hadriel_logs | [insert clever pun here]

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Who: Cashmere and Jack
What: Hadriel's newest and coolest roomies doing cool activities
Where: Cash & Jack's house
When: sometime too long after Cashmere's super cool network post
Warnings: Not yet?

[ against all reason, Cashmere's network post announcing an essay contest to be her roommate actually got someone to agree to live with her. she's excited to have someone else in the house, and glad that it's Jack, who she's heard enough good things about from Connor to feel like they've both made a good choice.

dinner seems like a good way to start off and learn more about each other - or at least have Jack tell her more about himself so not all of her knowledge is based on what she's picked up through gossip.]

Okay, first question: what's your favorite drink? [ asking the important questions. ]

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[this is jack trying. his doppleganger fucked a lot of things up for him, but the bastard unknowingly did him a favor. jack would've realized it sooner, but he had to sober up first.

jack cares about someone other than jack. that's what that thing with his face taught him. it's a feeling that he doesn't want to go away, so when cashmere made her post, he saw the chance to sow one more little seed. to find one more person to care about.

considering her first question? they're going to be close friends.]

Whatever's in my glass at the time. [he never met a booze he didn't like. jack grins, chewing on a bite of questionable meat that's been made a little more palatable by fire and what few spices he's been able to find.] Champagne is probably my least favorite. It always reminds me of birthday parties and boring celebrations. You?

Wine of any kind. My parents were - are - vintners. I developed a taste for it from a young age. Least favorite... [ she's going to have to think a moment. ] Well there's this drink at home that makes you throw up so you can eat more, so that might be it.

[ she laughs. ] And that's what reminds me of boring celebrations I didn't want to be at. I guess we've both been dragged to a lot of terrible parties.

I've had a few drinks that did that too, it just wasn't their actual purpose. Why.

[jack winces, curious about her home, confused by it already, not that he'll hold his own up as a shining beacon of anything. he shakes his head.]

My mother's guest lists were filled with people who would smile and shake your hand. All they wanted was to bite it if they couldn't get you to feed them from it. It's one of the many things that I don't miss.

Sounds like the Capitol. It's parties and excess and backstabbing. [ and she'll never miss the Capitol. Cashmere takes a bite of her meal and decides she'll elaborate. if they're going to be roommates, Jack should know who he's living with. ]

The Capitol is where all the power in my country is. The rest of us live in the districts. We give them everything and we get the leftovers. Some people, like me, are selected to represent the districts in the Capitol. At parties, on television, private entertainment. There's benefits but it comes at fairly high cost.

Connor said your home was... tough.

They always do.

[the words are soft, because jack can already tell that she knows that too - everything has a price, and it can't always be paid for with something as simple as money.

jack pushes his food around on his plate for a moment, looking up at her before sighing. whatever is in his glass now, he takes a drink of it before speaking.]

You'd think I was something more like your Capitol. My father, crowned by God, built Shiloh from the ruins and ash. With my mother by his side, they created something that most people couldn't even dream of touching. I was a part of that dream. [he bites his bottom lip for a moment.] I gave them everything too, hoping that one it would all be worthwhile, that I would be king. But all I did was lose my happiness, my soul. [jack smiles at her, a little bitter.] All I got was leftovers too. And when I tried to take more, I lost everything.

[ she listens. it all sounds familiar in it's own way, even if she can't relate to being true royalty. she returns his smile with a sad one of her own, and nods. ]

Sounds like we're two of a kind. [ and maybe that's really the best they could hope for in a roommate - someone else who knows what it's like to know the price of their own soul, whose lost everything they fought so far to hold on to. ]

Are you - [ she pauses, because it's a weird, delicate question, but her curiosity gets the better of her. ] are you dead at home? I'm dead.

Imprisoned.

[in a very unusual prison. death would be kinder in some ways, but jack doesn't actually say that. he doesn't want to downplay the actual death that she's been through. he looks at her sadly for a moment, letting his knife and fork clatter on the plate as he sits back a little.]

Do you want to talk about it? You don't have to, but if you need to, or just want to...you can do that with me.

[jack isn't delicate. she won't have to worry about protecting him or sugarcoating anything for his sake.]

[ she hesitates, not sure if she wants to talk about it or not. Cashmere offers a small shrug, setting her own fork and knife aside for the moment. ]

We don't need to get into all of it now. I knew I was going to die but I don't think you can ever be prepared for it. [ she sighs, and avoids making eye contact with Jack. ] Still. The moment I knew my brother was dead I didn't want to live anymore.

[ Cashmere lifts her gaze to look at him again. ] Sometimes this stupid cave doesn't seem half-bad.

[she had a brother. jack can understand that, though it's been years since he and michelle were really close. cashmere looks and sounds like she died even before she took her last breath.]

It's home. [and that's strange to say. there's all sorts of dangers and inconveniences here. jack was royalty, he should hate everything about a life that includes scavenging.] I would rather die on the floor of this place than go back. Does that make me sound insane?

[ weirdly, Cashmere perks up a little. he gets it. sometimes she feels like an outsider, the only person not clamoring for a way out of the cave. but where would she go? there's nothing left for her in Panem.

she shakes her head emphatically. ]

No. [ she laughs. ] Unless I'm insane too, which I'll warn you is a distinct possibility. I'll never go home. Not if I have the choice.

[he'd wondered if he was the only one. johnny talks about the blue sky, connor about the boyfriend he'd left behind. but he and cashmere seem to understand one another a little bit more.

he smiles to himself and starts to eat and drink again.]

You and your brother must've been close. What was he like?

[ it's a good question. she lights up when she talks about Gloss. it all comes out at once, eager to spill out as many details as she can. ]

His name is Gloss. We're twins - he's a few minutes older. He's strong and funny, and smart. He likes to read. He seems stoic and quiet at first but once he gets to know someone he'll talk their ear off. He's so protective of me. And he's tall - huge - actually. Handsome, too, but I mean, look at me. How could he not be? [ Cashmere grins. ] He's always been my favorite person in the entire world. He's my soulmate.

[ their relationship is different than most siblings, and she knows that. ] What about you? Do you have brothers or sisters?

[it takes him a moment. jack's still picturing her brother, tall and strong and golden. he should be here too. he should still be protecting her, making her world, maybe even her soul, complete.

he clears his throat gently.]

A sister. A twin. [he looks up, smiling faintly. he knows about that bond.] She's older by four minutes. Michelle is...good. Compassionate. Selfless. So many things that I wasn't. We used to share everything when we were children. I would steal cookies from the kitchens every night and take them to her room, and she would tell me stories. Unlike your brother, I hated to read. But I remember so many fairy tales...

[ twins. that makes her happy - it's a special bond that only another twin can understand. and his love for his sister is obvious. especially when things are tough, having a sibling feels like a very special gift. ]

Cookies for fairytales. That sounds like a good deal. [ Cashmere smiles. ] Are you still close?

Not for a long time.

[the quietness of his voice, the downcast of his eyes, they're all unspoken signs of his regret. he even takes a deep breath and exhales it heavily.]

I wonder if she'd even want to see me now. If she did, it would only be because of her capacity to forgive.

[ Cashmere's quiet a moment, and takes a long sip of her drink. she can't imagine the ache of losing that kind of bond. ]

Can I ask what happened?

Our uncle tried to have my our father killed.

[jack lowers his glass, watching her closely as he finishes.]

And I took part in it.

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sorry for lateness!

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