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hadriel_logs2016-01-27 08:40 pm
unknowable) wrote in hadriel_logs2016-01-27 08:40 pm
Entry tags:
down there in the dark I could see
Who: Adam Parrish (unknowable) and Ronan Lynch (greywaren)
What: Scrying for their missing best friend.
Where: House 1303
When: 1/27
Warnings: Teenagers with problems, weird magic shit, unresolved sexual tension
[It's taken some time to recover from the coffin. Not physically - not so much, anyway, though it did take a few days for Adam to regain his strength, for the cuts and bruises to heal. It's the emotional effects of it, more than anything, that still cling to him, that he can't quite shake. Adam has been through a lot in his life - they both have - and he can't always pretend that it means nothing.
He's stayed close to Ronan. Adam likes his space, normally, he needs to be alone sometimes, but recently he's been more comforted by Ronan's presence than by the lack of him. His nerves are still raw, he still wakes up suddenly expecting there to be walls tight around him. It'll fade, he knows, he'll be fine, but he's not yet. And Ronan doesn't seem to want to stray too far from him, either, so it's all right. Soon enough there'll be reason to, soon enough they'll get annoyed with each other or distracted or something. For now it's fine. For now, this is how he prefers it.
And he's been thinking. Adam tried to scry for Gansey already, three times, but it didn't get him anywhere. He was upset and angry, he'd fought with Ronan and everything was going wrong. He couldn't concentrate, and when he could, it was too easy to slip away from himself. There was no one there to bring him back if he got lost. Noah is a ghost, Adam couldn't count on him to be able to stay, and Ronan was gone. But now - now things are different. Ronan is here. He's not alone. It might be possible.
There are still things he's not sure about, like whether Ronan could actually bring him back, whether Ronan could hurt him like that if it were necessary. But he trusts Ronan, he has to trust him, and he has to do this. For both of them. They need to know that Gansey is safe at home, and Cabeswater can tell them. Adam already knows what he has to do, it's been on the tip of his tongue for a couple days now, and finally he just - says it.
They're at home, Adam on one of the sofa-like benches, Ronan not far, when Adam looks up.]
Hey. I need your help with something.
unknowable) and Ronan Lynch (greywaren)What: Scrying for their missing best friend.
Where: House 1303
When: 1/27
Warnings: Teenagers with problems, weird magic shit, unresolved sexual tension
[It's taken some time to recover from the coffin. Not physically - not so much, anyway, though it did take a few days for Adam to regain his strength, for the cuts and bruises to heal. It's the emotional effects of it, more than anything, that still cling to him, that he can't quite shake. Adam has been through a lot in his life - they both have - and he can't always pretend that it means nothing.
He's stayed close to Ronan. Adam likes his space, normally, he needs to be alone sometimes, but recently he's been more comforted by Ronan's presence than by the lack of him. His nerves are still raw, he still wakes up suddenly expecting there to be walls tight around him. It'll fade, he knows, he'll be fine, but he's not yet. And Ronan doesn't seem to want to stray too far from him, either, so it's all right. Soon enough there'll be reason to, soon enough they'll get annoyed with each other or distracted or something. For now it's fine. For now, this is how he prefers it.
And he's been thinking. Adam tried to scry for Gansey already, three times, but it didn't get him anywhere. He was upset and angry, he'd fought with Ronan and everything was going wrong. He couldn't concentrate, and when he could, it was too easy to slip away from himself. There was no one there to bring him back if he got lost. Noah is a ghost, Adam couldn't count on him to be able to stay, and Ronan was gone. But now - now things are different. Ronan is here. He's not alone. It might be possible.
There are still things he's not sure about, like whether Ronan could actually bring him back, whether Ronan could hurt him like that if it were necessary. But he trusts Ronan, he has to trust him, and he has to do this. For both of them. They need to know that Gansey is safe at home, and Cabeswater can tell them. Adam already knows what he has to do, it's been on the tip of his tongue for a couple days now, and finally he just - says it.
They're at home, Adam on one of the sofa-like benches, Ronan not far, when Adam looks up.]
Hey. I need your help with something.
no subject
And he's - angry about it, sure, but embarrassed too, ashamed to think that he had assumed once again someone wanted him like that. He should have learned the first time. Something like this shouldn't be the kind of lesson that he needs to learn twice. How stupid can one person be? He should have gotten more cautious since Blue, not less.
Now Ronan is angry too, or at least that's how he looks, the tense line of his body and the curve of his lips harsh, uncompromising. That just pisses Adam off more, because he doesn't think he made it all up, he doesn't think he imagined it - Ronan was the one who said he'd wait, that he wasn't gonna change his mind. And yeah, Adam shouldn't have assumed anything, but maybe Ronan should've found some way to - to -
Let him down easy.
But Adam knows Ronan doesn't owe that to him. He doesn't get up, only reaching out for the bowl of water. Ronan is about to walk away anyway, he can tell. It's happened plenty of times already.]
Don't worry. I won't ask you to do it again.
no subject
Because he kissed him. Because he kissed him instead of slapping him, because Adam kissed him back and Ronan got scared.
He hates that. Hates that his compassion started this, hates that his vulnerability ended it, hates that he lost some part of Adam's trust, that Adam took the initiative to try and Ronan had panicked. It all knots up in his chest and leaves him more frustrated than before. Adam isn't giving him the opportunity to explain, he's not opening up to talk about it, but neither is Ronan and what could he say? How could he fix this?
Maybe they just need to cool off. Maybe they just need to recover from their vulnerability and come back to this again, but- but honestly, Ronan isn't sure if that's even on the table or if Adam has shut him out for good after this, after everything. I won't ask you again.
They've been through too much to blow it on this, but if Adam wants to pull everything back, then Ronan isn't going to let himself get caught with his heart in the open. He wets his lips, opens his mouth to say fuck you, but stops himself and eventually just grits out a rough,] -fine.
[Ronan's toe catches on the pack of nails as he turns to leave and upends the package, sending them scattering across a small section of the floor. He doesn't stop to pick them up, and instead stomps over them on his way to his room.
The door slams behind him with a definitive bang.]