save_theworld: (❤ Be yourself- when?)
⚹Determined. ([personal profile] save_theworld) wrote in [community profile] hadriel_logs2017-02-26 09:32 pm
Entry tags:

[closed] But we've got fire

Who: Chara ([personal profile] somuchlove) and Frisk ([personal profile] save_theworld)
What: Chara and Frisk make long overdue use of a special trick.
Where: Frisk's room
When: 25/02 - after the Never Log In event is in full swing
Warnings: Potential for referenced abuse, suicidal ideation. More tags may be added.

[They've had some time out of the apartment and away from their phone, and by the time Frisk returns from their conversation with Rey; they don't actually know how they feel. A little hopeful, a little hopeless. Mostly just numb, though allowing their thoughts to stray to the problem at hand has their breath catching and fists clenching, until their thoughts turn elsewhere.

Don't think about it anymore.

Their room still feels small and stifling. That's okay. Rooms often feel small and stifling; they'd much rather be outside, cleaning up the city streets and looking up at the cavern's ceiling with a quiet sense of peace; like that's the way things are supposed to be.

A room is a room. You occupy it when you need to sleep, but not much more than that. Not if they can help it. Not anymore. The fact that they have the urge to pick up their phone and send that out into the world is terrifying.

They text Chara instead, even though the other is likely in their own room. They could just go and knock.]


You can show me whenever you're ready.
somuchlove: icon by crenando @ DW (114)

[personal profile] somuchlove 2017-02-26 01:59 pm (UTC)(link)
I will be out in a moment.

[They can understand the delay. Chara, after the vague and not-so-vague posting they did, needed some time alone as well. So they more or less put themselves in time out and stayed in their room. Sleeping - like that anon said - was kind of like death. You just eventually woke up.

They wanted more than just that. But until then Chara will wake up. That namedrop thread had smacked them in the face with what Frisk was feeling deep down, from themselves even. Hence why they were choosing this option. Chara had misgivings about it, choosing to reveal their SOUL to someone, even if it was Frisk. It wasn't pleasant to look at.

But they needed it. And so Chara will do it.

The Fallen Child picks their way over to the couch. Sits down, takes a deep breath, and then motions for Frisk to sit as well.]


This is something I learned from one of those people that came in when the Door brought in too many. I do not know if it will work that well...but would you like to try it?
somuchlove: icon by crenando @ DW (140)

[personal profile] somuchlove 2017-02-26 07:06 pm (UTC)(link)
I did not get their name sadly. But yes, one of them.

[Best to keep it vague. Frisk has had enough time debating with themselves over the matter of a 'better one' and Chara wasn't going to add to it. It was the same line of thinking that lead to the whole mess with the photo, but maybe their life could give a little bit back to them...?

One day. Focus.]


They called it 'resonance'. It will allow our SOULS to communicate with each other...if you wish, that is. I can demonstrate the beginning but I will not make you do this.

[Chara knows they suggested it and they wanted to offer Frisk that comfort again, but if they well and truly didn't want to Chara wasn't going to force them. It wouldn't be fair.]
somuchlove: icon by crenando @ DW (133)

[personal profile] somuchlove 2017-02-26 08:11 pm (UTC)(link)
[It surprises them and it probably shows on their face. It is rare that Chara can see Frisk's eyes and rarer still that it's out of surprise. Certainly it must have happened in the Underground at some point and Hadriel was full of..."surprises", let's say. But it's still something when it happens.

And they laugh and Chara tries not to and fails. It's more nervous laughter than anything but yeah, no Frisk is right. Home is where the heart is and it's pretty literal in their case.]


Okay.

[If Frisk has no uncertainty then Chara will follow.]

It is like starting an encounter, they said. So just breathe and your SOUL should...

[It's better to just show rather than tell for this part. So Chara sits back and holds out a hand, breathing slowly. They know they won't be judged for what their SOUL looks like...but they had issues with showing this none the less.

So it takes a bit longer. But eventually Chara's SOUL materializes. It's...a scrap of one, red and lines of black running through it from all that LOVE they possess and thought to possess. But it's there, even if it's hold together with Determination and a little bit of spite.

* ...here we are.

Chara maintains eye contact with Frisk.]


...this is my own SOUL. If you can summon yours we can proceed.
somuchlove: (209)

[personal profile] somuchlove 2017-02-27 09:10 pm (UTC)(link)
[Ahaha, well Frisk isn't off the mark with their desire to touch it. And that's where the whole difficultly of this comes from.

Touch. Like many things about Chara, their loathing of touch went SOUL-deep. It was simply mitigated when it came to certain people. The Dreemurrs and Frisk. They were allowed to walk across that line in the sand because they looked at the person who drew it and asked why Chara had made it in the first place. And while the Dreemurrs may have not gotten the full context of why it was there, they understood. Ask, rather than assume they could.

As for Frisk...? Chara has a feeling they may understand it on the same level. Maybe not the exact same level, but...well, they both walked up that mountain right?

Frisk's SOUL appears and it's as bright and whole as Chara remembers it. They're not going to be jealous about it though. In regards to their SOUL, Chara made their bed. And while Frisk's appeared to be healthy they know it's also covered in scars.

But it will be....not okay. Not for a long, long time. This is Chara's hope, however, that can maybe make Frisk feel a little better.

So Chara holds out their SOUL towards Frisk.]


You...will have to touch my SOUL and I will touch yours. And then what happens will happen.

[They can be one again, even for just a little while.

* It's us.]
somuchlove: icon by crenando @ DW (81)

[personal profile] somuchlove 2017-03-01 01:43 am (UTC)(link)
[They know and it is kind of weird, was kind of weird to hear when the other Frisk explained it to them. Someone's SOUL was used for encounters and unless the attack was Green, it would hurt you if it hit. They...they weren't exactly cute enough. But! That's not the point.

Someone really should be asked. But there's only two damaged kids on a couch and right now that's all that matters. All they need. Frisk reaches for Chara's hand and they let their Partner grasp it. Squeeze back.

It's not okay. It'll never be okay. Not until they both walk these miles to their conclusion and ERASE it will never be over. But until then they can have this. And so Chara smiles.]


It will feel strange. But I assure you it will not harm me.

[It's not a promise. Chara doesn't like making them so they wouldn't. All they have is assurance and that's it. So...it's up to Frisk if that final step is made.]
somuchlove: icon by crenando @ DW (130)

[personal profile] somuchlove 2017-03-04 02:29 am (UTC)(link)
[The both of them will be together. They will plant seeds in the ground and set the grown forest aflame. They will walk until the miles run out and they can sleep, even if it means jumping into the cauldron of hell. Even if it means falling into something that would make them even less than nothing.

Frisk and Chara. Together. Always together.

* We will follow each other to the End.

It's warm when Chara touches Frisk's SOUL. That was the one thing that Chara had not forgotten about being nestled in the other child's mind. It was warm, the kind of warmth that someone who could use FIGHT or MERCY had. And that, that there, was the end goal of this. What Chara couldn't explain with words.

They had no use for an angel or a demon. The position of a demon was taken by Chara, like it or not. But that wasn't it. They had no use for the perfect angel who Spared all the Monsters or the demon who slaughtered them all.

Chara wanted the one who made mistakes. They wanted the one who didn't Spare everything and who didn't kill everyone. The one who gave them pictures they had drawn, the one who cooked with Chara and held them when they were at their lowest. The one who will walk with them hand in hand until they meet their end.

Chara wanted Frisk. Their Frisk. Nobody else's. They could only hope that this was enough to get that point across.

The Fallen Child does not close their hand around Frisk's SOUL and instead keeps their own touch as light as Frisk's. They can feel things growing closer and closer, but they will go at Frisk's pace. A little at a time.]


This is you, my Partner.

[* You can't help but smile when you say that.]
somuchlove: icon by crenando @ DW (123)

[personal profile] somuchlove 2017-03-04 10:18 am (UTC)(link)
[Children with matchboxes will cause forest fires. That was an undeniable fact for the two of them. Saw no happy ending and only learned of it second-hand. All their runs had seen someone hurt and then everyone. Chara still felt that they themselves didn't deserve a happy ending, only Frisk did.

But despite this, despite everything, there would be no fault line when it came to Frisk. Chara had both love and LOVE for them and there was nothing that could change that. This Frisk was their own and if someone replaced them then Chara would follow their Partner wherever they went.

A long time ago, two children made the choice to walk up a mountain with the intention of never coming back. A child and a SOUL met and became one. They could be many things. It's you, it's me, it's us. But the important thing was that they were together.

Children were knives and they set forest fires. But Chara would stand in the bowls of hell and be cut to ribbons if it meant they could stay with Frisk.

They will never regret this choice.]


And I will always be there.

[There's no tears yet, just misty eyes and a smile that was wider than anything else. "I love you." Always a frightening phrase and Chara had once fought to hear it at least once on the Surface and then never again. But...

I love you Frisk.]
somuchlove: icon by crenando @ DW (114)

[personal profile] somuchlove 2017-03-04 11:27 am (UTC)(link)
[Two broken children sit on their couch in a home that belongs to another world.

They had not meant to survive their fall. Chara had gone up there with the intention to die and there's a small amount of irritation that lingers because they didn't. It turned out for both the best and the worst as they gained and ruined a loving family. Gained a Partner, a child that was broken in a different way. They were currently on the path to oblivion but Frisk still loved them anyways. Nothing could change that in the long run.

The Locket beats against their chest and their hand is warmed by Frisk's SOUL. Chara can hear Frisk's words in their own SOUL and for a moment it feels full. If being broken was the price to pay for being with Frisk then they'll take it. There isn't a toll that they wouldn't pay.

Because this is love. This is the love that Chara had wished for.

They hate wishes. But Chara can't help but wonder...if they had met Frisk a long time ago, how things would have turned out.

But for now they're content to stay like this for as long as Frisk wants. There's no hesitation in continuing any longer. No fear of rejection because of what their SOUL looked like. Just love.

Imagine a world where everything is the same, except the only thing that remains with you is love.

Chara doesn't have to imagine anymore.]
somuchlove: (222)

[personal profile] somuchlove 2017-03-04 12:14 pm (UTC)(link)
[All good things end. But there's no reason why they can't start again, if they fancy, now that they know there's no pain involved. They can be together in the same way that they once were in the Underground.

Continue. Always such a tired thing and you never get to quit. But this? Chara would happily do over and over.

There's the old reflex to pull back countered by that it would be rude because nobody likes a child who does that, and counter-countered by the fact that this was Frisk. There was always an out. And so Chara chooses to stay and closes their eyes. Smiles.

They've never been this loved. But now they have.]


* And I, your friend and Partner, will follow you to the utmost.
* I promise.

[Chara hated promises as much as wishes. But this time they can make an exception. They always will.]
somuchlove: icon by crenando @ DW (170)

[personal profile] somuchlove 2017-03-04 12:38 pm (UTC)(link)
[It's a good question. Monsters were kind and maybe Chara's experiences with Asriel and his family colored their thoughts.

But at the same time they couldn't ignore the ones who had attacked Frisk for their SOUL. Couldn't ignore the other dead children. It had been what they were trying to prevent but things went belly up. And so...]


I think Monsters are made out of more than just love and compassion. They have their strengths and flaws. It all depends on who they are.

[It makes them sound...well, human. And maybe that was the case. Maybe there would be a human out there that would look at two children like Frisk and Chara without scorn or pity. But that was long past.]

Why do you ask?
somuchlove: icon by crenando @ DW (131)

[personal profile] somuchlove 2017-03-04 12:59 pm (UTC)(link)
[...ah. Yes, they suppose so. Chara can remember the days when they first were able to walk again. Asriel had been so eager to show his new friend around the Underground and grabbed their hand to do so. They pressed it down more and more until one day they snapped.

Until one day they had to explain a few times why exactly a child didn't want to be touched. Why, when Toriel and Asgore asked, they didn't trust adults. Why Chara stuck with sir and ma'am rather than Mom or Dad.

Why Chara was so, so relieved when they couldn't go back. And perhaps they never truly understood the whole thing in the end.]


....I had to explain. With Asriel and his family. So I agree. It would be difficult for them to understand.

[They...haven't asked why Frisk climbed. It was an unhappy reason, but why is different. And maybe, if Frisk allows it, they might ask in a minute or two.]
somuchlove: (220)

cw for abuse/suicidal ideation

[personal profile] somuchlove 2017-03-04 01:36 pm (UTC)(link)
[They close their eyes.

Chara didn't like to be touched. Didn't like sudden, loud noises. Didn't like people invading their room without their permission, which set off their yelling to begin with. Found having zero standards and expectations easier because they know how it feels to have a bar raised so high you can't touch it.

Knows how it feels that, when someone asks you to jump, you have to answer "How high?"

What defined a 'good child' was a smart, happy thing that stayed quiet. Who got good grades, who met everyone's expectations and never, ever embarrassed their parents. Silly things like preferences and panic was dust in the wind compared to those things. Forgive things like being pulled by the wrist so hard it left bruises, forgive your Father for throwing things because that's what you're supposed to do. Forgive the slaps to the face, the words and everything else.

This is love, Chara. We do these things because we love you.

Chara opens their eyes again.]


...I did not. I climbed the mountain because I...

[They don't want to go into details and they know that Frisk won't fault them for it. It's not for casual conversation, even if this was the farthest from 'casual' it could be. But they want to say at least something.]

...I was certain I would die where I was. And I could not stand the thing I was made into. I could not tolerate my own existence. One way or another....so at the very least I thought I could take back a measure of control for myself.

[If they were to die, then Chara would be the one to do it. That's all.

Chara looks at Frisk and tries to formulate a way to ask. They don't want to say "I assume" because that was more than rude. It was no accident that Frisk was there and they don't want to devaluate their choice. So, they'll just stick with this:]


May I ask why...?

[They don't have to say a single thing. But let it be known they tried.]
somuchlove: icon by crenando @ DW (131)

[personal profile] somuchlove 2017-03-04 02:41 pm (UTC)(link)
I had not spoken to anyone.

[Chara had told Sans, back when Papyrus left, that there was no shame in taking a walk.

Taking a few minutes for yourself shouldn't be shamed. But when time was regulated the way it had been for Chara, they didn't have a chance. So they stole away into the night, out the back door one last time. They had run away before but it never stuck. But this time, nobody came.

Thank God nobody came.

Chara doesn't look at Frisk's sleeves and instead keeps their eyes on Frisk themselves. Cigarettes. Chara could remember the parties where people smoked and the room became compacted because they couldn't breathe. The stink wouldn't leave their nice clothing for a long time. But that's just what adults did. They smoked.

And Chara doesn't want to think about what that heat could do to skin.]


.....this is likely inappropriate. But in my opinion, she is missing out.

[Finally. Good riddance. After everything I've done for you.

Well, good riddance to you too.]


It's a beautiful place, isn't it? I liked it up there too.

[They had not gone up to the hole immediately. Stayed there until the sun rose and just let everything go quiet for awhile.

There's no shame in taking a walk. None at all.]
somuchlove: icon by crenando @ DW (129)

Saaame here.

[personal profile] somuchlove 2017-03-04 03:14 pm (UTC)(link)
[It probably is.

The idea that you are seeing the world one last time should be frightening. There are many in the world that have felt fear when they died, after all, and Death in general was considered a fearful beast.

Not many look Death in the eye and welcomed it into their home.

Chara had seen pictures of Mount Ebott before. History class and in books and so on, but that didn't do it justice. It was warm when they laid in the dirt and watched the moon sink and the sun rise. Watched the animals go about their business, never minding the child who was with them. The sound of the wind and they were pretty sure there was a stream somewhere. Chara never looked for it.

They had waited until the day was nearly over. That was their break, their walk, their time alone. And then Chara ran the rest of the way. Ran until they reached the cave that housed the hole.

Tossed one stone in because they felt like it and couldn't hear it hit the bottom. How good.

Turned around, walk a little ways away and ran forward. And that's what Determination turned on the self looked like.

It didn't end the way Chara had expected. But it ended, one way or another.]


I did not see any either, which is a shame. They are beautiful creatures. I could hear a stream somewhere, however. Did you see it?
somuchlove: (221)

[personal profile] somuchlove 2017-03-07 07:43 pm (UTC)(link)
[Chara liked the color red. It wasn't so much because it looked like blood but because it was vivid. Alive, no matter the shade. Pretty.

Just one of those things humans thought of as bad. Pity.]


Or maybe in my old age, I am remembering incorrectly. [They laugh a little.] But I am sure it was there.

[A final picture for each of the children who climbed up the mountain. Who knows what everyone's reason was for going up there. All that remain of the children that came after Chara and before Frisk were the items they left behind. Enough of who they were came from them, which allowed Chara to say what they said about those items.

They had tripped on a route and kept their eyes open on the way down. The rage they had felt would have been enough to fuel the God herself for a year or so because it hadn't gone the way they wanted it to. One last request of the world and it said no. They fell and watched as the bottom raced up to meet them.

What happened next was a little different.]


Yes. I would like to see that view again.

[And as much as pictures had caused them so much trouble, Chara wanted to take one of that. That moment, before they started to run, when they saw the world above for the last time.

"Good-bye."]
Edited 2017-03-07 19:43 (UTC)
somuchlove: icon by crenando @ DW (167)

[personal profile] somuchlove 2017-03-09 12:53 pm (UTC)(link)
You never know. I could be old enough to be your great-great-great grandparent.

[Okay maybe not. But it's good for a laugh.

Yellow and green were their favorite colors, even if it looked sickly on them. Surrounded themselves with colors that were dull and not eye-catching and then chanced the last few days to something brighter. Go out with a bang, even if it was a quiet affair.

All of them fell and survived. Even if they didn't want to.

It was something to wonder, if any of them changed their minds and came to regret. Chara didn't and Frisk may. It would be presumptuous to assume what the other children felt.]


Then one day we will see it again. Together.

[One way or another Chara knows that Frisk exits the mountain at the end, but not quite the way anyone expects. But it doesn't have to be due to a perfect ending or a freak accident. As long as their Frisk was beside them, then it would be okay.

Everything will be fine.]