly tired, with the hint that he wishes this would just be over. Facing people is not exactly high on his priority list, and Curufin barely made the exception. He's not exactly prompted to let the Elf in, either. Since it's confirmed that it is, indeed, Curufin, he sets his sword resting upon the wall next to the door. Still within easy reach, but enough for it not to be a concern.

Yukari's alive and apparently unharmed. That's the main thing. Curufin breathes a sigh of relief, and leans on the doorframe.

"You look really tired," he says, with a gentle voice and a gentle smile. "Were you sleeping?" He pauses, not sure what to say next. But the fatigue in the face of his friend prompts him. "I won't bother you, if you just want to rest. It's been a week of insanity for all of us."

Except for that evening. But he won't say that right now.

Yukari's brow furrows in mild annoyance.

"You didn't come all the way out here just to patronise me, Curufin." He completely drops the -chan suffix, going for the informal manner of speaking altogether. He just doesn't have the energy to care about what effort he puts into a name right now. Curufin has a reason for being here, and he doesn't appreciate the fact that he's dancing around the issue. He has no patience in the slightest to return the gentleness that the Elf is showing. He gives a huff as he presses his mouth into a line.

"Either do what you came for, or do not, but do not patronise me." Seriously, he has no tolerance for that when he's in top form. Doing it when he's this tired is liable to start a fire. After a moment's hesitance, he turns back inside, leaving the door open to let Curufin in if he wants to at this point. No sense in letting the man stand on his doorstep when he obviously came for something. Yukari debates for a moment if he should make coffee or tea as he heads to the kitchen. He needs caffeine if he's going to talk right now. He opts for the coffee, pulling out two mugs as it brews. Even if he's grumpy and tired, he's still a gentleman.

Oh, Curufin notices the lack of a -chan! His own culture doesn't use honorific suffixes, neither formal nor familiar ones -- but he has known Yukari long enough to have some sense of their meaning to Yukari. The lack of that one suggests annoyance or extreme fatigue, or both. And if the missing suffix isn't enough, there is Yukari's body language, which is eloquent as always.

"I didn't come to patronize you, I came to see if you were alive," he retorts. "And I'm sorry I didn't come sooner, because from the look of you, you could have used a friend by your side. And maybe you could even use one now."

He is relieved when Yukari leaves the door open for him, and he follows him into the apartment and into the kitchen. Yes, Yukari's a gentleman, and Curufin is counting on that to tide them over this moment. He has suspected a hard moment or two was going to follow that sweet interlude of the week before, despite what Yukari had said at the time. And besides. . . .

He remembers the poignant look in Yukari's eyes on that evening, that subtle suggestion of a farewell, or of the sadness of a farewell. And he remembers his own strange intimation of an ending. The subsequent events of the week had driven it from his mind, the clamoring reality, the craziness and the deaths taking precedence. But now he knows he has to respond in some way, and even a clumsy way is better than none.

Edited 2017-01-29 07:34 (UTC)

Alive? While it's true Yukari is before the Elf, he certainly remembers dying. The moments of regret at that point and trying to decipher how he even got to come back. There's a level of discomfort as Curufin offers to be a friend by his side.

"...I was dead, Curufin." He says it softly, but still matter-of-fact. He's not going to talk about the fight between him, his pride, and a certain skeleton clone if he isn't asked to. He's not so sure he wants to recollect the details himself. It was a stupid fight for him to walk into. And he did so anyway, even when he had the chance to run.

As Curufin follows him into the kitchen, he kind of wishes he hadn't. Having the Elf following him so closely made him feel uneasy, made his shoulders tense, like he was being watched. In fact, the more he thinks about it, he's more certain he is being watched by Curufin's studious eyes, looking for an opening in the box Yukari is currently trying to lock himself away in. He keeps his face turned away from the Elf as he makes the cups.

"Do you want cream or sugar?" A simple question with a flat tone.

"Dead?" Curufin is taken aback, alarmed, in fact. Yukari doesn't sound like he's speaking metaphorically. This is definitely not a day for philosophy or poetic reflection.

Those damned clones got to him, even though he's a superior warrior. I shouldn't have left him alone!

Of course he went and fought that same Sans-clone himself, and he was only saved by the double's impatience with a fight he couldn't win in a few moves. Curufin's Elvish Exile soul was too weighty to be used as a leverage point, and the double couldn't fling him on the stalactites of the cave ceiling and so had departed abruptly in disgust. If he had stayed, he could eventually have worn Curufin out with continuous curtain-fire.

But he sees the tenseness in the shoulders in front of him, and he drops back, waiting near the kitchen doorway. Yukari's reactions are unpredictable at times, because he is made uncomfortable by different things than Curufin is. Curufin has enough awareness of this to realize he's misstepped. But it still hasn't occurred to him that the man he spent that lovely evening with wasn't Yukari.

"Sugar, no cream, thank you," he murmurs.

Something is very wrong. Well, of course, death and resurrection are alarming events, anybody would be thrown by them! But. . .

I"ll wait for him to speak.

"For two days, it would seem..." He glances at his phone over on the table in the living room, remembering looking at it several times after having come back from that terrible incident. He thinks back over the fight, wondering what he could have done differently. That Gravity assault of Sans' was problematic indeed. Twice now, had he lost to it. And the second time cost him his life. He'd have to do some heavy thinking when the bite from the memory wasn't so bitter.

He pours sugar into one of the cups and cream in the other, meticulously taking a spoon from the drawer and blending the two drinks before placing the spoon in the sink and offering Curufin his requested cup. He grabs his own, pausing in front of Curufin, looking up at him for a brief moment. Something in the back of his mind is begging for his attention, but he can't quite make out what it is yet. There's just a weird feeling that makes his cheeks tint slightly, before he takes a tentative sip from his cup and pushes past Curufin to sit on the sofa. Well, that's going to bother him until he figures out what it is.

Sitting there, he's not sure what to say. He rubs his thumb against the handle of the mug as he tries to sort through thoughts. Something about all of this seemed... off. And not being able to put his finger on it was just that much more frustrating. Add on top of that to being tired, having died, and losing in unfavourable circumstances and it's just enough to make him want to vanish from here. He wants to go home, where he doesn't have to second guess anything anymore. It's almost enough for him to want to break down and fall apart, to just cry into himself until the hurt at the edges of his heart faded away.

But he has company. Crying isn't appropriate right now.

His sigh reflects his inner pain as he hunches over his cup.

"I don't know what you're expecting of me, Curufin... You came to see if I was alive, well... Here I am... I don't know what else you want."

Dead for two days. As troubled for Yukari as he is, no alarm bells have yet been raised as regards that evening, since that was the first day of the week of the doubles.

He takes the cup from Yukari, with a nod of thanks. And again, he is given pause as his friend gives him a look of thoroughgoing wariness. And. . . that faint blush?

He follows Yukari to the living room and sits down on the sofa too, but leaving an ample space between them. His own impulse is to sit closer, but he senses this is not the moment. It's hard though, when Yukari hunches over the cup. Curufin remembers so clearly wrapping his arms around his friend. . . almost as though he were comforting him for a future sadness.

"I'm not expecting anything of you. I'm very glad to see you, glad you are alive. But you are troubled. Tell me what I can do." He speaks very softly, trying not to disrupt whatever slight rapport exists between them at this moment.

"You can stop acting like I'm going to bite your head off, for a start." The gentle talk does nothing to ease his nerves. It makes him feel unstable, and he's not used to Curufin acting so timidly in his presence; whether it be out of kindness or whatever else his reasons are. It makes Yukari feel like a monster when people who were so close suddenly act like they need to walk on egg shells around him. "I am not so fragile after being killed that I can't take what used to be considered normal for us."

Normal felt like forever ago. Guess that's one of the funny things about dying; it can be short and still feel like a lifetime. Besides, he'd left his sword by the door, too. So it's not like Curufin would have reason to believe he would suddenly attack, either. It's obvious who would win in a brawl and, even if Yukari were inclined to start a fight, he isn't foolish enough to. A lack of energy and losing his last fight were remnants enough to keep that haunting reminder in place.

He leans back on the sofa, pressing his lips into a line as he thinks.

"I just don't know right now. I'm having issues recollecting some memories before I died. I feel some things there, but... It's not cl... ear..."

He goes red as he says that out loud. Just when did he get that open about his feelings? When did he willingly start answering questions about himself? He jolts back upright, gripping his cup tensely.

"Ah... nevermind." As if he could pass it off after having said it out loud already.

Curufin smiles. He's delighted to hear the sound of sarcasm in his friend's voice. He takes a sip of the coffee and leans against the back of the couch, planting his feet in a more relaxed fashion and thereby taking up more room on the sofa than he did when he sat down.

"All right. I'll revert to my usual style, since you prefer it." A trace of mischief in his voice.

And no, he doesn't fear that Yukari might attack him. He's not that timid. But as his friend starts to answer the question and then turns bright red, Curufin raises his eyebrows in inquiry. It's not as if Yukari hasn't revealed quite a bit about himself in the past, though he may not be fully aware of how much. But wait. . . what does he mean by before I died?

"What do you remember about those days?" he asks, quietly. Refusing to heed that Never mind.

Edited 2017-01-30 02:25 (UTC)

Curufin being back to his normal self felt alot better. Yukari can feel himself release the tension he was holding to keep his distance from the Elf. He definitely prefers Curufin this way. He doesn't know how to take it when he's not.

Yukari sits there quietly for a moment, trying to recollect all of the events that lead up to the point of his death. After debating a moment how much he wants to tell Curufin of the events, he finally answers.

"Well... I'd lost my phone for some time in the last week. Or... kind of lost it? It was on my dresser, but I could have sworn I checked there several times... I had gone outside to backtrack quite a bit to find it, actually. When I finally did get it back, I saw an interesting video that I responded to. So, I went out to challenge a rather menacing skeleton. I remember fighting him, and he was stronger than I was. I lost in the end. But I feel like there are other pieces I've forgotten before then. I guess... maybe it's some sort of trauma induced amnesia."

He hadn't thought he was susceptible to such a thing, but he had no other way of explaining the images that lingered just on the corners of his mind, with pieces of things he doesn't seem to recollect himself being there for at all.

Lost his phone. WHEN?

But Curufin responds first to the information Yukari has chosen to give him, like the good lieutenant he is now and was in the eternal wars of Beleriand. "That would be Sans. Sans' double, that is. Quite a formidable fighter, and sneaky, too."

"Death can induce some very strange mental states. I can personally attest to that! -- though not here in Hadriel. Give yourself some leeway; you've been through a lot."

"I can remember trying to sort out events before my own death. It's a little like trying to remember a dream. There seems to be no clear sequence, and there are tag-ends of memories that just float around. Sometimes it helps to give them a tug, and sometimes, not."

"I suppose so. You've gotten to experience that whole trip to the afterworld. But, here, it's just... void. You're in nothing until you wake up in the Colosseum again..." He runs a hand over his face, trying to tug at one of those tag-ends Curufin had mentioned. He stiffens roughly, holding his breath as he ponders if he should really be asking this. If he really wants to know the answer. He can feel that breath tighten in his chest as it looks for an escape and his lungs crave new air. He keeps his head in his hand, and when he can no longer contain that breath, he makes his decision.

"Curufin-chan..." his voice sounds weaker, pained, with a tinge of sadness in it. "Did... something happen between us?"

Even after the words leave his lips, he still dreads the answer. Just why was Curufin concerned for his safety in the first place? What had gone on between them before he died? Yukari remembers regretting something before he died, but what was it? And, good God, could they move beyond it? Just what did he do?

True, Curufin has a different experience of death. He is an Elf, and they aren't allowed to cease to exist. At most, there is a brief sleep in the Void of Arda, or along the Path of Dreams on the way to the Halls of the Dead, but that is not the same as total oblivion, either.

He wishes he had been there, in some way, even if only to welcome Yukari back to life. Or, failing that, he might have gone with him to that fight -- and who knows what the upshot of that would have been? Maybe nobody would have died.

But he is here now, with a very baffled and confused Yukari. He wants to do whatever he can, now. When Yukari finally speaks, Curufn gives what is asked. It is the best he can do.

"Yes. You sent me a text, asking me to meet you here. You were being humorous about it, saying you were calling in that favor that I owe you. Of course, I came. You know I've never been able to resist your challenges! And. . .well, don't worry, not much happened. Some kisses and embraces, but we didn't leave this sofa and end up in the bedroom. You said. . . " Curufn's face sobers, and his eyes soften.

For a moment, he hesitates to repeat Yukari's words. There is no doubt now that his friend is going to be embarrassed about this. But Curufin guesses he would prefer honesty on Curufin's part, rather than hedging or soft-peddling.

And suddenly, Curufin is swept by a wave of that same sadness he experienced on that evening. Did he just hear a trace of sorrow in Yukari's voice? -- and on that night, did he really feel what Curufn guessed he was feeling, as they sat so tenderly wrapped around each other, with the ethereal feeling of farewell in the air?

And was that even Yukari?

Edited 2017-01-30 03:43 (UTC)

Curufin doesn't need to repeat what he might have apparently said; the information he is presented with is already embarrassing enough. Kisses and embraces?! Are you MAD?! He wouldn't have! Would he? Still, that doesn't stop the colour from completely flooding into his cheeks at Curufin's explanation. For a moment, all he can do is stare at the Elf with wide eyes as he cuts himself off. Then he sets his cup down on the table, partly out of the fear that he'll drop it at this rate.

"...And what did I say?" His voice no longer weak or tired. It's firm and slightly alarmed. He stands up and takes a few steps back from the sofa, keeping his gaze fixed on Curufin. His hands are up to his chest, as if to simultaneously keep himself ready to attack and to shield himself from whatever answer follows. "If this is your idea of a joke, it isn't a very funny one."

His voice cracked a little on that last part. He'd meant to yell, but it instead ended up coming out a little more frightened than anything else. He can feel his heart pounding in his chest in what he's almost certain is panic. There's just no way. He's joking, right? This is a bluff. And when he tells me what I said, I can call it. He's a liar! He has to be lying... God, please say he's lying.

If Curufin had been the type to lie about a thing like this, he would have lied at this point, even if only out of kindness. But he couldn't. He had learned, in the hardest way possible, that when a lie stands between friends or family members, it is the beginning of the end.

"You said that you had discovered you had feelings for me, that you cared for me, and you wanted to know if I felt the same way."

He looks up at Yukari, who is obviously too upset to remain seated.

"I wouldn't joke about such a thing. I'm sorry, but this is the truth."

Yukari visibly blanches. So much for calling out the lie. There's no way Curufin could have known about his true feelings if he hadn't told him. He feels nauseous and lightheaded. What on Earth could have possessed him to confess? And given Curufin's reactions to today, constantly insisting he was a friend, it doesn't sound like he returns those feelings. Was he just here out of pity, then? Did he fear that Yukari would take his own life just because he was rejected?

For a moment, he can't move. Maybe he was intoxicated with a truth serum. There's no way he'd brazenly believe he stood a chance. And now he's certain that he was right all along about that. Curufin saw him as a friend. And no matter what it was that caused him to accurately confess, he's been shot down. That's his two and two. There's no way things won't be awkward going forward. He can't take back what he said, and he can't change Curufin to return those feelings.

Nope. That's it. He wants out. He's going to go demand the Gods send him home. He can't take this level of stress. He goes and grabs his jacket and starts pulling it on. He grabs his phone, pockets it, and then starts to head for his sword next to the door. He's not having this. This isn't okay.

[ Oops, forgot to move left. XD ]

Edited 2017-01-30 04:57 (UTC)

"Yukari! Don't leave." Curufin leaps from the couch and follows.

Yukari doesn't know the whole story. He knows what he said to Curufin, but he still doesn't know how Curufin felt on that night, and he doesn't know how Curufin feels now.

"You asked me how I felt. I hedged a little, but I hope I indicated that I cared for you, too. If I didn't say it with words, I said it with actions. That, too, is the truth."

He can hardly inflict one revelation on his friend and leave out the other. It wouldn't be fair. No idea what Yukari is going to do with this, but can things get worse? Curufin knows that in some way he has hurt his friend, and. . . . Friend? -- yes, the word he will continue to use, no matter what happens. In the Elvish world, a lover of the same sex is often referred to as a friend.

And Curufin would not be averse, not at all, to their being lovers.

Edited 2017-01-30 05:00 (UTC)

Yukari freezes when he grabs the hilt of his sword, his back still turned to the Elf. A glimpse of someone, himself, leaning in provocatively to Curufin, his hand rested on his chest. Was that really him? Could he really have been so forward? And Curufin just admitted to caring back. He braces a hand against the door, as if to keep himself steady.

"Curufin-chan..." For some reason, that no longer felt right... The man he's speaking to is no longer someone he just views as the sort that deserves to be teased and disrespected. Curufin has held diligently on through all of his attempts to show him up and provoke him, and even see him through his armour a few times. And even now... "Curufin-san... I... probably wasn't in my right mind when I confessed to you."

His voice lowers along with his head. How can he put what he's feeling into words? He's not sure he knows how. And yet... this other him had the ability to. He still can't figure out what caused him to behave that way. All he knows is that this hurts, and he doesn't want it to.

He feels something warms spilling over his cheeks, and all he can do is keep standing with his back turned and his head lowered to not let the Elf see something so vulnerable. And for the first time in decades, he finally says:

"...I'm sorry." His voice breaks under the tears as he tries to keep the cries silent. He doesn't know what to do anymore.

Curufin, in the midst of his worry, registers the change of honorific. He has always loved their teasing, challenging, just-on-the-border-of-disrespecting sort of interaction, but even in their most awkward moments, he always felt there was a reason to hang on. He stops just far enough away not to crowd his friend, but it is not out of timidity, but rather respect.

"Yukari, it is all right. I don't mind, if you were not in your right mind. And. . . it is all right if you really meant it, too. Because I meant what I just said. I won't take it back."

And though Yukari's back is turned, and his tears are therefore hidden, the sound of a breaking voice can't be concealed. And for Curufin, this is a cry of anguish that can't be refused. "Don't be sorry." And Curufin steps closer, and with the utmost gentleness, he lays his arm around Yukari's shoulders.

He flinches when Curufin wraps his arm around him. He hadn't expected to be touched at all, much less gently so. He reaches up to the arm, gripping his fingers gently into it. As he does so, his shoulders drop their tension. He doesn't cry often, and it had been much, much longer than the last time he was held when he did so. He drops his sword to the floor, turning around to Curufin. He still keeps his head low, still refusing to show his tears. But he presses into the Elf and wraps his arms around him, gripping tightly into his shirt. It almost feels like he's afraid if he didn't hold on so tight, this would vanish from him.

"I do, too..." He buries his face against Curufin's chest. "I care, too. But, God, if I'm not scared...!"

Scared that this means he will inevitably lose what's precious to him at some point. That things can't go back to ever being the same anymore. That what lies ahead is an unknown. Scared that he's not good enough for the man before him. And what then? What happens now? He doesn't want to get hurt, and he never wants to hurt Curufin, either.

Curufin experiences a rush of memory. This is like that evening, only there were no tears then. But the sadness he felt coming from Yukari on that occasion was akin to this, and there is something profoundly satisfying in being able to respond to it more fully than he did that night. Because then, despite his tenderness, he was thinking of his own fears, even though he was trying to attend to his friend's. But today, his focus is fully where it should be, on this man who has given him a kind of trust that doesn't come anybody's way very often, let alone Curufin's. It makes it all the more precious, that this is a thing that Yukari has always felt was impossible.

He wraps his arms around Yukari's shoulders and runs a hand through that soft, tousled violet-colored hair, and strokes it softly. "That's my courageous friend," he whispers, into that soft hair. And there is no condescending in his tone, only tenderness.

"We both care, and we're both scared. So we're in the same boat. We don't know where we're going, or even where we want to go. And all of that is all right."

He knows the perils, and he wonders if he is good enough for Yukari? Who is worthy has nothing to do with how a life has been lived. He has been through enough cataclysms, had enough allies who weren't any more ethical than he himself was, or than Yukari was. He cares nothing for that, only that he should not hurt this beautiful, vulnerable man, who in this strange, dangerous world has become dear to him.

Edited 2017-01-30 06:22 (UTC)

He allows Curufin's fingers to run through his hair, sighing softly at the soothing notion. Curufin's scared, too. He doesn't know why that eases his nerves, but it does. Yukari considers himself lucky in this moment, right here. He's lucky to have been rescued by Curufin on the day he arrived here, and to get to learn, taunt, and care for him, even if he couldn't admit to that being what he was doing before. And, while Curufin could make him blush almost too easily, and make him uncomfortable by seeing right through his defenses, his frustrated responses never deterred the Elf.

They're both the same, in this moment. And that means they can work through the waters together, troubled or calm. He never imagined Curufin's embrace could be so soft and warm. Even though Curufin said they embraced before, it feels like the first time he's gotten to. Not that he's got the mind to contradict what Curufin said. He promised it was the truth, so it must just be the lack of remembrance on Yukari's part. He can't help but blush a little as the full realisation of being in Curufin's arms hits him.

He clears his throat softly as his tears stop, embarrassed by his thoughts. Curufin said kisses and embraces. And he doesn't remember those kisses either. He kind of wonders to himself what those are like, again. Not that he has the gall to ask. He'll accept what he's given. Anything else can come later.

"Curufin-san... Thank you. I'm glad you came today and that you're here now." For wanting to be with me.

Curufin can feel the tension easing out of Yukari's shoulders, as he leans on Curufin. He nestles him still closer, pleased that he has managed to do the right thing, and that Yukari can accept this strange and unexpected change in their relationship. It feels very right to hold his friend, to soothe him with words and with touch.

He vaguely knows that there are still mysteries here, that Yukari doesn't remember everything that happened. But his focus is really elsewhere. The Elf is delightfully overwhelmed by this warmth and intimacy, clumsy though it is. It does not have to be graceful to be beautiful. That is the nature of reality.

"You are welcome, Yukari! And thanks are due to you, as well. Thank you for hearing me out." And for wanting to be with me, too.

He takes a deep breath, and then he sets two gentle fingers under Yukari's chin and raises his face. His dark gaze flickers from his friend's still-shimmering violet eyes to his lips, whose texture and firmness and warmth Curufin remembers with nostalgia. He lowers his head and brushes his lips lightly across his friend's, in the most delicate of all kisses.

Edited 2017-01-30 07:22 (UTC)

As Yukari's head is lifted up, he visibly reddens, looking deeply into Curufin's eyes. Did he say that out loud, or is Curufin a mind reader? Or, perhaps, it's just what he wants, too. Still, though... Yukari mentally scolds himself for being so easily flustered at everything. This isn't grade-school crushes. He inhales sharply before Curufin's lips meet his, holding his breath as he feels the soft, warm lips of his new partner. He briefly wonders if he should, before gently easing onto his toes and pressing into the kiss.

When the kiss his broken, he tentatively allows himself to lower back down to the ground. Clumsily, he fumbles with words in his head as he tucks a strand of hair behind his ear. He averts his gaze a little bit.

"Erm... You know, if you would like. You can stay the night." You know, for cuddling, and that sort of thing. He wouldn't mind being wrapped in Curufin's arms while he slept. It'd probably feel alot better than the daze of coming back to life and collapsing on the sofa. Cuddling is a thing for partners when they first announce their feelings for each other, right?

Curufin isn't a mind reader, but Yukari's kisses have been on his mind. And here, in this situation, he finds he wants to test the waters. His intuition tells him that it won't be exactly the same -- that unspoken farewell still haunts him -- but then, it doesn't have to be the same. Once he decides to offer a kiss, he gives himself over to enjoying it and making it enjoyable for Yukari. It is sweet when his friend rises up on his toes to participate in the kiss. Curufin is taller than Yukari, and he wraps his arms around him to steady him.

"I would like that, if you are comfortable with it." But he doesn't actually expect sex tonight. Curufin's not that wild young Elf of former years, the one who couldn't keep his hands off anybody, let alone an attractive friend who has just admitted to caring.

". . . And, Yukari? We can afford to take the time to get used to one another. Nothing has to happen tonight." Cuddling is a thing for partners who have just acknowledged their feelings. Curufin would not mind this at all.

Yukari hadn't expected sex, not this soon. But, the affirmation from Curufin that they could take their time eased any of the pressure he might have felt to offer it in the future. If Yukari's ability to express his romantic feelings was the equivalent of a bucket of water beside a vast ocean, his ability to display physical affection is merely a drop in that bucket. He hopes Curufin will continue to be patient through him with all of his awkward reactions to such things; though, after all of this, it hardly seems to be a question to if he would.

He offers a smile in return, something soft and sincere.

"I would like it if you stayed."

Curufin would have all the patience in the world. In fact, he would find it very sweet indeed, to sleep with his arms around Yukari, to let him nestle close, to rest his cheek on his friend's hair and wake up with its light, sweet scent in his nostrils.

There was no hurry. They would have time to explore, to be tentative, to stop and start, paying meticulous attention to what felt right and when the time was really the right time. No impatience. Just love.

"I will stay, then."

With every sin I still want to be holy (in the end)

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Such a beautiful song! And a beautiful musician.