hadriel_logs | remember all their faces, remember all their voices

Entry tags:

remember all their faces, remember all their voices

Who: Hannah and Glacius
What: A friend in common is gone and they're both broken up about it, to say the least.
Where: Outside the first spiral, 1503, and beyond.
When: Backedated to just after Emily's disappearance.
Warnings: Sadness, maybe some language.

[ She didn't need Chris' announcement to know. Emily had just been gone, Wolfie wandering, alone, and the other girl didn't answer her phone. She hadn't wanted to face it, of course, but after losing so many... it was bound to happen.

That doesn't make it any easier. Hannah spends a lot of time crying, shut away in her room, Jacques squeaking pitifully at her side. This accomplishes nothing and makes her feel worse, and none of it will bring Em or Beth or Josh or the others back, but it's too hard to get over it as quickly as Emily herself might have. When she manages to even leave the house, it's at some point at night, and she wanders out the front door in a kind of zombie-like haze.

Hannah starts when she sees a figure, but it's a friend. Someone who knew Emily, too. ]

Glacius? [ She says weakly. ]

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[It's been a long day filled with unproductive attempts at dealing with their grief for the both of them, then. Glacius himself is on the way back from and all day and nearly all night venture into the caves, where his usual duties of slimming the monster populations quickly broke down into a desperate attempt at venting his hurt and frustration through combat. He wanted to push himself to the point of exhaustion, so that the only pain he can focus on is that of the injuries he has accrued... so by the time he finally wanders out, he's feeling just as numb as Hannah is.

It does nothing to make the loss any easier to bear, however; instead, he lacks even the energy to keep himself from getting towed under by bitterness and sorrow. The only thing that manages to pry him out of his own head is the sound of his name being called by a timid voice, one that sounds just as beaten and worn as he is feeling now. The ice alien stops a good few feet away, not even realizing that this is where his aimless steps had taken him... though perhaps it's not surprising. His gills flutter as he tries to dredge up his own voice; he hadn't realized how wasted it has become from all the bitter roaring and howling he'd put up in the caves until just now.]

Yes... it's me, [He confirms, just in case Hannah can't see him very well in the dark of the late night. He doesn't want to startle her.] I am sorry, I didn't mean to... disturb you, or trespass. I suppose I just... lost my way. [In more ways than one, if his own tone is any indication. After seeing Glacius' conduct at Emily's coming of age party, Hannah should be able to tell how close he was to her friend.]

[ Hannah blinks, studying the ice alien with a quiet cautiousness. They're friendly, but not close in the way that she knows he'd been with Emily. ... But, he had been close with Emily, and so she sets her jaw and nods faintly. ]

That's easy to do, here. [ Hannah near-whispers. Her voice doesn't have strength just as she doesn't: maybe it left with all of her friends and family. ] I don't mind that you're here.

[ It's not like it's really their house. She and Chris are just occupying it for now. ]

... Are you - okay? [ Comes the question, though she can guess the answer. ]

[Perfectly suited to seeing in the dark with those glowing green eyes, Glacius can tell Hannah is regarding him cautiously, which is enough to get him to keep his distance for the moment--not that he wouldn't already. He's not sure if he wants anyone to see his injuries, plain evidence of just how badly off things have left him lately. That doesn't mean he can't empathize, however; he's seen how much Hannah and Emily cared for each other.] I am probably about as well off as you are. Today has... not been easy.

No. [ She says right away, voice wavering. That's an understatement. And on purpose, probably, because he doesn't seem like the overly-dramatic type. Not like Hannah. She wraps her arms around herself, shivering, though not from the cold. ] Losing all these people...

[ Now it's only her and Chris. Maybe one day she'll be the only one. ]

I don't want to go back there, but I don't want to be here alone, either. [ She says, tone pleading, though it's unsure as to with whom she'd be trying to bargain. ] I-It doesn't make any sense.

[Something about that gives Glacius pause; most people here generally agree that their homes are better worlds than the cave in which they've ended up now... but not all of them. He knows a few scattered things about the world that this group of young humans came from--either mentioned in passing by Emily or from snatches of a dream he shared with Chris-- but he's never heard the whole story...

Now, however, is not the time to dig into painful memories--they are suffering enough as is. Instead Glacius locks on to those feelings Hannah is exhibiting that he empathizes with completely--the confusion, sadness, and utter loneliness-- and finally takes a few steps towards her, his head lowering and his expression sympathetic. The subtle creaking of the micromovements of his icy skin--normally so quiet they are almost inaudible if you're not specifically listening for them--are louder, harsher now as he moves, suggesting cracks or fissures somewhere... but staying distant doesn't feel right in the moment. If she manages to discern his injuries as he approaches, so be it.] It doesn't. It never does. People disappear all the time, and there seems to be no rhyme or reason to it. No constant save that someone is always poorer for the loss.

But... you are not alone, Hannah. [The ice alien murmurs this quietly, taking another step closer.] I know it is hard, but we must both try to remember that in times like this. You still have friends in this cave, and... I don't know we aren't exactly close, but... I am here for you if you need me.

[ It's kind of surreal, having an enormous ice alien comfort her, but... it helps. He approaches, creaking, and she glances up at him, trying to swallow down the grief that is always threatening to well up into her throat. ]

What if I don't have friends here anymore, though? [ She whispers, lip trembling. ] If everyone ends up leaving, and I'm the only one...

[ That isn't likely, but it's possible, isn't it? Anything seems possible, here... ]

I want to help you like you always help me. [ Hannah says brushing tears away with the back of her hand. ] But it seems like you're always... being so nice and saying all this stuff, and I'm just...

[ Crying. Whining. Complaining. Her heart aches. ]

I'll try and remember what you said. [ Even if it's hard. ] I... I know I'm not the only one having a hard time.

It doesn't matter if you're not the only one having a hard time, you still have a right to be sad--and your feelings are not a burden on me at all, despite what you seem to worry about. The least I can do is be understanding and supportive here, as it is something we will all go through during our stay in this cave.

[Glacius tilts his lowered head slightly, stepping a little bit closer. He doesn't want to overshare, but he does want Hannah to understand that she's not the only one dragged down by all of this, that her feelings aren't something to be ashamed of.] Do you remember when I mentioned losing another of my best friends in this cave? You might not expect it of a creature like myself, but... I mourned for days when Kate disappeared. I sobbed upon my partner's shoulder when the agony of missing her became too great for me to bear alone. And I will likely grieve for a long time over Emily's disappearance, too. It is natural, and a sign of the ways in which she touched our lives. Remember what I said, but allow yourself time to feel what you must, too. And if I can help to ease that, then... I will.

[ She isn't scared of him - it's past that point, given all the times they've interacted - but she worries. Worries that all this isn't real at all, that she's stuck in some kind of fever dream... or worse, that this is a twisted afterlife that will change and worsen (somehow) at the drop of a hat.

Anxieties speed up her heart, but she tries to listen, to hear him. ]

I don't think you're - I mean, like, a "creature." [ Maybe this isn't the right thing to say. Hannah shifts her weight, expression unsure. ] Yeah, we're different... um, species, but I know you've got thoughts and feelings and everything else.

[ She pauses, looks down, fingers twisting into the fabric of her shirt. ]

... I'm sorry. I'm not good at - words. Right now.

[Something about that gets a quiet, somber smile from the alien, despite the general sadness hanging so heavy in the air it's weighing both their spirits down.] Ha. You're not the only one to... tell me that. [His partner would be loathe to hear him say such things, but...] Sometimes it just slips out when my heart is heavy. Hard to feel good about yourself--or about anything--when you have lost so much...

[Seemingly "little" things like the sky and the stars, and much more impact things like his people, his homeworld... and now what few comforts he's been afforded in this cave are slipping away, one by one. Like Hannah, he can't help but wonder if the day will come when the rest of his friends are wrested from him here... but that's a line of thinking that will do either of them little good now. Instead he just chuckles, waving a hand tiredly.] Do not worry, in any case; there are no words for a situation like this, and I do appreciate the sentiment wholeheartedly. If you're not feeling up to talking, I can just remain nearby for the time being. I'm better at actions than words, anyways.

[ Hannah nods mutely. She hasn't felt good about herself--or about anything--in a long time. Sometimes, she forgets what waits for her and Beth back home, on that mountain, but Hadriel has its own tragedies to offer. ]

Maybe we could take a walk? [ She offers after a lapse. ] Unless you're not feeling it.

[ Some fresh air might do her good, not that she imagines it'd do much good, if any. ]

You don't mind me hanging around, though? With you?

[Glacius seems to consider the offer, lifting his head and looking off down the streets for a moment. Honestly, he's been on his feet all day, fighting relentlessly with the monsters in the caves; on top of being exhausted, there's a chance that more physical activity could exacerbate the breaches in his armor. On the other hand, he understands Hannah's restlessness and doesn't want his own woes to take precedence here... so he turns back to face her once more and nods.]

A walk would be fine, as long as you don't mind me being a bit slow and creaky. And--of course I don't mind your presence. [Had he not spent enough time with humans to begin picking up on some of their colloquialisms, he might have thought Hannah was suggesting she literally hang off of his sturdy frame, and that probably wouldn't have gone over as well. As it is, he seems agreeable enough to her suggestion.] It is much better than being alone with my thoughts, and besides... you are kind and gentle. I enjoy being with you, and besides, it seems only right that we should try and help each other through this.

I didn't suggest a 'run.' [ She ventures lightly, though the joke doesn't have much amusement to it. Not here, in these circumstances. ]

I don't think I'm - kind, or gentle. [ Hannah mutters, then, embarrassed. ] But... thanks. That's really nice of you to say.

[ What would her friends call her? Stupid? Naive? Worse than that...? ]

I'd like to help, if I can. Even if it's just... talking about other stuff. [ About literally anything else, because remembering how she'd grown closer to Emily, to have her friend gone now, makes her chest clench painfully. ]

[Glacius' people are so up-front and literal that he's still learning sarcasm; at first the alien thinks she is actually chastising him for not getting her meaning, and then her light joke registers. He tries to smile so things don't become awkward, but like Hannah's tone, the expression lacks amusement or lightheartedness.] Very well--then let us depart. You may lead the way. In the meantime, I will try to think of a suitable topic that may help us... take our mind off of things.

[The alien gestures to the streets, his arm creaking and cracking as the fissures worsen. He flinches and freezes in place as if that could keep Hannah from somehow picking up on the problem, but he's pretty sure that was a dead giveaway.]

Okay. [ And she starts to move, but the sounds are pretty distracting. Hannah blinks at the ice alien, eyes widening slightly with confusion and concern. ]

Um... is it alright if I ask... what happened to you? [ She ventures weakly. It isn't her business, but he's clearly in some kind of pain, body - crackling, somehow. It makes her stomach turn uncomfortably, but her worry for her friend overcomes that. ] Sorry if that's too personal...

[Glacius' eyes flick away, and for a moment it seems like he may try to abstain from answering... but then he huffs an explosive, defeated sigh as his shoulders slump.] I spent the day in the caves, attempting to vent my grief over the loss of our friend through the exertion of combat. Instead, my anger and sadness was amplified by each blow... and now I am left exhausted and in pain, both in body and heart.

It was... not exactly a wise choice of coping mechanisms. [To say the least--but then he wasn't exactly thinking clearly, not after losing someone else that he was so close to in such a short period of time. His support network in this cave had been torn apart; what else could he do?]

Oh, God. [ She would reach out to him if they were closer, if she thought it'd be at all appreciated. Here, though, it might hurt him. ] I'm so sorry. I'm glad you're... That you weren't hurt even worse.

[ Or killed. Hannah takes a deep breath. ]

I can't fight at all, so... I can't go looking in the caves.

[ As far as coping mechanisms, perhaps battle is better than denial. ]

[At that, Glacius simply lets out a sound that... seems like it should be a chuckle but comes out more like a throaty, husky rumble than anything, utterly lacking in any true amusement as it is. The worst of the hurts he has suffered aren't physical, and they are plenty enough to leave him beaten down. Nonetheless...] I appreciate the kind thoughts, Hannah. You are good to me.

[Whatever drove him to emit that mirthless laughter ebbs away completely when the alien picks up on that denial, however. His eyes go wide before his face falls, and then he lowers his gaze to keep the expression from being too transparent. He knows the denial can't be allowed to continue for too long, but... being the one to have to try and ground her in reality feels distinctly awful.] Ah, yes. Well. I... wasn't looking, necessarily. But that does not mean we cannot hope that she... may one day return.

[ Hannah nods distantly. Here they are, two people ("people") that couldn't be much more different if they tried. Both of them have lost a friend in common, both are feeling a great depth of pain.

Their situation is awful, but... still, she feels the tiniest bit less lonely right now. ]

I'll try and hope. [ She vows quietly. ] Even if it's... hard.

[ And it will be, for sure. ]

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remember all their faces, remember all their voices

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