hadriel_logs | Yea, I Found God, And He Was Absolutely Just Like Me.

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Yea, I Found God, And He Was Absolutely Just Like Me.

Who: Yukari and Curufin (closed)
What: The argument after harassing Percy
Where: The path from Guard HQ to Yukari's house.
When: Backdated to 3/18
Warnings: TBA

Yukari has to resist the urge to pop Curufin on the back of the head for snrking so hard. Jerk. At the very least, Yukari is more affected by Curufin's actions than by being called lovers by Percy in the public eye. In fact, Percy's words went mostly unnoticed by Yukari in that moment, where Curufin had moved his hand to his waist and guided him away from the headquarters.

"Honestly, I'd like to know what plan you thought you'd formulated to ensure I would sleep on the sofa as punishment." Regardless of if you were joking or not. His voice is fairly stern about it, too. "And just so you know, I could have defended myself. You know I'm capable."

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Curufin chuckles. "I didn't have a plan. The threat was funny enough to be sufficient unto itself."

Yukari gives a hmph, obviously not amused.

"Why didn't you let me fight him? I wouldn't have hurt him." Too terribly much.

"Because I was there. That made me responsible. I couldn't have let the two of you fight."

He casts Yukari a sidelong look, and that look is both wry and loving. He knew when he accepted the sweet invitation his friend had extended that the man he loved was a complex being. He was love, and he was trouble. Curufin couldn't take one and refuse the other. Things did not work that way. Love was a totality.

Edited 2017-03-27 19:57 (UTC)

"You are hardly responsible for my actions. I'm a grown man, not your child." Who is arguably older than him, regardless. He can't match hundreds upon thousands of years. But Yukari does make it a point to state that he is responsible for his own, and no one else is. "And if Captain Chivalry-chan is foolish enough to hold such a thing against you, I'll personally take care of it."

Which brings another thing to mind.

"He called me repugnant, you know. He's such a hypocrite." Yukari's typically used to dirty looks and being namecalled by people who rather dislike him, but Yukari happens to be feeling somewhat bitter this time around. Was it because such actions were done in front of Curufin? Or because he didn't get to finish what he set out to do initially.

"I'm not responsible for your actions, but I am responsible for what happens in Guard HQ, on my watch." He gives Yukari another sidelong look, softer than the last. "Besides, that was my wall you were going to knock down!"

"Yes, Percy was a bit miffed over that -- can you blame him? He has the same reasons as I do, except more so, since the Guard was his project, and thus, the building as well. And no, the Captain is not going to hold it against me. He is mature enough to make a distinction between the actions of a guardsman and those of the guardsman's lover. So you needn't go chasing him and waving your sword at him in wrath."

Those Elvish eyes are warm, though, even though his words have been light and humorous. "And last of all, I didn't want either of you to get hurt. Of course you can defend yourself. I know that. But remember, I waited two days for you to return from the dead, and I every minute of that time is etched into my heart. If I ever have to do that again, I'd prefer it not be over a contested wall."

"I know that. I was only going to break it a little bit." He gives a playful smile. "Besides, if you're going to be part of the Guard, surely you expect to be tormented as well, hmm? Or did you think I would let you off scott-free?"

"I don't think your reasons matched up with his," he says rather coolly. "You weren't there for the beginning of our conversation. I had decided to taunt him for forgetting the first time we met. It was rather easy, actually. He didn't remember a thing at first. So, I just threw a few... implications in as I dropped in the details of what he was like during our first meeting, and he took the bait. It's hardly my fault he's gullible."

Yukari's brow furrows slightly over that last part. "You believe that if I got marred again, I'd opt for death to repair it."

Not that he can blame Curufin for that line of thought. The truth is he probably would. But it's not something he sees as a forgiveness for being reckless. He certainly wouldn't engage in battle to allow himself to be injured time and again. He is calculating, and he intends to never make the same mistake twice.

"If I would have thought that I would have gotten seriously hurt from him, I would have walked away." Not without a few jabs, but he would have, nonetheless. He wraps his hand carefully into Curufin's. "...I'm sorry. When I told you I was going to die, I didn't mean for it to hurt you. I only wished to not worry you if you came looking for me. It looks like I had done the opposite."

It stings a little, knowing that Curufin's held onto the pain from that memory. And even worse is that he doesn't know he would change that action if he could, if only because it would hurt Curufin. Does that make him selfish?

"Oh, only a LITTLE!" says Curufin, with a laugh. "In that case, I'll drag your ass along with me when I come in to fix the damage, and put a trowel in your hand, and stick you with the plastering after I've put the wooden wall slats in. Or better yet, I'll do it myself, and you can be my hod-carrier." A hod is a three-sided wooden box that can carry ten bricks or a a whole slough of liquid plaster. Either feels like a ton of bricks. The hod carrier totes this box of bricks to the brick-layer or the plaster to the plasterer. It is a job that gives you arms and legs of iron, but it is not much fun.

But he gives Yukair a sidelong affectionate grin. "And of course I don't expect to get off scott-free. Of course you can troll me! I'd be insulted if you left me out." The smile grows broader for a moment.

But he sobers a little when he hears about Yukari's latest peccadillo. "Ah. . . I see. You let him think he had sex with you while he was drunk or otherwise incapacitated. Just to make him nervous." And he shakes his head a little, still eyeing his friend sideways.

Next subject: death.

"I suspect you would. And I wouldn't try to stop you; it's your choice, not mine. But Yukari, you really don't know Henry's capacity. If you got him angry enough to make him fight in the first place, he'd fight hard. And my assessment of him is that he'd be a formidable opponent -- not the kind who only manages to leave a few scratches on a person. That's why I wanted you to walk away."

His face softens. "I know you didn't mean for me to be hurt by your dying. You're not used to the idea of it mattering to anybody if you're out of commission because you're dead. And I know you just wanted me not to worry if I couldn't find you. It must have made perfect sense to you."

He curls his fingers around Yukari's, letting him know without words how much he cares.

Curufin isn't trying to hold onto the memory of that long wait. He doesn't have to try. It hangs onto him. It reminds him of those cold watches beside dead friends, all those years ago during the Wars of Beleriand. They usually bestowed the dead not far from where they had fallen in battle. They followed the custom of cairn-burials in those days. The ground was often frozen and even when it wasn't, it was a horrible exertion to dig a grave deep enough, down into the perma-frost layer. So they laid the dead out on the ground with their hands folded on their breasts, their sword-hilts clasped in those cold fingers, the length of the sword hilt lying along the deceased's body, pointing at his or her feet. They covered the person with a cloak or a blanket and then with a shield of branches cut from nearby trees, or armloads of grass pulled from the hillside. And then they built a dome of rocks over them, and stood a while in silent respect, before wearily departing to find their camp and care for the wounded, and live to fight another day.

It reminded him of his own last watch as well, lying between his two brothers, Celegorm and Caranthir, who were pretty much gone already. He hung onto their hands and clung with all his remaining strength to the last shreds of his life, so that if either of those two should have any awareness left, they would feel his still-living fingers wrapped around theirs and know they were not alone, that he was there to see them off. When his eyes were open at all, he saw the shadowy, high, domed ornate ceiling and pillars of one of the caves of Menegroth, where the Fëanorions had come to slaughter the people of Doriath, trying to retrieve the one Silmaril that was by any stretch of the imagination still available to them. The dead lay all around them, their own, and their enemy's. The silence was dreadful.

A little like the silence of Hope's temple, except without the tiny inkling of hope.

But he doesn't hold Yukari accountable for his sorrow. It is a thing that comes along with him wherever he goes, though he does not usually show it because he has an intense sense of privacy about it, and also, he is so focused on functioning in whatever environment he finds himself in that he doesn't have much time for contemplation.

It is merely that he doesn't want to repeat that experience of watching in an empty temple that reminds him of Menegroth or of the fortresses at the edge of the plain of Ard-galen where most of his dead were buried. And he especially does not want to wait fearing that something will go wrong, that the gods might not be able to revive Yukari or might choose not to. But beyond saying that if he ever has to do this again, he doesn't want to do it for anything less than absolute necessity, he won't burden Yukari with his feelings in the matter.

Edited 2017-04-04 21:43 (UTC)

Yukari almost scrunches his face at the mention of labour and carpentry. "No thanks, I'll let you handle it. After all it's your favourite thing. I don't want to deprive you of all the fun you'll have."

Yukari chuckles at Curufin's eagerness to be tormented. "Well, I suggest you stay on your toes, then." It's the promise to harass Curufin as much as possible.

"Without using such a word, yes." Yukari does scrunch his face this time, his natural aversion to directly talking about such things in public, or even at all. "It should have at least given Confusion-chan a boost. You should have seen the momentary guilt on his face. It was classic!"

Yukari scoffs at the notion of Henry being a formidable opponent. "I've taken down very literal armies. You know that. Even if he is formidable, I would certainly have caused him far more damage, I'm certain of it." Yukari huffs slightly in the attempt to release the hidden frustration. "But if you don't want me to fight him, then I'll just give him other variations of grief."

It's the least he can offer, if it'll make Curufin satisfied.

You're not used to the idea of it mattering to anybody... Curufin had rather hit the nail on the head there, and Yukari grapples with it in his mind for a little while, absentmindedly letting the silence linger. Something inside that makes him confused as he wrestles with it, mentally trying to find the pieces that make sense and interlock them together.

He's so used to being the monster that slaughters everyone without a care in the world, the one who torments people endlessly like a cat playing with a mouse before ultimately killing it for it's supper. And he knows he's resented, despised, for it. And he couldn't care less if people would prefer him dead instead of alive. But Curufin, he's the first person in well over a decade to say that he prefers Yukari alive, without grief and burden of death and resurrection.

How and why? Yukari has done nothing worth sparing him from such a fate.

Yukari finally has to break down and ask.

"Curufin... why do you care for me?" He chuffs a faint laugh, to pass it off as if it's nothing. I'm Chaotic, ruthless, and hedonistic. "What made you... choose me?"

He remembers back to the time when they first confessed their feelings for each other. How terrified he was that his feelings had been put on the table, thanks to his Clone, and what Curufin's reaction would have been. How much he wanted to run only for Curufin to admit how he felt. The way he clung to the form that embraced him.

All the times that Curufin was gentle when he had more than the right to be angry and upset. All the times Curufin was sweet, even teasing, in public. And how Yukari would retract from such behaviours, withholding care and gentleness unless he was certain no one was looking. Curufin was filled with generosity, while Yukari felt certain he himself was filled with greed. He doesn't see how he could have attracted anyone to him, much less someone as sweet and wonderful as Curufin.

Curufin just chuckles again. Yes, he loves construction work. No, he won't mind being trolled. His face becomes a little more serious at Yukari's idea of harassing Henry and walking away scot-free or at least the least-injured victor. "Don't forget that you and he aren't from the same world. It's just about impossible to guess how two sets of powers are going to interact outside of their native universes."

And he's silent for a moment, considering Yukari's question. "I think we chose each other. And you make a lot of sense to me. Each of us has his share of darkness and chaos, and yet there is something else in us. . . "

He considers. He knows Yukari doesn't think of himself in the same ways as Curufin does. "I know who you are. You're a very complex person. You defend yourself from pain by plaguing others, and sometimes you are ruthless and thoughtless. But underneath, you have a core of sweetness. It touches my heart in a way I find difficult even to describe. And you trust me with it, and that feels like an honor, to me. And when you give me that sweetness, it is an amazing gift." He means more than simply making love, he means all the affection Yukari gives him, whether it is in public or not.

"There's a hopefulness about this, and I think we both need hope. And we both give it and receive it."

"Hmph. The only other true power I've had a problem with was Sans-chan's. Save for when I was handicapped beforehand. But a handicap like that would make any fight difficult. And the only reason I was handicapped in the first place was because I held back." Because he didn't think a dirty child would have gotten the better of him. He got cocky. And he knows better than to make that mistake twice, especially against a grown man. Sorry Curufin, Yukari's remaining adamant that he could have easily won against Henry.

To give and receive... He gives Curufin hope? How does he do that? He can't think of any instances. But... even still. If that's how Curufin feels about it, then Yukari does feel a little more secure. If there's anything Yukari can particularly appreciate, it's that Curufin understands his background. War, Chaos, Destruction. He and Curufin have experienced it, thrived in it, and even blissfully enjoyed it. And, even if Curufin is not quite as Chaos driven anymore, Yukari knows it's there. He had witnessed some of it, if only for a short while. And some of it shows from time to time in Curufin's teasing, in a much more playful manner, when Yukari tries to one-up him in conversation... and has always ended up losing to Curufin.

And, speaking of giving, that reminds Yukari of something.

"Curufin, will you come to my house?"

Curufin gives him a smile when he hears that Hmph! It is so quintessentially Yukari to be so adamant about his superiority in a fight. But he leaves the topic alone for now.

Oh, Curufin does understand his background! They aren't so very different, in some important ways. And it is true that the chaos is still there, in Curufin's soul. He is under no illusions about that. And of course, Yukari has seen it, during the Rage event. Destruction can be glorious!

And maybe it is a chaotic effect, that joy that Curufin takes in teasing back. There's no denying there is a certain pleasure in foiling Yukari when he tries to one-up Curufin in conversation or in those teasing jests they both like so much. But he has mixed feelings even about this. He doesn't like to see Yukari defeated. ~~Although. . . he does kind of like to make him blush. Just sometimes.~~

"Of course I'll come to your house. I never say no to your hospitality, do I?" He'll go happily.

Yukari may not always like the teasing, as harmless as it is. But defeat doesn't mean brutality to him. If anything, it makes him pause, think, and become more determined to one day defeat his partner in an unrelenting battle of wits. Someday he'll get there. He's sure of it. Blushing, on the other hand...? He doesn't know how he feels about it. It's not bad per se. But it makes all of his thoughts stop and he gets frustrated.

Yukari smiles up at Curufin, his typical, sly smirk.

"Delightful. Such a good puppy." He gives an airy chuckle as he gently squeezes Curufin's hand. When they reach the door, Yukari opens it, motioning for Curufin to enter first and then following him in, shutting the door behind him. He leads Curufin to the sofa and has him sit down, looking into Curufin's eyes.

"You stay right here, I'll be right back, alright?" He leans in, kissing Curufin's cheek, lingering his entangled fingers with Curufin's before gently letting go and swiftly moving to his bedroom, promptly opening a drawer and digging in it for a moment.

It has been a new thing, for Curufin, to spar verbally with a friend or a lover who takes this type of battle so seriously. It seems as important to Yukari as any fight on the practice floor with swords. But it is very enjoyable, and he likes it that Yukari never gives up. Besides, Yukari is very good at this game, and no doubt sometime he will win. And as for the blushing -- well, that's new to Curufin as well. It would have been difficult or outright impossible to make any of his former partners blush. (Or, for that matter, Curufin himself.) He's been very curious about what, for Yukari, is the exact meaning of a blush. And he has certainly had to think about that, because above all, he does not wish to be unkind, and to push a person into his discomfort zone, or even just his thought-stopping zone -- can be a very unkind thing to do. There is a fine line between teasing and cruelty or mere thoughtlessness, and he does not wish to cross it.

But seeing that sly smirk, Curufin grins back at him. He lifts his hands in doggy-paws posture, tilts his head in such a way that you can almost see the floppy puppy ears perking up, and replies, "Woof!"

Then he follows Yukari into the house and allows him to lead him to the sofa. He smiles into those violet eyes, closing his own for a moment as he receives that kiss on the cheek, and he gently squeezes those fingers entangled with his own.

"Not going anywhere! I'll be right here when you get back."

Yukari frustrates for a moment as he shuffles around his bedroom. He hadn't thought about getting a proper box for this. Instead, he reaches into the bedroom closet and opts for a smaller sheet of fabric and a ribbon, often kept as sewing materials. Leftover midnight-purple fabric from one of the tunics he made for Curufin, and an emerald-green ribbon from one of the many rolls of colours. He carefully snips them over a desk in the corner before wrapping the gift in them, tying the ribbon into a perfect little bow with long ends.

He makes swift work of tidying up after himself, then he holds the gift to his chest as he walks back to the living room, with Curufin being exactly where he said he would be, right where he left him. He pauses for a moment before walking closer to the Elf.

"I had been holding onto this for some time. It took alot of time for me to think how to present it. If I should alter it or let you. I think... it would be best if I let you work with it."

He slowly lowers his hand, holding the gift out to Curufin. The wrapped object is oval-esque and easily fills Yukari's hand. He bites his lip gently as he waits for Curufin to open it.

When Curufin sees it, he'll find a deep blue chunk of what looks like a raw sapphire.

I hope you like it.

Curufin has been softly whistling a tune as he waits. When he sees Yukari emerging from the bedroom, he smiles at him.

He reaches out and takes the gift in his hands, admiring the attractive wrapping. And it just so happens that Curufin is wearing one of the tunics Yukari made for him, in this very fabric, which he likes very much.

He quickly unwraps it, and then holds in his hand the rough, deep blue gemstone.

"This is sapphire!" he exclaims. "Thank you, Yukari. It's a wonderful gift." His mind is already throwing up images of what he could craft out of this. "However did you get hold of such a rare stone?"

And he reaches for Yukari's hand and pulls him down to sit beside him. He drapes and arm around him and kisses his cheek, and then lightly and affectionately, his lips. "I've been making a gift for you, by the way. I just haven't finished it yet."

Edited 2017-04-22 11:41 (UTC)

Oh, good! He likes it! Yukari smiles delightedly.

"Oh, I just called in a favour." He'll sidestep the whole story about how he endured a month or so of nightmares from Fear in order to trade Tyki cigarettes and have him hunt down such a stone for him. Besides, the nightmares weren't that bad. Just a few of the more questionable (that's his story and he's sticking to it) moments of his life on replay.

Although, he wasn't expecting to be pulled down beside Curufin. And he almost yelps at the fluid motion that puts him next to his lover. He feels that gentle kiss on his cheek, and then the affectionate one on his lips, to which he softly, warmly kisses back, stroking a hand into Curufin's hair.

"A gift?" Yukari repeats. He looks mildly confused, and then deep in thought for a moment. He hadn't considered receiving a present back from Curufin at any point. What on Earth could it possibly be?

Called in a favor? Curufin knows very well that favors aren't that easy to come by in Hadriel. What favor had Yukari done someone else that warranted such a return? And how had this other person acquired such a mineral, without digging in the deeps of the rock to find it?

But he would not demand an explanation. It was enough that Yukari had cared enough to give this gift.

Yukari's lips are soft and warm, and his hand is gentle in Curufin's hair.

"Yes, why not? You give me gifts, I should be doing the same." And he smiles and reaches to touch Yukari's cheek with his fingers.

"I suppose I had just never thought I would receive a gift." Yukari smiles up at him. "So, what is it, then?" he teases. He's not particularly expecting Curufin to tell him, but it's still amusing to prod at the subject.

He presses his cheek into Curufin's hand, nestling against it. Honestly, for him, being beside Curufin is enough. He never expected to receive anything for it. As far as he's concerned, Curufin has been exceptionally kind and understanding, and has been the person he never expected to need nor find in his life.

He leans forward and presses his forehead to Curufin's chest, gently wrapping his arms around the Elf's waist. He gives a soft, airy chuckle.

"Just so you know, you make me happy."

"Of course you would," replies Curufin, softly. He smiles at the prodding. "Nope, not going to tell you. Presents should be surprises."

Curufin strokes that nestling cheek very gently. He never gets tired of making tender gestures; Yukari needs them and Curufin needs to make them. Besides, Yukari is no slouch at the art of tenderness himself! And Curufin never expected to find Yukari, either. It was a lovely surprise.

And as his lover's arms go around his waist, Curufin puts his own arms around Yukari and leans to kiss his hair. "Thank you. You make me happy, too."

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Yea, I Found God, And He Was Absolutely Just Like Me.

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